July 16, 2022

Reflection

THE  OCEAN  OF  MARRIAGE

Marriage is a mighty ocean.

Having stood at its shore for years a couple move into its waters on their wedding day - if not earlier.

Some stay near its edge - the shore - the sure - for years - enjoying the waves - the crashing - the splashing - the surfing and the sailing.

But as time goes on some couples move out into the depths of its waters.

Marrriage can be mighty deep - hopefully.

To sail smoothly, a couple needs to be willing to dive into the emotional isssues of life together.  This takes time - lots of time. People need to learn to swim - so they won't sink or drown.  Some are scared to death of the waters.

A couple needs to allow for moods and mistakes - waves of emotions - drifting - as long as they stay together - communicating, listening, talking with each other - being open to what's happenng within each other - and their marrriage.

Figuring takes time - figuring needs time. They need to put everrything on the table - everything of each other. Figurings are the gifts of marrriage - the self- discoveries - the other-discoverings - the life discoveries.

Communion - communications - call for basic postures.

Wanting to make a marriage work is good - but it's not enough.  Wanting can be too passive.

Willingness  too is good - but it too is not enough.  Willingness is the choiice, but it needs more.  It needs actions.

Working is the key - working to make the marriage work - now that's closer to the key.

Better: it's working on specifics - particulars - behavioros - the big things - the little things like not slamming doors - putting dishes in the dishwasher - and emptying the dishwasher - handing the TV clicker to the other - asking - seeking - knocking on the other's door - and being invited within over and over again.

 July 16, 2022

Thought For Today

"Why waste money on psychotherapy when you can listen to the B Minor Mass?"

Michael Torke

in Observer,

September 23 1990

'Sayings of the Week'

 JULY 15, 2022

Reflection

PRONOUNS

He kills pronouns when he speaks them.

When he reads, he keeps on putting a heavy emphasis when he speaks HIS pronouns: his, she, they, our, us  ....

Why?

We're not born that way.

Everybody doesn't do this.

So why the emphasis on pronouns?

I was wondering if there might be a tape recording around somewhere - say from 35 years ago - when he is speaking? We could check that and listen to him there and listen to his pronouns.

You never know. There he is saying a few words at a wedding or a funeral. Check out his pronouns.

So, has he always been doing this? What about other people way back when?

I don't know.

Can he change?  Should he change? Does he have to change?

Is my way of thinking and assuming how pronouns should be sounding corrrect? Is there a correct way? Is there a standard?

Isn't the beauty of language its varities - accents, regional pronouncements - etc.?

I don't know.

Is all this simply my opinion?

To me he reads like a little child reading at a school ceremony. In fact, I think most kids read better than he reads.

Why does this bother me?

Maybe that question is the question.

Does it bother anyone else?

Is the real issue: my wanting my way - my wanting to control the world? Is it my wanting to play God?

Should I be thinking of everyone who is speaking - saying and praying of and for them, "THY will be done" not "MY willl be done"?

July 15, 2022

Thought for Today

"When we pray,

the voice of the heart

must be heard

more than the outings

from the mouth."

 St. Bonaventure

 July 14, 2022

Reflection

HASN'T  GOT  A  CLUE

Some people don't have a clue.

They are so wrapped up in themselves that they miss much of what is going on around them.

And at times they say things like, "I missed that. When did that happen?"

And you feel like saying, "You're out of the loop. You're never around. You're always absent."

But we don't say things like that - because we figure the other won't change - and why antagonize them?

But people do talk about them behind their backs.

Sad.

And the person gets worse.

Sad.

And the person goes further and further from the center and more and more  out of the loop

And  the person gets stranger and stranger - and eventually they become a stranger in our midst.

And he or she hasn't a clue - because they aren't around.

I guess these words "loop" - "vicious circle" - "clue" came about when people get together - and - some wake up - don't remain strangers - but catch the clues and they see the light.

 July 14, 2022

Thought for Today

Father John McGowan was sitting there reading the New York Daily News this morning after breakfast. He was reading an article on page 16 and he says to me, "Listen to this story about Tony Sirico - fellow Brooklynite." 

And then he reads to me the closing story from that article. Here's the whole article.

FAREWELL,  'PAULIE'

 Actor Sirico laid to rest in Brooklyn

By Kate Feldman

New York Daily News

Tony Sirico was given a final farewell in the neighborhood he grew up in.

The "Sorpranos" star, who died last week at age 79. was laid to rest Wednesday at the Basilica of Regina Pacis in Bensonhurst, Brooklyn.

The solemn affair was overseen by his brother, Father Robert Sirico.

"The most obvious thing about my brother was the crusty, tough exterior that everyone saw and that he made a living off of. I've likened him to a good loaf of Italian bread," Sirico said.  "There were a lot of reasons for that intense bravado that I need not go into now; it's sufficient to say only that it was there for protection."

Tony Siraico, who was arrested 28 times and went to prison twice before finding success as an actor, was best known for his role as New Jersey gangster Paulie Walnuts in "The Sopranos," the hilarious, no-nonsense right-hand man to James Gandolfini's Tony Soprano.

Charges against Sirico mostly involved weapons and small-time crimes and he was only convicted twice, once on a weapons charge and once for armed robbery.

"As many of the professional actors who are here know, people often confusse the actor with the act," Sirico added. "But you look beneath that tough, offensive armor ... you begin to see a softer, gentler interior. My brother had a deep capacity for interior reflection, even if it was coated with that tough protective shell." Sirico's acting roles often stayed in the same vein as his "Sopranos" part, including those in "Goodfellas," "Mob Queen" and "Gotti."

"Given certtain decisions he made   especially early in his life and in the roles he would play in a professional capacity, many will be surprised to hear me say that my brother had a moral compass," Father Sirico said, telling a story about the first Mass he gave at the Basilica of Regina Pacis, during which the actor refused to go to Communion because he had not done his confession yet.

"A few weeks ago, I saw my brother for the last time when I visited him in Florida, where he lived close to his faithful daughter, who tended to his every need in his last days," the actor's brother said. "I sensed that the end was coming, so as we sat in a private location, I pulled out a confesional stole from my pocket and I looked into his eyes and I said, "How about that confession?" My brother agreed and I did one of the most significant things that a priest can ever do for another human being: I absolved him of his sins."

New York Daily News, Thursday, July 14, 2022, page 16

 July 13, 2022

Reflection

AT WHAT MIGHT

HAVE BEENS ....

I sat next to this lady at a posh get together. 

She says - hand sort of half covering her mouth - in a whisper, "Yeah, he dated my daughter for a while."

The he had just come to our table. He made a sort of joke to her for throwing him off her porch - when he was just a  kid. Then he added, "You kept me away from your daughter."

I didn't know any of this. Then she told me which of her daughters he  was interested in.

I wasn't interested, but I said an, "Oh."

Then she added, "He always said that I would have had a couple of lawyers for grandkids if I hadn't thrown him off the porch."

I said another, "Oh."

"Maybe you're luckier" came the comment from another at our table.

In small towns - in close neighborhoods - when everybody knows everybody - there seems to be lots of what might have beens.

At parish or civic celebrations - at all kinds of get togethers - people who dated people they know - pass by each other alll the time.

I never knew this to that moment  on a porch.

The might have beens ....

The "I wonder ifs ...."

I left home early.  I have been in many different places. I don't have too many bump into's - so this was a new experience.

The might have been's ....

"Oh" I said to myself. I need to do more thinking and talking about all of this.

 July 13, 2022

Thought for Today

"Oh! how many torments lie in the small circle of a wedding ring!"

Colley Cibber (1671-1757)

The Doubfle Gallant (1707)

Act 1, Scene 2

 July 12. 2022

Reflection

BALLPOINT PEN

A fellow priest was asking me to cover 3 days at the hospital for him.  He was trying to line up guys while he was going to be on vacation.

I was writing down the dates in my tiny schedule book - which I keep in my wallet. I said, "My pen isn't working."

He showed me his ballpoint pen, saying, "I'd lose my pen in the hospital if I didn't have this kind." It was a cheap blue pen. It was the kind that had a clip-on piece of metal - so it won't fall out of his shirt pocket.

I said, "I get Bic pens. They are 12 pens for a dollar.

He said, "Oh!"

Standing right there next to me he points at my pen that isn't working, "Is that one of them?"

It was a slight put down.

Should I then ask, "Is that a put down?"

I don't know. The fact that I remember the comment today - the morning after - tells me something.

When an experience has a lot more energy than just the  experience, it tells me it's connected to a lot more experiences.

Was he feeling guilty that he was taking another vacation?

Was it another dig about money?   It seems he feels something - because he often says I spend a lot less than he does.

I don't know.

Is this the juice that gets people to want to have a bigger, more expensive, car than the other guy?

Suits? House? Trophy wife?

Or was it just a simple comment about a ballpoint pen?

I don't know.

Or was I cheap Bic ballpoint pen?

 July 12, 2022

Thought for Today

"When one is at ease with himself, one is near Tao."

Chuang Tzu

(Zhuangzi)

c.369-286 BC

Chinese Philosopher

 July. 11. 2022

ALWAYS  A  CHILD

It seems that Jesus' words. "Unless you be like little children, you won't enter the kingdom of heaven" are well known by lots of people.

And then the adults, the rational ones, say, :Notice he didns't say "childish".

In other words, "Grow up and grow up fast."

And I smile or make a wise crack, because I want to actually remain a child. I want to be childish as well - enjoying life like a child - my whole life long.

I want to always have the feelling of, "I'm still not there. I'm still learning. I'm still growing. I'm still unknowing. I'm still a kid. So don't expect too much seriousness from me."

And I hear people saaya to me of me, "You'll nwver grow up."

And I respond, "I hope not."

And I think the key factor is a fear of arriving and finding oneself a grouch or a ongoing, "Tch Tch Tch!" or dead.

The ripe apple is plucked.

It heads for the knife or teeth or cider or apple juice or to just lie there and rot.

Oh forbidden fruit - on the tree of life - keep growing.

Who wants to hear God say, "Who told you that you could eat from the tree of life? Now you have the wisdom of good and evil. Now you are like one of us.

Who wants that? 

I want to remain a child in this garden of paradise - amen - not yet - wanting to walk with You God - every evening in the cool of the evening.

 July 11, 2022

Thought for Today

"The afternoon of human life also have a significance of its own and cannot be merely a pitiful appendage to life's morning." 

Carl Gustav Jung

(1875-1961)

The Stages of Life (1930)

July 10, 2022

Reflection

AN  EXPERIENCE 

WE WILL NEVER HAVE

There's an experience none of us will ever have.

No matter what we do, no matter where we go, no matter how long we live, none of us will aver have this experience.

Well, what is it?

It's the experience of  experiencing ourselves.

What?

Oh, we think about it at times - especially after a snub or a big time rejection.

And there is this ongoing wonderment about, "How am I doing?" or "How am I coming across?" Or "I wonder what she sees in me." Or "I can't see why he doesn't seem to like me." Or "Something is funny here. I wonder what I did wrong."

It's my experience thatd people are fascinated by any kind of self-knowledge test - A Jung test, the Enneagram Survey, or The FIRO test.

People are often at the edge of wonderment about themselves.

It's obvious. We spend a good bit of many conversations talking about other people - especially those who drive us bananas.  Somewhere along the line we have to wonder, "What are they saying about me behind my back?"

Do people who fall in love, really fall in love with the other person? Or is it a projection - an imaginary shopping bag of stuff - stuff   we have bought about this other person - especially when  they are paying some attention to us?

Well, I guess this is one of life's humiliations.   We can't have it all. We can't be God - three persons in deep knowledge of themselves. 

Oh for a glimpse of the Trinity on a hot August morning.

August 10, 2001

July 10, 2022

Thought for Today

"Writing a book of poetry is like dropping a rose petal down the Grand Canyon and waiting for the echo."

 

Don Marquis

E.  Anthony

O Rare Don Marquis (1962)

I liked this because I have  

written a few books of poetry

and walked to the bottom

of the Grand Canyon and 

up to the top of the other

side in one day.