“I like not only to be loved, but to be told I am loved.”
George Eliot
Sunday, December 29, 2019
HOLY FAMILY
INTRODUCTION
Today is the feast of the Holy Family.
Let’s be honest, the word “family” means a lot more to us than many of the words we use for other feasts. The word “family” has more
impact and more energy and more meaning, more power, more depth to us than
words like, “Transfiguration”, “Immaculate Conception”, “Assumption” or most
other feasts in the Church year.
So the word “family” means a lot to us.
And the Church is asking us today to look at ourselves and
our family.
MAYOR KOCH
Many of us remember Mayor Koch – the mayor of New York City - who
said during his mayorship, “How am I doing?”
The question today, “How am I doing in my family and as a family?”
JOSEPH DONDERS
It’s interesting as Joseph Donders points out commenting on
today’s gospel, that Jesus spent 90% of his life in Nazareth. And that 90% is
private. 90% is ordinary. 90% is non-newsworthy. 90% is private family life
stuff. And only 10% is his public life.And the public life obviously gets the play. Just as is our ordinary
lives, the ordinary 90% does not get the play.
When someone asks, “How was your day?” or “How were things
today?” or “What’s new?”, we don’t tell about the 90%. We don’t tell about the
3 times we brushed our teeth and the 2 times we flossed. We don’t tell about
the times we picked up a paper in the corner or clicked a ballpoint pen or I
ate a cookie at 3:47 this afternoon. We do the 90% in the family system. That’s
that. These are the things that nobody notices, but without which we can’t survive. They are the little stuff that are the important stuff. They are the 90%- which we don’t make a big deal. In other words, take cleaning. It's not noticed till
someone doesn’t do it. So too getting the mail. Getting the garbage out. Shooting out to the store to get milk or bread when we notice we're almost out of it.
STEPPING BACK:
LOOKING AT IT ALL
So today we step back and look at that and realize that’s
life on the home front. That’s real life.
And to ask, “How am I doing?” Am I doing my best to make family life good and healthy?
Ezra Pound or one of his disciples made a great comment once. He must have seen it in translating Confucius. “I did not understand,
until I read Confucius, the impact of one person upon another.”
The impact of one person on another.
The impact of one person on another person is often
non-verbal.
LIBRARY
To prepare for this homily I went to our local library I saw
a whole shelf of books on family therapy.
It struck me how valuable it is to step back and look at
family from apart.
SCENES FROM A
MOUNTAIN
To see as from a mountain. To see family clusters. To see
family milieu. To see networking. To see open and closed circles. To see
vicious circles. To see triangles. To see the dances, the choreography, to see who’s who in our family. To see how each effects each and all. To see power
struggles. To see boundaries. To see systems. To see fields of interest. To
hear the language we use. To hear silence and communication and systems. To see
buried issues, “We don’t talk about that here.” Tempest in a teapot stuff. To
see what families look like with one and two alcoholic parents -- how each
effects each and all. To see how an angry person effects all, black sheep,
white sheep, or someone who cant’ sleep. To see family split ups. To see what’s
going on. To see what a family looks like when someone in it has Down Syndrome.
5 WAYS OF
COMMUNICATING
I noticed in one book 5 ways of communicating:
1) Placating: the one who is always agreeing, Yes, Yes,
Whatever you want. Always.
2) Blaming: the one who is always blaming something on
someone or something. The car. The job. The boss. The alarm clock. The parents.
The newspapers. The media. The politicians.
3) Super-responsibilty: Not smiling. But without feeling
outward. drying up within, energy buried.
4) The Irrelevant: denying problems, bring up issues off the
point, humor
5) Congruent: good communication, talking, timing, saying
what we have to deal with and doing this correctly and in truth, with love.
EZRA POUND
To return to Ezra Pound ....
Do I see that I have an impact on others, that my actions
have an impact on others. 90% of the time it’s the little stuff. Isn't there a book out there that says, "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff"? Well, sometimes we do.
I need to step back and see all this.
WHOOPING CRANE
I remember seeing a segment on the news about the Whooping
Crane. They are becoming extinct.
So 4 guys, two in a plane, and 2 in a truck, were tracking
the birds from Arkansas down into Mexico. I missed the first part, where they
started in Northern Canada. Using telephones and short wave, the 4 communicate
back and forth. They are studying how to improve the situation of whooping
cranes. To make sure there is food along the way. To make sure there are places
for nesting.They tracked them to
Northern Canada where wolves attack and eat the eggs. And so they have a place
in Patuxent, Laurel, Maryland. The place has a big screen around it. Zoos don’t
work. And by doing all this they are trying to increase the number of whooping
cranes. They also showed a guy in a blind, who spends lots of time peering down
on the birds and has a tape recorder studying crane’s habits.
I thought it was a good example for showing the value of stepping back once and
a while to study and look at one’s family systems -- to see its habits, so that
the family will not be extinct.
We can learn a lot by stepping back and looking and
listening.
CATHOLIC NEWSPAPER
I once saw on the cover or first page of a Catholic newspaper
pictures of a family. It had a whole series of pictures.
Picture One showed the father of the family up close and big
and the mother, 3 kids, and the TV as small.
Picture Two showed the mother as prominent and father, 3
kids, andTV as small.
Picture Three showed the parents and small, one kid as big
and the TV as small.
Picture Four showed all kids as large and the TV and parents
as small.
Picture Five showed the TV as enormous and the parents and
kids as all small.
What is our family like?
Step back and look.
We can be so close to a situation that 90% of the time we
don’t see what’s happening.
Step back and see what’s happening. Go into a blind so that
we can see. See the impact we have on each other. See the family. See the
community. See how we operate in our family structure. See how bird families
operate. See how we can use that information to improve.Use our eyes and our brains to track. To see.
To see how I’m doing. To see what’s going on.
CONCLUSION
Why do this?
Answer: to grow. To know what needs to be changed. Jesus
called this conversion. Jesus calls this healing.
Let’s close with the shorter form of today's second reading from Colossians 3: 12-17 Brothers and sisters: Put on, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, heartfelt compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience, bearing with one another and forgiving one another, if one has a grievance against another; as the Lord has forgiven you, so must you also do. And over all these put on love, that is, the bond of perfection. And let the peace of Christ control your hearts, the peace into which you were also called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, as in all wisdom you teach and admonish one another, singing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or in deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus,giving thanks to God the Father through him.
Wednesday, December 25, 2019
December 29, 2019
BIBLE BINGO
When prayer is boring
and prayer is hard, I like to play Bible Bingo.
Just open the Bible ….
Just point your
finger
to the text on any page.
I’m the Good Thief and the Bad…
I’m David and Goliath….
I’m Martha and I’m Mary ….
I’m in the Garden and I'm in the desert .…
I’m in the valley and I’m on the mountain ….
And I’m on an Exodus and in the in between ….
I’m rising and I’m dying ….
I’m eating and I’m feeding the hungry …
I’m at the Last Supper longing for the big banquet….
It
was four thirty in the afternoon – just off Route 80 - which stretches across
the U S A - from the George Washington Bridge and Teaneck N.J. to downtownSan Francisco, California.
It
was near Omaha, Nebraska – Christmas afternoon – and Jack got out of his 18-wheeler
truck and headed into the main dining room – actually the only dining room - in
one of his favorite truck stops – along Route 80 – U S A.
Coming
out of the bathroom - he headed for an
empty table in the corner. It had a great view of the whole place – the front
door –the salad bar – and the big counter – with its spinning red vinyl stainless
steel counter stools.
Empty:
the place was practically empty. Hey! It was Christmas afternoon – 4:30 PM – what
would you expect?
This
wasn’t a Chinese Restaurant – which are known to be always open on Christmas
afternoons.
A
waitress – reading the paper – jumped up. She came over – and said, “Merry
Christmas darling. What are you doing on the road on a Christmas afternoon?”
“You
won’t believe it, but I’m delivering a truckful of dynamite to Northern
Colorado. - I’m Jack.And you, Sweetheart, what are you doing
working Christmas afternoon?”
“Oh,
we’re Slovak. We had our big Christmas dinner
last night. I’m working because I can use the extra money. Right now, I got 3
kids in college. And my old man had a stroke.”
“Oh….”
“Ooops
I didn’t tell you my name.I’m Cathy –
with a C – as you can see on my name tag. The turkey and ham Christmas Dinner
Special is what you want, Jack.”
“Okay.”
The
front door – double doors – opened and in came Frank – wearinga neat red leather Kansas City Chiefs
footballjacket.
Cathy
the waitress on her way to the kitchen for Jack’s ham and turkey dinner asks this
new customer. “You …. Are you all alone for Christmas dinner?”
“Yep,
howja know?”
“Waitresses
notice everything fellow” as she gave him a wink. Then she added, “The guy in
the corner is all alone too – and it’s Christmas afternoon. Go for it.In fact, I’ll introduce you.”
“Oops
…. I’m Frank. Hi.”
Cathy
walked Frank over to Jack. “Jack, this is Frank. Frank, this is Jack.Merry Christmas.”
Frank
shook hands with Jack.
Cathy
said, “I can get you a menu - but the
ham and turkey Christmas Dinner Special - is fresh and excellent.”
“Okay,
mam. Okay. I’ll take the ham and turkey dinner as long as it has mashed
potatoes and cranberry sauce.I’m
starving.”
Both
Frank and Jack got talking and they spotted another guy all by himself at the
end of the long dining room counter.
“Pst!
Cathy,” Jack signaled to her – the only waitress he could spotin the whole place.
She
came over.
Jack
asked her if the guy at the end of the counter is by himself.
“He
is.”
“Well,
could you also invite him to join us at our table. It’s Christmas and nobody
should be eating alone.”
Cathy
worked her magic and now it was three for Christmas dinner.
Just
then – it was a slow afternoon – especially being Christmas – in came one more
stranger.
Cathy
worked her magic again and now it was four for Christmas dinner: Fred, Frank,
Jack and Duke.
Cathy
looked over a couple of minutes later and noticed all four were talking - full
speed ahead – 65 miles per hour.
She
heard Fred say, “Wow this is great. I was really feeling down – figuring I’d be
eating all alone on Christmas Day.”
While
filling up their coffee cups – coffee cups can be very tiny in some truck stops
– but maybe as one waitress said, “It’s smart.
Better tips. Hotter coffee. More visits." It was then that Cathy heard Duke say, “Take a look
at my kids.”
Out
came his wallet – and down fell about 10 photos of his kids in a clear plastic
wallet insert – unfolding as they fell.
She
thought, “He’s done this before. Younger people would have their pictures on
their cell phones; some older people - like this guy - still have their photos in their wallets.”
The
meals still weren’t there yet – but for the next cup of coffee, she heard one
of the four say,“My wife dumped me about 5 years ago – and
it’s tough being without my kids – especially at Christmas.”
When
she brought the meals, this time she heard Frank ask, “Any of you Catholic or Christian? “
Duke
says, “I’m Catholic, but haven’t been to church for years.”
“Okay”
said Fred, “Me too, but I’m sure we all know the Our Father.”
Cathy,
Slovak Cathy, liked that.
She
had seen lots of people pray before meals at the truck stop dining room – but
this was extra special on a Christmas afternoon.She paused and joined them in their prayer.
From
time to time when Cathy – Cathy with a C – went over to see if they needed
anything – she noticed they were laughing, talking, happy. And she felt
wonderful that she had ushered them together for their Christmas Mass – ooops
Christmas meal.
“Great
turkey. Great ham. Great meal.Great mashed
potatoes. Great cranberry sauce. Great recommendation Cathy – Cathy with a C.”
Then
when clearing their plates and bringing them apply pie – pie a lo mode – vanilla
ice cream – Cathy noticed they were consoling Dukewho was crying.
Crying
…. Yes crying….
“Do
you have a phone number?” asked Jack.
“I
have Penny’s, my youngest daughter’s number – but I haven’t talked to her in at
least 6 years.”
Frank
said, “What’s the number?I’ll try it.”
Out
came Duke’s wallet again …. And out came a
piece of worn paper. Duke unfolded it carefully – something he had done many
times – but he never called.
Nervous
– shaking a bit - he read off Penny’s
number – which Frank wrote down.
“207”
– Frank asked, “where’s that area code?”
Duke
answered, “Lewiston, Maine – but I don’t know if she’s home and if that number
is still good.”
Frank
called the 207 number on his phone for Duke.
All
four had become silent – including Cathy - who had stopped to see and hear what
was happening.
“Is
this Penny?” asked Frank.
Someone
had answered.
“Don’t
hang up. Merry Christmas.This is Frank.
You don’t know me. We’re here with your dad in Omaha, Nebraska - just off Route
80 - and he – we – all of us – Jack, Fred, Duke - your dad -and Cathy the waitress -want to wish you a very Merry Christmas. Merry
Christmas.”
Silence.
All
eyes.
All
anticipation – like kids at the tree on Christmas morning.
Frank
then said, “Penny, here’s your dad” and he handed Duke his phone.
Penny
said, “Dad, Dad, Dad …. I miss you.But
hold on. Right now I’m saying ‘Goodbye’ to my in-laws. Can you call me back in 10 minutes?”
Duke
said crying, “Penny, Penny, can you make that 15 minutes? I also gotta say ‘Goodbye’ to these 4 people I’m with
– as well.”
Now
there were tears – different degrees of tears – in the eyes of all 5: Duke,
Jack, Fred. Frank and Cathy.
Fred
said, “It’s Christmas and before we leave we gotta sing ‘Joy to the World, the
Lord has Come’ and ‘Silent Night’ before we all go off into the night.”
The
cook, the dish washer, and a few other people in the truck stop restaurant were
stopped and sort of stunned to hearChristmas carols coming from a corner in the restaurant.
Time
was ticking – but they got the cook – to take a lot of pictures of the four –
and ones with Cathy – on their cell phonecameras.
They
also wrote down each other’s cell phone numbers.
All
gave each other good big hugs and it was off to Route 80 east and west – except
for Duke – who went back to the table in the corner – and they could hear him
on his phone saying as they were leaving, “Penny, this is dad, again. Merry
Christmas. Can we talk?”
“Liberty is rendered even more precious by the recollection of servitude.”
Cicero
Saturday, December 21, 2019
VISITATION
INTRODUCTION
The title of my reflection for today - December 21st - is “Visitation”.
That’s
a theme in today’s two readings: Song of Songs 2 8-14; Luke 1: 39-45
Visitation.
Question:
What do you reflect upon when you say the second joyful mystery of the rosary –
which is: The Visitation.
TO
UNDERSTAND THAT QUESTION
To
understand what I mean by that question, let me go this way.
When
John Paul II came up with his push for 5 more mysteries of the Rosary, I said
to myself, “Oh no!”
Then
in time I got used to how to handle these 5 new mysteries to reflect upon while
saying the rosary.
I
see the rosary the same as Muslims see a prayer rug. I take it out to tell
myself- and others – that I am now
going to pray.
5
LIGHT BEARING MYSTERIES
When
I say the 5 light bearing mysteries I go the following way some times.
For
the first mystery: the baptism of Jesus I’ll think of 10 people whom I baptized- one for eachHail Mary – saying a prayer for them.
For
the second mystery, Cana, I think of 10 people I married.
For
the third mystery: preaching or proclamation I say prayers for 10 preachers that
day -at weddings, funerals, daily Mass,
etc. for places – churches and retreat houses, etc.
So
too that all people like Jesus move more and more towards Transfiguration –
that 4th Luminous Mystery.
And
the 5th Mystery – The Eucharist – that Jesus feeds us all with his
being – and all Christians move back to the true presence of Christ – in the Bread
– especially family members by name that they come back to Mass.
THE
VISITATION
Okay,
so that’s how I do the rosary – for all 20 mysteries.
I
move it back and forth from Jesus and Mary to us – to me – and in that way the
rosary becomes real for me.
So,
for this second joyful mystery – the Visitation – the theme in today’s gospel,
I’ll think of 10 great visits in my life – or 10 important visits people have
or I’ve seen.
People
getting home for Christmas.
People
visiting neighbor in the hospital, the nursing home, the funeral home.
Lovers
meeting- rushing to be with each other
as we hear in today’s first reading – from The Song of Songs – read at many a
wedding.It’s not always 1st
Corinthians Love is patient, love is kind ….
Or
praying people will come back home to each other- that family members will visit each other -
talk to each other…. phones, skype, in person, e-mail, text….Visits …. Visitation.
CONCLUSION
Life
is mystery – mysteries – joyful, sorrowful, glorious, light giving - but not always.
