July 12. 2022

Reflection

BALLPOINT PEN

A fellow priest was asking me to cover 3 days at the hospital for him.  He was trying to line up guys while he was going to be on vacation.

I was writing down the dates in my tiny schedule book - which I keep in my wallet. I said, "My pen isn't working."

He showed me his ballpoint pen, saying, "I'd lose my pen in the hospital if I didn't have this kind." It was a cheap blue pen. It was the kind that had a clip-on piece of metal - so it won't fall out of his shirt pocket.

I said, "I get Bic pens. They are 12 pens for a dollar.

He said, "Oh!"

Standing right there next to me he points at my pen that isn't working, "Is that one of them?"

It was a slight put down.

Should I then ask, "Is that a put down?"

I don't know. The fact that I remember the comment today - the morning after - tells me something.

When an experience has a lot more energy than just the  experience, it tells me it's connected to a lot more experiences.

Was he feeling guilty that he was taking another vacation?

Was it another dig about money?   It seems he feels something - because he often says I spend a lot less than he does.

I don't know.

Is this the juice that gets people to want to have a bigger, more expensive, car than the other guy?

Suits? House? Trophy wife?

Or was it just a simple comment about a ballpoint pen?

I don't know.

Or was I cheap Bic ballpoint pen?