ASH THURSDAY
Thursday after Ash Wednesday ….
All those ashes thumbed
into thousands and thousands, more -
onto millions and millions of foreheads ….
Ashes slowly, slipping, silently off our skulls ….
A scratch, a rubbing, an itch can do it -
way before a baptismal shower.
One’s face is now the same as before.
Next…. Now…. What? Lent has begun.
Another Lent. Isaiah has spoken once more:
“Rend your hearts, not your garments.”
Jesus has spoken again, “Take care
not to perform so others can see….
When you fast, don’t look gloomy
like the hypocrites - who neglect
their appearance so that they may appear
to others to be fasting…. But when you fast
anoint your head and wash your face, so that
you may not appear to be fasting,
except to your Father who is hidden.”
The hidden within…. The inner room ….
The human heart - where Lent
gets us in touch with that inner urge
for more - for more of God’s presence -
or for more spirituality for those who hesitate
at the mention of God. For growth - for
a deeper life than the inner urge
to star or for Starbucks or the Oscars
or ESPN or fashion, food, fun, the rush and cash….
It’s good to know Lent is a call to go out into
the desert or to go into
a dark room and womb within.
To know this means a willingness
to kneel, to pray, to be silent,
to be alone with oneself ….
It is good to know Lent is a call
to go through that humbling experience -
of admitting that not only
is there nothing out there,
but there is also nothing in here inside me.
Uh oh! I’m empty.
Lent is like waiting in a waiting room -
all alone and I'm all by myself
only to discover nobody is here
but me and this me is not enough.
I’m closed down. There isn't even office music.
So I finally get up the courage to open up
the only door in me. It's open. So I walk into
the inner room of my soul. Uh oh.
This room has not been visited for years.
I feel an uneasy feeling.
To pray: “Oh my God my soul
is such a dusty place." To laugh:
"Oh that’s where the ashes have gone!”
Next …. Now …. What?
We realize slowly: everything I've accumulated
here through the years is all crumble, crumble.
We get up to dust, to dump, to clean, to toss,
to empty out what we thought would fill us..
Then come the desert feelings - temptations….
No wonder this takes 40 days, 40 years.
Then sometimes - if we stick with the fire
and the desire for God …. a few weeks
or years of waiting and wondering,
I might hear the knock on my door -
the door to my inner room. Christ is here.
I can hear him resting that damn cross up
against my outside wall. He asks, he seeks,
he knocks, “Come out! Come out!
Wherever you are? Come follow me!
I’ll take you to places you’ve never
been to before and more.”
© Andy Costello, Reflections,
2012
Painting on top: Ash Wednesday (1881) It's by Carl Spitzweg - It's a scene of after the carnival.