POST  MORTEM

“For your penance 

go to Purgatory, 

Heaven or Hell, 

and thank all the people 

in your life who 

have gone before you, 

those from whom you have 

benefited from while 

they were with you 

in your life. Amen.” 

© Andy Costello, Reflections 2018

November 3, 2018

Thought for today: 

“When money speaks,  the truth is silent.”  

Russian Proverb

CEMETERY  STORIES

The title of my homily is, “Cemetery Stories.”

It’s All Soul’s Day.

It used to be a custom - that folks would visit cemeteries on All Soul’s Day.

People didn’t have to travel that far - way back then - way back when -  so folks were buried in local cemeteries - often church cemeteries.

We’ve all been there - to cemeteries. 

We’ve all experienced the death of loved ones.

Drive down any road, we’ll see cemeteries.

Go into any mind. There are the different lobes - the hills of our brain. There are the memories  - the  tomb stones in our memories.  And those tomb stones trigger stories of those who have gone before us  - buried. 

Moments at grave stones …. Memories …. Memorials….

The question of this homily is: What are your cemetery stories?

What stories are triggered by just going by a cemetery or visiting a cemetery.

I hold that death cards are like  cemetery stones.  I hold that many a person has a small prayer book with death cards in it. It’s like a portable cemetery and some people visit their dead every day.

A change is coming with these flyers with pictures you are handed or you pick up at funerals.

What are your cemetery stories?

Here are a few in my collection. I repeat them so as to trigger your cemetery stories in your collection.

Share them with each other.

Listen to each other.

I think of the opening scene of Doctor Zhivago - where a little boy is standing with a crowd - at a burial of a loved one - and that’s how he begins his autobiography.

I think of going up on an elevator to the 4^th floor of an apartment house size mausoleum at St. John’s Cemetery in Middle Village, Queens, N.Y.  for the burial of the first serious death in our family: my dad: June 26,  1970. He’s buried in a vault up near the ceiling - and I remember hesitating with the burial prayer. It said we consign the body of the deceased to the ground.  It felt funny saying, “into the wall.” Yes - someone put a deck of cards in his casket. In time, mom was once more next to him - also with a deck of cards and a rosary. She was killed in a hit and run accident on April 7, 1987.

I think of my nephew Michael - buried  in Staten Island, N.Y. The first cemetery and grave spot he was in, got flooded too often, so his mom and dad had the body moved to Resurrection Cemetery. Now his dad is buried there too - along with other family members and friends.

I think of our cemetery at our old major seminary: Mount St. Alphonsus Cemetery, Esopus, New York - where many Redemptorist Brothers and Priests are buried. I lived there 14 years of my life. When I had the job of Novice Master, each November we would go out to that cemetery and  we would say prayers for Redemptorists buried there. In old manuscripts          we were able to find poems from of the deceased and we would read one of their poems at their grave that day.  

I remember giving a priest retreat for the priests of New Orleans and one morning I was walking outside around 7:30 going through my talk for 9 AM. A car came into the property from off the road. I spotted the driver as I walked. He was wearing black pants and a white shirt. I figured he was one of the priests making the retreat and going out for a paper. I waved to the guy, but didn’t get any response. As I was walking towards the cemetery at the place - an old school, I spotted the person’s car - parked under a trellis at the entrance to the cemetery. As I walked towards this man I saw him standing under the statue of Mary. As I got closer he put a gun to his mouth and killed himself. I ran towards him. I  blessed him - since I didn’t have the sacred oils for a final anointing. I ran into the lobby of the building where the retreat was going on. I yelled to some priests standing there, “Does anyone have the sacred  oils? A guy just killed himself in the cemetery.”  A guy went running out to his car and then headed for the cemetery and the statue of Mary to anoint the man who had just shot himself. I said I’m calling 911.   I told someone on the other end of that phone that a man just shot himself. I told the attendant where I was. When I said, “Suicide” the person on the other side said, “How do I know it was suicide?” I said, “I was just there and I saw it.” The person repeated, “But how do I know?”  I said, “Oh,   okay!” The attendant was good. He kept me on the phone till he said, “Okay we have a police car there now.” I found out later the man who killed himself wasn’t a priest. He was a former student there - but I never found out really, who he was,  and what happened. Someone said he was a 48 year old lawyer and father of 2.

I once went to my brother’s grave - Gate of Heaven Cemetery - in Silver Spring, Maryland with his best friend, Marty. It was a while since my brother’s funeral.  We stood there and prayed. After saying the Mourners’ Kaddish , Marty who is Jewish said, “Sorry I don’t believe in life after death.”  Ugh. That hurt. Well, I guess we have to die to find out. That moment strengthened my belief in life after death. I just went to Marty’s funeral - in a nearby Jewish cemetery - where he was buried with his wife - who died some two years ago or so.

I think of Luther A. Palmer Memorial  Cemetery - on a traffic island on West Street in Annapolis, Maryland - where it meets Riva Road. We did a burial there once - of a Palmer. It’s in a tough spot to park a hearse - take out the casket - put it on the grass and then move the hearse from the road. It has 77 plots. Cemeteries are sometimes in interesting places. This was quite unique - on a busy Street.

I think of a burial at St. Mary’s Cemetery here in Annapolis. The deceased had given his body for research. Then when his wife got the remains, which were now cremains. I stood there with his wife and two little sons - and we said the prayers. Before the burial of the box that contained the box of his cremains - his wife put a piece of paper in the plastic “casket”. Being nosey, I asked her what was on the paper. “It was a sonogram that I received from the doctor this morning.” She was expecting. I’ve had a lot of burials at our cemetery there - but that one is triggered every time I go by it.

This has gotten too, too long.

So my last cemetery story is from a small cemetery in Ballynahown, Ireland - where lots of our relatives are buried. My brother-in-law and two sisters were there. Our Aunt Nora walked us to the cemetery. It had an odd swinging gate - so cows couldn’t get in there. Well, evidently, there was a breach in the walls, because my sister Peggy, Sister St. Monica Costello, IHM, stepped in you know what.

Life.

Death.

What are your cemetery stories?

November 2nd, 2018

REMAINS

Your touch - your finger and

your voice prints - remain on

me and in these rooms and 
on this porch and in this car

and everywhere we walked

and talked and were together.

And I want them to remain -

even though you are gone.

© Andy Costello, Reflections 2018

November 2, 2018 

Thought for today: 

“Death is the  great  adventure, beside which moon landings and space trips pale into  insignificance.” 

Joseph Bayly

November  1, 2018

NOVEMBER

Each month has its unique moments:

April Fools’ Day;

Valentine’s Day;

Christmas and the Fourth of July.

But November has the most!

November: get out and vote.

November 1 - All Saints’ Day;

November 2 - All Souls Day;

Thanksgiving - but most of all,

my birthday. Thanks mom and dad!

© Andy Costello, Reflections 2018

HAS ANYONE EVER CALLED 

YOU AN ANGEL OR A SAINT?

INTRODUCTION

The title of my homily is, “Has Anyone Ever Called You an Angel or a Saint?”

I don’t know about you, but I have heard people say to me, “You’re an angel!”  or  “You’re a saint.”

Translation: I did them a favor. I covered for them. They were stuck and I got them out of a jam.

Translation: we’re supposed to be charitable - we’re supposed to be nice - we’re supposed to helpful to each other - and we figure that’s what angels and saints do.

ANGELS OR SAINTS

November 1^st - the Church celebrates all the saints - known and unknown.

During the year we also celebrate the feast days of archangels - Michael, Raphael,  Gabriel - as well as and our guardian  angels - but angels are more fuzzy than flesh and blood saints.

However, angels  are worth thinking about at times. They are part of our theology and understanding about God - and life with God and each other.

And lately I’ve been hearing a reference to something Abraham Lincoln said in his First Inaugural Address - March 4, 1861:  “We are not enemies, but friends. We must not be enemies. Though passion may have strained, it must not break our bonds of affection. The mystic chords of memory will swell when again touched, as surely they will be, by the better angels of our nature.”

Have you been hearing speakers talk about the better angels of our being?

Then the speaker contrasts the better angels of our nature with our bad angels.

I don’t know if we think or talk like this or picture life this way.

A writer named Stephen Pinker spoke about this choice of good or bad angels in a book, “The Better Angels of our Nature: Why Violence Has Declined?”

Has it - when we think about the regular reports of killings and violence around our world?

Pinker talks about 5 Inner Demons: Predatory Violence, Dominance, Revenge, Sadism and Ideology.

He also talks about 4 inner angels: Empathy, Self-control, Moral Sense and Reason.

He thinks we have improved.

Each of us has to ask if we  have improved.

Who’s sitting on my shoulder or my back: demons, the devil, or angels of messengers of mercy and compassion?

Then there are saints.

Which works better for you?  Concentrating on angels or saints?

ALL SAINTS DAY - SOME QUESTIONS

November 1^st we are celebrating the saints.

Do we have a favorite saint?

Advertisers are trying to get us to model our lives - our looks - by good looking people - and what they wear, what they drive, what they use.

The Church is trying to get us to model our lives  - our way of doing life - by the saints?

Looking at our own lives - what are our strengths - and what do we need - what qualities do we see we’re lacking.

Are we a procrastinator or a doubter: pick St. Thomas the Apostle as an example of being late or absent or we have our doubts.

Are we clumsy, pick St. Camillus de Lellis as a patron saint.  He was saying Mass and preached and tripped on the steps into the front bench.  He was called to anoint and pray over a sick person and accidentally knocked a bed post over and it fell and cut the person in the bed in his head. Lots of blood.

Have our kids given up on all the Christian values we tried to get them to come back to church and the faith,  pray to St. Monica  - who prayed for her son Augustine for years and years and years.

Do we have a drinking or drug problems, there’s Francis Thompson the poet and the Irish holy man, Matt Talbot.

CONCLUSION

The title of my homily is, “Has Anyone Ever Called You an Angel or a Saint?”

Don’t do good to get compliments. Do good. Be an angel…. be a saint …. who 

makes life sweeter for those around us. Amen.

November 1, 2018 

Thought for today: 

"Geddes MacGregor in The Rhythm of God tells of a priest who, when asked, 'How many people were at the early celebration of the Eucharist last Wednesday morning?' replied, 'There were three old ladies, the janitor, several thousand archangels, a large number of seraphim, and several million of the triumphant saints of God.' Such a 'cloud of witnesses' answers a deep human urge to be part of something larger, to not stand alone, to give our little lives meaning. One drop of water, left alone, evaporates quickly. But one drop of water in the immense sea endures."

October 31, 2018

FIVE  SPIRITUAL  PRACTICES 

FOR  NOVEMBER

Don’t use the pronoun “I” for just one day.

Say one clear “Thank you” to someone

every day this coming month and circle

the day you did it - and if you have a

full month by November 30 - say “Thank you!”

Take a 10 minute walk outside at least

three times a week during November

and enjoy those trees and leaves.

In this month beginning with All Saints,

pick out a Saint you don’t know and

Google her or him and then pray for a

key virtue in that Saint’s life  to try to put

into practice in her or his honor.

Collect  all the death cards you have

anywhere and read the prayer on that 

card for that person this month of the Dead.

© Andy Costello, Reflections 2018

October 31, 2018 

Thought for today:  

“Unless you move to Google, stop acting like  you know everything.”

Apples, Peaches, 

Pears and Grapes,

by Paul Cezanne 

IN  TOUCH

Stay in touch ….

We say that at times ….
Not to everyone ….

But to those whose

presence touches us

in the deeply felt moments

and music or life - when we

are with them - as if we were 
in a bowl of fruit together  -

but different as apples and oranges -

and then they are off to college

or off to the airport till next

Thanksgiving or that wedding

next June. How many people

are there in life whom we 

delight to be in touch with. 
They are still life to us, peaches 
or pears or plums in a bowl?

© Andy Costello, Reflections 2018

THE  EPHESIANS 

5: 21-33  MARRIAGE  TEST 

INTRODUCTION

The title of my homily for this 30 Tuesday in Ordinary Time is, “The Ephesians 5: 21-33 Marriage Test.”

I am not a professional marriage counselor, but I would think today’s first reading would be a helpful marriage counseling or evaluating test.

I am aware that counselors use pictures and drawings at times to get glimpses of what people are like - how they react - how they think - how they see life etc.

For example, I know counselors sometimes present pictures - like 3 silhouette drawings of a mom, a dad, and a kid and ask, “Which one of these three is not a family?”

Or for example,  they are shown three animals and they are asked, “Which animal is more you?” Then they are asked, “How do you see another family member?”  And they listen to the answers the other or others give.

TODAY’S FIRST READING

Today’s first reading gets at;  who’s in charge - who’s the boss - dealing with imperfections.

It deals with love and forgiveness and respect.

It deals with differences. It deals with holiness, God and church.

A Christian marriage counselor could have couples read this reading quietly - then each could read it out loud - then discussion could follow.

I know a lady who calls up the rectory of her parish church when this reading is coming up the following Sunday and says, “It better not be read.”

This reading or a similar one has notes on the side saying a substitute can be chosen or a condensed version can be read.  I always wonder about that because those with missalette can see the whole reading.

I remember being at a biblical conference in Chicago and a lady asked about this text  -  complaining that is was sexist - and doesn’t give women full equality - and the scripture scholar who responded s by saying,  “Look, this is written by someone from long ago.  It mirrors how people were thinking back then, not now.”

The speaker also said, “We have various other documents from the mind-set of the 1^st century in the Mediterranean Basin. This document and several NT texts show the treatment of women far better in comparison.”

MARRIAGE 2018

I’m not married - so I’m quite hesitant to say anything about marriage.

As Clint Eastwood once said in a Dirty Harry movie, “A man has got to know his limitations.”

However, a woman once asked to speak to me about her husband. I listened. Then she said to me: “Wait a minute. You’re not married, so you don’t understand men.”  I smiled and said, “Wait a minute I live with 9 of them.”  She paused - thought for a few moments - smiled - laughed and said, “You’re right.”

Not being married I’m see marriages where a wife is way ahead of the man. I’ve seen marriages where one is better than the other in different areas - say, “She is much better with finances than he is.” Or “He’s a better cook!”

So I would think this text from Ephesians has to be considered in the light of a much more educated woman.

And looking at today’s gospel,  with its two images - first of the mustard seed and the making of bread - using wheat flour and yeast. Both look at growth. So when talking about marriage,   couples better be growing - and better be better - after 10 or 20 years of marriage compared  to earlier years of marriage.

CONCLUSION

I would think couples need to evaluate how they have grown, where they are now, and how do they want to become. I would think reading a good marriage improvement book or course or counseling or a Marriage Encounter weekend - with some good self-tests - would certainly help - along with scripture  reading and prayer. Amen.

October 30, 2018 

Thought for today: 

“Take a deep  breath. It’s just a bad day not a bad life.”

18,  38, 12,

 INTRODUCTION

The title of my homily for this 30^th Monday in Ordinary Time is, “18, 38, 12”.

This could be a good sermon - that is,  if it hits you and gets you thinking - if it gets you talking to yourself - about yourself.

I am not interested in hearing, “That was a good sermon.”

I am more interested if you say nothing to me - but you talk to yourself about the stuff of a sermon. It’s nice if someone says, “I liked your sermon - but I am not interested if a person then says, “I  wish my son-in-law could hear the message.”

I like the word “sermon” better than “homily”.  A sermon is a conversation. A homily is stuff about the scriptures - the Bible. And obviously, the key conversation speakers or preachers  want to trigger is self   with  self.

THREE SCENES

There are 3 scenes in the gospels that I have in mind with the 3 numbers I’m referring to -  the numbers I entitled my homily with, “18, 38, 12.”

In Matthew 9:20 there is a woman who has blood problems - hemorrhages - for 12 years. She says to herself, “If I just touch the   tassel of his cloak I        shall be healed.” She does it and she is healed. Nice.

In John 5:5, there is this man in Jerusalem who has been a crawler for 38 years. Many times he goes to the healing pool - the Sheep Pool - Bethzatha -  to be healed  - but he’s always too slow.  Jesus heals him and he walks away healed.

Here in Luke 13: 10-17, there is this woman who is bent over for 18 years. Jesus spots her and heals her.

Hence my title for this homily: “18, 38, 12,”

EXAMINATION OF   OUR  LIFE

How about a look into our lives?

Do we have a lifetime struggle?  Do we have an addiction?

Looking at the 7 capital sins: is one our predominant fault? Laziness, gluttony, lust, anger, pride, envy, jealousy?

Looking at our life, did we have a sin that lasted x number of years and praise God, we were healed?

I’ve done a lot of AA retreats. There was one in Olivet College in Michigan that I was part of every year in the summer.  Over 200 men would be there. One of the highlights was on Saturday night. We were in a big auditorium and one of the leaders would start, “Is there any one here who is sober for just one day?” And a couple of men would stand up. And all would clap.  Still standing the leader would ask, “If there is anyone here present  who is sober for at least 2 days?” And a few more men would stand and continue standing. There would be clapping. Then 3, then 4, then 5, then 6, then 7 days.  Then one month, then 2 months, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 ,8, 9, 10, 11,  12 months.

People were left standing.

Then 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, years. Then 15, 20, 25, 30, 40, 50, 60, 70, 75 years.

I’ve seen over 75 years of sobriety.

Could we do this with all the sins?

One of the saddest moments in my life was a statement at a workshop when a specialist said there is no cure for pedophilia as well as hephebophilia [with teenagers].

Wooo. Those guys - males mainly - who have these attractions need serious supervision and boundaries for the rest of their lives.

CONCLUSION TO THIS SERMON

The title of my homily is, “18, 38, 12”.

It refers to the amount of years 3 people in the gospel were suffering.

There is another story about a young man who had a serious problem. He would fall into fires and into water and he foamed at the mouth. I love Jesus’ question when he spots this. “How long has this been going on?” [Cf. Mark 9:4-29.]

His father says, “Since he was a child….”

I’m asking in this homily to have a conversation with ourselves and our Lord about sins and addictions we might have or had and how long and how we need  to do need for serious self-stuff, prayer stuff, therapy stuff ourselves, with others and with Jesus for healing. Amen.

October 29, 2018

PAUSING TO CUT 

OUR SPAGHETTI 

We  need night.  We  need back  benches 

of churches.  We  need to walk alone  - 
so we can - sort of  - sort out - some 
of what's happening in our thoughts 
and feelings, our calendars and schedules .... 

Otherwise we'll have spaghetti brain. 

© Andy Costello, Reflections 2018

October 29, 2018 

Thought for today: 

“Silence is God’s first language. Everything else is a poor translation.”  

A favorite saying of Thomas Keating - 

Trappist Monk - who died October 25, 2018 

in Spencer, Massachusetts

October 28, 2018

ROCK  OR  WATER?

Holding on to a rock - just one solid stone - 

is so much easier than grabbing a handful 
of water - which laughs as it slips out
of our hands and falls down into the sink -

into the drain - back into the water cycle - 
that goes around and around our  world.

Envy goes around and around our world
as well? Do rocks wish they were water.
Does water ever wish it were rock?

Me?  I would never want to be rigid rock?
I choose to be water: ocean, lake, river,
ice that cools a drink, warm water that

bathes a baby, snow,  steam, mist, dew,
frost, a waterfall breaking rocks below.... 
You? What are you: rock or water?

 © Andy Costello, Reflections 2018

# 1 VERB: TO SEE

INTRODUCTION

The title of my homily for the 30th Sunday in Ordinary  Time [B]  is, “# 1 Verb: To See.”

Since today’s gospel is about a blind man, Bartimaeus, I  began thinking about seeing as a theme for today’s homily. [Cf.  Mark 10: 46-52,]

The prayer of the Blind Man is a great prayer for all of us.

“Master, I want to see.”

Bartimaeus hears that Jesus is going by and he screams out for pity.

Jesus stops and calls him over to see him.

Jesus says to him, “What do you want me to do for you?”

The blind man knows exactly what he wants, “Master,  I want to see!”

Is the number 1 verb in life: to see?

If there was an app on our phone that caught every word you said, every verb we used, for a week or for a month, what verb would win?

TEDDY MEEHAN

In the seminary, we had a great history professor: Teddy Meehan.

There was a time there we decided to count how many times in a given class period - an hour - how many times he would say to us - ask us, “Do you see?”

After class we compared notes. I had 243 times. Someone else said, “241”. Someone else said, “240”.

“Do you see?”

Teddy wanted to be understood.  Teddy wanted us to get, to know, to grasp, what he was talking about.   “Do you see?”

EVERYONE OF US

Every one of us is Teddy.

Every one of us is that blind man.

Every one of us wants to be understood.

Every one of us wants God to see what we see.

Every one of us wants to see what God is seeing.

Every one of us is asking God to see what we see.

Every one of us wants those we live and work with to see how we see.

Every one of us wants to understand how the other person understands.

Every one of us is trying to get the other person.

Every one of us wants the other to get us.

Every one of us turns on the television to  see who is sending bombs or shooting people in Pittsburgh.

Every one of us wants to see motives.

Every one of us wants to know.

Hamlet - according to Shakespeare - asks, “To be or not to be, that is the question.”

Is Hamlet, is Shakespeare wrong? Should he have said, “To see or not to see, now that is the question.”

Teilhard de Chardan - the French Jesuit - priest, anthropologist, paleontologist said, “The whole of life can be found in the verb to see.”

After I read that I began to notice now many times every day people say, “Oh I see!”  Or “See, I get it.” Or “She’s blind!” “No. I don’t get it.”

SOME OTHER HOMILY QUESTIONS FLOWING OUT OF THIS

Agree or disagree?  Nobody sees it the same way I see it.

Agree or disagree? When I say, “I see what you’re getting at, I really don’t.”

Agree or disagree? It would be better to keep asking, “What are you trying to say?”

Agree or disagree? Sometimes other people don’t know how and what they are seeing.

Agree or disagree? Pat Lynch who used to be a priest here at St. Mary’s. He once said in a sermon.  “Nobody has ever seen a motive walking down the street.” Then he took his fingers and walked them across the pulpit. Nope. Motives are invisible.

Agree or disagree? This week,  I’ll think about what you said this morning.

Agree or disagree? The # 1 verb is to see?

CONCLUSION

Do you see?

I think I see what you’re getting at?

I think you’re saying, “To ask, to beg, to listen, to try to see what others are trying to saying - to understand how others are seeing life.”