THERE’S BIG MOMENTS,

BUT DON’T FORGET

IT’S THE  LITTLE  THINGS

THAT  MAKE UP  A  LIFETIME

INTRODUCTION

The title of my homily is, “There’s Big Moments, But Don’t Forget  It’s  the Little Things That Make Up A Lifetime.”

When I read a short life of Mother Seton last night – today is her feast day – the thought that hit me was the big  details that went into her life.

Then it hit me, “That’s everyone’s life.”

Then it hit me: “What were the little details that also made up her life – the ones that don’t make the book?

So, my thought for today: We have our big moments, but it’s good to take the time to look at the little things that made up a lifetime.

In doing this a surprise happens. We remember the big moments: babies arriving, marriages, graduations, entering the military and getting out of the military - as well as big hurts, divorces, being dumped, deaths, hospital stays. The surprise is the remembering of little things - and most of life as the book of a few years ago said: Most of life is the little things – the things we don’t sweat.

I once spent 5 weeks in a summer taking a course on the Better World Movement. It was at Convent Station, New Jersey – one of the key places for Mother Seton’s Sisters of Charity. Looking back the most significant moment of the whole 5 weeks took place about a dozen times. I would walk the property - and visit a cemetery.  I would stand there on the cemetery grass and there were all these stones of countless women who gave their lives for others and for God. But I never heard of any one of them. In the silence, standing on the summer grass, that’s the thought that hit me every time I dropped into that row after row after row of same stones cemetery.

It was different than another cemetery I used to visit up near Poughkeepsie, NY. That cemetery was on the grounds of the Culinary Institute of America – the  former Jesuit Novitiate of St. Andrew’s. As I read those stones I had heard of the names of some of the Jesuits buried there: Martindale maybe, John Wynne, the founding editor of America Magazine, and especially Pierre Teilhard de Chardin. The cemetery key guy says that 10 to 15 people visit that grave per week.

But for some reason I remember the Convent Station cemetery of little old nuns more.

I have read a lot of poems but for some reason I remember a poem by a little-known Irish poet named  William Allingham.

FOUR DUCKS ON A POND

Four ducks on a pond,

A grass-bank beyond,

A blue sky of spring,

White clouds on the wing;

What a little thing

To remember for years–

To remember with tears!

ELIZABETH SETON

So, Elizabeth Ann Bayley Seton was born in New York City, August 28, 1774.

Her mom died when Elizabeth was 3 years old.

A year later her dad remarried. In time she and her older sister had to adjust to 7 half brothers and sisters. That marriage wasn’t always easy for Elizabeth and her older sister. What were the little things that annoyed and bothered her?

They had money. They had the Episcopal church.

Elizabeth got married at 20 to William Magee Seton and they had 5 kids.

Then they were hit with financial troubles.

They were hit with sickness in William’s body.

This brought William to religion  and then to Italy to recover where William dies an early death – and in time there Elizabeth discovers Catholicism thanks to an Italian family who takes good care of Elizabeth.

She comes back to the States – struggles with finding a job –

teaching – then in time she starts her big life work – Emmitsburg – taking care of kids, religion, Catholicism, helping the poor, seeing two of her daughters, Rebecca and Anna Marie die – and then various sisters in her community.

A life….

CONCLUSION

But what were the little things – that gave her everyday courage – to live the life she lived?

I don’t know – they don’t make the biographies – so we have to look at our own lives and notice the things that make our day – as well as the lives of those around us. Amen.

Let me close with a poem by Archer prince – which my niece Monica gave a framed copy to at her parents 50^th Wedding Anniversary:

Little Things Mean a Lot

Blow me a kiss across the room;
Say I look nice when I'm not.
Touch my hair as you pass my chair:
Little things mean a lot.

Give me your arm as we cross the street;

Call me at six on the dot.
A line a day when you're far away;
Little things mean a lot.

Give me your hand when I've lost the way;

Give me your shoulder to cry on.
Whether the day is bright or gray,
Give me your heart to rely on.

Give me the warmth of a secret smile,
To show me you haven't forgot;
For now and forever, for always and ever,

Little things mean a lot.

January 4th, 2020

ABOUT  FACE  WATCHING

Some are better at face watching

than others. So,  this thing about

watching, studying, wondering

about  what kind of face is going

to show up at the office today –

or in the pulpit or coming in the

front door when dad comes home –

more research is necessary.

We all do it. We all wonder about

each other. We all look to see if

a smile or a sneer just came in

the room. Is that why some people

have a mirror in the entrance way?

Should we all pause before we knock

or ring the bell and ask ourselves,

“Does our face need an about face?”

© Andy Costello, Reflections 2020

January  4,  2020

Thought  for  Today:

“Every  man  thinks God is on his side.  The rich and powerful know he is.”  

Jean Anouilh, The Lark, 1953.... 

After reading that quote I got 

the thought, “Jean should 

have added, ‘And men think 

God is a he’ and then I added, 

‘Maybe Jean did too.’”

LOVE:  CHANGE  THE  LETTERS 

BEFORE THE LAST TWO LETTERS: VE 

To get a better take on the word “love”

change the first two letters to either:

“ser” or “gi”. Then serve. Then give.

Then the other will know you love them.

What? Think about this.  If you really

love others, serve them. Give of yourself.

 ©  Andy Costello Reflections 2020

January 3, 2020

Thought for the Day:



"The first Catholic Family Day occasioned such a surplus of couples that several upstate celebrations in county seats were necessary to take care of the overflow.  The outpouring of affection for the Church was in itself an inspiration to those organizing these events.  One Italian patriarch telephoned the Chancery so often about his seating that by the third call we were chatty.  I asked him why so many Italians survived together for fifty years, while the golden jubilarians among the Irish were so few.  His answer in broken English was classic: 'Most of us from the old country had to fight our bosses every day to make a living.  But when I went home at night, I was the boss.  The Irish papa, he fight the boss all day and the wife all night.  He die at sixty.'"  

Page 73 of Inside 

My Father's House 

by Msgr. George Kelly, 

Doublelday, 1989

January 2, 2020

LETTERS  IN  THE  MAIL

I get various letters – saying:

“Goodbye”  and “Hello!”

“Go to hell!”  and “You showed me the way to  heaven.”

“You drove me out of the church – you’re too liberal!”

“You showed me that the church had a place for me.”

I read Paul’s letters – the head scratchers and heart snatchers.

There were the wedding invitations and the distant obituaries.

There were the subscription notices and the junk mail.

There were the Christmas cards and the “Thank you” notes.

Then there are e-mails, texts and twitter.

 ©  Andy Costello Reflections

January 2, 2020

Thought for today: 

“If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.”

Maya Angelou

January 1, 2020

NEW  YEAR’S  SOLUTIONS
AND RESOLUTIONS:  KISS!

KISS:  As they say, “Keep It Simple Stupid.”

KISS:  Kindness, Integrity, Simplicity, and Support.

KISS: Solve … dissolve …  resolve …. the differences.

KISS: As they say, “Kiss and make up!”

KISS: Sing the song, Simple Gifts and find                          yourself in the Valley of Love and Delight!

 ©  Andy Costello Reflections  2020
This is one of the songs I would
love to be sung at Communion
time at my funeral.

And if you have 43 minutes and
45 seconds listen to Appalachin 
Spring conducted by Leonard  Slatkin
with the Detroit Symphony Orchestra.

January 1, 2020

Thought for Today:

“The attraction of New Year is this: The year changes,  and in that change we believe that we can change with it. It is far more difficult, however, to change yourself than turn the calendar to a new page.” 

R. Joseph Hoffmann

December  31, 2019

ARE THERE HARD TIMES
LINGERING 
AROUND YOUR CABIN DOOR?

It’s what we see in the rear view mirror 

that often determines what we see ahead 

for us - out our front window windshield. 

Hard times begets hard times – but hope 

begets hope - for the best of times ahead - 

as we drive up or down the road of life. 

We need both: windshield and rear view

mirror. We need both: hope and realism.

We need all: God and grace and others.

© Andy Costello, Reflections 2019

December 31, 2019 

Thought for today:

"For last year's words belong to last year's language, and next year's words await another voice." 

T. S. Eliot

December 30, 2019

MOMENTS THAT CAUSE 

A CHILD WONDERMENT 

A whirlpool …

A Jack of diamonds card on 

a bicycle wheel with a clothes pin ….

An ice cream cone in another kid’s hand ….

A helicopter ….

Adult men playing dominoes in the park ….

Any butterfly ….

A cop on a motorcycle ….

Home Depot ….

Parents fighting ….

A moonrise or a sunrise at the ocean ….

A parade ….

A box of crayons ….

The wave at a baseball game ….

Adults receiving communion – but not them ….

A St. Bernard Dog ….

A firetruck screaming down the street …..

A yo yo ….

A cellist ….

A trombone ….
An orchestra ....

A birthday cake with 4 candles lit ….

© Andy Costello, Reflections 2019

December 30th, 2019

Thought for today: 

“I like not only to  be  loved, but to be told I am loved.” 

George Eliot  

HOLY FAMILY

 INTRODUCTION

Today is the feast of the Holy Family.

Let’s be honest, the word “family” means a lot more to  us  than many of the words we use for other feasts. The word “family” has more impact and more energy and more meaning, more power, more depth to us than words like, “Transfiguration”, “Immaculate Conception”, “Assumption” or most other feasts in the Church year.

So the word “family” means a lot to us.

And the Church is asking us today to look at ourselves and our family.

MAYOR KOCH

Many of us remember Mayor Koch – the mayor of New York City - who said during his mayorship, “How am I doing?”

The question today, “How am I doing in my family and as a family?”

JOSEPH DONDERS

It’s interesting as Joseph Donders points out commenting on today’s gospel, that Jesus spent 90% of his life in Nazareth. And that 90% is private. 90% is ordinary. 90% is non-newsworthy. 90% is private family life stuff. And only 10% is his public life.  And the public life obviously gets the play. Just as is our ordinary lives, the ordinary 90% does not get the play.

When someone asks, “How was your day?” or “How were things today?” or “What’s new?”, we don’t tell about the 90%. We don’t tell about the 3 times we brushed our teeth and the 2 times we flossed. We don’t tell about the times we picked up a paper in the corner or clicked a ballpoint pen or I ate a cookie at 3:47 this afternoon. We do the 90% in the family system. That’s that. These are the things that nobody notices, but without which we can’t survive. They are the little stuff that are the important stuff. They are the  90%- which we don’t make a big deal. 

In other words, take cleaning. It's not noticed till someone doesn’t do it.  So too getting the mail. Getting the garbage out. Shooting out to the store to get milk or bread when we notice we're almost out of it. 

STEPPING BACK: LOOKING AT IT ALL

So today we step back and look at that and realize that’s life on the home front. That’s real life.

And to ask, “How am I doing?” Am I doing my best to make family life good and healthy?

Ezra Pound or one of his disciples made a great comment once. He must have seen it in translating Confucius. “I did not understand, until I read Confucius, the impact of one person upon another.”

The impact of one person on another.

The impact of one person on another person is often non-verbal.

LIBRARY

To prepare for this homily I went to our local library I saw a whole shelf of books on family therapy.

It struck me how valuable it is to step back and look at family from apart.

SCENES FROM A MOUNTAIN

To see as from a mountain. 

To see family clusters. To see family milieu. To see networking. To see open and closed circles. To see vicious circles. To see triangles. To see the dances, the choreography, to see who’s who in our family. To see how each effects each and all. To see power struggles. To see boundaries. To see systems. To see fields of interest. To hear the language we use. To hear silence and communication and systems. To see buried issues, “We don’t talk about that here.” Tempest in a teapot stuff. To see what families look like with one and two alcoholic parents -- how each effects each and all. To see how an angry person effects all, black sheep, white sheep, or someone who cant’ sleep. To see family split ups. To see what’s going on. To see what a family looks like when  someone in it has Down Syndrome.

5 WAYS OF COMMUNICATING

I noticed in one book 5 ways of communicating:

1) Placating: the one who is always agreeing, Yes, Yes, Whatever you want. Always.

2) Blaming: the one who is always blaming something on someone or something. The car. The job. The boss. The alarm clock. The parents. The newspapers. The media. The politicians.

3) Super-responsibilty: Not smiling. But without feeling outward. drying up within, energy buried.

4) The Irrelevant: denying problems, bring up issues off the point, humor

5) Congruent: good communication, talking, timing, saying what we have to deal with and doing this correctly and in truth, with love.

EZRA POUND

To return to Ezra Pound ....

Do I see that I have an impact on others, that my actions have an impact on others. 90% of the time it’s the little stuff.

Isn't there a book out there that says, "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff"?

Well, sometimes we do.

I need to step back and see all this.

WHOOPING CRANE

I remember seeing a segment on the news about the Whooping Crane. They are becoming extinct.

So 4 guys, two in a plane, and 2 in a truck, were tracking the birds from Arkansas down into Mexico. I missed the first part, where they started in Northern Canada. Using telephones and short wave, the 4 communicate back and forth. They are studying how to improve the situation of whooping cranes. To make sure there is food along the way. To make sure there are places for nesting.  They tracked them to Northern Canada where wolves attack and eat the eggs. And so they have a place in Patuxent, Laurel, Maryland. The place has a big screen around it. Zoos don’t work. And by doing all this they are trying to increase the number of whooping cranes. They also showed a guy in a blind, who spends lots of time peering down on the birds and has a tape recorder studying crane’s habits.

I thought it was a good example for showing the value of stepping back once and a while to study and look at one’s family systems -- to see its habits, so that the family will not be extinct.

We can learn a lot by stepping back and looking and listening.

CATHOLIC NEWSPAPER

I once saw on the cover or first page of a Catholic newspaper pictures of a family. It had a whole series of pictures.

Picture One showed the father of the family up close and big and the mother, 3 kids, and the TV as small.

Picture Two showed the mother as prominent and father, 3 kids, and    TV as small.

Picture Three showed the parents and small, one kid as big and the TV as small.

Picture Four showed all kids as large and the TV and parents as small.

Picture Five showed the TV as enormous and the parents and kids as all small.

What is our family like?

Step back and look.

We can be so close to a situation that 90% of the time we don’t see what’s happening.

Step back and see what’s happening. Go into a blind so that we can see. See the impact we have on each other. See the family. See the community. See how we operate in our family structure. See how bird families operate. See how we can use that information to improve.  Use our eyes and our brains to track. To see. To see how I’m doing. To see what’s going on.

CONCLUSION

Why do this?

Answer: to grow. To know what needs to be changed. Jesus called this conversion. Jesus calls this healing.

Let’s close with the shorter form of today's second reading from Colossians 3: 12-17 

Brothers and sisters:
Put on, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved,
heartfelt compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience,
bearing with one another and forgiving one another,
if one has a grievance against another;
as the Lord has forgiven you, so must you also do.
And over all these put on love,
that is, the bond of perfection.
And let the peace of Christ control your hearts,
the peace into which you were also called in one body.
And be thankful.
Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly,
as in all wisdom you teach and admonish one another,
singing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs
with gratitude in your hearts to God.
And whatever you do, in word or in deed,
do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus,giving thanks to God the Father through him.