HESITATION

INTRODUCTION

The title of my homily for this 5th Sunday in Lent, Year B, is, “Hesitation.”

That’s a human reality that hit me when I read today’s readings.

“Hesitation.”

Do I or don’t I? Yes or no? Maybe - but maybe not! Maybe not now…. Maybe next week …. Maybe next year…. Maybe never …. Obviously, I’m hesitating. How bout you? Do you hesitate too?

I don’t know. I haven’t thought about it.

If you have a ball point pen - and if I suggested you write that word, “hesitation” on a piece of paper - or text yourself - and mediate or think about “hesitation” this week - would you do think about it? If you didn’t have a piece of paper, but you have a ball point pen, would you hesitate to print the word “hesitate” or “hesitation” on your hand.

Hesitation.

IN A GIVEN DAY - IN A GIVEN WEEK

In a given day or in a given week, how many times, how many situations, do we find ourselves in a hesitation mode?

“Two roads diverged in a wood, and I - I took the one less traveled by….” [1]

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I crashed…. because I didn't slow down.

I should have hesitated at the fork in the road.

Wait a minute? What did you just say? What are you asking me to do?

To do some thinking about hesitation.

Oh okay. But right now, I have a lot on my mind. So I’m not sure. I need some time to think about this. Oh , okay, to be honest, . as you can tell, I’m hesitating.

Hesitation comes with the package. Just watch a baby crawl - then stall. Just watch a person walk through the mall. Do women do shop differently than men?

Can you give me the name of a good doctor? I need a second opinion.

Can you give me the name of a good lawyer? I don’t want to decide or say the wrong thing right now.

The menu looks good - however - what would you recommend?

I’m tempted - however ….

I blew it. Maybe I should have hesitated.

I want to - but I’m not sure. Let me give this some more thought?

You know the old saying, “Look before you leap.”

To retire or not to retire?

To backtrack?

To go to this school or that school? Whether it’s elementary, high, or university - or to go for another degree.

To have another child? Agree or disagree?

To switch jobs?

To move to another house - or to stay in this one - yet with the way the economy is - yet the housing market - yet I’m hesitating.

People are getting married later than 100 years ago. People are living together before marriage more than 100 years. People are divorcing more than 100 years ago. How much does a wedding cost? How much does a marriage cost? How much do kids cost? How much does divorce cost? How much does life cost?

Who said, “If they say it’s not about the money, it’s about the money”?

There are also so many more choices than there were 100 years ago.

I-phones, cell phones, lap tops, Macs, Big Mac, Whopper, Mangia or Maria’s - this or that’s…..

So you understand why I hesitate. Yet…. Maybe …. Give me some time.

TODAY’S READINGS

In today’s first reading from Jeremiah, we hear about a new covenant that the Lord wants to make with the house of Israel.

This one will not be written on stone - but on the human heart.

Wait a minute! The one’s on stone are so much easier to read.

And in this first reading Jeremiah says that God says, “I will forgive evildoing and remember sin no more.” All well and good. I like that, but my heart hesitates to believe that one - because my heart remembers when I really blew it. So maybe God forgets, but I don’t.

Today’s Psalm - #51 - is a prayer for a complete soul wash. Have you ever hesitated at a car wash - which version do I get? The cheapest or the deluxe? Psalm 51 - sings about the deluxe - the thorough wash - the removal of all guilt and all sin - so I can drive forwards cleansed and renewed with a new spirit. Wow, whoever put together today’s readings - really wants to get across this forgiveness theme - so that’s one more indication that we hesitate to accept forgiveness.

Today’s second reading from Hebrews - has Jesus standing before God our Father - crying with loud cries and tears to be saved from death. We need to keep hearing that Jesus wasn’t made of cardboard - or stone - but he felt fear and tears as he went through suffering and death. In Holy Week we’ll hear more about this - when Jesus goes through his agony in the garden. Jesus had great feelings and thoughts - hesitations - in the garden and at Calvary.

Today’s gospel from John continues this theme of hesitation. Jesus says he’s troubled about letting himself be killed - and there were people out here who wanted to kill him. “Yet what should I say, ‘Father, save me from this hour?”

As preacher there are some hesitations about these texts because we know that John and the other gospel writers are writing all this after Jesus’ death and resurrection. They are recalling  what Jesus said - but now with a lot more understanding. We were taught that much in the gospels developed in the context of the Mass - as the Early Church pulled together it's theology and insights of Jesus.

The poets amongst them - especially John - knew Jesus chose bread and wine as central signs of his reality. Wheat grains, wheat seeds,  have to be planted and die. They grow in soil and sun and and rain - or lack of rain. Then they are cut down. Then they are crushed to become flour -  to become bread - to then be baked - to become bread for the table. So too the grapes. They have to go through a similar story to become wine - so too Jesus. It’s a long process. It’s a long process from Bethlehem to Nazareth to Jerusalem. It’s a long journey from Christmas to Easter.

"WE WOULD LIKE TO SEE JESUS."

I love the question that begins today’s gospel text from John, “Some Greeks who had come to worship at the Passover Feast came to Philip, who was from Bethsaida in Galilee, and asked him, ‘Sir, we would like to see Jesus.’”

Isn’t that what we are here today to hear about? Isn’t that why we’re here to see?

And in today's gospel Philip tells Andrew and both go to Jesus and Jesus gives the great answer - the great story of the grain of wheat - that it’s just a grain of wheat till it’s willing to die - to be planted - to grow - to die - and on and on and on.

We come here to Mass to receive the Risen Bread - Jesus.

Please hesitate - at communion time - at relationship time. Please hesitate to put your hand or tongue out - before you receive Jesus into yourself today.

CONCLUSION

The title of my homily is, “Hesitation.”

I don’t know what your plans are for this week. It’s the 5th week in Lent. Palm Sunday and Holy Week are next week.

Lent is a great season to reflect upon some of the great themes of Life. I think one theme is the theme of hesitatiion.

Is it? I'm hesitating to say just that - because I haven't thought about this enough already.

Hesitate a bit this week and think about hesitation.

I have thought about e.e. cummings famous comment, “be of love a little more careful than anything.” I don't hesitate about that.

However, I would  hesitate to say, “be of hesitation a little more careful than anything.”

At first glance, it would seem that it's very important to hesitate to see where and to whom we're called to love and to serve - and whose feet to wash - whether to go out on a night when a best friend might betray us. [2]


NOTES

[1] A line in the fourth and closing verse of Robert Frost's famous poem, The Road Not Taken. Cf  page 131, Complete Poems of Robert Frost, Holt, Rinehart and Winston, New York, Chicago, San Francisco, 1964

[2]  I assumed that some homilies and sermons this day might feature or mention what happened in Sanford, Florida with the shooting death of Trayvon Martin by a neighborhood watch volunteer. I hesitated to mention this for various reasons - one of which is the need for a thorough investigation of the shooting as well as the practice of having these volunteers - which I very uninformed about. If my whole sermon was on this case - - for example, the shooting calling all for a lot more hesitation on having such a law in Florida or anywhere - then okay. However, if I mentioned this near the end of my homily, then that might knock out my whole homily on the theme of hesitation - because that's all folks might get thinking about. I even hesitated to put in this footnote. However, in this written homily on my Blog - this footnote can serve as one more example of the human phenomenon of hesitation. What do you think?