RECALCULATING

Looking back on 30 years of marriage – looking back at Christmas gifts down through the years – no Christmas gift had the impact on Jack’s life as last year’s Christmas gift did.

Point in fact: looking at his 55 years of life – Jack couldn’t name more than 5 gifts he received at any Christmas – other than last year’s Christmas gift – and oops – and oh yeah, there was that silver striped, dark blue bike, he got at Christmas when he was 9 years old.

His 3 kids – 2 sons and a daughter – the daughter a senior in high school – one son in college – and the other one finished college last year – actually pooled together the hundred or so dollars to buy their dad for Christmas, a Garmin: a GPS navigation system for driving. Jack hated complicated gadgets. He hated horrible drivers on the road. However, what he hated most – and these 3 kids hated even more than he did, was their mom’s comments and directions while their dad drove down the roads and highways of life – on vacations – trips – the this and that stops and starts of life – especially on weekends – if they going to some strange or unfamiliar place as a family.

They were all together for Christmas Eve – their family’s traditional time to open gifts up and munch on munchies.

Well, when dad opened up his gift – the three kids – were looking very attentively at what was going to happen next. In fact it was the first time they ever stopped to really watch their dad open up a Christmas gift. Flannel shirts, golf balls and white sweat socks with maroon and yellow trim aren’t too exciting. Take that back, three years ago he did receive a 6 pack of beer from his father-in-law, Harry – with a card that stated he’d be getting a different 6 pack of beer – each month for the next 11 months. That caused about 2 minutes of cute choice chatter – as they stood there near the Christmas tree.

So when he got the Christmas wrapping paper off the Garmin he said – sort of semi-snarly – and with a snap in his voice, “What’s this?”

“Dad,” his daughter Jennifer – the senior in high school – said, “It’s a Garmin. It’s a GPS. It gives directions on how to drive anywhere on the planet. And,” she added, “you can pick a nice gentle woman’s voice to keep you company and give you directions wherever you’re driving.”

Sounding half intrigued and half Fox News like, dad said, “What? I have no clue to what you’re talking about. You know I’m a klutz with gadgets. You know, it took me 6 months to figure out how a cell phone works. So why in the world did you waste your money – and probably my money in the long run – to buy me this stupid looking gadget?”

The 3 kids laughed. Their mom, Jill, said nothing – wondering if in some way – she might be part of the reason for this Christmas gift that their kids gave their dad.

Their son – Joe – the junior in college – turned it on – and all 3 kids listened to the different voices for directions coming out of the GPS.

This scene took about 5 minutes. Then other gifts were opened. Other comments were made. There was also one of those 55 bowl football game on TV. There was food was to be eaten.

Christmas morning – all 5 were heading for Church – in the same car – the 3 kids sort of squished and squashed into the back seat.

Jimmy the oldest – and out of college – had in hand the Garmin. He had looked up the exact address of the church and put in the city, street and numbers.

Claudia – they baptized the cute sounding voice that came from the Garmin, “Claudia” – because she sounded like a Claudia – as she began giving directions.

Mom in the front seat right – was befuddled and bewildered – and couldn’t believe this was happening. What she didn’t know was, she was about to lose her life long job of front seat co-pilot and navigator. It’s tough to lose your job and you didn’t see it coming.

The 3 kids in the back seat were elbowing each other – as if they were still in early high school – because they had talked from time to time behind their parents back on how much mom barked out directions while dad was driving and this drove dad nuts – but he never said a thing – but they could read the back of his neck and his shoulders – whenever she gave direct directions.

Her voice could be sandpapery at times. “Slow down!” “You just passed the street where we were supposed to make a right turn.” “Watch out for that truck!” “I told you to slow down!” “You’re going too fast. You’re going to get us all killed.” “Stop worrying about the cars behind you!” “Slow down!”

Claudia in less than 1 minute became the dream voice of his life – and stopped his wife from being the GPS voice he didn’t like.

They got to church early – thanks to Mom – and they got a seat – where all 5 could be together. Nice.

The sermon was so, so. The singing was great. But Jack was thinking about his new GPS. It hit him that this might work. This might stop her from complaining – while I’m driving.

It did – from that day forwards. And Jill actually liked Claudia. In fact, Claudia got Jack and Jill to talk to each other – and make interesting other comments – like about directions – while they were driving. Moreover – there was no scientific research on this – but Claudia for the next year improved their marriage at least 36 per cent.

What his wife Jill and their 3 kids, Jennifer, Jimmy and Joseph, didn’t know – was what happened to their dad Jack as a result of this new woman in his life – Claudia – when he was alone with her in the car.

At first it was all honeymoon. Claudia got him to lots of places and he didn’t have to check maps. She also saved him gas – because he never would ask directions and keep on getting lost. This really bothered Jill down through the years as well. Jill subscribed to the principle: “Men never ask directions.”

The new change in Jack, the new game he began to play, took place the fifth time he was driving with just Claudia. He went a different way to a store than the way Claudia asked him to. He said to her, “Sorry Claudia, my directions are better than yours.” He laughed at that. Claudia had become a real person.

But Claudia didn’t give up that easy. After going his way and not her way, Claudia said, “At the next intersection, make a U-Turn.” He didn’t. At the next street, she said it again – but a bit louder – and a bit more insistent, “Make a U-Turn.” He didn’t. At the next street she said, “Recalculating.”

“Recalculating!” What a great new word in his life.

When she said that, he knew he won the game. He made her recalculate. And sometimes he’d sing in the car by himself, “Oh what fun it is to drive in a one horse open sleigh.”

More and more he loved driving by himself with Claudia. As soon as he put the key in the ignition – as soon as he started down the driveway – and out onto the streets, he’d think, “Now how can I get her to say, ‘Recalculating’”?

Driving was never this much fun. He began forgetting about all those horrible drivers around him.

Time sped by.

It was in Lent – the Second Sunday in Lent – and he and Jill were in church – and the priest – a very savvy guy – said in his homily, “Lent is like those GPS gadgets that people have in their cars – that keep on saying, ‘Recalculating.’”

“Lent is a time to recalculate. It’s a time to recalculate.

Everyone laughed – except those who had no clue what a GPS was.

The priest continued, “In our lives we get into ruts – into patterns – into habits. We do the same thing over and over again. We get stuck!

“Lent is a good time to recalculate.”

Jack thought to himself – “I can relate to that.”

He began thinking about how he treated his oldest son, Jimmy.

Growing up he had placed too much pressure on him. If he could do well – the other 2 kids would follow suit. But in recalculating, he realized now that he picked up and pointed out to Jimmy the negative stuff. He might get a double in a Little League Baseball, but he would give him no credit for that. However, he would say, “We have to work on your strikeouts. I told you how to just meet the ball. If it’s inside, pull it, if it’s down the middle hit it right at the pitcher and if you see it’s outside, hit it to the opposite field.

Looking back on his life as a dad, he saw that he did that every time to Jimmy. Marks, how he ate, how he left things around. Oh my God, it hit him – while sitting there in church that first time he heard a sermon about recalculating – that he had done the same thing to Jimmy that he felt Jill always did to him while he was driving.

Recalculating.

It hit him, “I have to recalculate.”

And he began recalculating on how he treated Joseph, Jennifer and Jill – his wife.

As he also began recalculating his life, this improved their marriage 46 %. Not bad he thought.

Recalculating.

He kept realizing that life calls for lots of recalculating. He kept seeing more and more specific ways to recalculate his life. He realized his words could be too blunt at times. He could become less of a grunt - less abrasive. His words could be more oil than vinegar.

Once while driving he thought to himself, “Jennifer will be soon be away at college. It will be just Jill and I again – unless Joe or even Jimmy decide to move back – but both boys had said, “No way, dad and mom. No way. Relax!”

“Praise God!” Jack said. “Praise God!”

He said that because he had taken up the saxophone again – something he hadn’t done since college – and Jill took the cover off the piano in the basement and they would play duets together again in the basement.

And Jennifer the only one still at home - was the only one who thought both of them had flipped. She also thought their music was so 70’s – and even stranger, she saw both mom and dad bowling once a week – something they stopped doing when she became pregnant with their first child – Jimmy.

That December – the one after the arrival of Claudia – Jack and Jill were driving together to a Christmas party at her parent’s house – Harry and Heloise’s – and they were talking together in the car.

It is interesting to note: Claudia was unplugged and locked in the glove compartment – of late – poor neglected Claudia. She only came out – if they had no clue where they were going.

More: Jack and Jill were laughing a lot lately especially when they were driving somewhere – the car being one of their best places for conversations. Jill said, “We’re only 55 and 56 and there is so much more good stuff to come – now that the kids are almost gone.”

Then Jack laughed and said, “Wouldn’t it be funny if Claudia said at this very moment, ‘Recalculating.’?”

Instead of a homily on the Christmas readings, for the past 18 years I have written a story in memory of Father John Duffy, a Redemptorist whom I was stationed with. Every Christmas he wrote a Christmas story for his niece and I typed a few of them for him. In 1993 I was just going to start working on a homily for Christmas when we heard John had died that day - December 24, 1993. So I decided then and there to write a Christmas story in his memory. This is # 18.