WHAT  ME WORRY

Quote for Today - December 30,  2010


"When I look back on all these worries I remember the story of the old man who said on his deathbed that he had a lot of troubles in his life, most of which never happened."


Sir Winston Churchill

CHARACTER

Quote for the Day  December 29,  2010


"Character is what you are in the dark."


Dwight L. Moody

A CHILD'S LAUGH

Quote for Today - December 28, 2010


"One laugh of a child will make the holiest day more sacred still."


Robert G. Ingersoll

PICTURE  FOREVER

Quote for Today - Feast of St. John the Evangelist - December 27,  2010

"And I John saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down from God out of heaven, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband."

Bible text from the Book of Revelation 21: 2

Painting on top: View of Toledo by El Greco [1541-1597]. The scene might be Toledo just beflore lightning and storm. The painting is oil on canvast, 1597, The Metropolitan Museum of New York

TELESCOPE & MICROSCOPE

INTRODUCTION

The title of my homily is, “Telescope and Microscope.”

I don’t know if they still give telescopes and microscopes to kids for Christmas – but they are gifts we all have – all our lives: the ability to see the big picture and the ability to see the little picture.

The lenses in our eyes can be telescopic. We can look up and see the stars at night or see a valley from a mountain scenic overview spot; our eyes can also be used to see close up a tiny spaghetti spot on a white shirt – or a tiny piece of upraised skin on our thumb.

HOLY FAMILY SUNDAY

The Catholic Church makes this first Sunday after Christmas the Feast of the Holy Family.

I assume it’s a smart move - because Christmas is such a family feast – and many people connect with family at Christmas.

I assume it’s also a smart move – because we’re finishing out a year – and about to start a new year.

I assume the hope is that we look at our life for the past year – and we look forward to a fresh start in the New Year – and what better area of our life to look at – than that of our family.

BIG PICTURE

The big picture is to take a telescopic look at our family life – who’s who, what’s what, where have we been, where are we headed.

An obituary or a tombstone or a death memorial card is a telescopic look at a life.

“Just the facts mam,” as Detective Joe Friday used to say on the TV show, “Dragnet.”

How many times in our life have we been asked about our family? It’s usually the second question in many a conversation – the question after, ‘Where are you from?”

Then we give a telescopic answer. We say a few words about our parents – whether they are living or dead – and then how many brothers and sisters we have – and where we are in the mix.

Sometimes when we are alone – like on a plane – when we’re high above it all – we close our eyes and think about our family. We take a telescopic look at the whole story.

We’ve come a long way baby – from when we were a baby.

I used to travel a lot by bus – and somehow for me – bus rides used to give me many telescopic looks at life.

How about you? What works for you? When do you look at the big picture? Car rides? Vacation? Funerals? Christmas? Graduations? Marriages? Baptisms? Birthdays? New Year’s? Sitting in Church? Winter – especially when snow closes down our whole world? What gets you to look at the big picture?

On television and in newspapers and magazines there are lots of listings today and this week of the 10 top moments of the year. Sports Illustrated has 24 pages of people who died this year.

What were our 10 top moments this year? Share them with family.

We do this as a family at Thanksgiving – when I’m with my brother’s family and I do this with my 2 sisters every New Year’s Eve.

THE LITTLE PICTURE

What gets you to look at the little picture?

What are microscopic moments of life for you?

I love my niece Patty and her husband George’s Christmas tree. I was up to see them yesterday afternoon and evening in Reisterstown for Christmas dinner. Somewhere along the line they started the custom of putting on their tree every Christmas an image or symbol of something that happened to each of the 5 of them [George, Patty, Patrick, Michael, and Molly] that year. It might be a tiny two inch plastic motorcycle – George went with his 2 sons to Montana this year – to motorcycle the state – a lifetime dream he always had – to do that with his 2 sons – so they did it after Michael, his second son, graduated from Maryland last spring. Their tree is loaded with a couple of hundred hanging symbols and tiny objects. I should have stood there yesterday and wrote down what I saw - a miniature Eiffel Tower, stove, cap and gown, tiny, tiny golf bag, etc. etc. etc. There is a Christmas story there. I’ll write it up one of these years – unless Patty writes a book explaining the story behind each image. I’ll call her this afternoon and make that suggestion.

Christmas is a great time to look at the little picture – the tiny moments of life – many of which are triggered at Christmas time.

A Christmas present in a kid’s hand – and a smile on her face – and zoom, we are 6 years old again.

Each family has rich family traditions that ought to be looked at up close and personal – with the microscope.

Kids ought to be taught to ask the old Jewish family ritual question: “Why is this night different than all other nights?”

If we do it right, without being too nosey, it’s neat to ask people about the history of their rings and things – photos and paintings – family traditions and family rituals.

In the last 10 years we’ve seen a bunch of TV shows on CSI – Crime Scene Investigations. Every show has someone looking through a microscope checking out fibers and markings and scratching – and discovering big time clues.

DNA AND BAPTISMAL RECORDS

In our lifetime we’ve found out that we can find a lot out about any one of us from our DNA. In our lifetime we’ve seen lots of people making time to check out their roots – their genealogy – and we’ve discovered the importance of baptismal records – and ship manifestos – and various other tell tale sources for family stories.

Father John Harrison here at St. Mary’s has gone through all our old marriage and baptismal and various other records – and put them into a data base. He’s a man with great patience. Since this church goes back to the mid 1800’s – there are lots and lots of tiny details sitting there – in all those church records.

It’s painstaking detail work – trying to figure out handwriting and what have you. Over coffee and breakfast and this and that through the last 6 years I’ve heard him talk at times about all these records – how much work it is to do this – and how interesting it is as well.

Where are your family records located? Where are the photos – the letters – the mementos – the graduation autograph books? What happened to all those grammar school classmates and teachers – and all those people we have met in the story of our lives?

Our family history can be located all over the place. Research on all this in retirement is a great hobby. Family and lifetime reruns are far more interesting than TV reruns.

Family is where we all begin.

With the U.S. Census for 2010 just coming out last week – let the research begin.

Thinking about records – I remember the pain and the “uhh” feeling I had when I read not only about ethnic cleansing in the wars that took place in the 1990’s after Yugoslavia fell apart. Soldiers would go into churches and places where there were public records and deliberately burn everything – destroying everything – trying to obliterate not just people – but records that they were there.

WE ARE HERE – WE WERE THERE

I’ve always been a strong advocate of keeping a diary and memoirs – as well as sitting down with older folk and writing down their story.

Taping is almost as good – if not better.

At our provincial headquarters we have in our basement archives lots of records. I’m hoping my notebooks won’t be tossed and burned when I die – but somehow they will make their way to our archives.

I worked in our archives and enjoyed some detective work. I’ve done a tiny bit of historic writing and found out how difficult it is to be exact.

I hope families do the same thing – and this is going to be trickier now that we’re in the digital age – without much of a paper trail.

CONCLUSION – TODAY’S READINGS

I got this idea about Telescope and then Microscope from today’s readings.

Today’s gospel feels so strange. Jesus is just born yesterday – and here today, the next day, the gospel reading telescopes the next few years in a few paragraphs: Magi, Egypt, Herod’s killing of the innocent babies, Archelaus’ taking over of Judea in place of Herod, and Joseph coming back go Nazareth.

That’s the big picture – a telescopic view.

The other two readings give the small everyday day – the microscopic things – to things to do to make family life better: honoring and revering and respecting one another in the home – caring for our old folk. Then there’s Paul’s call for kindness, gentleness, patience, and forgiving one another – the challenge of the everyday.

The title of my homily is, “Telescope and Microscope”. You’ve been gifted with both. The hope of my homily is that we use both of them well. Amen.

FAMILY

Quote for Today -Holy Family Sunday - December 26,  2010


"I've begun to appreciate what a family means. I think that if I am committed to anything right now, it is to nourishing those bonds with my family, making them strong, getting them to understand me more, making an effort to understanding them more from the point of view of greater honesty."






Bridget, Senior Year of College, p. 155, in Women's Ways of Knowing, The Development of Self, Voice, and Mind, Mary Field Belenky, Blythe McVicker Clinchy, Nancy Rule Goldberger, Jill Mattuck Tarule, Basic Books, 1986

RECALCULATING

Looking back on 30 years of marriage – looking back at Christmas gifts down through the years – no Christmas gift had the impact on Jack’s life as last year’s Christmas gift did.

Point in fact: looking at his 55 years of life – Jack couldn’t name more than 5 gifts he received at any Christmas – other than last year’s Christmas gift – and oops – and oh yeah, there was that silver striped, dark blue bike, he got at Christmas when he was 9 years old.

His 3 kids – 2 sons and a daughter – the daughter a senior in high school – one son in college – and the other one finished college last year – actually pooled together the hundred or so dollars to buy their dad for Christmas, a Garmin: a GPS navigation system for driving. Jack hated complicated gadgets. He hated horrible drivers on the road. However, what he hated most – and these 3 kids hated even more than he did, was their mom’s comments and directions while their dad drove down the roads and highways of life – on vacations – trips – the this and that stops and starts of life – especially on weekends – if they going to some strange or unfamiliar place as a family.

They were all together for Christmas Eve – their family’s traditional time to open gifts up and munch on munchies.

Well, when dad opened up his gift – the three kids – were looking very attentively at what was going to happen next. In fact it was the first time they ever stopped to really watch their dad open up a Christmas gift. Flannel shirts, golf balls and white sweat socks with maroon and yellow trim aren’t too exciting. Take that back, three years ago he did receive a 6 pack of beer from his father-in-law, Harry – with a card that stated he’d be getting a different 6 pack of beer – each month for the next 11 months. That caused about 2 minutes of cute choice chatter – as they stood there near the Christmas tree.

So when he got the Christmas wrapping paper off the Garmin he said – sort of semi-snarly – and with a snap in his voice, “What’s this?”

“Dad,” his daughter Jennifer – the senior in high school – said, “It’s a Garmin. It’s a GPS. It gives directions on how to drive anywhere on the planet. And,” she added, “you can pick a nice gentle woman’s voice to keep you company and give you directions wherever you’re driving.”

Sounding half intrigued and half Fox News like, dad said, “What? I have no clue to what you’re talking about. You know I’m a klutz with gadgets. You know, it took me 6 months to figure out how a cell phone works. So why in the world did you waste your money – and probably my money in the long run – to buy me this stupid looking gadget?”

The 3 kids laughed. Their mom, Jill, said nothing – wondering if in some way – she might be part of the reason for this Christmas gift that their kids gave their dad.

Their son – Joe – the junior in college – turned it on – and all 3 kids listened to the different voices for directions coming out of the GPS.

This scene took about 5 minutes. Then other gifts were opened. Other comments were made. There was also one of those 55 bowl football game on TV. There was food was to be eaten.

Christmas morning – all 5 were heading for Church – in the same car – the 3 kids sort of squished and squashed into the back seat.

Jimmy the oldest – and out of college – had in hand the Garmin. He had looked up the exact address of the church and put in the city, street and numbers.

Claudia – they baptized the cute sounding voice that came from the Garmin, “Claudia” – because she sounded like a Claudia – as she began giving directions.

Mom in the front seat right – was befuddled and bewildered – and couldn’t believe this was happening. What she didn’t know was, she was about to lose her life long job of front seat co-pilot and navigator. It’s tough to lose your job and you didn’t see it coming.

The 3 kids in the back seat were elbowing each other – as if they were still in early high school – because they had talked from time to time behind their parents back on how much mom barked out directions while dad was driving and this drove dad nuts – but he never said a thing – but they could read the back of his neck and his shoulders – whenever she gave direct directions.

Her voice could be sandpapery at times. “Slow down!” “You just passed the street where we were supposed to make a right turn.” “Watch out for that truck!” “I told you to slow down!” “You’re going too fast. You’re going to get us all killed.” “Stop worrying about the cars behind you!” “Slow down!”

Claudia in less than 1 minute became the dream voice of his life – and stopped his wife from being the GPS voice he didn’t like.

They got to church early – thanks to Mom – and they got a seat – where all 5 could be together. Nice.

The sermon was so, so. The singing was great. But Jack was thinking about his new GPS. It hit him that this might work. This might stop her from complaining – while I’m driving.

It did – from that day forwards. And Jill actually liked Claudia. In fact, Claudia got Jack and Jill to talk to each other – and make interesting other comments – like about directions – while they were driving. Moreover – there was no scientific research on this – but Claudia for the next year improved their marriage at least 36 per cent.

What his wife Jill and their 3 kids, Jennifer, Jimmy and Joseph, didn’t know – was what happened to their dad Jack as a result of this new woman in his life – Claudia – when he was alone with her in the car.

At first it was all honeymoon. Claudia got him to lots of places and he didn’t have to check maps. She also saved him gas – because he never would ask directions and keep on getting lost. This really bothered Jill down through the years as well. Jill subscribed to the principle: “Men never ask directions.”

The new change in Jack, the new game he began to play, took place the fifth time he was driving with just Claudia. He went a different way to a store than the way Claudia asked him to. He said to her, “Sorry Claudia, my directions are better than yours.” He laughed at that. Claudia had become a real person.

But Claudia didn’t give up that easy. After going his way and not her way, Claudia said, “At the next intersection, make a U-Turn.” He didn’t. At the next street, she said it again – but a bit louder – and a bit more insistent, “Make a U-Turn.” He didn’t. At the next street she said, “Recalculating.”

“Recalculating!” What a great new word in his life.

When she said that, he knew he won the game. He made her recalculate. And sometimes he’d sing in the car by himself, “Oh what fun it is to drive in a one horse open sleigh.”

More and more he loved driving by himself with Claudia. As soon as he put the key in the ignition – as soon as he started down the driveway – and out onto the streets, he’d think, “Now how can I get her to say, ‘Recalculating’”?

Driving was never this much fun. He began forgetting about all those horrible drivers around him.

Time sped by.

It was in Lent – the Second Sunday in Lent – and he and Jill were in church – and the priest – a very savvy guy – said in his homily, “Lent is like those GPS gadgets that people have in their cars – that keep on saying, ‘Recalculating.’”

“Lent is a time to recalculate. It’s a time to recalculate.

Everyone laughed – except those who had no clue what a GPS was.

The priest continued, “In our lives we get into ruts – into patterns – into habits. We do the same thing over and over again. We get stuck!

“Lent is a good time to recalculate.”

Jack thought to himself – “I can relate to that.”

He began thinking about how he treated his oldest son, Jimmy.

Growing up he had placed too much pressure on him. If he could do well – the other 2 kids would follow suit. But in recalculating, he realized now that he picked up and pointed out to Jimmy the negative stuff. He might get a double in a Little League Baseball, but he would give him no credit for that. However, he would say, “We have to work on your strikeouts. I told you how to just meet the ball. If it’s inside, pull it, if it’s down the middle hit it right at the pitcher and if you see it’s outside, hit it to the opposite field.

Looking back on his life as a dad, he saw that he did that every time to Jimmy. Marks, how he ate, how he left things around. Oh my God, it hit him – while sitting there in church that first time he heard a sermon about recalculating – that he had done the same thing to Jimmy that he felt Jill always did to him while he was driving.

Recalculating.

It hit him, “I have to recalculate.”

And he began recalculating on how he treated Joseph, Jennifer and Jill – his wife.

As he also began recalculating his life, this improved their marriage 46 %. Not bad he thought.

Recalculating.

He kept realizing that life calls for lots of recalculating. He kept seeing more and more specific ways to recalculate his life. He realized his words could be too blunt at times. He could become less of a grunt - less abrasive. His words could be more oil than vinegar.

Once while driving he thought to himself, “Jennifer will be soon be away at college. It will be just Jill and I again – unless Joe or even Jimmy decide to move back – but both boys had said, “No way, dad and mom. No way. Relax!”

“Praise God!” Jack said. “Praise God!”

He said that because he had taken up the saxophone again – something he hadn’t done since college – and Jill took the cover off the piano in the basement and they would play duets together again in the basement.

And Jennifer the only one still at home - was the only one who thought both of them had flipped. She also thought their music was so 70’s – and even stranger, she saw both mom and dad bowling once a week – something they stopped doing when she became pregnant with their first child – Jimmy.

That December – the one after the arrival of Claudia – Jack and Jill were driving together to a Christmas party at her parent’s house – Harry and Heloise’s – and they were talking together in the car.

It is interesting to note: Claudia was unplugged and locked in the glove compartment – of late – poor neglected Claudia. She only came out – if they had no clue where they were going.

More: Jack and Jill were laughing a lot lately especially when they were driving somewhere – the car being one of their best places for conversations. Jill said, “We’re only 55 and 56 and there is so much more good stuff to come – now that the kids are almost gone.”

Then Jack laughed and said, “Wouldn’t it be funny if Claudia said at this very moment, ‘Recalculating.’?”

Instead of a homily on the Christmas readings, for the past 18 years I have written a story in memory of Father John Duffy, a Redemptorist whom I was stationed with. Every Christmas he wrote a Christmas story for his niece and I typed a few of them for him. In 1993 I was just going to start working on a homily for Christmas when we heard John had died that day - December 24, 1993. So I decided then and there to write a Christmas story in his memory. This is # 18.

JESUS CHRIST! 
READY TO GO, 
READY TO GIVE!

Quote for Christmas Day -- December 25,  2010


Jesus Christ:"There was in Him
in Him no world-weariness,
no strengthless melancholy,
no timid shrinking from the fray."


Karl Adam [1876-1966] Christ Our Brother, 1931


Painting on top - The Nativity by Pieter Brueghel The Elder [1526]. It's in the National Gallery in London.

CHRISTMAS! 

THE ESSENCE IS GIVING! 

Quote for Today   - December 24,  2010


"Christmas is coming, the geese are getting fat,
Please put a penny in the old man's hat;
If you haven't got a penny, a ha'penny will do,
If you haven't got a ha'penny, God bless you!"


British Beggars' rhyme, Anonymous

THE LORD BE WITH  YOU

Quote for Today - December 23,  2010



"With God,
even go over the sea;
without God,
don't even go over the threshold."

Old Proverb

LAUGHTER!

December 22, 2010

Quote for Today

"Laughter is a form of internal jogging."

Norman Cousins

BIRTH

From time to time we find ourselves thinking
about the moment our mom and dad
found out they were pregnant with us.
We were a moment of love – seed and egg,
the connecting, the beginning – the moment
we became one – the gift of two – helping them
to become more and more one – marriage –
the growing without knowing – of them and us –
of all that was ahead – pregnancy,
the developing, the swimming, the shifting,
the kicking, the hearing of muffled sounds
on the other side of our mom’s walls.
Moms know waiting. Dads know moments.

The dance takes time: days, weeks, months.
Finally comes birth. “It’s a girl!” or “It’s a boy!”
We screamed a first scream – and all smiled.
We didn’t. We didn’t know what’s next.
Then the wondering around the room at every birth,
“What will become of this child?” *

* Cf. Luke 1:68; 2: 19; 2: 33; 2:51

© Andy Costello, Reflections, 2010

SEMICONSCIOUS

Half way between conscious and unconscious
is where I sit and stand and walk around

and spend my day. “Uh oh!” “Uh oh!”
I say that because right here, right now
I’m conscious that most of the time I’m semiconscious.
Looking out at life through my front windshield,
I see the road in front of me. I hear your words
and your suggestions. I say, “Yes” and I show up –
but often I’m not really here? I don’t know
how many moments, meals, conversations,
jobs, times in church, I was really somewhere else.
“Sorry! And then another, “Sorry!”
And as I’m telling you this right now
I’m aware of this right now.
But most of the time I guess I only wake up
when I hear words like “cancer”, “death” and “divorce” –
loud shouts and baseball bat like knocks
on my door in the middle of the night.
Christ wake me up.* Christ, walk and work with me,
to move me from semiconscious to conscious.
So does this mean my vows really don’t count?
Does this mean I have to step back
and re-decision my life – my words – my love –
my work – my decisions? “Uh oh!”
This is an “Uh oh!” moment.
And when I say, “Uh oh!” I’m conscious.
And to be conscious can be uncomfortable.
No wonder I prefer to be semiconscious –
to slide and ride along living half a life or even
to sink down deeper into unconsciousness.
Now that’s a big double, “Uh oh! Uh oh!”

© Andy Costello, Reflections 2010

* Cf. The Book of Revelation 3: 20-22 –

better the whole unconscious dreamylike images

and calls from Christ to the Churches in this book.

UNCONSCIOUS

“To be, or not to be: that is the question….”
“To sleep – perchance to dream
ay, there’s the rub” as Shakespeare put it.
Hamlet’s questions doth make cowards of us all –
unconscious all - sleep walkers all – but questions
can also wake us – as we sit there in the audience.
To be or not to be audience – or to act, to be the actor.
Too many days, too many ways, I’m unconscious.
Unconscious of my princely, prophetic and priestly
callings. Unconscious of God’s will being done –
and God’s call for me to be the reason I was created,
thought up, gifted and put here on this planet
at this time and place – to leave the audience
and to stand up on stage and play my part in life.
Unconscious of my conscience – blocking it out
too many times. Unwilling to accept the reality of
my big sins: sins of omission – my unwillingness
to listen, to really listen to the other, to see and be
with those I label “the poor”, “the dumb”,
“the weak” and “the worried”, “the slob”.
I’ve never walked in another’s shoes.
I’ve never helped another to help them
to lift themselves by their own bootstraps.
Unconscious that there are people who love me
and I neglect them or don’t acknowledge them – or
there are people without whom I would not exist –
and I didn’t thank my parents enough
and they have been gone a long time now.
Unconscious of the earth – and its screams,
“Stop dumping on me. Care and clean me up!”
Unconscious of the machines and systems
that we rely upon: hot water, cold water,
red and green lights, those who maintain bridges
and sewerage – and those who drive semi’s –
bringing milk and cereal and peanut butter and
a thousand and one other conveniences
to stores – gas stations. Then there is electricity,
unnoticed till a storm when it’s knocked out for a time –
knocking out TV and the evening news.

Unconscious of You – God – You who keep

this whole enterprise going – You so silent,

so silent, you so aware of the heart beat
and vascular system of gulls and bugs and cows,
You, God, still creating the core of the earth as well as
the furthest galaxy. Oh my God, I’m unconscious
in my core and in my furthest circumference of my self.

© Andy Costello, Reflections 2010

CONSCIOUS

Conscious, very conscious, sometimes…
when the plane is rushing down the runway –
like a broad jumper: the run, the rush, the jump,
the leap into the sky – and for a second there
wondering, pondering, questioning,
how many in this plane are scared,
how many in this plane are very scared,
how many in this plane are conscious that they
are afraid – of life and death and meaning and time?
Conscious – when someone is holding
a very sharp stainless steel knife and it’s
too big for cutting onions or cucumbers….
Conscious of the surprise smile of a baby when
they see our eyes or face or what do
babies see when they see us? Conscious,
very conscious, when hearing or seeing
those we love getting out of the car –
after being away for three days and three nights –
or they are away for a week – and we see them
coming down the ramp at the airport.
Conscious sometimes in church at a wedding
or a funeral or Christmas Mass or someone with
loud shoes walking down the main aisle and all
are watching her till she red faced slips into a bench.
Conscious of some sunsets in late December
or the whole family together for Thanksgiving Dinner,
but one less than last year – death can make us very
conscious – or conscious when the plane is
about to land – and there is snow surrounding
the runway and it’s been a cold December – and
our seat belt is fastened – but we haven’t landed yet,
conscious, very conscious, but only sometimes.

© Andy Costello, Reflections 2010

DEATH

From time to time we find ourselves thinking
about the moment we will die and slip into
what’s next – that is, if there is a, “What’s next?”
We wonder if anyone will be there on the other
side of the dark door of death or will it be light?
We hope someone will be there at our death bed
to hold our hand – to say a prayer or “I love you!”
We wonder if someone will be there watching a
monitor that will show our lifeline going flat.
We wonder if there will be tears and a gulping
scream. Does it say anywhere in the scriptures,
“It’s not good to die alone?”* Jesus, you said
from the cross “Father, into Your hands
I place my spirit.” and “It’s finished!”**
And Jesus I pray that you’ll be waiting there
for me at daybreak on the other shore of death.
Jesus, don’t ask if my nets are empty or filled.
Just call out my name and say,
“Come and have breakfast.”***

* Genesis 2:18

** Luke 23:46; John 19:30

*** John 21


© Andy Costello, Reflections 2010

CAN YOU BE BOUGHT?

Quote for Today - December 21, 2010



"This old anvil laughs at many broken hammers.
There are men who can't be bought."

Carl Sandburg [1878-1967], The People Will Live On [1936]

COURAGE  

Quote for Today  - December 20, 2010


"Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage."

Anais Nin [1903-1977], The Diary of Anais Nin, Volume III, June 1941

THE 13 YEAR OLD ATHEIST

Once upon a time there was this 13 year old atheist.

“13 years old?”

“Yes. 13 years old.”

“And he didn’t believe there was a God?”

“Correct.”

“You’re kidding?”

“Nope.”

It began inside his head – while thinking to himself – that he didn’t believe there was a God.

He didn’t like going to church.

Then he got very serious about not believing there was a God – by saying out loud at least once a week, “There is no God!”

And he had his arguments to prove the point, “If there is a God, why would God let forest fires destroy people’s homes and why would God let earthquakes happen? If there is a God, why would God let people die? These things are random at times – and so fires and floods and earthquakes could be rearranged!”

He liked getting into arguments about God during his first year of high school – especially with kids he knew who went to church – kids who believed in God.

When he was in the 8th grade, his dad died in a car accident. A 17 year old teenager – drunk as a skunk – crashed into his father’s car without stopping at a red light. He went right through an intersection and didn’t stop. The drunk kid wasn’t hurt – didn’t even get a scratch – but the father was killed instantly.

His mom went to pieces with her husband’s death – 3 kids. How was she going to take care of them – one about to go to high school in a year and the other 2 in grade school?

Some thought that was the reason he didn’t believe in God.

Other kids argued back, “Well who made the stars – the sun – and all this whole universe we’re part of? None of us can reach that far."

And he said, “That doesn’t prove anything. It just proves that there is a universe and we’re part of it.”

Another kid said, “I believe in God, whom I never saw, but I never saw my great, great, great, great grandfather, but I know he existed, because I exist.”

The 13 year atheist said, “That’s the same as the universe existing. Of course, you have great, great, great, great, great, great, great, and then many more great grandparents, but your argument just proves you exist and your grandparents exist – but not that God exists.”

One kid in his class said, “I have an argument that proves there is a God and it’s this: if there wasn’t a God people who never say, ‘Oh my God!' when they see a great football catch or they see a rainbow or they see a 6000 passenger cruise ship or an air craft carrier!’”

And the 13 year old atheist answered, “So if someone says, ‘Holy Cow!’ that means cows are holy. Come up with a better argument.”

Nobody ever went after his statement that if there was a God. God would not people die. Nobody asked, "Well, what about overpopulation - huge traffic jams - nursing homes with thousands of thousands of thousand year old people?" If somebody did ask him, he was prepared to say that sometimes death is a blessing.

At some point his classmates stopped arguing with him.

But one kid said, “The day will come when you’ll realize that there is a God – and you won’t see that day coming – till it comes.”

And sure enough, 2 years later, when he was 15 years old, and just starting his third year of high school, his little sister who was in the 1st grade gave him a crayon colored picture of a cow eating grass in a field.

The picture was on a plain piece of white paper – 8 ½ x 11 inches. It had a blue cow – who had 8 legs – a black fence – a farmer’s red barn – and a brown farm house – and lots of green grass – and a bright yellow sun in the sky.

And down in the right hand corner were the words, “Made by Sarah!”

He pointed to the cow and asked his sister Sarah, “What’s this?”

She said, “It’s a cow.”

And he said, “Cows are not blue, nor do they have 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8 legs.”

Sarah said, “Well that’s the way I wanted to draw my cow. I wanted to give her 8 legs so it would be easier for her to stand there all day biting and chewing grass – and I made her blue because blue is my favorite color.”

“Well,” her brother said, “but that’s not the way God makes cows.”

Silence…. A strange silence.

Then Sarah said very softly, looking sideways – and up to her brother with a sweet smile on her face, and a twinkle in her eye, “I thought you didn’t believe in God.”

Silence.

And he said to himself inwardly, “Oh my God! Kids listen.”

It would take him many more years to hear Jesus’ words about out of the mouths of children many times comes wisdom.

But at that moment he also felt an, “Uh oh! My cover is blown.”

That night he had a dream – a dream where he heard a voice say, “Joseph,” that was his first name, “Son of David,” that was his dad’s name, “do not be afraid to believe in God.”

With that he woke up. His dream was a nightmare. He hands were fists. He was afraid. He just had an “Uh oh!” dream.

He couldn’t get back to sleep, so he got up and walked around. He went downstairs and opened the back door of their house and he went outside.

It was cold, but he had a blanket wrapped around himself.

He sat down on one of the chairs they had on their back porch. He had never sat down on these chairs before. Whenever he was in their background, he running or playing. Besides, porch chairs are for old folks.

It was very cold. He looked up at the 3 o’clock in the morning dark, dark, grey sky. He could see some stars and all was beautiful. He saw a shooting star and it was absolutely amazing. Then he thought he saw on the bottom part of the sky in front of him – on the bottom, right hand corner, the words, “Made by God.”

It was still very cold – and those words were like his sister’s words which she had said to him sideways, “I thought you didn’t believe in God.”

So he headed back upstairs – back to bed – to hide under the covers – and it took him a while to fall asleep again. Soon he was back to dreaming. Soon he had the dream he had earlier. Once more he heard a voice that said, “Joseph,” that was his first name, “Son of David”, that was his dad’s name, “do not be afraid to believe in God.”

This time he didn’t wake up from his dream.

Yet, he realized everything, when he woke up the next morning.

He felt like a different person.

Thanks to his sister Sarah in the 1st grade he began to see down in the right hand corner of everything he saw that was made by God, the imaginary words, “Made by God!” and he also saw on the bottom of everything made by us – cars, pizza, motorcycles, footballs, T-Shirts, – the words, “Made by us!”

Slowly he switched from being an atheist to becoming a philosopher and then to being a theologian. Slowly he realized God made the skies, the sun, the moon and the stars, bananas, trees, flowers, the ocean, rain, lightning, people, and 4 legged cows – cows that were brown – brown and white, and sometimes black and white.

Slowly he realized that people sometimes mess up God’s world – by leaving around Burger King burger boxes and Starbucks paper coffee cups – and sometimes people get drunk and drive and kill people – and that we need rain and lightning and fire – and sometimes people are in the wrong place at the wrong time – and sometimes people say, “Oh my God!” and sometimes little sisters – say the right thing at the right time.

His words, his thoughts, had become a prayer, “Oh my God, you’re so God. You’re so cool. Dare I ask, ‘Are you blue?’”

Then it hit him, “I’ll have to ask my sister Sarah what color she pictures God?”

He did. He asked her one day, “Sarah what color is God. Do you picture him blue?”

And she said, “You’re so silly, Joseph. Haven’t you seen pictures of Jesus? Ever since that first Christmas, he has been one of us!”








This was a story homily for the 4th Sunday of Advent - Year A - for our Little Kids Mass this morning at 8 AM and our Teen Mass this evening at 6. The only connection of this imaginary story to the readings for today are looking for signs, dreams, Son of Joseph, Son of David, and Emmanuel, God is with us.

BE STILL,
BE THERE,
BE

Quote for Today   - December 19,  2010

"Explanation separates us from astonishment, which is the only gateway to the incomprehensible."

Eugene Ionesco, [1912-1994], Decouvertes [1969]

HOMESICK

Quote for Today - December 18, 2010


"Homesickeness is ... absolutely nothing. Fifty percent of the people in the world are homesick all the time ... You don't really long for another country. You long for something in yourself that you don't have, or haven't been able to find."

John Cheever [1912-1982], The Stories of John Cheever, 1978, The Bella Lingua

THE BREAD

CALLED COMMUNITY,

COMMUNION.

Quote for Today - December 17,  2010


"We are joined to one another and to Christ like flour in a loaf."

St. John Chrysostom [c. 345-407] On First Corinthians, XXI, 4.

HOW CHANGE COMES ABOUT 

Quote for Today  - December  16, 2010

"We do not succeed in changing things

according to our desire,

but gradually our desire changes.

The situation that we hoped to change

because it was intolerable

becomes unimportant.

We have not managed to surmount the obstacle,

as we were absolutely determined to do,

but life has taken us round it,
led us past it,

and then if we turn round to gaze at the remote past,

we can barely catch sight of it,

so imperceptible has it become."

Marcel Proust [1871-1922], Rembrance of Things Past [1913-1926], The Sweet Cheat Gone

NAME  YOUR  BURDEN,

HEAR  YOUR  STORY!

Quote for Today - December 15, 2010


"Every back has its pack."


London Truth

THE JOURNEY
THROUGH THE NIGHT

This issue of YOU will present a meditation on the need for taking time out in the night for prayer — for reflection — for decision making — for conversion — for seeing where we are in the journey of life. It will be more poetic than analytical — in hopes that moments of prayer will arise in the night to the Father.
__________________________________________________

THE MEDITATION

The night is still — dark.

There is still time in the night for prayer. There is still time for God. It’s never too late to enter the garden (Mt. 20; Jn. 18:1, 20:1-18: Gn. 2:8).

God is still “the still point of the turning world” (T.S. Eliot).

To know God I must be still (Ps. 46:11; 131:2). To be complete, whole and well rounded, I must be still. I must stop and see where I am.

I must tell all the voices, the noises, the tapes, the songs on my radio station, the distractions, that are riding along inside my car, inside my head, to “Shut up!” I must pull over to the side of the road and yell, “Be quiet! Let me look at a map for a moment.”

IN NEED OF PRAYER

Where am I?

There I am — still hiding — “among the trees of the garden”. The Lord God is calling, “Where are you?” (Gn. 3: 8-9).

Where am I? I’m in my womb, my own tomb. I ought to know. I built it myself. And I’m sick and tired of the life I’m living, the death I’m pursuing. I need to shape up. I need to wake up. I’m like Rip Van Winkle, asleep for too many years. I need to crack my egg shell and get out of myself. I need a rude awakening — a “Great Awakening” — a re-birth (Jn. 3:1-21).

I’ve been in my own orbit too long. I’ve been revolving, jogging around the track of myself. No wonder, I’m always so tired.

It takes a lot of energy to keep trying to float my balloon above the crowd — to be higher than the rest.

“Everyone who exalts himself shall be humbled” (Lk. 18:14).

I too must come down to earth. I have t let the air out of my ego. I need to stop wasting my breath on myself, blowing up my big plans, my big dreams. My illusions are delusions. My balloon, my bubble needs to burst. I need to fall down on my knees in the night. I need to pray. I need to admit I need God. Like Christ I need others — to be with others — and not above them (Phil. 2:5-11).

In the still of the night I have to bring all this to God in prayer. I have to share my chalice with him. Later on I might even reach for his. But right now I need to realize I don’t have to be inflated. I don’t have to wear a mask and try to hide myself even from myself. I try to deny this all the time, but when I am alone like this in the night, I can’t hide from myself any longer. Thank God.

Yes, it’s about time for another one of my conversions. Maybe this one will be the big one. I’ve been holding out and hiding in the garden of myself too long. It’s a garden of paradise and because I’m in the dark I don’t know it. I’ve been eating from the wrong tree. I’ve discovered my nakedness and I don’t like the looks of myself. Here I am God, over here, hiding in the dark. (Gn. 3:8-13)

Will God come to me or do I have to go to God? Is God on the other side of the dark waiting for me to come to him or do I grovel here and wait for God to come to me? Should I be active or passive? Martha or Mary? I’m confused. I’m in the dark.

The mysterious fifteenth chapter of Luke has three stories. In the first two stories God is “The Hound of Heaven” chasing after me. God is the Shepherd looking for his lost sheep. God is the Woman looking for her lost coin. But in the third story, God the Father waits at home, hoping each day for my return—the Prodigal Son.

Each person is different. Each day is different. Each night is different. God is different.

Perhaps the ever practical St. James gives us the best answer, “Draw close to God, and he will draw close to you” (James 4:8). In human relationships, when there has been a rift or a fight, that is the way a reconciliation often takes place. Both make moves towards each other. Both give and take. We get tired of carrying around all these extra pounds of hurt and animosity. Grudges take up space. Resentments are heavy. They clutter up our garden.

Does God always make the first move?

The night is the time for still thinking, for praying, for asking big questions like that.

The night is the rest stop between two days: yesterday and tomorrow.

It is the time my eyes can rest from the stage lights of the day. It is the time I can rest and be with God and look back at the highlights of my day. It’s the time to look at the dark spots too—the shadows in my life. It’s the time I can be honest with God about the wheat and the weeds, the sheep and the goats in my life.

DARKNESS vs. LIGHT

But this kind of thinking is also so self-centered. It’s too much about me in the night. What about God? I need to be still, quiet and experience God’s presence — God’s love.

Where are you God?

What are you like?

Are you hiding in the dark too?

When am I aware of God more: in the darkness or in the light?

Darkness and light? Which is the better way to describe God? Which is the better symbol of God?

Or is God both? Is God both the Light and the Dark? Both are needed for everyday—for completeness — wholeness — roundness — fullness — the circle of life.

Day and night: while one half of the globe is sleeping, the other half is awake. And the great wheel of earth keeps spinning. The sun is always rising, always setting, at every moment somewhere around the globe. Death and resurrection are always happening all over the world.

The earth is spinning. Time is flying. A.M., P.M., and A.M. once again. The hands of the clocks keep turning, going around and around and around. The digital clocks and watches silently keep moving their numbers forward, only to start over and over again.

Day becomes night becomes day becomes night for billions and billions of years.

Creation.

Recreation.

And God said, “Let there be light!” (Gn. 1:3)

And Man said, “Let there be night!”

And why? We’re smart. We prefer ourselves to our neighbor. It’s as simple as that. It takes time to stop and help our brother and sister who could use a little care—healing—listening—time (Lk. 10:29). We rather keep them in the dark and worry about our own barns (Lk. 12:16-21). And when we deny and cheat each other—even with a kiss—we do it in the night—to avoid the light of each other’s eyes (Lk. 22: 48,57; Mt. 6:22-24). And then we either commit suicide in various forms and at various speeds in hopes to hide in the ultimate darkness or we hide behind closed doors (Mt. 27:5; Jn. 20:19).

“I am the light of the world. No follower of mine shall ever walk in darkness; no he shall possess the light of life” (Jn. 8:12)

And yet Christ often spent time in the dark in prayer (Mt. 14:23; Mk. 1:35; Lk. 22:39).

And why?

The night is a great time for prayer. It’s a grace time to find a quiet place in our garden—our bedroom—our cellar—somewhere in our lives—where we can have communion with God.

Yes we need sleep. We need rest, just as we need work. And to be complete we need both and much more (and at times much less).

We need the night and we need the day—obviously. We need days on and days off.

We have these urges, these opposites, these pulls for stopping and going within us. And we know that activity and rest can yank us apart.

We can rush into over-activity and become workaholics. We cause our own stress. We pack our own suitcases. We determine our own weight. We can be trampled in our own rush to get ulcers. “What profit would a man show if he were to gain the whole world and destroy himself in the process?” (Mt. 16:12)

Yet we can also fall into our own hell because of inactivity. Other people can be the cause of hell for us. “I was hungry and you gave me no food. I was thirsty and you gave me no drink. I was away from home and you gave me no welcome, naked and you gave me no clothing. I was ill and in prison and you did not come to comfort me” (Mt. 25:42-43)

We need to rush to our brother’s aid. We need to rush to our sister’s call. We need also to rest, to sleep, to build up energy for the morning.

NEEDED CHANGES

We need variety. Too much light can cause blindness. Too much night and the world would die of coldness. We need the sun: the source of power and energy — on both sides of the globe. Everybody needs energy. Everybody needs rest.

We need change. The sea needs to be rough; it needs to be calm. We need the seasons: spring, summer, autumn and winter. We need the flow of the day: sunrise, the music of birds, alarm clocks, the bathroom, breakfast, traffic, punching clocks, work, coffee breaks, talk, production, results, traffic, home, shoes off, family, stories, supper, doing the dishes, newspapers, TELEVISION, card games, meetings, darkness, sleep, night, love.

But what about God in our day? What about God in our night before we fall asleep? Or are we always sleeping when it comes to God?

That’s how Paul and Augustine were till God’s light broke through their night, into their darkness, into their sleep. In the garden Augustine picked up the words of Paul and read, “It is now the hour for you to wake from sleep, for our salvation is closer than when we first accepted the faith. The night is far spent; the day draws near. Let us cast off deeds of darkness and put on the armor of light. Let us live honorably as in daylight; not in carousing and drunkenness, not in sexual excess and lust, not in quarreling and jealousy. Rather, put on the Lord Jesus Christ and make no provision for the desires of the flesh!” (Rom. 13:11-14)

Now that’s a conversion. It was a great awakening. In that garden Augustine saw his nakedness and instead of hiding and covering himself with a fig leaf, he covered himself with the garment of Light—the Lord Jesus Christ.

What happened to Paul and Augustine and so many others can happen to us. There is usually a dramatic day — a birth day — but there is also usually a difficult pregnancy.

CONVERSION

A conversion is a journey from the light to the darkness to the light. It begins with a hesitation, a dissatisfaction with ourselves, our home, our style, our everyday life. Then comes the crisis. Then comes the decision to stagnate or leave home. Then the journey begins. It’s a letting go, a going out, a movement through a dark night. Saul thought he had the light. It led him to do what he did to persecute the people of the early Church. Then his light went out. He fell to earth. He was humbled. He hit bottom. He lost his light, his sight, and became a little child once again. He had to be led by the hand into Damascus. And for 3 days he experienced the tomb, the womb, till he was born again into the New Light (Acts 9:1-19). That Light overcame his darkness (Jn. 1:5). He preached to himself the words of Isaiah that he would later preach to the Ephesians, “Awake O sleeper, arise from the dead, and Christ will give you light” (Eph. 5:14; Is. 60:1).

God made the move and came crashing into his life. Saul changed to Paul. The story of Abraham, Moses, Samuel, David, Isaiah, Jeremiah, Ezechiel, the Apostles, became his story.

He was converted. He converted. He changed in his relationship to God and to the Christians. Louis Bouyer described a conversion as a substitution of a living faith for a dead faith or no faith at all.

Do I want to change? Do I need a conversion? Is my faith dead? Am I satisfied with the lights I live by? Who are my heroes? What are my values? What are my beliefs? What are my attitudes? What are my driving forces? What motivates me? What is a good day for me? What is a bad day?

Am I ready for a conversion? Am I ready for a change in my life? What is God calling me towards tonight? Have I hit bottom yet? Am I in the dark when it comes to God? Is my faith living or dead?

Do I believe in the dawn — a new day — the resurrection of the light or do I prefer to stay in the dark?

MAKE A DECISION

I sit here tonight in my dark room and think about all this. It’s my life. It’s my choice. With or without God? “That is the question.” That’s the real question. What a choice. I’ve been avoiding that decision for years. The hands of the clock, the beat of my heart, the movement of the earth, life, keeps going forward whether I’m asleep or awake. The years of my life keep going on and on and on and God’s beat seems to become less and less and less.

Conversion. Change. Repentance. About face. Make a decision. Hear the word of the Lord.

Stop. It’s all rhetoric. I’m all words. Lord, story this merry-go-round. I need to get off by myself and do some deep thinking without words.

The night is still — dark — silent. It’s a still time for praying.

Pause.

Reflect.
Be quiet.

My life: I have a birthday and a deathday. Name ______________ (1939 - ?) The dash in between in my life. And at times it feels just like that—a dash—a run—a rush. I need to stop and be still in the night.

“What do I want to do with the rest of my life?” I begin to laugh at myself. I’ve returned once again—full circle—to my regular self-centered type question. It should be (and I know it), “Lord, what is your will, your pleasure?” “Here I am Lord. Speak for your servant is listening” (1 Sam. 3).

“Abandon your boats, your nets, everyone and everything and come follow me” (Mk. 1:16-20)

The Lord is asking me to leave home, to leave my garden, to leave everything and search for a new tree of life. I hesitate. Everything? Everyone? The cross is a no frills tree. It sounds so harsh in the night to hear words like that. Yet I know from traveling and backpacking trips that it’s much easier to travel light. It’s much easier to climb stairs, mountains, the unknown, light, without baggage.

I begin to pray once again

I begin to listen for hints from God within, in the still of the night.

SOMETHING NEW

I’m in the second half of my life. I’ve read Sheehy, Erikson, Gould, O’Collins, and Levinson. I’m up to date. I know all about Passages, stages, Transformations, The Second Journey, and The Seasons of a Man’s Life. But how come I’m standing still. Is there anything else? Is there anything new? I’m always looking for something new.

The night is quieter than the day. It’s a good time for thinking. There is less of everything: cars, lights, talk, music. There is less of everyone: people are sleeping.

I begin reflecting on John of the Cross, whom I’m finally getting to. I bought his book years ago, The Collected Works of John of the Cross, translated by Kavanaugh and Rodriguez, Complete in One Volume. The problem is I only made it to page 81. It was too dry. It was from another culture—another era. It wasn’t popular. It wasn’t “me”. And so I turned to other books.

But now that John of the Cross is “in”, typical me had to start reading him once again. He’s still dry, but I’ve worked my way through the dark night of the senses and I’m headed for the dark night of the soul—that is, in the book, not in my life.

I also sit here prejudiced against John of the Cross. I’m filled with preconceptions about him. That’s another thing I have to work on—another change -- another conversion. I pictured John as a real “grunt”. Did people close their doors and hide their stereos when he walked by? Would he be a perfect character for a black and white Ingmar Bergman movie that takes place in December in some lonely bleak village in northern Sweden where the only news is a suicide now and then? Was he a character like those painted in the lonely paintings of Edward Hopper, or what’s worse, Edvard Munch?

Memories of hearing that John of the Cross was the one who always said, “Nothing, nothing, nothing, ... nada, nada, nada,” must have gave me these impressions about the man. But how do we really know another person? Reading Kavanaugh and Rodriguez’s description of this 4 foot 11 inch Spaniard helped change my mind about him. From letters and other evidence about John of the Cross they point out that he had a great sense of humor. He loved to make people laugh. People liked to have him around. And his great friend, Teresa of Avila, wrote to another nun, “You would not believe how lonely his absence makes me feel.”

That did it. He sounded real. I began reading a little bit of him every night. It sill sounded slow—but John of the Cross was not complicated. He’s simply telling his readers to let go and let God into their lives.

And maybe that’s the real reason I avoid someone like John of the Cross. He’s a radical like Christ. “Whoever wants to be my follower must deny his very self, take up his cross each day, and follow in my steps” (Lk. 9:23)

“One dark night,
fired with love’s urgent longings
- Ah, the sheer grace! --
I went out unseen,
My house being now all stilled;”

That’s how John of the Cross describes his departure on the journey through the night towards the dawn.

The words that hit me were, “I went out unseen.” Suddenly I realized how radical John of the Cross was. The best conversions take place within—no horns, no pulpit announcements, no notices in the local paper.

I am the problem—not John of the Cross.

THE BASIC PROBLEM

Spirituality doesn’t begin outside myself. It begins within. So what else is new? I had blocked out Jesus’ words, “Be on guard against performing religious acts for people to see .... Keep your deeds of mercy secret.... Whenever you pray, go to your room, close your door, and pray to your Father in private” (Mt. 6).

“The Kingdom of God is within.” The garden is within. The temple is within. The journey, the road, the mountain is within. And what I have to let go is within.

Like the inner life of Dag Hammarskjold and millions of saints whom nobody ever knew were saints, nobody should really know about our inner life with God except God and a spiritual director (if you can get a good one and John of the Cross is pretty tough on them).

I rejoiced. I can still go to McDonalds and watch Monday Night Football. John of the Cross is interested in the Kingdom within. Yes he is from another era and another culture, but it’s a basic revolutionary idea to challenge a person who wants more (or less) our of life to read John of the Cross. He presents a liberation theology that is tough.

What he tells his readers is, “Let go. Let go of everything till there is nothing else and then don’t get a big head out of that—that you are holy and better than the rest of the human race.”

He tells the beginner in the spiritual life to use some energy and effort and actively get rid of anything that he or she is attached to. Start with what you can see, taste, touch, smell and hear. He calls that the journey through the dark night of the senses. That should leave us with a lot of room for greater love of God and neighbor. Planned time for prayer and meditation is necessary. Read the Bible. It’s nothing new. It’s the old first stage of the spiritual life—the purgative state. Our life is like a field. It’s filled with lots of weeds and rocks and roots. The first step is to clean it out. It’s an emptying process—a kenosis. Sins must go. Faults must go. Laziness, gossip, possessiveness, and anything and everything that destroys family, community, everyday life, must go.

That’s the first step — the easiest step. We need God’s grace — but we are very much part of it. The second stage of the journey, the dark night of the soul, is deeper and harder for us and God to deal with. We let God take over. Our prayer life moves towards quiet contemplation. We shut up. We listen. We block out images and ideas from our intellect and memory and imagination. Here the struggle is with pride and spiritual delusions. We want the whole world to know that we are holy. We brag to ourselves. And John keeps telling us to strip ourselves of all those things that can keep us from God.

LETTING GO

We need less.

We need mortification

We need nothing.

We have to let go of all that holds us back from God. It’s as simple and as deep as that.

As John of the Cross said, “To have all (todo), you have to have nothing (nada).”

And like Augustine and Francis Thomson and everyone who goes through the conversion process we hesitate right there. We zero in on the nada and don’t look at the todo. We’re scared of what might happen to us when we have nothing left and don’t look at what we have created the vacuum for—the All—God.

And right there John is tough. We even have to let go of all our images of God. All impressions, all knowledge of God must go. We can’t nail down God. Yet like Christ we can let the Father nail us down on the cross. We will experience the darkness that Christ felt that Good Friday afternoon near the end of his journey through the dark night towards the Father. Darkness will fill our world (Lk. 23:44), but because of Christ we know that there is a dawn, a resurrection, a Way out.

We need time.

We need rest.

We need to be still in the night to absorb what God is saying to us in the dark.

The conversion process is slow. “It’s like yeast which a woman took to knead into three measures of flour until the whole mass of dough began to rise” (Lk 13:21). “A man scatters seed on the ground. He goes to bed and gets up day after day. Through it all the seed sprouts and grows without his knowing how it happens. The soil produces of itself first the blade, then the ear, finally the ripe wheat in the ear. When the crop is ready he `wields the sickle, for the time is ripe for harvest’” (Mk. 4:26-29)

That’s the story of our life. It’s filled with days and nights and slowly we will become bread, the body of Christ, so that the people of our life can feed off us, so that Christ can lift us up and offer us to the Father.

St. John of the Cross, the scriptures, this issue of YOU urges that you spend a bit of time each night reflecting on the journey of life —the meaning of life — what the Father is calling you to be and to become.

The night is still — dark.

We need both prayer and rest in the night.

Contemplation, meditation, reflection, looking backwards and forwards is the gift of the night.

The night is still. There is silence in the sky along the black roads that stretch from star to star. The black holes in the universe look empty.

Where are you God? Are you out there in the dark — emptying yourself in the dark night — in the eternal emptying (kenosis) of yourself in Christ (Phil. 2:5-11)?

Or are you here in the dark of my room waiting and “hounding” me to let you overcome my darkness?




On this feast day of St. John of the Cross I went looking for an essay I wrote way back in February of 1981 - for a newsletter called, "You".

© Andy Costello