SEMICONSCIOUS

Half way between conscious and unconscious
is where I sit and stand and walk around

and spend my day. “Uh oh!” “Uh oh!”
I say that because right here, right now
I’m conscious that most of the time I’m semiconscious.
Looking out at life through my front windshield,
I see the road in front of me. I hear your words
and your suggestions. I say, “Yes” and I show up –
but often I’m not really here? I don’t know
how many moments, meals, conversations,
jobs, times in church, I was really somewhere else.
“Sorry! And then another, “Sorry!”
And as I’m telling you this right now
I’m aware of this right now.
But most of the time I guess I only wake up
when I hear words like “cancer”, “death” and “divorce” –
loud shouts and baseball bat like knocks
on my door in the middle of the night.
Christ wake me up.* Christ, walk and work with me,
to move me from semiconscious to conscious.
So does this mean my vows really don’t count?
Does this mean I have to step back
and re-decision my life – my words – my love –
my work – my decisions? “Uh oh!”
This is an “Uh oh!” moment.
And when I say, “Uh oh!” I’m conscious.
And to be conscious can be uncomfortable.
No wonder I prefer to be semiconscious –
to slide and ride along living half a life or even
to sink down deeper into unconsciousness.
Now that’s a big double, “Uh oh! Uh oh!”

© Andy Costello, Reflections 2010

* Cf. The Book of Revelation 3: 20-22 –

better the whole unconscious dreamylike images

and calls from Christ to the Churches in this book.

UNCONSCIOUS

“To be, or not to be: that is the question….”
“To sleep – perchance to dream
ay, there’s the rub” as Shakespeare put it.
Hamlet’s questions doth make cowards of us all –
unconscious all - sleep walkers all – but questions
can also wake us – as we sit there in the audience.
To be or not to be audience – or to act, to be the actor.
Too many days, too many ways, I’m unconscious.
Unconscious of my princely, prophetic and priestly
callings. Unconscious of God’s will being done –
and God’s call for me to be the reason I was created,
thought up, gifted and put here on this planet
at this time and place – to leave the audience
and to stand up on stage and play my part in life.
Unconscious of my conscience – blocking it out
too many times. Unwilling to accept the reality of
my big sins: sins of omission – my unwillingness
to listen, to really listen to the other, to see and be
with those I label “the poor”, “the dumb”,
“the weak” and “the worried”, “the slob”.
I’ve never walked in another’s shoes.
I’ve never helped another to help them
to lift themselves by their own bootstraps.
Unconscious that there are people who love me
and I neglect them or don’t acknowledge them – or
there are people without whom I would not exist –
and I didn’t thank my parents enough
and they have been gone a long time now.
Unconscious of the earth – and its screams,
“Stop dumping on me. Care and clean me up!”
Unconscious of the machines and systems
that we rely upon: hot water, cold water,
red and green lights, those who maintain bridges
and sewerage – and those who drive semi’s –
bringing milk and cereal and peanut butter and
a thousand and one other conveniences
to stores – gas stations. Then there is electricity,
unnoticed till a storm when it’s knocked out for a time –
knocking out TV and the evening news.

Unconscious of You – God – You who keep

this whole enterprise going – You so silent,

so silent, you so aware of the heart beat
and vascular system of gulls and bugs and cows,
You, God, still creating the core of the earth as well as
the furthest galaxy. Oh my God, I’m unconscious
in my core and in my furthest circumference of my self.

© Andy Costello, Reflections 2010

CONSCIOUS

Conscious, very conscious, sometimes…
when the plane is rushing down the runway –
like a broad jumper: the run, the rush, the jump,
the leap into the sky – and for a second there
wondering, pondering, questioning,
how many in this plane are scared,
how many in this plane are very scared,
how many in this plane are conscious that they
are afraid – of life and death and meaning and time?
Conscious – when someone is holding
a very sharp stainless steel knife and it’s
too big for cutting onions or cucumbers….
Conscious of the surprise smile of a baby when
they see our eyes or face or what do
babies see when they see us? Conscious,
very conscious, when hearing or seeing
those we love getting out of the car –
after being away for three days and three nights –
or they are away for a week – and we see them
coming down the ramp at the airport.
Conscious sometimes in church at a wedding
or a funeral or Christmas Mass or someone with
loud shoes walking down the main aisle and all
are watching her till she red faced slips into a bench.
Conscious of some sunsets in late December
or the whole family together for Thanksgiving Dinner,
but one less than last year – death can make us very
conscious – or conscious when the plane is
about to land – and there is snow surrounding
the runway and it’s been a cold December – and
our seat belt is fastened – but we haven’t landed yet,
conscious, very conscious, but only sometimes.

© Andy Costello, Reflections 2010

DEATH

From time to time we find ourselves thinking
about the moment we will die and slip into
what’s next – that is, if there is a, “What’s next?”
We wonder if anyone will be there on the other
side of the dark door of death or will it be light?
We hope someone will be there at our death bed
to hold our hand – to say a prayer or “I love you!”
We wonder if someone will be there watching a
monitor that will show our lifeline going flat.
We wonder if there will be tears and a gulping
scream. Does it say anywhere in the scriptures,
“It’s not good to die alone?”* Jesus, you said
from the cross “Father, into Your hands
I place my spirit.” and “It’s finished!”**
And Jesus I pray that you’ll be waiting there
for me at daybreak on the other shore of death.
Jesus, don’t ask if my nets are empty or filled.
Just call out my name and say,
“Come and have breakfast.”***

* Genesis 2:18

** Luke 23:46; John 19:30

*** John 21


© Andy Costello, Reflections 2010

CAN YOU BE BOUGHT?

Quote for Today - December 21, 2010



"This old anvil laughs at many broken hammers.
There are men who can't be bought."

Carl Sandburg [1878-1967], The People Will Live On [1936]

COURAGE  

Quote for Today  - December 20, 2010


"Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage."

Anais Nin [1903-1977], The Diary of Anais Nin, Volume III, June 1941

THE 13 YEAR OLD ATHEIST

Once upon a time there was this 13 year old atheist.

“13 years old?”

“Yes. 13 years old.”

“And he didn’t believe there was a God?”

“Correct.”

“You’re kidding?”

“Nope.”

It began inside his head – while thinking to himself – that he didn’t believe there was a God.

He didn’t like going to church.

Then he got very serious about not believing there was a God – by saying out loud at least once a week, “There is no God!”

And he had his arguments to prove the point, “If there is a God, why would God let forest fires destroy people’s homes and why would God let earthquakes happen? If there is a God, why would God let people die? These things are random at times – and so fires and floods and earthquakes could be rearranged!”

He liked getting into arguments about God during his first year of high school – especially with kids he knew who went to church – kids who believed in God.

When he was in the 8th grade, his dad died in a car accident. A 17 year old teenager – drunk as a skunk – crashed into his father’s car without stopping at a red light. He went right through an intersection and didn’t stop. The drunk kid wasn’t hurt – didn’t even get a scratch – but the father was killed instantly.

His mom went to pieces with her husband’s death – 3 kids. How was she going to take care of them – one about to go to high school in a year and the other 2 in grade school?

Some thought that was the reason he didn’t believe in God.

Other kids argued back, “Well who made the stars – the sun – and all this whole universe we’re part of? None of us can reach that far."

And he said, “That doesn’t prove anything. It just proves that there is a universe and we’re part of it.”

Another kid said, “I believe in God, whom I never saw, but I never saw my great, great, great, great grandfather, but I know he existed, because I exist.”

The 13 year atheist said, “That’s the same as the universe existing. Of course, you have great, great, great, great, great, great, great, and then many more great grandparents, but your argument just proves you exist and your grandparents exist – but not that God exists.”

One kid in his class said, “I have an argument that proves there is a God and it’s this: if there wasn’t a God people who never say, ‘Oh my God!' when they see a great football catch or they see a rainbow or they see a 6000 passenger cruise ship or an air craft carrier!’”

And the 13 year old atheist answered, “So if someone says, ‘Holy Cow!’ that means cows are holy. Come up with a better argument.”

Nobody ever went after his statement that if there was a God. God would not people die. Nobody asked, "Well, what about overpopulation - huge traffic jams - nursing homes with thousands of thousands of thousand year old people?" If somebody did ask him, he was prepared to say that sometimes death is a blessing.

At some point his classmates stopped arguing with him.

But one kid said, “The day will come when you’ll realize that there is a God – and you won’t see that day coming – till it comes.”

And sure enough, 2 years later, when he was 15 years old, and just starting his third year of high school, his little sister who was in the 1st grade gave him a crayon colored picture of a cow eating grass in a field.

The picture was on a plain piece of white paper – 8 ½ x 11 inches. It had a blue cow – who had 8 legs – a black fence – a farmer’s red barn – and a brown farm house – and lots of green grass – and a bright yellow sun in the sky.

And down in the right hand corner were the words, “Made by Sarah!”

He pointed to the cow and asked his sister Sarah, “What’s this?”

She said, “It’s a cow.”

And he said, “Cows are not blue, nor do they have 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8 legs.”

Sarah said, “Well that’s the way I wanted to draw my cow. I wanted to give her 8 legs so it would be easier for her to stand there all day biting and chewing grass – and I made her blue because blue is my favorite color.”

“Well,” her brother said, “but that’s not the way God makes cows.”

Silence…. A strange silence.

Then Sarah said very softly, looking sideways – and up to her brother with a sweet smile on her face, and a twinkle in her eye, “I thought you didn’t believe in God.”

Silence.

And he said to himself inwardly, “Oh my God! Kids listen.”

It would take him many more years to hear Jesus’ words about out of the mouths of children many times comes wisdom.

But at that moment he also felt an, “Uh oh! My cover is blown.”

That night he had a dream – a dream where he heard a voice say, “Joseph,” that was his first name, “Son of David,” that was his dad’s name, “do not be afraid to believe in God.”

With that he woke up. His dream was a nightmare. He hands were fists. He was afraid. He just had an “Uh oh!” dream.

He couldn’t get back to sleep, so he got up and walked around. He went downstairs and opened the back door of their house and he went outside.

It was cold, but he had a blanket wrapped around himself.

He sat down on one of the chairs they had on their back porch. He had never sat down on these chairs before. Whenever he was in their background, he running or playing. Besides, porch chairs are for old folks.

It was very cold. He looked up at the 3 o’clock in the morning dark, dark, grey sky. He could see some stars and all was beautiful. He saw a shooting star and it was absolutely amazing. Then he thought he saw on the bottom part of the sky in front of him – on the bottom, right hand corner, the words, “Made by God.”

It was still very cold – and those words were like his sister’s words which she had said to him sideways, “I thought you didn’t believe in God.”

So he headed back upstairs – back to bed – to hide under the covers – and it took him a while to fall asleep again. Soon he was back to dreaming. Soon he had the dream he had earlier. Once more he heard a voice that said, “Joseph,” that was his first name, “Son of David”, that was his dad’s name, “do not be afraid to believe in God.”

This time he didn’t wake up from his dream.

Yet, he realized everything, when he woke up the next morning.

He felt like a different person.

Thanks to his sister Sarah in the 1st grade he began to see down in the right hand corner of everything he saw that was made by God, the imaginary words, “Made by God!” and he also saw on the bottom of everything made by us – cars, pizza, motorcycles, footballs, T-Shirts, – the words, “Made by us!”

Slowly he switched from being an atheist to becoming a philosopher and then to being a theologian. Slowly he realized God made the skies, the sun, the moon and the stars, bananas, trees, flowers, the ocean, rain, lightning, people, and 4 legged cows – cows that were brown – brown and white, and sometimes black and white.

Slowly he realized that people sometimes mess up God’s world – by leaving around Burger King burger boxes and Starbucks paper coffee cups – and sometimes people get drunk and drive and kill people – and that we need rain and lightning and fire – and sometimes people are in the wrong place at the wrong time – and sometimes people say, “Oh my God!” and sometimes little sisters – say the right thing at the right time.

His words, his thoughts, had become a prayer, “Oh my God, you’re so God. You’re so cool. Dare I ask, ‘Are you blue?’”

Then it hit him, “I’ll have to ask my sister Sarah what color she pictures God?”

He did. He asked her one day, “Sarah what color is God. Do you picture him blue?”

And she said, “You’re so silly, Joseph. Haven’t you seen pictures of Jesus? Ever since that first Christmas, he has been one of us!”








This was a story homily for the 4th Sunday of Advent - Year A - for our Little Kids Mass this morning at 8 AM and our Teen Mass this evening at 6. The only connection of this imaginary story to the readings for today are looking for signs, dreams, Son of Joseph, Son of David, and Emmanuel, God is with us.