February 13, 2015

TEMPORARY PERSON

“I feel like a temporary person.”

“What? What does that mean?”

“Well, when I walk into a room,
I feel nobody really knows me”

“Oooooh!”

“Then sometimes when I'm standing there
with a somebody,  I see them looking over my shoulder at others – for someone more interesting.”

“Interesting.”

“Then they make some faint get-a-way comment.”

“Wait, a minute, don’t run. Get back to what you’re feeling when you say to yourself, I’m a temporary person.”

“Well, yeah. People bolt away from me all the time.”

“Well, do you feel if any of this is your fault?”

“Of course…. I always think it’s my fault.”

“Bummer. That has to hurt – to think that way

about yourself. By the way do you agree

with yourself when you say it’s your fault?”

“No, of course not. I’m me, but I sense nobody

really knows me – or even cares to know me.”

“Well, I know you a bit.”

“You, no I don’t sense that you know me.”

“Well, you’re telling me you feel like nothing and 
that ticks you off – or you’d like more attention,

so I think I know that about you.”

“No, I’m not saying that. I’m simply saying I feel

like a temporary person – an in-between person –

a someone,  someone uses for the moment 

till someone better comes along.”

“Oh, sorry to hear you say that – about yourself.”

“I’m also sorry to hear that I said that about myself.”

“Well, that's a start....”

“And by the way, that last comment you made was

something  I needed to hear. I sense everyone is on the edge of everyone. We hesitate to enter into other people – because if we let go and become friendly or marry another, we have a chance to grow … to know … other people – and become less alone and less lonely.”

“I like that. I would sense that’s a healthy way of thinking and becoming a person who’s getting to know themselves.”

[PAUSE - ANOTHER LONG PAUSE]

“Thanks. Thanks for trying to listen to who I am." 

"You're welcome."

"Let me add: and if I listened to myself the way you’re listening to me, maybe then I’ll stop calling myself a temporary person.”

© Andy Costello, 

Reflections 

by the Bay, 2015