July 24, 2022

Reflection

SELF-DESTRUCTION

There is the obvious: death.

But that's down the line. Hopefully.... 

Like most people I'd like to get my three sides and ten - like the obituaries reports - and then some more I hope.

I'm now 82 ....

Then there is the self-destructive stuff....

Not enough sleep

Not enough exercise.

Poor eating and drinking habits.

Life can have the drag of days at times - because I stayed up too late watching an old movie or Forensic Files on TV.

And the day still has work to do - calls to make - people to see - mail to answer.

Tomorrow....

Can I will myself another five years - especially quality years?

But what about my tendency to self-destruct - not with booze - not with food - but with sloppiness. procrastination, and the urge not to sleep?

Maybe those who say sleep is a slow death are right. Sleep is a letting go - not knowing what one's dreams are - not knowing if I will wake - not knowing what's happening elsewhere.

Maybe those who say we do destructive things because for some strange reason we think they will bring more life - or we think the message is: they can bring us beyond the border of where we are now.

Maybe life is many maybe's - many mysteries - many letting go's.

Maybe it's the Abraham-Isaac scene over and over again and again. Maybe I have to climb the mountain - bind myself - be willing to accept death - only to have God set me free - for another day - for a fuller life.

I don't know.