THREE  GUYS GO INTO A BAR

[The readings these days portray people in a complaint mode. Check  today's first reading from Numbers 11: 4b-15. Hence here's a story I made up this morning. If you don't get it or don't like it, go ahead complain! I've heard lots of complaints about sermons. Smile.]

A Gossip, a Whiner and an Angry Man walked into a bar.

The Whiner says out loud to himself, “I’m having a horrible day and this dang place is so, so crowded. Why does this always happen to me?”

The Gossip saw a neighbor at the end of the bar and sneaks up to him, put’s his hand to cover part of his mouth and whispers to his neighbor, “Do you see the Whiner at the door over there? Every time he walks in here, all he does is complain, complain, complain.”

The Angry Man - a big burly bully of a man - yells at the waitress in a loud voice - as she is who was bringing a tray of beers to a corner table. His complaint:  “I thought you were going to expand and remodel this place so you would have enough room for all your faithful customers.”

Two salesmen who had stopped in for a cold one after a long hot day - seeing and hearing this - quickly downed their drinks, vacated their two seats at the bar, paid their bills, and headed out the front door.

The Gossip and the Angry Man headed for the two empty seats at the bar.

They bumped into each other and the Angry Man yelled at the Gossip “Why don't you watch the way you walk Mister.” 

The Gossip stopped. He then headed back to the far end of the bar. He whispered to the waitress, “Mr. Angry is at it again. I’d hate to be his wife and kids. I bet you a dollar and a salted pretzel that he’s been married a dozen times.”

The waitress kept moving. 

Two customers - close to the Gossip - signaled the bar tender - paid their bill - gave a nice tip - and they too got out of there.

The Whiner thought to himself, “Every time I come in here - people clear out - and never talk to me.”

The Angry Man yelled to the bartender - “Service! Bartender! Come on move it. I want a beer. All you have to do is get a glass and pour me one - like now.”

The Gossip whispered to the man next to him, “Do you hear Mr. Angry down at the other end of the bar. All he does is bark, bark, bark. If he was a dog, he’d be a  Rottweiler.”

At that the man next to him, finished his beer, paid his bill, and headed for the door.

The Gossip whispered to the man on his other side, “Did you ever notice Jack - who’s exiting right now. He never leaves a tip.”

The Whiner hearing that realized how tough times were and started complaining about the President and the Government, “Taxes, taxes, taxes! And my boss hasn’t given any of us a raise in years. Our country is going to the dogs.”

Two people near him - hearing this got up - headed for the cash register - and left.

The Angry Man - now all by himself - at the other end of the bar - yelled at the Whiner, “Hey sad face, come up here and have a drink with me.”

The Whiner paid his bill - gave a tip - and headed for the door.

The Angry Man yelled to the Gossip, “Oh no, not again. You and me. I’m out of here - paid his bill - and left.

All that was left was the Gossip - the waitress and the bartender.

The Gossip finished his drink - paid his bill - forgot a tip - and walked out.

The bar tender and the waitress gave each other a high five - sat down and said, “Finally, peace and quiet.”

And the waitress said, “Can I get you a beer?”

NOTES

Painting on top: McSorely's Bar, 1912 by John French Sloan