FAMILY:  

LOOKING  BACKWARDS,  

LOOKING  FORWARDS  

INTRODUCTION

The title of my homily is, “Family: Looking Backwards, Looking Forwards.”

The Church got this one right – putting this feast of the Holy Family – around Christmas time – when we are filled with memories – nostalgia – the past - when parents know how much Christmas meant to them as kids – so too the desire to do likewise for this new generation.

So that’s looking backwards. 

Next, looking forwards – they put this feast of the Holy Family - at the time we are about to begin a new year – the time we look forward with hope for a Happy New Year.

So a few words today on “Family: Looking Backwards, Looking Forwards.

BACKWARDS

We humans have the ability to remember. Dementia is a bummer. We can look backwards and see what happened. We can recall. We can remember.

History is not just a class in a classroom.

Family History is perhaps the most important course we need Home Schooling in and about.  

It’s important to know – to check out - how we got to where we got to.

It’s important to find out where the other has been. 

Talk to grandparents – “What happened?” Where did you come from?

For starters – check out three things: the stories, the pictures, and the letters.

What are the family stories? I’ve noticed there are moments and there are moments. I’m talking here about those moments when a kid gets inquisitive – and starts asking how their grandparents met, where they came from, then mom and dad – if they don’t know.

I love the story about how a Jewish family ended up in Alabama. While doing some family research on that question, someone found out the reason was: way back in the 1800’s while traveling west,  that’s where the horse died.

I heard a cute family story at Christmas dinner at my niece Patty’s house in Reisterstown, Maryland. The dinner took at least 2 hours and nobody was moving from the table. I heard some old stories and I heard some new ones.

Someone mentioned a moment about Sophie when she was in the first grade or so.  The teacher asked the kids a question: “Does anyone have a parent that speaks a foreign language?” Sophie raised her hand like every little kid upon hearing a question? She said her, “Teacher! Teacher.”

Upon being called upon, Sophie told her teacher and her class - that her dad spoke 4 languages.

I had heard the story that he didn’t speak till he was 4 years old – but when he began speaking, out came full sentences in French, Spanish, Italian and English. He's from Milan, Italy. His father taught Spanish. His nanny spoke French and his mother went to work in Italy – from England.

The teacher then asked, “Wow, your dad spoke 4 languages. How about your mom?”

Sophie said that her mom spoke 2 languages: English and Pig Latin.

Meals are not just for  the sharing of food. They are for the sharing of stories - stories that feed us - stories that become us. Meals are for the sharing of self.

The Last Supper – especially in the Gospel of John – gives us a lot of words – and it’s up to us, to put some flesh onto them.

So looking backwards, what are your family stories?

I also love it when families show and tell me a lot of family stories – by bringing me over to the Christmas tree. They stand there and touch an ornament and they touch an experience. I'm at the Liturgy of the Word: hearing family homilies about persons and places, moments and memories - that are - embodied, transubstantiated in a personal and unique Christmas tree ornaments.

That’s stories. 

Next, while still looking backwards, what and where are the family pictures?

Do we realize the importance of family  pictures – on walls, on tops of bureaus, end tables, shelves? Has anyone secured photo albums - so they won't be tossed or lost? Has anyone made sure they are kept in a safe way - along with notations of who's who and where's where?

Question: what’s going to happen to all the pictures AD – After Digital? 

Just as it’s important to sit down on a couch and read with one’s kids – so too sitting with kids and pointing out who’s who in the pictures.

At Thanksgiving I sat there with over 30 people and we watched a slide show of my nieces when they were little kids. Their  kids were there as well. There were great “Ooh’s!” and “Ah!s’. The room was filled with laughter and  people yelled out comments about hair and clothes and “Remember….”

Thirdly, still, looking backwards, has any one gathered any letters – in one’s family museum – boxes of old letters – with the pictures in boxes under beds or in the closets? When my mom died,  I was given a packet of old letters my mom had saved. They were letters I sent to my mom and dad from when I was away in the seminary. They all sound the same – but they all are precious.

My sister Mary and I were just up to Scranton, PA – when we went to my sister Peggy’s grave for the first time. We also went to Marywood University, where one of the nuns whom Peggy had lived with gave my sister Mary two big bags of Peggy’s personal stuff – knickknacks, etc.  My sister Mary just told me before Christmas that there were some letters in those bags that I had sent Peggy way back. What did she save? What’s in them? What was I saying way back when?

Hopefully, we all have archives and museums of all sorts with our stuff – in closets and cellars in our homes.

Another question: preserving one’s family history – will we gain with technology and scanning or will we lose with e-mail etc., etc, etc.?

LOOKING FORWARDS

That’s looking backwards.

With a New Year about to happen on our calendars – wouldn’t it be interesting for grand kids to discover in an attic or basement 50 old kitchen scheduling calendars from the past 50 years.

For some reason, someone thought they would be a neat thing to save. Priceless

What would it be like for some grand kid - upon discovering those calendars – that he or she began to notice that in the little Sunday boxes – the word “church – 9 AM”  was written - but then see it stopped some 19 years ago?

So the kid says to her mom, “What religion were grandma and grandpa when you were a kid?”

Silence!

Then the answer with an embarrassed hesitation: “Catholic.”

Looking forwards – what are our church plans for 2015? What are our God plans? 

I’m sure some people have started thinking – perhaps making plans in their minds – and then they put in their calendars plans to see the pope in Philadelphia?

Looking forwards what are our family plans for 2015?

I heard of one family wrapping up a Christmas present for each of their 2 kids. Inside the son discovered a  Mickey Mouse Calendar and the girl a Minnie Mouse calendar – as well as Magic Markers. Next the parents told  them to turn to April – and put a circle around 5 dates and then write in: “Disney World.”

WHEN IT COMES TO FAMILY OR LIFE: DO I SAY, “WE” OR “I”?

I’m sure we all heard some football player who is a leader or some coach say there is no “I” in the word “team”.

Some of you might remember Willie Stargell and the 1979 Pittsburgh Pirates singing, “We are Family” as they beat the Baltimore Orioles in the 7^th and Final World Series game in Baltimore.

On Holy Family Sunday – of course the stress is on “We” over “I”.

Three years ago on First Sunday of Advent – the church got it wrong in my opinion – when they switched the Creed at Sunday Mass from “We believe…” back to “I believe….”

By Vatican II – the Second Vatican Council – the Church had moved from the “I” to  “We” – at least in the creed at Mass.

We are a community – we are a we – more than we are a bunch of I’s.

Some of us have seen the Mass and the Church change to a “we” attitude.

Parish councils were in. Meetings were in. Some said, “Ugh” and “Oh no!” as well as "Good" or "Great" to that.

Altar railings were opened up or came down.

Altars were turned around.

People would come to church and talk and listen to each other in church before and after Mass.

And some still say, "Shhhhhhush!"

In architecture we sometimes hear the discussion about “form” and “function”. Does form follow function or vice versa? Compare this church building to St. John Neumann. Compare old churches with new church buildings. When people want to greet someone after Mass – it’s easier at St. John Neumann – because of the big lobby.

Back to backwards.... The following are a few more moments of my babbling about some of my personal theories about the issue of individualism and community – I and We.

Our world has come a long way baby from being a planet with a bunch of nobodies – having zero or almost no value  - to becoming a human community of folks who have value and personal worth.

Way back when - people saw the  somebodies – the kings – the have’s – those with titles and land and servants and slaves.

A great story would be a story of a no one who became a someone.

In human evolution – it’s an important moment – when someone discovers their voice and their value – and even more importantly – when they respect another who speaks up and says: 

“I have rights.”

“I have a voice.”

“I have a vote.”

“I have a mind of my own.”

“I have feelings.”

When people start to grow, to evolve, they move from being a have not – to someone who has.

History takes time – and sometimes some remain blind.

Men got a vote – then an equal vote.

Women finally got the vote – in some places.

Our church is slowly getting the message.

Church and society are called to give everyone a chance for upward mobility – individual rights and value and a chance for success.

The United States stressed the individual. The I.

The goal was to make it to the top of the social ladder.

The goal – as I see it – is to move towards the “We”.

We are called by God to be community – to receive communion with and of each other –and to have respect and recognition for all.

We should feel blessed  if we have the gift of faith - that we see that God is a “We” – a Trinity – a Father, Son and the Holy Spirit of love amongst each other – and we are made in that image and likeness.

Of course the “I” is important –  every “I” on the planet – is important.

The becoming an “I” is just a step in human evolution - much more significant than that first step on the moon.

It takes time for caste and class to be erased in bits and pieces in various parts of the world – a movement that started centuries before in some cultures and countries – but obviously not all.

In society and family, women got the vote and more value in some places and in some families - not all.

Education – education – education helped.

The French did it with the French revolution – with the overthrow of the divine rights of the king – as well as “Upper Clergy” with a little help from mobs and marching and the guillotine.

Not always – not everywhere….

So in our church at the Second Vatican – the “We” arrived - publicly.

Then – in my opinion - some 50 years later - the stress on class and caste – in our church – has slipped back in – in both world and church.

This is all my opinion of course – my “I” – how I see stuff.

I hear Pope Francis – trying to move us back into the Spirit of Vatican II and then go forwards. Lately he called the big boys to stop pursuing some self-serving stuff – to move from me, me, me stuff to we, we. we stuff.  This is  the so called “Francis Effect”.

I’m aware of those who love him and those who are “frustrated with him”.

I noticed in the paper the other day – someone saying he’s a Communist.”

Obviously, the best side of communism was a stress on the “we” – that we’re all in this together – but in practice – to bring about that goal – there was a massive amount of self-serving by the few – using absolute power which Lord Acton said corrupts absolutely.

Surprise – communism crumbled – because there was a lot of self-serving in the Soviet Union and China – for starters.

I read somewhere that Joe Stalin had some 20 million people killed directly and indirectly. I also read that he said, “One death is a tragedy; one million is a statistic."

I also read that Mao Zedong was responsible for the deaths of 49 to 78 million people.

And notice the breakdown of the communist states – the “we” has become “I’s” – with some very rich Russians in place – and the “we's in many places never got a chance to be either an I or a we.

Of course, in every we, the “I’s” have to be recognized – in order for the best church, parish, organization, to become an authentic, “We”.

Of course our church and our world has a long way to go into the future.

CONCLUSION

I’m assuming the family is the model for world – and church.  I assume that the church and world is women and men – males and females – all working and “we-ing” together for the good of the whole human family. Amen.