THE  EPHESIANS 

5: 21-33  MARRIAGE  TEST 

INTRODUCTION

The title of my homily for this 30 Tuesday in Ordinary Time is, “The Ephesians 5: 21-33 Marriage Test.”

I am not a professional marriage counselor, but I would think today’s first reading would be a helpful marriage counseling or evaluating test.

I am aware that counselors use pictures and drawings at times to get glimpses of what people are like - how they react - how they think - how they see life etc.

For example, I know counselors sometimes present pictures - like 3 silhouette drawings of a mom, a dad, and a kid and ask, “Which one of these three is not a family?”

Or for example,  they are shown three animals and they are asked, “Which animal is more you?” Then they are asked, “How do you see another family member?”  And they listen to the answers the other or others give.

TODAY’S FIRST READING

Today’s first reading gets at;  who’s in charge - who’s the boss - dealing with imperfections.

It deals with love and forgiveness and respect.

It deals with differences. It deals with holiness, God and church.

A Christian marriage counselor could have couples read this reading quietly - then each could read it out loud - then discussion could follow.

I know a lady who calls up the rectory of her parish church when this reading is coming up the following Sunday and says, “It better not be read.”

This reading or a similar one has notes on the side saying a substitute can be chosen or a condensed version can be read.  I always wonder about that because those with missalette can see the whole reading.

I remember being at a biblical conference in Chicago and a lady asked about this text  -  complaining that is was sexist - and doesn’t give women full equality - and the scripture scholar who responded s by saying,  “Look, this is written by someone from long ago.  It mirrors how people were thinking back then, not now.”

The speaker also said, “We have various other documents from the mind-set of the 1^st century in the Mediterranean Basin. This document and several NT texts show the treatment of women far better in comparison.”

MARRIAGE 2018

I’m not married - so I’m quite hesitant to say anything about marriage.

As Clint Eastwood once said in a Dirty Harry movie, “A man has got to know his limitations.”

However, a woman once asked to speak to me about her husband. I listened. Then she said to me: “Wait a minute. You’re not married, so you don’t understand men.”  I smiled and said, “Wait a minute I live with 9 of them.”  She paused - thought for a few moments - smiled - laughed and said, “You’re right.”

Not being married I’m see marriages where a wife is way ahead of the man. I’ve seen marriages where one is better than the other in different areas - say, “She is much better with finances than he is.” Or “He’s a better cook!”

So I would think this text from Ephesians has to be considered in the light of a much more educated woman.

And looking at today’s gospel,  with its two images - first of the mustard seed and the making of bread - using wheat flour and yeast. Both look at growth. So when talking about marriage,   couples better be growing - and better be better - after 10 or 20 years of marriage compared  to earlier years of marriage.

CONCLUSION

I would think couples need to evaluate how they have grown, where they are now, and how do they want to become. I would think reading a good marriage improvement book or course or counseling or a Marriage Encounter weekend - with some good self-tests - would certainly help - along with scripture  reading and prayer. Amen.

October 30, 2018 

Thought for today: 

“Take a deep  breath. It’s just a bad day not a bad life.”

18,  38, 12,

 INTRODUCTION

The title of my homily for this 30^th Monday in Ordinary Time is, “18, 38, 12”.

This could be a good sermon - that is,  if it hits you and gets you thinking - if it gets you talking to yourself - about yourself.

I am not interested in hearing, “That was a good sermon.”

I am more interested if you say nothing to me - but you talk to yourself about the stuff of a sermon. It’s nice if someone says, “I liked your sermon - but I am not interested if a person then says, “I  wish my son-in-law could hear the message.”

I like the word “sermon” better than “homily”.  A sermon is a conversation. A homily is stuff about the scriptures - the Bible. And obviously, the key conversation speakers or preachers  want to trigger is self   with  self.

THREE SCENES

There are 3 scenes in the gospels that I have in mind with the 3 numbers I’m referring to -  the numbers I entitled my homily with, “18, 38, 12.”

In Matthew 9:20 there is a woman who has blood problems - hemorrhages - for 12 years. She says to herself, “If I just touch the   tassel of his cloak I        shall be healed.” She does it and she is healed. Nice.

In John 5:5, there is this man in Jerusalem who has been a crawler for 38 years. Many times he goes to the healing pool - the Sheep Pool - Bethzatha -  to be healed  - but he’s always too slow.  Jesus heals him and he walks away healed.

Here in Luke 13: 10-17, there is this woman who is bent over for 18 years. Jesus spots her and heals her.

Hence my title for this homily: “18, 38, 12,”

EXAMINATION OF   OUR  LIFE

How about a look into our lives?

Do we have a lifetime struggle?  Do we have an addiction?

Looking at the 7 capital sins: is one our predominant fault? Laziness, gluttony, lust, anger, pride, envy, jealousy?

Looking at our life, did we have a sin that lasted x number of years and praise God, we were healed?

I’ve done a lot of AA retreats. There was one in Olivet College in Michigan that I was part of every year in the summer.  Over 200 men would be there. One of the highlights was on Saturday night. We were in a big auditorium and one of the leaders would start, “Is there any one here who is sober for just one day?” And a couple of men would stand up. And all would clap.  Still standing the leader would ask, “If there is anyone here present  who is sober for at least 2 days?” And a few more men would stand and continue standing. There would be clapping. Then 3, then 4, then 5, then 6, then 7 days.  Then one month, then 2 months, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 ,8, 9, 10, 11,  12 months.

People were left standing.

Then 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, years. Then 15, 20, 25, 30, 40, 50, 60, 70, 75 years.

I’ve seen over 75 years of sobriety.

Could we do this with all the sins?

One of the saddest moments in my life was a statement at a workshop when a specialist said there is no cure for pedophilia as well as hephebophilia [with teenagers].

Wooo. Those guys - males mainly - who have these attractions need serious supervision and boundaries for the rest of their lives.

CONCLUSION TO THIS SERMON

The title of my homily is, “18, 38, 12”.

It refers to the amount of years 3 people in the gospel were suffering.

There is another story about a young man who had a serious problem. He would fall into fires and into water and he foamed at the mouth. I love Jesus’ question when he spots this. “How long has this been going on?” [Cf. Mark 9:4-29.]

His father says, “Since he was a child….”

I’m asking in this homily to have a conversation with ourselves and our Lord about sins and addictions we might have or had and how long and how we need  to do need for serious self-stuff, prayer stuff, therapy stuff ourselves, with others and with Jesus for healing. Amen.

October 29, 2018

PAUSING TO CUT 

OUR SPAGHETTI 

We  need night.  We  need back  benches 

of churches.  We  need to walk alone  - 
so we can - sort of  - sort out - some 
of what's happening in our thoughts 
and feelings, our calendars and schedules .... 

Otherwise we'll have spaghetti brain. 

© Andy Costello, Reflections 2018

October 29, 2018 

Thought for today: 

“Silence is God’s first language. Everything else is a poor translation.”  

A favorite saying of Thomas Keating - 

Trappist Monk - who died October 25, 2018 

in Spencer, Massachusetts

October 28, 2018

ROCK  OR  WATER?

Holding on to a rock - just one solid stone - 

is so much easier than grabbing a handful 
of water - which laughs as it slips out
of our hands and falls down into the sink -

into the drain - back into the water cycle - 
that goes around and around our  world.

Envy goes around and around our world
as well? Do rocks wish they were water.
Does water ever wish it were rock?

Me?  I would never want to be rigid rock?
I choose to be water: ocean, lake, river,
ice that cools a drink, warm water that

bathes a baby, snow,  steam, mist, dew,
frost, a waterfall breaking rocks below.... 
You? What are you: rock or water?

 © Andy Costello, Reflections 2018

# 1 VERB: TO SEE

INTRODUCTION

The title of my homily for the 30th Sunday in Ordinary  Time [B]  is, “# 1 Verb: To See.”

Since today’s gospel is about a blind man, Bartimaeus, I  began thinking about seeing as a theme for today’s homily. [Cf.  Mark 10: 46-52,]

The prayer of the Blind Man is a great prayer for all of us.

“Master, I want to see.”

Bartimaeus hears that Jesus is going by and he screams out for pity.

Jesus stops and calls him over to see him.

Jesus says to him, “What do you want me to do for you?”

The blind man knows exactly what he wants, “Master,  I want to see!”

Is the number 1 verb in life: to see?

If there was an app on our phone that caught every word you said, every verb we used, for a week or for a month, what verb would win?

TEDDY MEEHAN

In the seminary, we had a great history professor: Teddy Meehan.

There was a time there we decided to count how many times in a given class period - an hour - how many times he would say to us - ask us, “Do you see?”

After class we compared notes. I had 243 times. Someone else said, “241”. Someone else said, “240”.

“Do you see?”

Teddy wanted to be understood.  Teddy wanted us to get, to know, to grasp, what he was talking about.   “Do you see?”

EVERYONE OF US

Every one of us is Teddy.

Every one of us is that blind man.

Every one of us wants to be understood.

Every one of us wants God to see what we see.

Every one of us wants to see what God is seeing.

Every one of us is asking God to see what we see.

Every one of us wants those we live and work with to see how we see.

Every one of us wants to understand how the other person understands.

Every one of us is trying to get the other person.

Every one of us wants the other to get us.

Every one of us turns on the television to  see who is sending bombs or shooting people in Pittsburgh.

Every one of us wants to see motives.

Every one of us wants to know.

Hamlet - according to Shakespeare - asks, “To be or not to be, that is the question.”

Is Hamlet, is Shakespeare wrong? Should he have said, “To see or not to see, now that is the question.”

Teilhard de Chardan - the French Jesuit - priest, anthropologist, paleontologist said, “The whole of life can be found in the verb to see.”

After I read that I began to notice now many times every day people say, “Oh I see!”  Or “See, I get it.” Or “She’s blind!” “No. I don’t get it.”

SOME OTHER HOMILY QUESTIONS FLOWING OUT OF THIS

Agree or disagree?  Nobody sees it the same way I see it.

Agree or disagree? When I say, “I see what you’re getting at, I really don’t.”

Agree or disagree? It would be better to keep asking, “What are you trying to say?”

Agree or disagree? Sometimes other people don’t know how and what they are seeing.

Agree or disagree? Pat Lynch who used to be a priest here at St. Mary’s. He once said in a sermon.  “Nobody has ever seen a motive walking down the street.” Then he took his fingers and walked them across the pulpit. Nope. Motives are invisible.

Agree or disagree? This week,  I’ll think about what you said this morning.

Agree or disagree? The # 1 verb is to see?

CONCLUSION

Do you see?

I think I see what you’re getting at?

I think you’re saying, “To ask, to beg, to listen, to try to see what others are trying to saying - to understand how others are seeing life.”