they were buried or put in small vaults in cemeteries or kept at home on bureaus or mantelpieces.
Remains – the English word – goes back to
the 14th or 15th century –
according to that same Webster’s Ninth New
Collegiate Dictionary. After someone’s death I prefer remains over cremains: a jacket, a hat, a watch, a letter from the person – who has gone before me. I prefer stories, sayings, moments and memories of a loved one who has died. And come to think about it I prefer a cemetery – as well
as a drink in hand to toast a loved one – more than looking at an urn of their ashes on a mantelpiece.
The title of my homily for today, January 2nd,
is, “Who Are You?”
That’s a question that shows up in the Bible at various
times.
It shows up in today’s gospel – and that’s where I got
the thought for this homily.
It’s a question that shows up in life at various times.
Who are you?
START WITH SELF:
JOT IT DOWN IN A NOTE BOOK
We ask this in our brain about others lots and lots of
times – but as I’ve thought about this question – I realized that the first
place is to start is with oneself. Who am I?
It’s a brand new year, what would it be like to make that
a 2015 question?
Suggestion. Buy at
any supermarket store – or The Dollar Store or Office Depot – one of these
spiral note books – 9 ½ by 6 inches. I
have about 50 of these in my room – and when I die – I’m sure they will be
tossed. [SHOW ORANGE PAD]
No problem – but while I live – they are very important to
me. I have tons of interesting notes and
this and that’s in these 50 or more note books.
I have about 75 of these bigger spiral note books. They have their use. [SHOW GREEN SPIRAL NOTE BOOK.]
I also have about 50 or more of these little memo pads – 5 by 3 inches. [SHOW LITTLE RED PAD.]
I don’t like to sit on the pot without something to read
– and so I often grab one of my note or memo pads.
So you know what these look like. Suggestion: buy a bunch
of these spiral pads this size. This is the size I prefer. [SHOW THE ORANGE ONE].
In one of these 9 ½ by 6 inch jobs – jot down on page 1 –
on the top of the page – in title size: “Who Am I?”
Then this year, 2015, write down in the mid-sized baby –
answers to that question: Who Am I?
Even if you use a computer, I’m suggesting writing –
writing – writing. “Write it down!”
WHAT I LEARNED
FROM A LISTENING EXERCISE
I once had a job of trying to get people – namely
Redemptorist priests and brothers – to talk to each other – to listen to each
other – to get to know each other better. Sorry to say it really didn't work - but like being a teacher, the presenter or teacher learns the most. Looking back I think that was the best job I ever had –
because I learned a lot about others – but mainly myself.
One learning happened as follows. It was called, "The Listening Exercise." We would ask a group of 20 or so to break up
into smaller groups of about 5 in a group. The person with the earliest birthday in
the year – or last – it didn’t matter really - went first.
Once more the leader of the whole group ofr 20 or so would say to the whole group, “This is a listening
exercise. "The person who starts says to the person to their right one answer to
the following question: ‘I think people have difficulty in listening because….’ "Then the person to the right listens to what the first speaker says. "Then they say what their heard the first person say to them. "The first person who spoke then says to the person on their right. 'Good. Thank you. You got what I said.' Or they say, "No, that's not what I said." Then they try it again. I remember once it took a lady about 10 times to get it right. After she finally got it right, she gave an afterthought. "I guess my husband is right. He says, 'I never listen.'" Then that person gives to the person on their right, one reason why they think people don't listen...."
It was a wonderful exercise. I learned that one big problem was this: the speaker who gave their comments why they thought people didn't listen well - was because the speaker wasn't too clear in the first place. I saw that when they had to repeat what they said at first. It would change. It would get clearer. It would get more complicated. I also learned to say to people
ever since, “What do you think I was asking you in the first place?”
If they didn’t get it, in my opinion, then I would repeat
what I said in the first place.
Sometimes the listener would say: “That’s not what you
said in the first place.”
Sometimes I humbled myself and said, “Oh, sorry, you’re right.”
My biggest learning from that exercise was this: “Often
the problem is not with the listener, but with the speaker.”
So I learned that some speakers are very clear; some
are very unclear, convoluted. They really don’t know how to communicate what
they are trying to communicate.
I also learned that the first question should be to self
– rather than to others. “What is it that I want to say?” I before you....
So based on that – I’m stressing in this reflection –
talk – sermon – whatever this is – the first question before, “Who Are You?”
should be, “Who Am I?”
Based on that I realized that's why I love the shortest poem
ever written. It’s an existentialist poem. I mention this all the time. It goes like this and you can
memorize it and it rhymes.
I
Why?
And why I wrote the second shortest poem ever written:
You
Who?
And it also rhymes.
BACK TO THE
NOTE BOOK
So after writing on the top of page 1 of your 9 ½ by 6
inch note pad, white on the top line: “I / Why?”
And start writing.
I am here because of my mom and dad. Thank you mom and
dad. I am the youngest of 4 kids – and back then my parents got married later than most. Thank you Mom and Dad for having 4 kids.
Then you can write autobiography – personal experiences of neighborhoods, towns, cities,
schools, friends, jobs, joys, sorrows, babies, deaths, loves, and
what have you.
You can write about wipe outs – that wiped you out – wipe
outs you’d love to wipe out – and learning you can’t, so then you can write down what you learned from that reality.
You can write about best books, favorite songs, movies
that moved you.
You can write about surprises that surprised you in life.
You can write about the unexpected – personal earthquakes and tsunami’s as well
as lotteries that you didn’t know existed. I've wondered if women answered these questions different than men do. Here is a short film about women. What would a short film of men be like?
I read once about the value of writing down 10 answers to
the question: I am a _____.
And one writes down 10 answers to that question: I am a
male, an American, a friend, a priest, a poet, a Brooklynite, a Catholic, a
Christian, a diabetic, a walker, etc. etc. etc.
Then I read somewhere that if you extend that to 25 I am's – you will come up with
answers that might surprise and change your life.
Perhaps the best answer is: “I am me.”
Now who is that “Me”?
CONCLUSION
That’s your homework, and heart work, for 2015. I know: New Year's Resolutions never work - never go past January 10th. I know that about myself and others - but sometimes one resolution works.
So if you try this - and persevere at this, then at some point you
can start to listen to others and say to them, “Hey, who are you?”
The title of my
homily for this Sixth Day in the Octave of Christmas is, “Anna: One of Many.”
When I read
today’s gospel – Luke 2: 36-40 – I think of the thousands and thousands of
little old ladies I’ve spotted in a thousand churches.
I’ve seen them
sitting quietly in the back of a church – behind a pole off to the side in the
middle of a church – or kneeling at the communion rail up front.
Praying…. They
are praying.
Hoping …. They
are hoping.
Begging …. They
are begging God for help.
ANNA
So this gospel
story of Anna is one of many stories – of little old ladies – who have found
time and place to pray in churches, temples, mosques, shrines, holy places –
all through the years.
What a
documentary could be made – if documentary makers - just went into random churches and holy places
on the planet – and simply interviewed these women of prayer – finding out what’s
going on inside their mind at that moment. What are you doing? Whom are you
praying for?
If Anna was asked
she would answer that she was praying for the Messiah, the Savior, waiting for the
Redeemer, hoping for someone to come and tell us how to live life to the full –
how to love one another – how to be a peacemaker – how to know our God.
ALL MOTHERS HERE
All mothers here – you know the scenario. You have
dropped into your church. You’re sitting in your favorite place of prayer – to pray for one or two or more of your
children. You’ve knelt there, you’ve sat there, you’ve made the stations of the
cross there – because you’re kids and you were making the way of the cross out
there in the streets of your life.
Alcoholism,
drugs, dating the wrong person, a shaky marriage, abuse, hurts, people not
talking to people, kids out of work, kids in Afghanistan, cancer, strokes,
lupus, in jail, what have you.
A PRO ATHLETE
I worked 14 years
of my life in 2 different retreat houses
– 7 years in each.
Every year on
this one weekend a big guy – a former pro football player - would sit in the
back row of our chapel – in the closest seat to the backdoor on the right
aisle. No matter how many people were in
the chapel for a talk or for a mass – he would sit in that same seat –
sometimes nobody in any row or bench near him.
Once he said to
me, “I’m wondering if you’re wondering why I’m sitting in the back
corner?”
I said,
“No.”
“Well,” he said,
“I’ll tell you. I had dropped out of the church for at least 19 years. In our
church back home, that’s the spot my mom always half knelt and half sat for all
those years praying for me to come back to church.”
“It worked.” He
said. “Here I am praying for her and thanking her in heaven for praying for me
all through the years.”
If we made a film
documentary of little old ladies in dark old churches – we would hear stories
like that.
TESSIE
It was my first
assignment.
A good friend of
mine – named Tessie – long dead now – used to sit in the third last row of our
church – Most Holy Redeemer – Lower East Side – New York City - every afternoon
from 3 to 4. You couldn’t see her – she was hiding in front of a big church
pillar in the back of the church – not far from our O.L.P.H. shrine – which was
in the back. I noticed her husband Frank
came into church in the morning – and said his prayers.
Tessie also used
to be the money counter for Bingo every Wednesday night.
Well, one
Wednesday just before Bingo started, Tessie said to me, “I got a great story
for you.”
“I’m in church
this afternoon – in the dark – near the back – and I hear the door open. I hear
someone go over to Mary’s shrine – and I hear Father Leo starting to pray out
loud. Obviously, he didn’t know I was there – and I laid low. Well, I hear him
tell the Blessed Mother the following. ‘Thank you Mary. Thank You God, I’m just coming back from the urologist. I can pee like a little boy again.”
That moment
happened in 1968 – I can still remember it.
I’d love it if a
moment like that would be captured in a documentary about little old ladies in
churches – and what’s going on in their minds and hearts.
CONCLUSION
I’m sure Luke put
this story in his Gospel, because in his travels, he saw lots of ladies like
Anna – sitting, standing, kneeling there in prayer.
He gave Anna
praise – today let’s praise our moms and all those Little Old Ladies who showed
us the importance of praying for others –
especially the children of our world. Amen.
