TWO GIFTS

INTRODUCTION

The title of my homily is, “Two Gifts.”

We have just come through another Christmas and so we know about gifts. Does everyone – everyone – have at least one special person in their life – that they took time and care to pick the right gift for that person: a spouse, a parent, a child, a friend?

Hopefully, we have several good close people in our life. In my experience, I think at times people toss around the term “friend” too loosely. I have often thought about the comment, “If you have or had 5 really close friends in your life, you’re lucky.” I always love it when someone says with great depth and sometimes tears – like at a 25th wedding anniversary, that their spouse has been or has become their best friend. I was at a 25th wedding anniversary celebration here in Annapolis last Tuesday evening and the wife said just that.

When getting the perfect gift for the perfect person, we first think about that person. We do some figuring. Then we decide – or we go shopping – look around – and then we decide on a perfect gift.

So we know about gifts.

THE MAGI

This Sunday we are celebrating the feast of the Epiphany – and we probably have heard comments that the gifts of the Magi – the Wise Men – would have been different – if they were 3 Wise Women.

There would have arrived on time. They would have cleaned the stable. They would have brought a casserole. They would have brought practical gifts like diapers.

Someone also said, “They would have asked for directions.” However, in reality, in the story in Matthew, the Magi or Wise Men do ask directions. It’s a key part of the story – to let Herod in on the birth of the new king – to create a tension - to give a hint about the horrible thing that is about to happen.

Looking at the gifts the Magi brought Christ, we can say that gold is practical. Frankincense, incense? That might be practical in a barn – with those smells – but myrrh? I don’t know.

However, we have surely heard down through the years, that Matthew’s story has many symbols in it – as well as several leads to other texts and stories in the scriptures. With these 3 gifts, Matthew might be telling us the following about Christ: gold that he is king; incense that he is divine – the smoke rises; and myrrh – that he is going to suffer.

And scholars like to point out that Matthew might be telling his Jewish community that Jesus is the New Moses. Just as there was the slaughter of the little boys in the Moses story by the Pharaoh– in the Book of Exodus, so too Jesus is the New Moses – who survives the slaughter by the New Pharaoh, Herod, and he will lead us through a New Exodus – through the waters of Baptism – into a New Promised Land and New Life. And Matthew is the only gospel that brings Jesus into Egypt – which strengthens the image of Jesus as the New Moses – because Moses saves his people by leading them out of Egypt.

QUESTION

I was visiting my sister Mary in Pennsylvania for the last couple of days – so on the drive up on Wednesday and the drive back today – I had more time than usual - 3 hours each way - to think about this feast and this homily.

It struck me: if I had to come up with one gift to give to Christ – today – not back then – what gift would I give?

I remembered the Drummer Boy song – how he didn’t have any gift to give to the New Born King – then it hit him that he would play a song – with his drum for the New Born King. I don’t know about you, but that has always been one of my favorite Christmas songs.

Trouble is I can’t play any musical instrument. Years ago I did try the trombone for two weeks – but gave up. I can do the scales on the piano. I can play the “Do a deer, a female deer, Re a drop of golden sun,” song from The Sound of Music, but that's as far as I got on the piano.

As I was driving and thinking about all this during the past few days, I remembered a wonderful moment from long ago. I was with our Redemptorist novices at a 3 day Internovitiate program in an Ossining, New York retreat house. There were about 60 young men and women – who were in the process of living and figuring out if they wanted to be nuns, priests or religious brothers in the various religious orders making the program.

It was around 11:30 at night and I was sitting and praying in this big chapel – in the dark. The only light was the red candle next to the tabernacle in the distance. As far as I know I was the only person in this chapel – and I was sitting there off the side – in a back row – making a holy hour.

A door opened on the other side of the chapel and in walked someone – who came up the main aisle and then walked into the sanctuary. The person sat down on the floor in front of the tabernacle leaning into the altar. I kept absolutely quiet – not wanting to disturb him or her. Then I heard the clips of what sounded like a guitar case open. Then I heard the sound of someone grasping a guitar. Then this person began to sing a love song to Jesus – in Spanish. It was a she and she sounded like a young woman – and it was beautiful. She finished – and put the guitar back in the case – clipped it closed – and she sat there for another ten minutes – and then got up and left.

It’s one of those lifetime memories that we all have – surprise gifts – in the dark.

I remained silent the whole time. I’m glad I didn’t cough or creak a bench.

Afterwards it struck me: “How does God do all these prayers and songs – from all the people all around our world – each day, each night? How does that work? How does God work?”

I sat there – knowing I can’t sing – but I can say, “Thank You, God. Thank You, God, for everything, every day, every night, for everyone in my life – especially close friends. Amen.”

The question still remained: Ii I was to give God or the Christ – a gift today, what would I give?

While driving and thinking about this the last few days, - especially with the arrival of the New Year, – along with the thought of a new year and new year’s resolutions – which never last, I said, “Okay, this year I will try to really be present to the person I am with – or those I am with. When preaching I’ll try to really look at people. I can look right at people but not see them. I’m often somewhere else. I noticed in an article in one of the papers last month ­that the difference between Oprah and Donohue in talk show interviews was this: Oprah looks right at people and Donohue looked at people from the side. I think the article was implying that women look right at the person they are talking to – whereas men don’t. I don’t know if that’s true, but I’ve been watching myself and others this past month. I know I tend to look from the side – or don’t concentrate at all.

Listening, looking, being with another, is tough stuff. But that’s my New Year’s Resolution. So when I am eating with people I’ll try to pay attention to what people are saying – the priests I live with – and anyone I’m with. The trouble is we’ve all heard and been with those we know too often. We often know what triggers what. We know other’s stories by heart. You know our sermons and what we're off on by now.

Listening, really trying to listen, looking, really looking at the people I’m with this year, I’ll try to give that gift to the Body of Christ.

“Okay,” I said to myself, “I have a gift to give.”

Now how about you?

GIFT TO ME

Then an old Jesuit practice hit me – the idea of being quiet when praying to Jesus - and then to ask him to give us a specific gift.

I smiled at that, because that’s what we humans do. We give gifts to those we love and they give a gift in return.

“Okay, Jesus,” I said while driving, “what gift are you going to give me?”

Silence….

Then it hit me. I heard Jesus saying, “Okay, I'll give you the challenge of really listening and really looking at the people you are with this year. Go for it.”

“Cute!” I said to Jesus in reply – while driving.

Then I heard in my mind the words of the Nike ad, “Just do it!”

CONCLUSION

Having gone through all this, I felt a sense of gratitude. Nice: I had a sermon thought. Nice: I have a resolution for the New Year. Nice: Jesus was giving me undivided attention and challenging me. Thank you, Lord. Thank you.

How about you? What gift can you bring to Jesus and what gift does Jesus want to give to you?



Painting on top by Hans Memling, c. 1470, in the Prado Museum, Madrid

WAITING FOR MY STAR,

WAITING FOR EPIPHANIES.

Quote of the Day: - January 3, 2010

“I await my star.” [J’attends mon astre.]


Carlo Alberto [1798-1849], the king of Sardinia in Italy, made this the motto of his house, the House of Savoy.

MOUNTAINS CAN MOVE!

Quote of the Day: -- January 2,  2010

“A little snow, tumbled about / Anon becomes a mountain.”


Shakespeare [Baptized 1564-1616], King John, Act. III, scene 4, line 176

ONE DAY,

ONE WEEK,

ONE YEAR AT A TIME,

SWEET JESUS.

Quote for the Day:  January 1,  2010

“I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today.”

William Allen White [1868-1944]

YOUR FAMILY AS A NOVEL

INTRODUCTION

The title of my homily is, “Your Family as A Novel!”

How’s that for a novel idea?

Writers – and teachers of creative writing courses – often say to those who want to write, “Write about what you know about; don’t write about, what you don’t know about!” Now that’s common sense.

If you wrote a novel about your family, would anyone want to read it? What would be the surprises? Would it be a page turner? Would it be funny? Would it be sad? What would be the name of the chapters? If it were published, would some story cause family “Uh oh’s?” Would there be lawsuits?

The beauty of a novel is that you can make the facts fiction and the fiction facts.

If you wrote a novel about your family, what would be its title?

HOLY FAMILY SUNDAY

This Sunday is Holy Family Sunday and the Church puts this feast at a perfect time: to reflect on our family near the end of one year – near the beginning of a new year. What has this year been like for your family? What are your hopes for next year?

And this feast is right at Christmas time. And it’s my perception that Christmas is the feast of the immediate family, while Thanksgiving is the feast of the extended family. I don’t know if that’s true for every family. I sense that the weather being better for November means married brothers and sisters get together with their families for Thanksgiving Dinner more than they do for Christmas.

Moreover, Christmas is more intimate. It’s smaller. The key moment is the opening of gifts together – especially to see the faces of little kids. Wrapping paper is important. Days before, kids picking up and shaking and weighing with one’s hands – and guessing and hoping what’s inside a wrapped box is part of the liturgy of family Christmas.

That’s my perception. I don’t know if I’m right. What’s your perception? What’s your family practice? If you were writing a novel, you have to notice these things.

END OF THE YEAR

At the end of the year the media likes to look backwards: picking the top ten events – top ten movies – top ten games – significant deaths – etc. I don’t know about your family, but for years now, we ask each other on New Year’s Eve, “What was your year like? What happened? What were the top ten moments? What was the top moment?”

Then we make predictions for the New Year. I am looking forward to doing this again on December 31st when I’m with my two sisters.

Looking at your family, what was 2009 like for you?

Looking at your family, what are your dreams for 2010 or even the next decade?

Looking at your family, what is the state of the union?

Looking at your family, what does the story sound like?

If it was a novel, what plots and subplots are going on? What are the key events? What are the stories – and the threads of the stories? Who are the key characters? How do they act and interact? How good are you in constructing dialogue? Listen to your family talking to each other. What do they talk about? What are your everyday scenes? Could you put them together in words – recreating what you heard and saw in writing?

TODAY’S READINGS

Today’s readings give us a few options and a few choice ideas and values to reflect upon.

The first reading from the First Book of Samuel [1:20-22, 24-28] is giving us early hints about the future greatness of Samuel. Hints – foreshadowing – is another key to good writing.

The second reading from the First Letter of John [3:1-2, 21-24] tells us we are all called into the Family of God – and the revelation is that when we live as God’s children – we become more and more like God.

And today’s gospel from Luke [2: 41-52] tells the story about Jesus being lost for 3 days – and he is coming of age and says, “I must be about his father’s business.”

If I hear teenagers, if I hear parents, I keep hearing a message of the struggle in growing up – becoming one’s own person – breaking free – yet Jesus supposedly didn’t leave home till he was around 30.

Sometimes I say to teenagers, “Thank God if your parents are strong. Those who lift weights or exercise, push against what is heavy.” Hopefully, parents are strong and want you to make good strong decisions in your life. Hopefully, they care to push and press. Hopefully, they don’t want you to make stupid moves.”

Family. Parenting. Obviously love, balance, and clarity are called for.

What are your reflections this Holy Family Sunday about your family?

If you wrote a novel and you used your family as background, what would the story sound like? Would it be holy?

FAMILY: HAPPY OR UNHAPPY?

I’m guessing that I’ve read Leo Tolstoy’s interesting quote about families about 4 times this year. Each time I wonder, just what did he mean? I don’t know if it’s true. The quote is the opening words of his novel, Anna Karenina, [1878], “Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.”

Is that true? What does that mean? Does that trigger anything for you? Do you agree with that? If you were in Barnes and Noble or Borders and you picked up Anna Karenina and read the opening words of the book, “Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” – would you want to read the whole novel?

It’s the whole first paragraph of the story – and I think it’s a great hook?

I think it’s a clever book promotion by Tolstoy.

Without ruining the novel, it describes how this group of connected people – some family – get themselves into various itchy situations – causing lots of unhappiness. It tells about affairs, rejection, a wife living with a husband she doesn’t want to live with, fighting, flirting, accusations, gossip, pregnancy by someone else. The Anna Karenina principle goes like this: “In any system, no one factor guarantees success; however there are factors that guarantee failure.”

And the novel talks about a lot of failures.

Is that the formula for a successful novel? Is unhappiness the formula for a successful novel?

I always remember something a former Los Angeles cop, Joseph Wambaugh, said about the key to his novels and the long time ago NBC TV show, Police Story. “I have people bringing problems in their marriages into work and I have people having problems at work bringing them home.”

How’s that for a family dynamic? The “How was your day?” question can sometimes be very significant in how we treat one another.

Are you taking out on me – what you didn’t take out on someone else?

As priest I wonder if I have heard more of the tough stuff, the rough stuff, the problem stuff, than the good stuff. I wonder if I have heard more about unhappiness than happiness. I was thinking about this as I was putting together this homily last night. I don’t think I have become cynical. I hope not. I have thought at times, “Write a novel!” I started one about a priest and didn’t get that far. I’m too busy. I would like to write more. But I always say to myself what a bishop once told me, “Some of my priests are interfacing more with a computer screen than they are with human faces.” Seeing so many people texting and twittering, cell phoning and computing, this problem the bishop was talking about is not just a priest avoiding people problem, it’s a human being avoiding human being problem.

So If I ever get time to write, that will certainly be part of the story. Trouble is, I don’t get to retire till I am retired. So I figure I’ll have increased dementia and increased need to get to the bathroom – and I won’t be able to finish my novel. But if I do finish it, I promise you, you’ll be in it, but the names will be changed to protect the innocent.

CONCLUSION

How do I end this novel homily?

I don’ t know. So let me close with a quote from another novelist, Jane Austen. In her novel, Emma [1816], she wrote, “Nobody, who has not seen the interior of a family, can say what the difficulties of any individual of that family may be.”

In other words, only we the family know the inside pages, what’s inside the cover of our family book. Only I, the one inside the covers of my skin, know what’s going on inside me.

So I guess the first step is to make sure we take the time to listen to ourselves, to talk to each other and read each other’s stories.

The picture on top is that of a family wedding I saw while on a Baltic Cruise. It was taking place in St. Petersburg, Russia, on the banks of the Neva River - August 28, 2009. Why the picture? Family. Okay. But also scenes from Anna Karenina take place in St. Petersburg. Is that enough? I don't know. Whatever. I was looking for an interesting picture - to capture my theme: Your Family As A Novel. If you're reading this, I caught you to get this far. Smile.

SEEING THROUGH
THE BACK OF YOUR HEAD

Sitting there at church – Christmas Mass – Jack was taking it all in – front and back – and all around him. Great images. Great scenes. Great drama. The stage called “Church”. And not just the Christmas crib up front – but the people – the people everywhere.

Sitting there at Mass, he chucked inwardly. He said, “Aha!” to himself. He was realizing for the first time that the term, “Christmas Mass” is redundant. It’s repeating itself. It’s like saying, “Mass Mass” twice. Christmas means, “Christ’s Mass”. “M – A – S” – the last 3 letters of “Christmas” – is the word for “mass”, but without the final “S”. “I never realized that till now,” he thought to himself. Then he said to himself, “No wonder Catholics come to Mass at Christmas time. I get it. Good.”

Sitting there at Mass he always did a lot of this kind of thinking – but come to think about it – Jack did a lot of thinking all the time. His 3 kids in describing their dad years later – to their spouse or friends – would say, “My dad was very quiet – but when he said something, you found out, he did a lot of thinking about what he said.”

Sitting there at Mass, Jack began thinking about something his dad had taught him way back when.

I guess at Christmas time, we do a lot of thinking – a lot of remembering of mom and dad – our sisters and brothers – when we were kids – and it was Christmas.

Sitting there at Mass he remembered something his dad had taught him some 40 years earlier. His dad taught him to see through the back of his head.

He remembered the moment – the teaching moment – when this life lesson took place. The classroom was Macy’s Department Store. It was Christmas time – and he and his dad were on the line going up to see Santa Claus – to tell Santa what he wanted for Christmas.

The line was long – very long. When they finally got up to Santa, his dad turned and looked backwards. He saw lots of kids with their dads and moms on the long line. Then his dad said to Santa Claus, ‘Santa, you need a break – a bathroom break? Go for it now – because there’s a long line coming. My son and I can wait. I’ll stand here and say, ‘It’s my fault.’”

Santa was taken by surprise and said, “Buddy, thank you. Thank you. Nobody has ever said that to me all these years – these 17 years I’ve been doing Santa Claus. Great. Just give me 7 minutes. I’ll be right back.”

His father turned – and with hands raised in a “Whoa!” gesture, palms open and facing the long line – he said loudly to the crowd: “Santa will be right back! Relax.”

And Santa went to the bathroom.

Then he came back with a cup of coffee, two donuts for himself – in fact, his stomach was not a pillow, but a lot of donuts – and he also had two chocolate chip cookies, one for Jack and one for his dad – all in both hands.

Then out came a big, “Ho, ho, ho! Now let’s get back to you kids! Son, what’s your name?”

And his father said, “His name is John.”

And Jack told Santa, “It’s Jack!”

“Ho, ho, ho, Jack,” Santa said as he put down his cup of coffee. “Now Jack what do you want for Christmas?”

And Jack remembered there in church that Christmas Mass – exactly what he wanted when he was 7 years old and it was almost Christmas. He told Santa he wanted a baseball glove and a flexible flyer sled.

Jack didn’t see his dad winking at Santa. Jack didn’t have eyes in the back of his head yet. But looking back now he smiled and said to himself, “That must have been what happened, because now being a dad, that’s what dads do.”

And Santa said, “We’ll see about that!” and Jack remembered that’s exactly what he got that Christmas.

It was then – at that moment – that Santa said it. “Mister, thanks for getting me the bathroom break. They never think about that around here. You must have eyes in the back of your head – seeing all those people behind you. Thank you.”

In time, Jack realized his dad did have eyes in the back of his head.

In high school football Jack played linebacker and his dad went to all his home games. One game Jack sacked the other team’s quarterback 4 times. And that night his dad told him. “When I played football I also played linebacker. And I learned there are two kinds of quarterbacks, those who can sense someone coming at them from the blind side – and those who can’t. You were lucky today – because he never saw you coming all 4 times. I was watching. Good job. And the best I ever did, was one game when I got 2 quarterback sacks.”

In college Jack didn’t play football. Yet he went to a couple of games every season with his dad. All through the years his two sisters and his mom didn’t like football. “Boring. Boring. Boring!” they would chant in a refrain – whenever they saw Jack and his dad watching a football game on TV or talking about football.

Thinking back, Jack said to himself, “My dad only corrected me once. And it was at a football game. I stood up to watch a running back who had broken through the line and was going 76 yards for a touchdown. Dad pulled my sleeve and said, 'Jack there are people behind you, who are also trying to see the game.'”

And he thought, “Dad knew that without turning his head.”

And some tears came into his eyes and a squinch – the squinch we get in the side of our head – just above the front of our ears – when there are this kind of tears.

“That was dad.”

Jack thought about all these things as he looked around the church that Christmas Mass. “Wow do I miss him – especially at Christmas.”

And as he looked up at the pulpit – and the front of the church – that Christmas Mass, he remembered the eulogy he gave at his dad’s funeral in this very church just two years ago – December.

He began by telling everyone his dad once told him his favorite Gospel story was the one about the miracle of the wine at Cana in Galilee – when Mary noticed that the wedding party was about to run out of wine. And that was the gospel story the family picked for their dad’s funeral. “Life,” my dad said, “is all about others – not oneself. Get that and you got life. Get that and you got happiness. Get that and you got God.”

In the funeral eulogy for his dad, he told everyone how his dad taught him not only to check the rear view mirror when wanting to move into another lane when doing highway driving – but to make a quick turn to actually see who might be behind you. Dad would often say, “You have to have eyes in the back of your head, if you want to be a good driver – if you want to make it in this life.”

“So looking back,” Jack said in his dad’s eulogy, “ the greatest gift my dad ever gave me – was not a baseball glove or a flexible flyer sled, not his old car or my first bike, but his message of being aware of other people – especially those coming up behind you.

“And dad practiced what he preached. He said little – but wow was he aware of other people – giving some people lots of room – giving others a chance to shine and get credit – like he always did for my mom – always making her #1.”


Sitting there he continued remembering the words he said in the eulogy, “Like in coming to the door at our house or coming into church or a store, my dad would open the door and never simply walk through. For some reason he would always stop and turn and sometimes there would be another person coming behind and he would either hold the door for them – or actually step back and let them go through first – sometimes three or four people in a row – often people who were perfect strangers.”

Sitting there in Church, this Christmas, two years later, Jack felt very thankful – in his memories about his dad.

“That’s my dad,” he said to himself again – as if his dad was sitting there right behind him in church that Christmas Mass. “What a great Christmas gift he was. Thank you, Dad. Thank You, God.”

[This is my 17th annual Christmas story in memory of Father John Duffy, CSSR - who always wrote a Christmas story for his niece. He asked me to type a few of them for him. When we got the call that he died that Christmas Eve in 1993, I was just beginning to work on my Christmas homily. It struck me to write a Christmas story in memory of him for that Christmas - in place of coming up with a Christmas homily - and I've been doing these Christmas stories ever since.]

CHRISTMAS

GREETINGS!

May

you know

the glory of God
in red berries and the glisten
and glow of new cold snow.
May you be surprised in church,
not just with Jesus in the crib and
the cross, the bread and the crowd,
but by 99 quiet babies in cradles

and 1 baby who is crying

till she spots you

and then she starts to laugh.
And may you be there at the
exact moment on Christmas morn,
when children rush in to rip open their gifts

from under the Christmas tree;
but especially

may you always have room
in your Inn for Christ.
O come let us adore him.
O come let us adore him.
Christ the Lord.

© Reflections, 2009, Andy Costello

With your mouse

put the arrow or cursor

on a red berry and tap, tap,

[twice]

and see those beautiful red berries

in our Marian Garden up close and cold.