YOUR FAMILY AS A NOVEL

INTRODUCTION

The title of my homily is, “Your Family as A Novel!”

How’s that for a novel idea?

Writers – and teachers of creative writing courses – often say to those who want to write, “Write about what you know about; don’t write about, what you don’t know about!” Now that’s common sense.

If you wrote a novel about your family, would anyone want to read it? What would be the surprises? Would it be a page turner? Would it be funny? Would it be sad? What would be the name of the chapters? If it were published, would some story cause family “Uh oh’s?” Would there be lawsuits?

The beauty of a novel is that you can make the facts fiction and the fiction facts.

If you wrote a novel about your family, what would be its title?

HOLY FAMILY SUNDAY

This Sunday is Holy Family Sunday and the Church puts this feast at a perfect time: to reflect on our family near the end of one year – near the beginning of a new year. What has this year been like for your family? What are your hopes for next year?

And this feast is right at Christmas time. And it’s my perception that Christmas is the feast of the immediate family, while Thanksgiving is the feast of the extended family. I don’t know if that’s true for every family. I sense that the weather being better for November means married brothers and sisters get together with their families for Thanksgiving Dinner more than they do for Christmas.

Moreover, Christmas is more intimate. It’s smaller. The key moment is the opening of gifts together – especially to see the faces of little kids. Wrapping paper is important. Days before, kids picking up and shaking and weighing with one’s hands – and guessing and hoping what’s inside a wrapped box is part of the liturgy of family Christmas.

That’s my perception. I don’t know if I’m right. What’s your perception? What’s your family practice? If you were writing a novel, you have to notice these things.

END OF THE YEAR

At the end of the year the media likes to look backwards: picking the top ten events – top ten movies – top ten games – significant deaths – etc. I don’t know about your family, but for years now, we ask each other on New Year’s Eve, “What was your year like? What happened? What were the top ten moments? What was the top moment?”

Then we make predictions for the New Year. I am looking forward to doing this again on December 31st when I’m with my two sisters.

Looking at your family, what was 2009 like for you?

Looking at your family, what are your dreams for 2010 or even the next decade?

Looking at your family, what is the state of the union?

Looking at your family, what does the story sound like?

If it was a novel, what plots and subplots are going on? What are the key events? What are the stories – and the threads of the stories? Who are the key characters? How do they act and interact? How good are you in constructing dialogue? Listen to your family talking to each other. What do they talk about? What are your everyday scenes? Could you put them together in words – recreating what you heard and saw in writing?

TODAY’S READINGS

Today’s readings give us a few options and a few choice ideas and values to reflect upon.

The first reading from the First Book of Samuel [1:20-22, 24-28] is giving us early hints about the future greatness of Samuel. Hints – foreshadowing – is another key to good writing.

The second reading from the First Letter of John [3:1-2, 21-24] tells us we are all called into the Family of God – and the revelation is that when we live as God’s children – we become more and more like God.

And today’s gospel from Luke [2: 41-52] tells the story about Jesus being lost for 3 days – and he is coming of age and says, “I must be about his father’s business.”

If I hear teenagers, if I hear parents, I keep hearing a message of the struggle in growing up – becoming one’s own person – breaking free – yet Jesus supposedly didn’t leave home till he was around 30.

Sometimes I say to teenagers, “Thank God if your parents are strong. Those who lift weights or exercise, push against what is heavy.” Hopefully, parents are strong and want you to make good strong decisions in your life. Hopefully, they care to push and press. Hopefully, they don’t want you to make stupid moves.”

Family. Parenting. Obviously love, balance, and clarity are called for.

What are your reflections this Holy Family Sunday about your family?

If you wrote a novel and you used your family as background, what would the story sound like? Would it be holy?

FAMILY: HAPPY OR UNHAPPY?

I’m guessing that I’ve read Leo Tolstoy’s interesting quote about families about 4 times this year. Each time I wonder, just what did he mean? I don’t know if it’s true. The quote is the opening words of his novel, Anna Karenina, [1878], “Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.”

Is that true? What does that mean? Does that trigger anything for you? Do you agree with that? If you were in Barnes and Noble or Borders and you picked up Anna Karenina and read the opening words of the book, “Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” – would you want to read the whole novel?

It’s the whole first paragraph of the story – and I think it’s a great hook?

I think it’s a clever book promotion by Tolstoy.

Without ruining the novel, it describes how this group of connected people – some family – get themselves into various itchy situations – causing lots of unhappiness. It tells about affairs, rejection, a wife living with a husband she doesn’t want to live with, fighting, flirting, accusations, gossip, pregnancy by someone else. The Anna Karenina principle goes like this: “In any system, no one factor guarantees success; however there are factors that guarantee failure.”

And the novel talks about a lot of failures.

Is that the formula for a successful novel? Is unhappiness the formula for a successful novel?

I always remember something a former Los Angeles cop, Joseph Wambaugh, said about the key to his novels and the long time ago NBC TV show, Police Story. “I have people bringing problems in their marriages into work and I have people having problems at work bringing them home.”

How’s that for a family dynamic? The “How was your day?” question can sometimes be very significant in how we treat one another.

Are you taking out on me – what you didn’t take out on someone else?

As priest I wonder if I have heard more of the tough stuff, the rough stuff, the problem stuff, than the good stuff. I wonder if I have heard more about unhappiness than happiness. I was thinking about this as I was putting together this homily last night. I don’t think I have become cynical. I hope not. I have thought at times, “Write a novel!” I started one about a priest and didn’t get that far. I’m too busy. I would like to write more. But I always say to myself what a bishop once told me, “Some of my priests are interfacing more with a computer screen than they are with human faces.” Seeing so many people texting and twittering, cell phoning and computing, this problem the bishop was talking about is not just a priest avoiding people problem, it’s a human being avoiding human being problem.

So If I ever get time to write, that will certainly be part of the story. Trouble is, I don’t get to retire till I am retired. So I figure I’ll have increased dementia and increased need to get to the bathroom – and I won’t be able to finish my novel. But if I do finish it, I promise you, you’ll be in it, but the names will be changed to protect the innocent.

CONCLUSION

How do I end this novel homily?

I don’ t know. So let me close with a quote from another novelist, Jane Austen. In her novel, Emma [1816], she wrote, “Nobody, who has not seen the interior of a family, can say what the difficulties of any individual of that family may be.”

In other words, only we the family know the inside pages, what’s inside the cover of our family book. Only I, the one inside the covers of my skin, know what’s going on inside me.

So I guess the first step is to make sure we take the time to listen to ourselves, to talk to each other and read each other’s stories.

The picture on top is that of a family wedding I saw while on a Baltic Cruise. It was taking place in St. Petersburg, Russia, on the banks of the Neva River - August 28, 2009. Why the picture? Family. Okay. But also scenes from Anna Karenina take place in St. Petersburg. Is that enough? I don't know. Whatever. I was looking for an interesting picture - to capture my theme: Your Family As A Novel. If you're reading this, I caught you to get this far. Smile.