EPIPHANY

She went to Mass that Sunday morning.

It was for the feast of the Epiphany: January 6^th.

She had been a Catholic for some 83 years now.

Mass: she has been here - done this  - at least some 10,000 times or was it 20,000 times in her life, but this time Mass was to be different?

She sat there, stood there, knelt there, stood up again, sat down again, sang a tiny bit, prayed a tiny bit - but in her mind a two by four board of wood  shook a bit - because of a bit of stress.  “Uh oh!” she felt in her being.

She asked the question that edged around in her being - a semi-sounding sort of conscious questionable question:  “Is this real? Is this all real? What am I doing here in this church at this moment, called, 'The Mass'”?

Her faith was being questioned - which had happened to her - from time to time in different ways - then it would slip away.

She knew the name of a priest who had been outed - for sexual misconduct - in a parish she lived in 14 years ago.

She remembered hearing about a priest who had siphoned off a bit of money in a parish she grew up in - in a far city.

Sex -  money - mischief - sin - life has its “Uh oh!” and messy moments.

Most of the time motives for crime and mischief - mentioned on TV and in the papers - didn’t have the impact it had on her - till it happened in church this Sunday morning.

Why did this hit her at this moment in January - in church - at the beginning of a new year? Why now? Why here?

Is this all real?

She looked around the church.

Is anyone - here - where I am now?

Then she had an epiphany on the feast of the Epiphany.

She was looking off to the side to the church Christmas stable.

She saw herself in a hospital bed - being presented a new born baby - 5 times - her babies - 3 girls and 2 boys: Mike Jr. (who became Mack), Marsha (who became Marshmallow all her life and she learned to love that nickname. She was a Marshmallow if there ever was one), Maxine (who became Maxi), Martin (who became Marty) and Melody (who became Music - and she did - growing into that name - playing the guitar and piano - and she had a great singing voice as well).

She said to herself, “Okay - only 3 of them go to church on a regular basis -  but 4 out of 5 don’t live too far away - and Maxi who lives far away with their 3 kids is quite near a Southwest Airlines hub.

The epiphany continued. She closed her eyes and was with Mary in the stable with the kings or Magi bringing gifts. "These 5 kids have been the gift of my lifetime. They earned her the degree 'Mom' and then the master’s degree of 'Granny' - 15 times, 15 grandkids."  She loved cellphones: and she was still very good with her thumbs,  “Want to see their pictures?

Epiphany. Epiphany - she thought - no wonder God came to us as a baby.

She prayed. She cried. She smiled. She laughed there in her church bench - on the left side - side aisle - middle of the church - sitting where her husband and she loved to sit when he was alive and could slip out and head for the bathroom if necessary.

This epiphany was like a slide show - all these scenes from her life - like the monitor screen pictures she was seeing more and more at each wake at each funeral home she went to - with old friends going home to God, please God.

A big epiphany hit her - their 50^th anniversary - a blessing and some prayers in this church - with all their kids - and then after that at Macaroni Grill for lunch and only one of us was half-Italian.

Then the death of her Mike - who came up with the idea of all M names for their kids - because his parents were Mike and Mary as well.  His death was horrible - cancer, emphysema, but it was a blessing - and as he had said over and over again, “I hope I go first, because I wouldn’t be able to live life without you.”  His breathing those last 3 months of his life - it seemed  you could hear it a mile away at times.

Epiphany.  She sat there in church that feast of the Epiphany  - seeing all the beautiful vacations they took in their lifetime - with and without the kids.

Mountains - the ocean - Rome - The Grand Canyon - Barcelona -  all 5 kids graduating from college - grandkids, baptisms, Little League games, playing 45,000 pinochle card games, a granddaughter making it to the state finals in a spelling bee.

She laughed - remembering a priest in confession telling her once, “Distractions at Mass can be prayer moments. They are not sins. Just share them with the Lord.”

So at that Mass - at that personal epiphany - that’s what she did - especially when she got back to her bench - left side - near the aisle -  middle of the church. It was a moment when she half  knelt and half sat - in communion - her favorite time of Mass. Deep in the stable of her heart - she prayed to God a deep, "Thank You!"