SHEILA  SHELLINGTON

[The title of my reflection on today’s readings is “Sheila Shellington.” I read the readings a few times and decided to look at them by making up a story - to see where that would bring me. So here comes a story - triggered by today’s readings. This is total fiction - written today. I don’t know anyone named “Sheila Shellington.”]

Sheila liked her first name  - and she liked her family name, “Scout” - as well. She had heard that her great-great-grandfather was just that - a scout in the southwest - part Native American - part Spanish - and probably several other strains of DNA - but she hadn’t sent in her spit yet to AncestryDNA.com  to get that information. One of these days….

Sheila’s family settled in San Diego and there she met a Navy guy from Minnesota named Shellington. They married, had 4 kids, and saw the world in a 24 year career in the Navy. They settled in Maryland - near the water of course.

Sheila - like her husband Jack - became “Shellington”. It’s one of those last names that becomes a good nick name.

Shellington - that is Sheila - decided to make an eight day directed retreat in a Catholic retreat house in High Ridge, Tennessee. Their last daughter - Marcy left for college in August - and finally Sheila Shellington - could have some time for herself - before the next stage in her life.

Her husband - the original Shellington - told her, “Go for it!” He was Lutheran - understood Catholics a bit - went to the Lutheran Church when he visited his family in Minnesota - and went to Catholic Mass with Sheila and kids at different times of the year - especially on Christmas and Easter - like a lot of Catholics.

Sheila arrived at Transfiguration Catholic Retreat House in High Ridge, Tennessee on a Sunday afternoon. It was a long drive from Maryland  - but she broke up the trip by stopping to see an old friend that weekend on her way down to Tennessee from Maryland.

She was a bit nervous - not having made a retreat since her high school days in San Diego. Two friends had told her - how great an 8 day silent directed retreat could be. She finally got her chance to do it. She was there. She got a neat mountain view room.

Supper with about 30  strangers was a bit strange and strained. Small talk about family, careers and where folks were from - worked the room.

The opening session of the retreat took place at 7:00 that Sunday evening.

Before signing up, they were told to bring a Bible and they were told that there was to be silence for  8 days - except for a daily chit chat with one’s - one-on-one director for the retreat.

After the big opening welcoming session - part prayer and part information about a directed retreat - everyone was told to meet with one of the 6 retreat directors - right there in the big room. Twenty four people - men and women were making a retreat. They were told each director had 4 people whom they would meet with each day one to one. So Sheila and three other folks sat down in a corner with the  woman who was to be their director. Her name was Maud. She looked like she was in her mid-fifties - great smile. She welcomed the small group she would meet with each day for a one-to-one.

Maud said she would see two people in the morning and two in the afternoon. “Did anyone have a preference?”  Sheila got the second slot in the morning after a guy in his 70’s. He was a priest. She would find that out the next day.

Maud asked each of her 4 retreatants to read the Transfiguration story for starters and then added, “I hope at some point each of you will say to yourselves what the three disciples said in the Transfiguration story, ‘Lord, it is good that we are here.’

Then she handed each of her three retreatants an 8 ½ by 11 inch piece of paper with the Gospel text: Matthew 16: 13-20 on it.  One sentence was highlighted in yellow, “But who do you say that I am?”

Let the silence begin.  Let God do God stuff. Let us pray.

Right after that official opening, Sheila got a cup of tea and some chocolate chip cookies. She noticed that there was a big balcony just off the main room. She went outside, grabbed a comfy seat and relaxed on a balcony overlooking trees - lots of trees - and then some more trees - at High Ridge, Tennessee.

There was a porch light so she could read the story of the Transfiguration and she began thinking and reflecting.  She didn’t say yet, “Lord, it is good that I am here.”

She said that a bit during the week of retreat - but she would really say that years later - looking back on how much that 8 day silent retreat did for her.

Monday morning she got up early and had a great walk by herself exploring the retreat house grounds, paths, getting lots of dew on her walking shoes.

Breakfast was different - 30 some people sitting there in silence.

After breakfast she read Matthew 16: 13-20 and especially the yellow highlighted question, “But who do you say that I am?”

“Uh oh,” she thought, “How am I going to answer that to Maud - who will be directing me - when I meet her at 11 AM?”

“Jesus was the core of my faith.” She said that to herself.

“Jesus was Communion - Holy Communion. That is also central.”

Sheila started to tear - not cry.

She was to tell her director that morning about this moment - that she moved from Jesus as a thought - Jesus as an “about Jesus” to Jesus - as a real presence - right there, right now.

Sitting there in her quiet room - looking out at the mountains  - she felt the presence of Jesus - and she said, “I know you and I don’t know you.”

“Who are you?” she said to Jesus. “Who are you?”

She heard Jesus say back to her, “Who are you?”

She laughed - because she knew how her husband Jack and kids knew her and friends knew her.

But a lot of that was about her - but who she really was - Jack would come closest - because they talked a lot especially when the kids were away with friends. And Marriage is the great classroom - the great retreat house.

She said to Jesus in that room and she would tell this to Maud at 11 AM, “I’m me - basically happy me - great life so far me - been blessed - thank You God, and I want to do new  - better - for the rest of my life.”

She said to Jesus, “Sometimes I’m a question mark. Sometimes I am a period. Sometimes I’m an explanation mark. Sometimes I’m a blank. Sometimes I’m an erasure. Sometimes I’m a mistake. Sometimes I’m an asterisk.”

At 11 she met with Maud and told her this stuff. Maud was a great listener. “I guess that was how they train these retreat directors,” she thought to herself.

Maud told Sheila to stick with that question - the question she heard Jesus say to her “Who are you Sheila?” and wrestle with that for the rest of the day. Start this retreat  about herself - more than about Jesus. “Who do you say you are?”

Maud and Sheila stuck with that question not only for the rest of Monday - but continued with it Tuesday and Wednesday.

Then Thursday and Friday Maud directed Sheila to use that question for Jack and their 4 kids: Jack Jr. Tom, Mary and Marcy - along with her parents and siblings. “Who are they - really?”

On this retreat Sheila did her life - through people more than places and events.

Maud helped Sheila realize why God is Trinity - if that is possible to know the Trinity - that God is relationships - God is connection - God is continued inner talking and conversation - person with person.

Maud quoted Saint Paul’s comment in Romans 11: 33-36, “Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How inscrutable are his judgments and how unsearchable his ways! For who has known the mind of the Lord or who has been his counselor?” and Maud had Sheila pray with that Bible text.

And Sheila thanked Maud for what they were doing all week. Wonderful.

Saturday and Sunday and into Monday when the retreat was over, Sheila was back to the Jesus question to her that they began with, “Who do you say that I am?”

Sheila paused. She knew Peter’s answer. It was on the paper.

In fact, she said to Peter, “Sorry Peter, I know Christ is the Son of the living God as you said to Jesus - and he gave you a cookie for such a great answer.” Nope I want to say to you Jesus what John said to you right there at the end of his  Gospel - when you Jesus met him and your disciples after his resurrection - up there on the Lake of Galilee. I want to say what John said, “Jesus You know I love you.” And he said that to you three times. And you said back to him three times “Feed my lambs…. Feed my sheep. Feed my sheep.”

And that’s what Sheila Shellington did for the rest of her life - starting with her husband Jack.

And as she drove home to Maryland - she realized that for one week - she was what her great-great grandfather was, “A scout.”

She had spent a week out of her life scouting the territory of her life so far  - and wow was it well worth it.