THE EYES

HAVE IT

The eyes have it.

We have these other senses: taste, touch, smell and hearing.

Along with sight – they are the classic five.

Still the eyes have it.

At least I think so…..

Then there are these other senses various scientists have come up with: a sense of balance, pain, a thermal sense, that is, having a sense of hot and cold – as well as having a kinesthetic sense – that is, sensing the energy that comes from motion and tensions.

Still the eyes have it.

At least I think so.

Coaches tell players – coaches yell to and at players – using these two fingers – pointing towards one’s eyes, “Keep your eye on the game – on the ball  - on the scene – on what’s happening.”

The eyes have it.

One piece of advice for you for this year: “Keep your eyes on your kids.” Whether your role is good cop or bad cop, keep your eyes on your kids.

This past year I read an article in some Sunday newspaper magazine – which said that many people when they are talking to other people – don’t look the other in the eye.

When I read that, I said, “Oh my God, that’s me.”  When I am talking with someone, when I begin thinking as I’m talking, I tend to look elsewhere.

How about you?

Well,  ever since reading that, I found myself working on that.

So if you want one recommendation from this short presentation tonight, or one piece of advice for this coming year:  as parents – keep your eyes on your kids – look them in the eye. Watch where they go, watch what they are doing. When communicating “about last night” – look them in the eye and see if they can look you in the eye.

What color eyes do your kids have?

For Mother’s Day –  a long time ago – I saw an ad in The New York Times about restoring a picture of your mom for Mother’s Day. Well, my mom had this neat picture of herself  as a young lady. She’s  around 20. She’s living in Boston at the time. Well, I borrowed the picture – assuming nobody would notice. I take it to Macy’s to get the picture improved as a gift for Mother’s Day. In the picture she is sitting. Standing next to her is a cousin with her hand on my mom’s shoulder.

I asked the person at the counter in Macy – if he could remove the lady from the picture.

“Piece of cake,” he said.

This was years and years before computers and digital cameras and Photo Shop.

Then the guy said, “I can colorize this black and white photo if you want.”

I said, “Great!”

Then he said, “What color are your mom’s eyes?”

I didn’t know – so the guy gave my mom my color eyes.

When my sister saw the picture – she said, “Mom doesn’t have greenish brown eyes.”

Message: look people in the eye.

The eyes have it.

When seeing your kid – especially when they are acting stupid – see their whole life.

Picture the first time you saw your kid – a tiny baby in the hospital.

The eyes have it.

In our office, just down the corridor outside this church, a gal named Ann Marie works. Well, she just had a baby the other day – Alice Marie. Still in the hospital, this afternoon I held Ann Marie’s new baby – now 7 pounds 4 ounces – in my arms.

Stupid me didn’t look Alice - the new baby - in the eye – I didn’t know the content of this reflection till tonight – when I worked on this talk after supper. But actually Alice’s eyes were closed the whole time.

But I did notice her mom and her dad’s eyes – and the smiles that went with those eyes – experiencing this first child of theirs.

Imagine all – the all – that is going on in their brains – right now – the stuff seeing their tiny baby is triggering.

As someone said, “The eyes are the windows of the soul.”

The eyes have it.

Picture the times you saw your kid in her first musical or play or game.

Picture the times your kid looked up to see you seeing them on the field of play.

Picture their eyes looking at your face – approval or disapproval – with their report card – and their marks.

Are you the type who sees the one D and misses all those A’s and B’s or C’s?

Are you the type that uses the pronoun “you” or “we” when a kid gets mostly “D’s” in his or her report card. “What can we do to work on improvement here? What can we come up and be eye to eye with?”

The eyes have it.

Picture a father’s face when he walks his daughter down the aisle on her wedding day – or a mom sitting there in church – watching her son’s face on his wedding day.

See the tears that form in those eyes.

The eyes have it.

See your kids’ faces when they see the face of their first child – making you a grandmother or grandfather. Oh my God, how time flies.

The eyes have it.

See your kids not seeing your face – or anybody’s face – but just the face of an iPhone – at supper or at the breakfast table.

I love one of Harry Chapin’s songs when he talks about his daughter and catching her eye – eye to eye – at one super special moment – and then she’s back to the dance of life – she’s back to her make-up and things.

The eyes have it.

This year look your kids in the eye. Don’t yell at them: “Look me in the eye when I’m talking to you.”

But look into their eyes – at least one moment each day – and notice by doing this that there is no escape – we are family.

Remember those days when you sat with him or her in a soft chair and you stared him or her in the eye – and asked this little 7 month old baby – “What’s going on in there? Hi! And your eyes are 3 inches away from each other and then you rub tips of your noses with each other.

I realize those childhood – eye ball to eye ball moments – lessen – as kids move towards the slow separation in becoming themselves – and kids start saying those dragged out, “Daaaaad!” or “Mooooooommm!” sounds.

It’s then parents have to spot those possible eye-opening moments – like the two of you are alone in a car. Your eyes are on the road. Your kid wants to put on different music – and wants to be somewhere else . You’re not looking into each other’s eyes. Your kid can’t escape – you’re going 55 miles per hour – and you see this as a moment to ask, “How are you doing?” Or “Hi what’s going on in there? I hope you have at least one moment every week – when you have an opportunity to be with each other – to talk to each other – I to I. 

Be aware! I’ve heard kids say, “I haven’t really talked to my dad or my mom – she or he – is always somewhere else.”

Instead of face book – or iPhone – have an eye to eye look into each other’s soul.

Ooops forgot to add: Don’t forget to let your kids see you doing this with each other.

The eyes have it.

Life each day has a roll call.

Our name is spoken by God and by others: ______

Then we have a chance to respond:  “Present” or better, “I’m here.”

It’s then we have a chance to say to God and one another: “I love you!” “I’m here for you!” “I’m listening. What’s happening with you?”

The eyes have it.

So that’s my thought for this evening. Thanks for listening!

Oops that’s another sense – hearing. I’ll save that for another talk.

[Presentation: St. Mary's High School - Orientation Evening for Parents of New Students - August 20, 2014]

After last nights - presentations at St. Mary's Church - as parents and staff headed for Marian Hall, various people saw the following rainbow with their eyes - and out came the cameras. Here are 2 pictures sent by Christine Bervid -  with the names of the great picture takes below each picture.

[Taken by Katie Petrides]

[Taken by Jimmy Ellis]