ANGER MANAGEMENT

INTRODUCTION

The title of my homily is, “Anger Management.”

That’s a modern term - a term we didn’t hear about till recent years.

You hear it mentioned on TV talk shows. You might have seen the Anger Management movie - with Jack Nicholson in it. You might have noticed an article about it in a magazine at a doctor or dentist office waiting room.

TODAY’S READINGS

Today’s readings for this Fourth Monday in Ordinary Time trigger the thought to take a look at anger and how I handle upset.

In the first reading - 2 Samuel 15: 13-14, 30; 16: 5-13 - we have this intriguing story that happened to David. His son, Absalom, wants to kill David. In the meanwhile a man named Shimei spots David walking along - head covered - and barefoot - and starts throwing stones and dirt at him - as well as cursing David in anger.

One of David’s chief officers, Abishai, the son of Zeruiah, says to David the king, “Why should this dead dog curse my lord the king. Let me go over and lop off his head?”

And David says, “What business is it of mine or of yours, sons of Zeruiah, that he curses?” Then he adds, “Hey, if my own son is out there planning and trying to kill me, how much more should this guy be throwing stones and cursing me. Maybe the Lord is behind all this and I’ll get a benefit from it.”

And in today’s gospel, - Mark 5: 1-20 - we have this long story about the time Jesus arrives in Gerasene territory and the Geresene people are furious at Jesus. He sent this big flock of pigs stampeding and then running over a cliff to their death. He did that to drive a Legion of Unclean Spirits out of this strange sick man whom nobody could control.

Those two stories triggered this question of anger management for me.

ANGER QUESTIONNAIRE

Here’s a first draft questionnaire on anger and anger management.

1) On a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the worst, how do you rate yourself as being an angry person? _________________

2) What bugs you the most? _______________

3) Put a circle around any of the following buttons that when pushed - get you angry: the way people drive up your back end; drivers who don’t use their turn signal; people not picking up after themselves in your house; nobody empties or fills the dish washer; noise by neighbors; waiters; waitresses; Salespeople; phone calls during supper by political groups; politics; priests; bishops; the way people dress.

4) Whom do you know as having an anger problem? _____________

5) When you get angry, put a circle around a yes or a no: do you scream or blurt it out your anger (Yes) ___ (No) ____ ? Do you hold it in Yes) ___ (No) ____? Do you throw things Yes) ___ (No) ____ ?

6) When was the last time you really got angry? ____________

7) Do you talk back to your TV Yes) ___ (No) ____ ? Do you have any particular TV program that gets you mad? _______ Why do you watch it? _________________

8) What have you heard that you do that really annoys other people? _____________________________________________.

9) Describe an experience where you really “lost it” and you found out you totally misread the situation? _______________________.

10) How about your parents. Looking at patience and anger, compare yourself to them. __________________________

ANGER MANAGEMENT

I noticed in a few books and articles, advice from experts on how to improve on how you can manage anger better.

Some tell people to pause before speaking, yelling, or dealing with anger or an angry person. “Breathe!”

Some tell people to stand up and walk away before doing anything else.

Some suggest having a slogan or a mantra that works for you and to say it slowly when feeling the emotion of anger. For example: “Take it easy. Take it easy. Take it easy.” “Calm down.” “Calm down.” “Calm down.”

When talking to another who gets us angry, talk in the first person. Use the pronoun, “I” and not “You.” For example, “I’m finding myself getting angry when I come into the kitchen and the sink is filled with dishes - and it seems the expectation is that it’s my job to get all these dishes into the dish washer.” Those who suggest this “I” more than “you” say this works better. For example, “You are all a bunch of lazy slobs around here.”

Some suggest to try to repeat to someone who is angry with us what you hear them saying. Can you try to grasp the other’s viewpoint?

I noticed the suggestion: listen to what you’re saying. Do you tend to use the words, “Never” or “Always”. Can you move towards saying, “Sometimes”.

Can you laugh at yourself?

Can you notice how other people don’t get upset at all - at least outwardly at what you’re hot headed about? What does that tell you?

I love the example I once heard in a talk by James Gill, the Jesuit psychiatrist. Some say if you go angry at long lines and become stressed out to do the following. You’re coming to the check out counter at a store. There are 5 lines. Take the longest line. Then when you’re almost next, get off the line and go to the back of the line or another line. Or you’re heading for the toll booth while driving. If you don’t have EZ pass - once more pick the longest line. If you’re going to be parking at the Mall, pick a parking place that is the furthest from the entrance. When I first heard that, I thought it was strange, but I’ve been doing this for years and it works.

CONCLUSION

The title of my homily is, “Anger Management.”

There are right and wrong things to get angry about.

There are better or worse ways of expressing one’s anger.

Remember Plato’s words, “ The life which is unexamined is not worth living.”

Remember David’s works, “Keep moving and don’t lop off people’s heads.”

Check out this You Tube