TWICE HAVE I STOOD A BEGGAR 

BEFORE THE DOOR OF GOD

INTRODUCTION

The title of my homily for this 30th Wednesday in Ordinary Time is, “Twice have I stood a beggar / Before the door of God.”

That’s a line in Poem # 49 by Emily Dickinson. The poem is dated c. - circa - around 1858. I like to give titles to my homilies - as well as my poems. I find it rather interesting that Emily Dickinson simply numbered her poems - or somebody numbered her poems #1 to #1775 in her collected poems - after various gatherings of her poems were put together. [1]

We know her sister Lavinia - going through her sister’s stuff - after Emily died - found a small box containing about 900 poems “tied together with twine”.

That line from Poem # 49 stops me - with a question: “When have I stood a beggar before the door of God.”

TODAY’S GOSPEL

Today’s gospel triggered the memory of that line by Emily Dickinson.

In today’s Gospel, Luke 13: 22-30, Jesus talks about going to Jerusalem. Which gate did he enter? On Palm Sunday he certainly didn’t take the narrow gate - which the gospel talks about. Then Jesus jumps to the image of a door - the locked door. And some people get in and some people are shut out. Some people get stuck outside and grind their teeth in anger, fear and regret and some get into the banquet.

Less than a week from now on All Saints Day people will be singing and praying, “When the Saints come marching in I want to be in their number - when the Saints come marching in.”

What will happen when we die? Will we stand before the Pearly Gates and cry for entrance? Will that door be narrow? We don’t know. We are dying to find out - but not yet. Yet, it seems to me that wondering sits there as a stone statue of a question outside that door all our lives - especially in times of near misses - accidents - and as we get older.

Emily in Poem # 49 seems to be talking about 2 deaths - 2 people buried in the sod. Not everyone agrees with that interpretation.  She begins, “I never lost as much but twice, And that was in the sod.” And then comes the line I entitled this homily with: “Twice have I stood a beggar / Before the door of God.”

Death is a tough slamming of a door. I miss conversations I had with my brother. I regret conversations I didn’t have with my dad - and my mom. My last two family deaths were closed coffins: my mom and my brother. If you saw their skulls, you’d know why. Messy. But I did see the closing of the door of the casket in a few other family deaths. Tough moment. Tough stuff.

And we all know about having the door slammed in our face: losing a job, divorce, people moving, being misunderstood and the other refused to hear our heart.

So we understand Emily Dickinson’s poem - and the little I dabbled in her life - she understood the meaning of being misunderstood. She knew the meaning of being a beggar at the door of God or another.

The second verse of Poem #49 is obviously religious. It’s a no-brainer in that she uses capital letters for God - calling God a Burglar - a Banker - and a Father. Let me recite it. It’s also very short like the first and other verse:

               Angels - twice descending
               Reimbursed my store -
               Burglar! Banker - Father!
               I am poor once more.

CONCLUSION

The title of my short homily is a line from a poem by Emily Dickinson: “Twice have I stood a beggar / Before the door of God.”

I’m presenting it as an image of prayer - to stand at the door of God and beg - to stand at the door of God - and groan - as prayer is described in today’s first reading from Romans 8: 26-30.

Let me close with this prayer adapted from Emily Dickinson's poem and pray this to God:

               I am poor once more, Lord.
               I am poor once more, Lord.
              Open up your door when I knock.
              Peak out your window
              and see me standing there,
              this poor beggar - and
             open up your door,
             when I bang on it,
             otherwise I’m going to keep on knocking
             till you open up your door for me. Amen


NOTES

[1] The Complete Poems of Emily Dickinson, edited by Thomas H. Johnson, Little, Brown And Company, Boston, Toronto