THAT COMES
FROM NOT FORGIVING
INTRODUCTION
The title of my homily for this Second Monday in Advent is, “The Paralysis That Comes from
Not Forgiving.”
TODAY’S
READINGS
Today’s readings trigger thoughts about what forgiveness
and non-forgiveness can do to us.
Today’s gospel from Luke 5:17-26 tells the story of the paralyzed
man who was brought to Jesus for healing. The Pharisees and teachers of the law
are also there to check out this Jesus. Jesus not only heals this paralyzed
man, but he also forgives the man his sins.
The first reading from Isaiah 35:1-10 talks about the
earth blooming and blossoming. It also talks about the opposite feeling weak
and feeble. God makes the difference.
And that’s the theme of the Gospel as well.
So we have here a clear comparison: being paralyzed or
being free to blossom.
PARALYSIS
Let me begin by talking about being paralyzed by not
forgiving.
When we don’t or won’t forgive - we can become stuck.
When we’re angry, it’s often because we won’t forgive.
Keep your eye on your hands when you’re angry. Often they have become fists. Often they have
become hard. And it’s hard to shake hands with fists.
In fact, tightened hands, fist shaped and sculpted in a closed
position, can bring us feelings of physical
pain, arthritis like, in our hands.
THEY ARE OUT
THERE
Every once and a while, we find out, someone is angry
with us.
Often we don’t know it, but they know it.
When they see us or spot us, we trigger repeat feelings
of anger in others.
As priest I have experienced this.
Sometimes it’s me they are angry with. Sometimes it’s
priests in general.
This collar - the priestly collar - a white plastic
collar - against the black of a black shirt - has the power to trigger memories
and anger in others. A little tiny piece of white plastic can have big time
power. [Show white plastic collar.]
Some priest might have yelled at someone. Some priest
said, “No” to someone - who wanted a funeral at a certain date - but the priest
said he couldn’t do it. Someone wanted to talk to a priest in a one priest
parish and the secretary who answered the phone said that it was the priest’s
day off - and he would call tomorrow. The caller gets furious and screams, “The
hell with the Catholic Church.”
I have two relatives right now who have stopped going to
church - one because of a priest who brought up homosexuals and abortion in
every sermon - over and over and over again; the other because their bishop got
accused of protecting priests who abused children.
A lot of damage and a lot of anger has come from the
sexual abuse of people by priests. Check out the numbers of church drop outs
from the Church in Ireland.
FORMS OF
FORGIVENESS
Forgiveness is the call.
Forgiveness needs a lot more than words.
It starts with communication. It calls for turning the
other cheek. It calls for checking things out. It calls for money at times. It
calls for counseling. It calls for time. Sometimes timing is everything. Forgiveness calls for honesty. It calls for acknowledgement. It calls for
grace. It calls for the Holy Spirit.
And it calls for the person who is hurting - to do what
it takes - to heal. Otherwise paralysis can continue.
CHRIST ON
FORGIVENESS
I’ve heard a lot of babbling about God from people.
I’ve heard a lot of babbling about people from other
people.
Sometimes I say, “I have to think about what I just
heard.” Sometimes I make a judgment:
“Sounds like sloppy thinking to me.”
Sometimes I say, “There’s more to this situation than indicated.”
So I choose the word “babbling” carefully - because I’m
implying that a lot of talk calls from clarification and communication and when
it’s sloppy talk it’s babbling.
For starters, Christianity has a lot to offer our world
about the mystery of forgiveness.
Jesus said to forgive 70 times 7 times. Jesus said, “Put down the stones. Let him or
her without sin cast the first stone.” Jesus said on the cross, “Father forgive
them for they don’t know what they are doing.”
I’d add, “They don’t know why they are doing what they
are doing.”
BOOK: IT DIDN’T
START WITH YOU
I could conclude here, but let me mention a book that can
trigger stuff about anger and lack of forgiveness. The book gets into the issue
of where our personal patterns of how we do life come from.
There’s a book out there by Mark Wolynn that states, “It
Didn’t Start With You.”
I haven’t finished the book yet, but statements and
anecdotes in the book about forgiveness has got me to bring the themes from
that book into the issue of forgiveness. I
believe that it’s worth thinking about.
I’ve also read positive and negative criticism about some
of the comments, thoughts, positions in the book. Some say it's too repetitive. Someone said take it off the shelf in Barnes and Noble and just read the first two chapters. Others say that the theories advance need more history and back-up.
The book can get us thinking about how much we are like
our parents and grandparents and great grandparents.
Question: How do we measure how much impact our
grandparents have on what we do today.
I heard long before this book the statement, “If you want
to change someone, change their grandmother.”
I also heard that a therapist in a big city said: “If you
want to do therapy for someone, you have to work with the whole street.”
In the meanwhile each of us needs to take responsibility
for our own behaviors and talk to others about our parents and grandparents,
etc. etc. etc. and get a handle on why we are the way we are.
CONCLUSION
Pray to be a forgiver in hopes our spirit infiltrates our
family system.
Pray to be a forgiver and see if we become more flexible
and less paralyzed in our destructive thinking and behaviors.
In the meanwhile, please learn to laugh. Don’t forget the
old Chinese advice: “If you want to get even with someone, buy a drum for each
of their kids.”
