WHAT’S KILLING YOU

INTRODUCTION

The title of my homily is, “What’s Killing You?

THE SNAKE ON THE POLE

The background for today’s gospel is from the Book of Numbers, Chapter 21 – when the Israelites were going through their 40 year “Desert Period” trying to get to the Promised Land. One of the problems they had was snakes whose bite was killing folks. God tells Moses, “Take a snake. Put it up on a pole. Tell the people, ‘If anyone is bitten by one of these snakes and looks at it, he or she will live.’” So Moses makes a bronzed serpent and puts it up on the pole.

Sound familiar? The bronzed serpent on the pole becomes one of the symbols of the Medical Profession.

The interpretation I like best is that there has to be people around who tell us, “This is what’s killing you. Face the problem and you can be healed.”

What’s killing us?

Every individual, every marriage, every family, every company, every country, our planet, has to ask that question? “What’s killing us?”

Right now this country and our world is in an economic mess. People keep losing their jobs and finding a job is very difficult. As politicians, reporters, as well as the little guy and gal are blaming banks and the overinflated housing prices and credit card debt and the war – and many other things as the source of our problems, hopefully various prophets amongst us will stand up and say, “This is what’s killing us?”

I am not an economist – but I assume one of our problems is spending beyond our means – as well as greed – as well as dependency on oil – as well as a half dozen other things. I also know people have to spend to make the economy work. So at times I follow a statement from the Talmud, “Teach thy tongue to say, ‘I do not know!’”

So I don’t know. In fact, the ability to say, “I don’t know!” is a great learning in life – as well as the ability to say, “I made a mistake.” or “I was wrong!” The opposite, not being able to say, “I don’t know” or “I made a mistake” or “I was wrong” can be what is killing us or draining us.

AT THE LOCAL LEVEL

There are global problems and local problems. Using Tip O’Neil’s comment about politics, we can say, “All problems are local problems.”

So it helps to ask at the local level – in our homes – our marriages – our individual lives, “What’s killing us?” – if something is killing us.

As the old saying goes, “Name your poison?”

We now know we have to have a greater awareness of global pollution of our waters, our land, and our air. We know about toxic waste dumps and toxic assets – but we have to look around us and see where we can make a difference where we are – at our local level.

We also need to go into our hearts, our minds, our soul, and see where we have toxic soul or mind problems.

Take the issue of revenge or resentments. A hurt from last week or last year or 20 years ago can still be simmering and sending off toxic thoughts that sap our energy.

If you get the Sunday Washington Post – grab the magazine section for today [March 22, 2009] and read the cover article, “The Truth About Forgiveness” by Karen Houppert. It’s a long article, very well written, that has a powerful message for anyone who has a hurt buried in their memory.

The benefit of coming to Mass each Sunday is that we slow down. We rest from the rest of the week. As we heard in today’s first reading, without a temple, there can be lost Sabbaths; with a temple, we can retrieve lost Sabbaths. And with Sabbaths, our lives and our earth, which might have laid waste, can come back to life again. But we have to pick up a shovel. We have to step the steps. We have to rebuild the temple. We have to make the moves – with the help of God.

We who come to Church also are warned about sin. For example, from time to time we are asked to see where the 7 Capital Sins might be in our life: pride, anger, lust, greed, envy, gluttony, sloth. They can be like snakes in the desert – whose bite kills us every time.

What kills us?

Sin!

LENT

Lent is a 40 day desert experience where we take the time out to face our inner temptations – to ask, “What’s killing us?”

We know the scriptures have Jesus in the desert for 40 days – modeling and mirroring the Israelites 40 years in the desert.

We know Lent starts every year with Ash Wednesday and ashes being rubbed into our forehead reminding us that there are term limits to our life.

We know Jesus wrestled with big issues – big temptations – in his desert experience.

What about us? We’re now at the mid-point of Lent. What have we found out about ourselves? Has this been a good Lent so far – compared to other Lents? We’ve done some spiritual reading – perhaps from the Lenten materials we had in the back of church. We’ve prayed a bit more. We’ve taken time to have a few good walks – and as we walked we talked to ourselves a bit more. Or when alone in the car, we’ve kept quiet and prayed – using our car as a mobile chapel.

JESUIT EXERCISES

 I’ve made various Jesuit retreats – and had some training in Ignatian Spirituality. If I correctly heard the Jesuits who taught me, the basic principle of St. Ignatius is very simple: if something is killing you, less; if something is helping you, more.

Then comes the nuance, the twist, the observation: often at first glance what looks great can kill us and what looks like it’s going to kill us, can help us.

For example, exercise. There’s the treadmill in our bedroom. It has become an expensive clothes hanger. We walk around it every time. We used it four times. We say to ourselves, “I’ll get all sweaty. It takes too much time. It’s boring.” We have a conversion. We begin using it again - a half hour every day for a week. Surprise! We realize we are feeling better about ourselves and our body.

For example, dieting. Not to take the extra donut or cake or seconds seems too difficult, but we do it, and we lose 15 pounds in 4 weeks and we feel much better.

For example, fasting from too much TV, or computer, or sitting or talking at eternal coffee breaks, seem tough. We say to ourselves that we don’t want to be mechanical or impersonal or be all “work, work, work!” We have a conversion. We try to be more organized and professional at our work. We give a full day’s work for a full day’s pay this Lent. Wow! We go home felling a bit better about ourselves.

DEUTERONOMY

I love the text in the Book of Deuteronomy – Deuteronomy 30: 19 - where Moses lines all the people up and says, “Today I set before you life and prosperity, death and disaster.” Then he says, “This is what works. This will give you life.” Then he says, “Choose life.”

A great morning prayer is to pause before we start our day and see the possibilities on the day’s menu. This is what kills me. This is what brings me life. Lord, today help me to choose life.

CHOOSE LIGHT AS WELL

Today’s gospel from John has the great observation that we often prefer darkness to light. We’re sneaks in the dark. We put our hand in the cookie jar when nobody is looking. We look both ways when we’re about to talk about someone behind their back. The person goes away on the business trip. Hey nobody will see me. The kid has the answers to the test up his or her sleeve - and is nervous that someone might spot his or her cheating tricks.

And when we cheat, we come home feeling a bit down – our shoulders more slumped, our eyes focus down on the ground like a snake.

When we walk in the light, when we give it or best, then we stand taller and feel less smaller.

JUSTIFY YOUR EXISTENCE

I read a quote two weeks ago and I went searching for it and couldn’t find it – but it stayed with me.

The gist of it went like this. Every year, everyone on the planet should have to sit down with God and justify their existence. Imagine what our thoughts would be as we stood on line – before heading into the office to meet with God?

Good News: God is not like the main evil character in one of those James Bond movies – who calls everyone in – reads them the riot act – and he signals one person out for doing a poor job. The "Evil Monster" then pushes a buttor or pulls a level and the floor opens up and the person is fed to the sharks.

Paul, in today’s reading from Ephesians, says, “God, who is rich in mercy, because of the great love he had for us, even when we were dead in our transgressions, brought us to life with Christ. By grace you have been saved, raised up with him, and seated us with him in the heavens in Christ Jesus.”

John, in today’s gospel, contains the great text we see at sporting events – like March Madness - John 3:16: “For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him might not perish but might have eternal life.”

John, in today’s gospel, tells us the story of Moses putting the snake on the pole and for those who have been bit, if they look at the snake, they are healed. The obvious message for the Christian is that Jesus was nailed to the pole, to the cross, and for those who look at him, they can be healed – both here and hereafter.

CONCLUSION

The great change in spirituality and theology I have seen in my lifetime is that the stress is not just on the hereafter, but the here and now. So the theme I stressed in this homily is to use the rest of this Lent to see what’s killing us and what’s giving us life, both in the here and the hereafter. Go for more of what gives us life and less of what brings us death. Choose life. Amen.

MIMIC

The lake mimicked both the trees
and the white wooden house
on the opposite shore,
and I stood there
tantalized by the stillness
of the waters, the beauty
of it all, not moving,
all so still, not reaching
for anything, just studying
the rest of the canvas,
till slowly a dark cloud
began to paint itself into
the upper left hand corner
of the picture. Dang it.
It happens every time,
doesn’t it?

© Andy Costello, Reflections, 2009

CHOICE

Come on now? You don’t have
to be the top half of the refrigerator,
the freezer, with that closed door
face every time people walk
into your space? Come on now?
Did you ever think about being
a fire place or a heater – giving
warmth to everyone in the house?

© Andy Costello, Reflections, 2009

UNSPOKEN WORDS


Silence _______________________
Silence says so much more than words.
Pauses _______________________
long pauses, waiting for words,
signals from each other.
Expectations ___________________
unstated hopes unclear, often
un-understood or misunderstood.
Silence _______________________
only the sound of cold
coming across a frozen lake.
Words _______________________
If only you had spoken,
if only I had spoken,
maybe we would have heard
what we need to tell each other
____________________________.

© Andy Costello, Reflections, 2009

NORTHERN WOODS

Walking, while watching
barren gray branches
against stone gray sky,
these bones, these knees
feel cold – feel old,
hesitant drizzle or fog
in my face, as I walk,
as I make nature’s
way of the cross
this Lent, in these woods,
all so late to green,
yet knowing, each step,
each station will bring Spring,
will bring resurrection.
I know green buds
reappear every year.

© Andy Costello, Reflections, 2009

BREAD & BUTTER

When they start to butter you up,

be ready:

they are about to eat you up.

© Andy Costello,
Reflections, 2009

THE GIFT SHOP

There is a small gift shop, just off Main Street – in this narrow way.

You walk in and you start looking at the different gifts. You spot a gift. It intrigues you. You pick it up – look at it – but then you see the price tag. It’s too, too expensive.

You pick up another gift. It also looks interesting and good, but when you read the writing on the side, you go, “No! Too difficult.” Then you add, “Too expensive.”

You walk around the store looking at everything. You keep checking the different gifts – but you don’t buy anything. You end up walking out of The Gift Show without buying a gift.

You feel a tinge of sadness mixed with inadequacy in that place these feelings show up just below the Adam’s apple in your neck – with some similar bits and pieces of these feelings in your rib cage area.

You walk back up to Main Street where there are a lot more people and a lot more stores.

You see this one store. You’re tempted to go in. You feel an, “Uh oh!” – but you go in anyway. You look at what they have to sell and you start checking out the different items.

You pick up “Gossip!” You look at it very carefully. You say to yourself, “Maybe!” You think, “Well, I already have some of this!” Then you remember a comment someone made about someone the other day, “She’s such a gossip!” At that you put “Gossip” back in its place. You don’t want to be labeled, “A gossip!”

You pick up “Resentment!” Once more you say, “Well, I already have some resentments!” You put it back quickly saying, “Enough of that. Resentments can have a boomerang effect.”

You pick up “Envy!” It’s an ugly green color – and it doesn’t look like something someone would buy. You think, “Why would they think anyone would buy envy?”

You put it down quickly and pick up “Jealousy” which is right next to Envy. It’s a better color – a bright red. You find yourself trying to remember a question someone asked someone at lunch about two months ago – when they were trying to figure out the difference between jealousy and envy. You think the answer was, “Jealousy is worry about losing what your have and envy is wanting what someone else has.” You say to yourself, “I have to admit I have more envy than jealousy in me” and you then you put “Jealousy” back in its place.

You walk out of the store – once more with nothing. And once more you are feeling kind of crusty. You say, “Ugh” to yourself and then add, “I really don’t want any more of those things – but it looks like they sell more of these negative kinds of things on Main Street compared to what they are selling in The Gift Shop.

“The Gift Shop!” You say that out loud as you are walking down Main Street. Someone overhears you and gives you a puzzled face. You turn red a bit – and then turn around and head back towards The Gift Shop.

You turn off Main Street – onto this side street – up this narrow way.

Once more you walk into The Gift Shop and look around.

You pick up a gift called, “Respect!” You think to yourself, “Yeah, I would like to have the ability to show more respect to everyone.” You read the writing on the side of package. You whisper to yourself, “Pretty difficult. Pretty expensive.” You put it back on the shelf and walk deeper into the store.

You pick up “Compassion!” You think, “Now that’s a gift I really need. At times I don’t seem to have any compassion for my Uncle Frank who has been out of work for 4 months now. You remember saying behind his back with a few other members of the family, “Why doesn’t he just get up off his butt and take any job.” Or so and so was really looking forward to this lacrosse season and he ripped his knee and he’s already out for the season – and you realize you never showed him an ounce of compassion.

You put “Compassion” down and pick up “Understanding.” You read on the side of the gift that Solomon was asked by God to pick one gift and he chose the gift of understanding. And it really made an enormous difference in his life as a king. But you also read its implications – that you have to understand that old people are much slower and parents have to play the “Good Cop Bad Cop Game” in order to be good parents and you go, “No!” You put “Understanding” down. It too is too expensive.

You walk around and you spot “Chastity”. You notice it's also labeled “Purity”. “Uum,” you think. “Not that popular a gift among the young.” You smile because it has on the side of the package, “When Saint Augustine before his conversation was challenged with this he said, “Lord, give me chastity, but not yet.” So like lots of people, he put it off till he was older.

Then you come to a shelf where you notice the gift of “Forgiveness.” You think, “This might be just what I need to walk out of this store with. Forgiveness.” You read some of the endorsements on the side of the package. “Tough stuff.” You read that it means not only forgiving God and others, but also forgiving yourself. You think back to that teacher you had in elementary school – who flunked you – and you talked bad talk about her to everyone you met – how she was playing favorites – how she was out to get you – and down deep you knew she was right. You hadn’t studied. Then there was the coach who didn’t put you on the team – and déjà vu, you attacked him as well.

“It’s Lent!” you say to yourself. “Why not try forgiveness for Lent? It’s almost half over. Why not?” So you take the gift of Forgiveness – especially because you also read on the side of the package that Jesus said, “I come with the package! I’m with your all days.” You laugh picturing Jesus like the Verizon Guy on TV who says he comes with the package along with all kinds of backup people. “Yeah,” you think. “I know several people who are really forgiving.”

And you walk out of The Gift Shop – with gift in hand – and you feel a spring in your step and a “Yes!” in your voice.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I gave this as a homily for our St. Mary’s High School students on the 3rd Tuesday of Lent, 2009. The gospel contains the story in Matthew about Peter coming up to Jesus and asking, “Lord, when my brother wrongs me, how often must I forgive him? Is seven times enough?” Jesus says, “Not seven times, but I tell you, seventy-seven times.” Then Jesus tells the parable of the person who was forgiven a huge debt – but wouldn’t go out and forgive someone who owed him a tiny amount of money compared to what he had owed the man who forgave him. (Cf. Matthew 18: 21-35.)

© Andy Costello, Homily Reflections, 2009