September 19, 2022

Thought for Today

"A rock pile ceases to be a rock pile the moment a single man contemplates it, hearing within him the image of a cathedral."

Antoine de Sainte-Exupdery

Flight to Arras,  1942

 September 18, 2022

Reflection

LISTENING SKILLS  # 3

We used to do a neat listening exercise in small  groups.

You put 6 people together and give them the following instructions.

Starting with the person in the group who has the earliest birthday in the year, that person tells the person to their right - with the other 4 people listening - "I think the main reason why people have trouble listening is this: ______________."

Then they tell what they think that main reason is.

Next step: that person who has just heard that first person's response - has to tell that first person - with the whole group listening -  what they heard - not word for word - but the substance of what they heard - and in their own words if they want. 

If the first person is satisfied with the listener's response back to them, then good.  If they are not, then that first person repeats what they said to the person on their right - and then that second person tries again. Sometimes they really mess it up,

I noticed that sometimes this takes a few times. 

When the exercise is all over - comments are made.  Sometimes - it seems -  the speaker is not clear about what they are saying.  Sometimes the listener is just not a good listener. Sometimes the listener gives back to the speaker their comments in a neater way.

The second speaker - after being given a moment to think - after the first person is satisfied -  then gives his comments to the third person - what he or she thinks is the reason people have trouble listening.

The third person  - always going to the right - listens and then gives back to the second person - what he or she heard.

And on and on around the circle.

Great exercise.

It takes time.

The time - afterwards - for group comments  - as well as - comments in a larger group - if there are many groups of 6 - is also very valuable.

I learned that I think the number one reason why people get messed up in listening - is because the speaker is not that clear in speaking. 

 September 18, 2022

Thought for Today

"You can't wait until life isn't hard anymore before you decide to be happy."

"I have a 2% chance of survival, but 2% is not zero percent. 2% is something."

Nightbirde - Jane Kristen Marczewski

Dec. 20, 1990 - Feb. 19, 2022

 September 17,  2022

Reflection

LISTENING SKILLS  # 1

I would suspect - think - that awareness of what another says triggers my memories - the stories inside of me.

I would think being aware of that - is the first step in getting to the number one skill in listening.

Jack says, "When we were kids, we used to go to Coney Island." Then he adds, "I loved that - especially going to Nathan's - and getting a hot dog and an orange drink - before we headed back home by the subway."

Jill hears that. 

However, the words, "Coney Island" triggers memories of the parachute and the Cyclone roller coaster and the Steeplechase Amusement Park and the beach and running down into the water.

She could hear and listen to Jack's words - but instead, she first  hears and concentrates on the images that come flooding and flowing into her upper room - into her mind and her memory.

Now she's ready for Listening Skill # 1.

If Jill says to herself, "Okay, I have these memories - these my takes - on Coney Island as a kid - but let me go back to what Jack just said.

If Jill then says to Jack, "I have my memories. You just triggered a bunch for me,  but tell me again what you loved about Coney Island as a kid."

If Jill does that, then she is using skill # 1.

She's actually listening.

Listening is that decision - to put myself aside - and really listen to another - to their stuff and their takes on life.

Everything another says triggers  our stuff.

But listening is looking at and sorting out another's stuff.

Our memories are 1 million buttons.

Others and other things keep hitting those buttons. 

Turning them off and listening to what other's buttons hit - is real listening.

Dementia is the loss of memory.

As we age we have more and more trouble with names - of persons, places and things.

So having our memories jarred, is a good thing. It shows we still have them and we make connections.

As a preacher - speaking to 800 people on a Sunday morning - wow I'm hitting lots of buttons.

I pause - saying to myself - I'm triggering a lot of stuff right now. I imagine the inner conversations going on in the minds and memories of those present - a tiny bit of which I triggered. They have stuff from yesterday and last week to sort out - and church time is as good as any time to chew on them.

As a preacher I have to laugh at myself at the times I thought everyone was listening.

I say the word "orange".

Imagine what that word could trigger: Halloween, Florida, a basketball, throwing an orange that broke a window, West Orange, New Jersey, a girl friend from 31 years ago who love orange laces in her sneakers. 

So what am I saying here?

Skill # 1 in listening is the trying to be aware of what another is saying - yes it triggers my past - but if I want to really listen to another - I try to hear their past.

Dwelling on my stuff - my memories - diminishes my listening to another - and what they are saying and thinking.

But when I say, "Shut up my memories - and hear this other person's memories" watch what happens?

The other feels recognized and heard - and a moment of receiving Holy Communion.

 September  17, 2022

Thought for Today

"Waits at the window wearing the face that she keeps in a jar by the door."

John Lennon and Paul McCartney

Eleanor Rigby (song)

BUT  IF?

 

The title of my homily for this  23 Friday in Ordinary Time  is a question  - a short two word question – a throw away mantra – entitled – “But if?” and to use it in many conversations.

But if …. That’s it. To use that - and say that - in many situations. “But if?

For example:: But if Christ did not rise from the dead, then that’s it.

Might as well pack up and toss all our hopes, all our assumptions, into the ocean and at some point die – because that’s it. That’s all folks.

But if Christ rises from the dead – then that’s it – that’s all. We win. We live forever.

If – the word appears 7 times in today’s first reading – in both the Greek – with the short 2 letter word EI – and the English translation of EI is also a two letter word: IF.

Paul in today’s first reading – 1 Corinthians 15: 12-20 – sums it all up with just those 2 words: BUT IF – without using the word “BUT”.

But if we read today’s 1^st reading carefully, then we get the but – and the if.

Come to think about if: we’re living our whole lives on that one word if. If we unpack it – and see it – and reflect upon it, if contains all life’s implications – that is if we ask life’s questions.

Paul gives us his 7 if’s in today’s first reading – starting with: “If Christ is not raised from the dead, then we are not raised when we die.

But if Christ is raised the dead – then our preaching  - then our faith – then all the testimony  - about Christ – rising from the dead – is a relief. It changes everything.

But if – we don’t buy it – then as Paul puts it – we fall asleep and perish forever.

But if – by faith  - we believe Christ has been raised – then we can be a we that also rises  – because of Christ.

I was wondering last night when I read this reading, why I don’t remember using it at funerals. I will from now on.

Conclusion: Take your rosary and  say 59 times – “But if” -  on each bead and see where that takes you. Amen.

 September 16,  2022

Reflections

BUTTONS

The theme for a talk on "Buttons" keeps hitting me.

What are your buttons?

What are my buttons?

So and so was cheated on, divorced, dumped by her husband. She wasn't too happy as I sat next to her at a 50th Wedding Anniversary.

She might have had an extra drink too many.

I don't know, but she was voicing various angry comments.

Someone in the car - while driving home - commented on her behavior and said, "Maybe she had a drink too many - or maybe she was seeing a marriage that worked and it triggered thoughts about her marriage that didn't work."

I don't know. I didn't think about any of that at the wedding.

I was looking at the oil and vinegar jars at the table for our salad. They reminded me of those small glass cruets they have on tables with pancake syrup.

Every time I looked at those glass cruets, they brought back memories of taking pancake syrup without thinking. It was 4 months ago. That's when I found out I had diabetes Type 2.  My mind felt ugly. The side of my head went dizzy. I remembered the last time I had a double scoop of rum raisin and butter almond ice cream.

That pancake syrup was a button.

It triggered the story of F. X. Murphy pulling out of our house in Washington D.C. The bumper of his car got entangled on the long chain that our dog Bernadette was wearing around her neck - attached to a tree. He drove about 6 blocks before he noticed people beeping and signaling, something was wrong.

Rolling down his window he heard, "You're pulling a dog."

Every morning since then, when F.X. goes by Bernadette, she gives him a low, long sounding growl.

Donna was coming out of church. She said to me, "I heard you just preached a parish mission over at St. Andrew's."

I said, "Yes."

She said, "I don't like that church. They don't have a crucifix."

I was there for 5 days and I didn't notice they didn't have a crucifix.

I did notice they had a neat statue of Saint Andrew - holding a fishing net - all in bronze.

Some things that we don't see can trigger feelings - so too - what we see.

If we handed everyone a piece of paper and ask them to jot down 25 of their buttons.

Can we learn how to avoid having one of our buttons pushed?

Wait! I think the first step would be to be aware of our buttons.