May    15, 2019 -

Thought for today: 

“Music … can name the unnameable and communicate the unknowable.”  

Leonard Bernstein, 

The Unanswered Question, 

Harvard 1976

SEMI-EYE  CONTACT

100 or 200 times a day,

I have these quick - half-second -

semi-eye - connections - with

people I go by in my  life -  but really

maybe 1 or 2 a month - when I might

actually connect with someone -

really look them in the eye - otherwise

I’m all rush and all self - kind of

semi-unaware - actually - sorry -

with the different  people in my life.

© Andy Costello, Reflections 2019

TAKING  ANOTHER’S  PLACE

INTRODUCTION

The title of my homily is, “Taking Another’s Place.”

Today we celebrate the feast of St. Matthias: the disciple who won the lottery and got to take Judas’ place.

They drew lots and Mathias was chosen. 

I was thinking last night - after thinking about Matthias - taking another’s place is something to think about.  Matthias was different  than Joseph called Barsabbas - the two finalists. Sometimes you just have to say a prayer and roll the dice.  As today’s first reading puts it: “and the lot fell upon Matthias and he was counted with the Eleven Apostles.”

TWO QUESTIONS TO THINK ABOUT

When I take another’s place, what was that like for me?

When another takes another’s place, how do we deal with that situation?

THE FIRST QUESTION: ME

Have I ever been the new wife or husband or mother or father?  Have I ever been the new boss, the new teacher, the new supervisor?   What was that like? 

Have I ever experienced comparisons?  Have I ever been bad mouthed by folks - who say the person I replaced  was much better than I am?  How did that feel? What was my reaction?

SECOND QUESTION: WE

We have a new pastor coming here  by this August - what do our comments  about priests and pastors sound like?  Being a priest, I know this is a regular topic in a regular parish.

Do  I see the benefits of comparisons and contrasts? Do I make them learning experiences - like the difference between Pope Benedict and Pope Francis and Pope John Paul II - and Fathers John Hamrogue, Pat Flynn and Ted Heyburn?

Do I make comments about others without really knowing them? Do I give new people a chance?

Do I lose out when another person is in the pulpit or at the altar and I want someone else - so I don’t listen?

COMPARISONS: 3 QUOTES - JUST IN CASE THESE COMMENTS DON’T FLOAT

The issue of comparisons seems to be key to a lot of complaints and comments about others - who are up front.

Here are 3 quotes about comparisons to trigger some thinking about this topic of comparing others or oneself to others:

“Comparisons are the enemy’s way of telling you God cheated you.”

“A flower does not think of competing with the flower next to it, it just blooms.”

“You’ll never look like the girl in the magazine.  The girl in the magazine will never look like the girl in the magazine.”

A CLOSING EXAMPLE - ON THE ISSUE OF COMPLAINTS

A pastor  had a special black book labeled, “Complaints of Members Against One Another.”  When a member of the congregation told him about the faults of another, he would say, ‘Here is my complaint book. I will write down what you say, and you can sign it.  Then when I have time I will take up the matter officially concerning this person.’  The sight of the open book and the ready pen had its effect. ‘Oh, no, I couldn’t  sign anything like that!’ they would say.  In 40 years this pastor never got anyone to write a line in it.”  [Voice of Truth]

May    14, 2019 

Thought for today: 

“I don't like to hear cut and dried sermons. No — when I hear a man preach, I like to see him act as if he were fighting bees.”  

Abraham Lincoln

SOUNDS

Sometimes if I turn off 

all the sounds around me ….

Sometimes if I then just

sit still and listen into  the silence,
I begin to  hear sounds I missed

when I missed them:

a baby’s shriek in church

this morning at the very

moment of consecration;

a dog barking at midnight;

a  “… by the way did you realize 

what you were saying when you 

said, 'Thank you for the ….'”

© Andy Costello, Reflections 2019

May    13, 2019 - 

Thought for today: 

“I have heard of certain persons who have been in the habit  of  hearing a favorite minister, and when they go to another place, they say, ‘I cannot hear anybody after my own minister; I shall stay at home and read a sermon.’ Please remember the passage, ‘Not forsaking the assembling of yourselves together, as the manner of some is.’ Let me also entreat you not to be so foolishly partial as to deprive your soul of its food .... If you are not content to learn here a little and there a little, you will soon be half starved, and then you will be glad to get back again to the despised minister and pick up what his field will yield you .... Go and glean where the Lord has opened the gate for you. Why the text alone is worth the journey; do not miss it.”  

Charles Haddon Spurgeon

MOM   SAW  MORE 

THAN  MOM  SAID 

[The  title of my reflection is, “Mom Saw More  Than  Mom Said.”  This is fiction - some reflections to trigger some thoughts for Mother’s Day 2019.]

It took years after their mom had died - for her 5 kids to see all they had missed - and some of  what their mom had seen when she was alive.

“What? Explain!”

Well …. Yeah ….  Well,  it would be phone calls - now and then - and cookouts  - dinners - get togethers - and a cruise with their dad for his 75^th birthday - and many other unplanned conversations - that the 5 kids had - that helped them to really get to know their mom - who she was and what she was about - as a mom  - as a wife - a grandmother - and especially as a gift to the human  race.

Most learnings - spoken observations - figurings - came after she had died at the age of 64 - cancer - but her 5 kids - like most kids - were figuring her out - backstage - slowly - long before that - along with their own lives - along with dad.

So I guess this is the way this sort of works in a lot of families. Not all. It all depends on the mom and her kids. But life is a jigsaw puzzle with lots of pieces - and you can’t do a jigsaw puzzle of thousands of pieces in a day.

Mom came from a family of 3 and dad from  a family of 5 - each being the exact middle child. Mom and dad didn’t go to college. Dad was a long distance truck driver and mom a secretary, a hair dresser, a ticket collector at a movie theater, a waitress, but especially a mother of 5 kids - 3 sons and 2 daughters.

She was also a collector. They found lots of  shoe boxes of photos of all 5 kids - plus their  report cards - plus graduation - first communion - confirmation and wedding programs - awards - some newspaper clippings where a kid was mentioned - even if it was just in tiny print - plus death memorial cards - plus obituaries - plus lots and lots and lots of other paper stuff.  Mom had her personal library or museum or hall of fame for her siblings, plus her kids, plus her grandkids - plus her friends - under beds, tops of closets, in the basement, and in old trunks. Yep, they had trunks.

And then there were the letters - and the cards.

She had saved every Mother’s Day card she ever got - plus birthday cards - plus love letters from dad to her. When they told dad this - he got nervous - very nervous. The truck driver was a gushy romantic. And there were letters from her 5 kids when they were in their first semester of college - then they stopped after that first year. Plus letters from when their youngest brother got into the marines. When told his letters still existed, he said, “Our sergeant made us write those letters.”

But this was mainly first, second and third level stuff.

Life has deeper stuff.

Now the gist of this reflection is what the fabulous 5 slowly put together on their take on their mom - well after she died.

Their take was just observations at first.

One would say something. There would be a pause. Then the other would give their take on that observation.

One of them would say something like, “Mom had her complaints about dad, but she never ever, ever,  ever once told them to us. She used to confide in her oldest sister Margo, who told me this after mom died.”

“She did? Wow.”

“Yeah, thinking back …  Margo told me something like that too - once.”

“Complaints? Like what?”

“Mom hated cigar smoke and cigar breath - and there was dad every Friday and Saturday evening out on the back porch - alone - on his rocking chair smoking - at least 3 cigars - and he would leave the remains in the ash tray back there - and mom hated - hated the chewy chewed up spitty tips of dead  cigars.”

“I didn’t know that.”

“And he was always last minute for everything: church, doctor’s appointments, card games, what have you.”

“Oh, I never noticed that.”

Of course they didn’t mention this to dad  - of it they did - with humor.

But the real mom observations and wisdom were deeper stuff than cigar tips.

“She never said anything about the people we dated - before or after we either married them or dropped them.”

“She never compared us or our kids with other kids.”

“She encouraged us - if we stayed in a job or tried  a new one - or a new school - she encouraged us.”

“I loved it - that mom always said, ‘You did your best!” even when we didn’t do our best.’”

And these wisdom observations about mom - were not eulogy stuff at a funeral Mass.  These were mainly at least 5 years after she died - observations and go  figurings - stuff.

“Mom didn’t say much, but when she said something, she said a lot.”

“But she saw more - much more than I ever saw, so when she said quick quips at times, I heard them.”

‘I think there’s some wisdom there - that mom had - ‘Say little and you’ll say a lot more than those who say a lot.’”

Finally, someone brought up the religion question.

“Dad didn’t say anything - because like mom - he didn’t say anything - knowing we had to figure out this kind of life stuff and God stuff on our own. Dad and mom went to Sunday Mass every Sunday throughout their marriage. Dad and mom hoped us kids would  get that message by example - that we need God every day of our lives - but some days - and sometimes -  much  more than others.”

Well the religion question came up big time on the cruise they took their dad on for his 75^th Birthday.

One night there - they were all together with dad  - all 5 of them - with their spouses - and nice cocktails - and a really nice mood - in a corner they cornered - in a lounge - on Deck 7 - that was quite quiet at the time.

They toasted dad - they thanked their dad - they toasted mom - and thanked their mom adding “with God”

Then dad - with tears in his eyes - and a drink in his hand - thanked them all.

“Thank you -  so, so much for this gift - this cruise. Wow! It’s been the best week of my life - so far.  It makes it all worthwhile. Thank you.”

They toasted each other again.

Then dad said, “Mom’s 10^th Anniversary - of her death - is coming up - this Thanksgiving.  What I would love is that all of you with your families - be at an Anniversary Mass I scheduled - that Thanksgiving morning.”

Surprise.  Now that was a surprise.

With that - some soft semi-conscious throat gulps happened - along with some more silence in the corner of that lounge.

And surprise that Thanksgiving - all went to that Anniversary Mass and surprise 3 of those  kids have started going to church again - and those 3 along with dad - are hoping the others get their faith back - that mom along with dad - and their parents passed down to them.

And he felt they were there out of gratitude - not out of guilt.  Amen.