CEMETERY  MOMENTS

INTRODUCTION

The title of my homily is, “Cemetery Moments.”

There are moments and there are moments.

What are your thoughts when you stand on cemetery grass - and you look down on grey granite cemetery stones  - or upright white marble tombstones? What are your thoughts?  What are your wonderings?

There are stories here. A cemetery is a library - but most books can’t be opened and read. They are closed books in boxes buried six feet underground. We don’t know who this person was. Sometimes all we see is a name and some numbers.

VIETNAM VETERAN’S MEMORIAL

It’s a human experience - this wondering about people buried beneath our feet - on behind a wall - like the Vietnam Memorial Wall in Washington D.C.

I’ve been to that Wall a few times. I remember going with a Vietnamese Redemptorist: Hai Dinh. We were in Washington D.C. and this was the one place he wanted to see. He was quiet as he stood there.  His biggest surprise was -  how far away from the Wall -  the tall Washington Monument was. When he saw the Memorial Wall on TV, he noticed the Washington Monument in the sky behind the memorial.

My experience was different. Every time I’ve been there, I  deliberately looked for a name on that wall - the brother of a Redemptorist who died in Vietnam: Thomas Francis Campbell - 19 years of age. Born May 18, 1948. Died April 9, 1968. He was in Vietnam just a few months:  February 6 till April 9, 1968.

YOUR FAMILY STONES - YOUR FAMILY MEMORIALS

Where are your family stones? Who’s buried there?

Has anyone taken pictures and made a photo album of many of the grave stones they know of in their family. Then they can sit down at times with that album as a prayer book. It’s as good as an old person’s prayer book getting fatter and fatter with the years with death memorial cards. Or they can sit with that photo album and tell the next generation about who has gone before them?

Does anyone ever take the little ones - or the next few generations - to the stones and tell the stories?

More and more people are into cremation and some into saving the cremains on mantle pieces or buried in back yards or at sea. It’s my opinion that stones - memorial stones - tomb stones last longer that urns - just as people give diamonds and share the word “forever” with each other.

FEAST OF SAINT MATTHIAS

Today is the feast of Saint Matthias: May 14.

The only thing we know about Saint Matthias is that he took the place of Judas - and got chosen by a lottery of sorts.  After that come the legends and the traditions.

Some say he traveled to Ethiopia. Others list the region of modern day Georgia - formerly of the Soviet Union.  Catholics, Lutherans and Anglicans honor him.  He is patron saint of alcoholics, carpenters, Gary Indiana, and Great Falls and Billings Montana. There are written fragments of the so called Gospel of Matthias - a 2^nd century document from a heretical group.

SISTER MATTHIAS

Now why am I mentioning all this?

When I was a kid, I went with my father to Portland, Maine to visit his sister, a Mercy Nun, Sister Mary Patrick.  We went to the graves of two of his sisters who were Mercy Nuns as well, but they died in their 20’s - one as a young nun, 29, Sister Matthias,  and the other as a postulant who also got sick and died in her 20’s.

Well, a few years ago some of us from the parish went on a cruise to New England and 2 places in Canada: St. John’s New Brunswick and Nova Scotia.

On the day we stopped into Portland Maine I went off by myself to St. Joseph’s convent - where my dad’s sister worked for 50 plus years in the kitchen. I didn’t know where anything was, so I didn’t want to stick anyone with a wild goose chase. Then I walked to a cemetery to find my father’s sisters. I found 2 of them:  Sister Mary Patrick - and Sister Matthias.

I knew Sister Mary Patrick - but I knew nothing, nothing about Sister Matthias.  I found her grave - but I didn’t find the other grave. 

Anyway I was doing something in memory of Sister Matthias Costello - and the only other thing on her stone besides her name was: 1884 - 1913.

CONCLUSION

It’s good to know that somewhere 100 years from now, our names will be somewhere - in a graveyard, on a ship manifesto, in a telephone book, on a memorial card, in a handwritten something, with the words, “Love” and then our name.

It’s good to have been here - even if all we did was to replace someone else - like Saint Matthias - and we did our best.

May 14. 2018

BOYS  DO  THAT!

Boys do that!

They see a worm.

They see a kid right in front of them.

They put that worm in that kids pocket.

Boys do that!

They see a stick.

It’s dueling season.

It’s hitting season.

Boys do that!

They see a rock.

They see a cow.

They throw that rock at that cow.

Boys do that!

They have been doing these things

ever since their parents told them

to go play outside the cave.

Boys do that!

What? You want them to stop?

Be thankful. They haven’t even discovered 

girls yet. Get ready for what’s next.

Boys do that.

Haven’t you heard the old Latin saying,

“Sunt pueri pueri, pueri purerilia tractant.”

“Boys will be boys and they’re always going to be boys.”

© Andy Costello, Reflections 2018  

Thought for today: 

“Don’t let your ego  get too close to your position, so that  if your position gets shot down, your  ego doesn’t go with it.” 

Colin Powell

A  LITTLE  MUSIC 

ON  A  RAINY  DAY 

STUCK

INTRODUCTION

The title of my homily is, “Stuck!”

We’re celebrating at this time in the Church Year the feast of the Ascension. In some dioceses they have this feast on Ascension Thursday - and other dioceses like our Baltimore Archdiocese - we have this feast today.

I surmise that some people surmise that if we keep it on Thursday, then a lot of people will miss out on the feast - so let’s celebrate on the Sunday after Ascension Thursday.

As far as I know there has never been a move to put Christmas on a Sunday - like the Sunday after December 25^th.

So here we are: let’s not miss out on this feast of the Ascension.

SCENE FROM THE FIRST READING

In today’s first reading from the opening of the Acts of the Apostles [1:1-11], Jesus is lifted up and ascends into the heavens. Everyone is standing there dumb - looking upwards. Two men dressed in white garments say, “Men of Galilee, why are you standing there looking at the sky? This Jesus who has been taken up from you into heaven will return in the same way as you have seen him going into heaven.”

When I read that I heard the human shout in times of trouble: “Don’t just stand there. Do something.”

When I read that I also thought of the human feeling: “I’m stuck!”

So I began thinking about the human experience  of being stuck.

When was the last time you were stuck?

So the title of this homily is, “Stuck!”

LOOKING AT OUR LIFE

Looking at our life, we’ve all experienced being stuck.

Someone’s in the bathroom…. hurry up.

Stuck in traffic.

Stuck in the past.

Stuck in a horrible work situation.

Stuck in a marriage that is falling apart.  A spouse is drinking - or on drugs.

Stuck in a hurt.

Stuck in a mistake.

Stuck in a resentment.

Stuck in a regret.

Stuck in a sickness.

Stuck with a noisy neighbor - who likes to do his lawn at 6:30 every Saturday morning.

We get stuck in our thinking, in our ways, in a depression, in a darkness.

We get stuck in a 5 year period in our lives.  We’re still back there when we were 17 or 27 or 37 - and here we are in real time but ….

We’re stuck with our kid whose marriage fell apart and they need us - for a place and a place for their three kids - and we thought we finally reached retirement, a nice clean empty nest, and the price of cruises have come down.

Stuck. Now what?

Layne Stayly, a musician, said, “When everyone goes home, you’re stuck with yourself.”

We’re with ourselves and this is all we got  - and we’re not enough.

Stuck is a real reality to ponder from time to time - maybe now, today. It’s a rainy day. It’s Ascension Thursday on a Sunday. It’s Mother’s Day. We’re in church.

I spotted the following excerpt from a novel by Catherine Lacey, Nobody is Ever Missing.  It’s written in befuddled language. It’s written in images and words that can give us a feeling of what’s going on with someone. Let me see if I can read it and give Catherine Lacey her due.

“I realized that even if no one ever found me, and even if I lived out the rest of my life here, always missing, forever a missing person to other people, I could never be missing to myself, I could never delete my own history, and I would always know exactly where I was and where I had been and I would never wake up not being who I was and it didn't matter how much or how little I thought I understood the mess of myself, because I would never, no matter what I did, be missing to myself and that was what I had wanted all this time, to go fully missing, but I would never be able to go fully missing—nobody is missing like that, no one has ever had that luxury and no one ever will.” 

Not being married, I wondered what would that be like if I was married to someone who felt like that way - someone who wanted to be missing.

Not being married, I would hope married folks who feel stuck that way, would get counseling or would get talking and listening.

It’s Springtime…. Couples: it’s Spring!  What does your clock look like after supper or Sunday afternoons?  I am a strong stressor of couples at least once a week taking a walk with each other.  I know a couple. The wife got big time cancer and she is recovery mode, thank God. They are in their 50’s and they find themselves walking each evening - well not every evening - but many evenings - and it’s been the best move they have made in their marriage so far. 

Death - the fear of death - cancer - can get folks moving.

Once more the words from today’s first reading, “Why are you standing there looking at the sky.”

Get moving.

Ascend.

Climb out of your pits.

In 5 years, that’s May 12, 2023, if you call me here at St. Mary’s or in our nursing home or you’re standing at my grave and you and your spouse have been walking these 5 years and it has done wonders for your life, your relationship, your perspective, I would love to hear a “Thank you.”

And I thank the couple who told me they have  been doing a lot of walking these past two years.

I have.

We're blessed to have the Naval Academy and Quiet Water's Park.

Where are your walking places?

IT’S MOTHER’S DAY

Today is also Mother’s Day.

We celebrate with gratitude - not just our birth - not just the gift of life - but for all the times our mother was there when we were afraid, when we were stuck, and we sucked our thumb - the most basic sign language message, “I want my mommy.”

Just watch the optics of a baby - of every little kid - when they find themselves in a scary, sticky, stucky place. They look for their mom.

Dad’s relax. We’ll give you a plug, next month.

MARY THE MOTHER OF GOD - AND MOTHER OF OUR CHURCH

As priest, as Catholic, I’ve often wondered about the Catholic practice of honoring and praying to Mary the Mother of Jesus. 

Sometimes Protestants ask us about our "thing" about Mary. Answer: one answer is right here at the experience of being stuck. Watch kids when stuck, when scared, when afraid. and see how they want their mother.

As a Redemptorist, I’ve wondering about the picture or ikon of Mary, Mother of Perpetual Help. Why is it so popular? Answer: it’s that last word, “Help!”

Help is the one word prayer and answer for anyone who is stuck.

In the English classic book on spirituality, The Cloud of Unknowing, the author says, “When a person is in a burning building, they don’t have to taught the most basic human prayer and scream, “Help!”

Mom. Thanks for all the times you’ve been there to help.

CONCLUSION

I think of the refrain in the Beatles song about all this. They have captured the scene of Mary under the cross at Calvary as they sing,

When I find myself in times of trouble

Mother Mary comes to me

Speaking words of wisdom

"Let it be."

And in my hour of darkness

She is standing right in front of me 

Speaking words of wisdom

"Let it be".

I prefer the Serenity Prayer. Sometimes we have to learn to let it be, that is, to accept the things we cannot change. However, there are times when we are stuck, but we can work to change the things we can change.

In other words: don’t just stand there. Get moving and do something that you can do.

May 13, 2018 

Thought for today: 

“My child looked at me  and I looked at him in the delivery room, and I realized that out of a sea of infinite possibilities it had come down to this: a specific person, born on the hottest day of the year, conceived on a Christmas Eve, made by his father and me miraculously from scratch.”  

Anna Quindlen, New York Times, March 13, 1986

May 13, 20128

MOM’S  DAY

Sentimental cards, flowers,

whatever it takes, as long as

it’s saying in its own way,

“Thank you. I see it now -

at least glimpses of how

much you gave of your

body and blood, soul

and divinity for me when

I was back then.” Now,

I’m trying to celebrate

that Mass of love for

those I’m with and on

and on and on and on.

© Andy Costello, Reflections 2018