Monday, September 11, 2017

September 11, 2017



THE PURPOSE OF COMMUNITY:
BRIDGE BUILDING

Next time you go across a bridge

turn off your radio or iPhone and
reflect on all the people who worked
together to build this bridge. 

Next time you go across a bridge

realize a bridge is a metaphor for
the purpose of community - building
bridges to bring us together.

Next time you go across a bridge
ask yourself, "Am I a bridge builder?
Am I weaving my way to others? Am I thankful for those reaching out to me?

© Andy Costello, Reflections  2017

SHAWN  BOWMAN,  28, FATHER, 

CANTOR  FITZGERALD  EMPLOYEE

By Frank Donnelly
Staten Island Advance
 staff writer

Friday, 09/28/2001



Date of Death 9/11/2001

STATEN ISLAND, N.Y. — Shawn Edward Bowman Jr. wasn't an early riser by nature, but each morning he got up before dawn to shower and dress his 16-month-old son, Liam Edward.

The 5 a.m. wake-up call gave the Sunnyside resident precious time with Liam before work and let his wife, Jennifer, sleep a few more minutes. Mrs. Bowman is pregnant with the couple's second child.

Mr. Bowman, 28, a human resources information specialist for Cantor Fitzgerald on the 104th floor of Tower 1, is among the missing in the Sept. 11 terrorist attack.

"He was a very devoted father and husband," said his mother-in-law, Jacqueline Davitt. "And as a mother-in-law I could not have asked for anyone to be nicer to my daughter."

A lifelong Staten Islander, Mr. Bowman was a model employee who reported to work an hour early each day. Among his duties, he trained colleagues in the use of special software.

"He wanted to make sure everything he did, he did well," Mrs. Davitt said. As dedicated as he was to his job, which required frequent travel to Europe, Mr. Bowman was even more devoted to his family.

He was little Liam's special playmate. He devoted Saturdays to treks to McDonald's for pancakes and walks in Clove Lakes Park. Weeknights were reserved for romps on the floor.

"His son was everything," Mrs. Davitt said.

The day before the attack, Mr. Bowman left work early to bring Liam to the doctor's office. He and his wife were planning a trip to the Bronx Zoo with Liam to celebrate Mr. Bowman's 29th birthday on Sept. 16.

"He will live through my daughter, but it's a shame his children will never know how wonderful their father was," said Mrs. Davitt. "He will be sorely missed and our lives will never be the same."

Mrs. Bowman is due to give birth in January. The child will be named Jack, after a character in Tom Clancy novels that Mr. Bowman enjoyed reading.
Mr. Bowman was especially fond of mysteries and political accounts and devoured every copy of the New York Times and Barron's newspapers.
He also enjoyed cooking and was an Eagle Scout. He was active with Pouch Camp, Sea View, and with Troop 43 of St. John's Episcopal Church, Rosebank.
Born in New Dorp, Mr. Bowman moved to Arden Heights in 1999. In April, he and his wife moved into his mother-in-law's Sunnyside residence while they awaited construction of a new home in Columbus, N.J.

He was a graduate of Monsignor Farrell High School and the State University of New York at Albany, where he received bachelor's and master's degrees in business administration.

Following graduation, Mr. Bowman worked as a human resources information specialist for Morgan Stanley Dean Witter in Manhattan. He often traveled to the company's overseas offices to train colleagues in special software use. Mr. Bowman was a parishioner of Our Lady of Good Counsel R.C. Church, Tompkinsville, where he was married on April 17, 1999.

Surviving in addition to his wife, the former Jennifer Davitt, and his son, Liam Edward, are his parents, Carol and Shawn E. Sr.; a brother, James, and his maternal grandmother, Anne Barbieri.

There will be a memorial mass tomorrow at noon in Our Lady of Good Counsel Church. The Rev. Joseph Mostardi, the former pastor, will officiate, wearing vestments Mr. Bowman's family purchased for him.

The Harmon Home for Funerals, West Brighton, is handling the arrangements.

*************************

Shawn Bowman was the grandson of my godfather, Ernest Bowman - so I want to mention him on this September 11 and I ask you to say a prayer for his family.

Sunday, September 10, 2017


WHAT  TO  DO? 

INTRODUCTION

The title of my homily for this 23 Sunday in Ordinary Time [A] is,  “What To Do?”

Sometimes we don’t know what to do?

Sometimes we know what to do - but if we do - there are consequences - uncomfortable consequences - Uh oh consequences!

After all, who  wants to feel - the funny feelings we feel - when we feel we have to correct someone else? Those are some of the ugh moments of life.

TODAY’S READINGS

Today’s readings make religion real.

Today’s reading puts some words that are covered with sandpaper into our ears and then into our mind. As they slide down our ear canal they can rub us the wrong way.

So and so is drinking too much, do we say or do anything?

So and so is cheating on his or her spouse, do we do anything?

So and so is killing themselves by overeating - do we intervene?

Today’s readings touch on this issue of what to do.

Ezekiel - in the first reading - tells us - we are appointed by God to be watchmen and watchwomen and warn those who are being wicked - to tell them, “This is killing you.” and / or, “This is killing us and others.”

You’re kidding.  Nope. That is what Ezekiel is saying.

If the other kills themselves and we didn’t do anything to warn them, then Ezekiel says, God is saying, “I am holding you responsible. But if we warn the other and they refuse to turn from their wicked ways, the other will die from their guilty behaviors, but we will save ourselves.

The second reading tells not to owe anyone anything  - except our love for them.

Translated: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. This means not doing any evil to another - no adultery, no killing, no stealing, no wanting their stuff.

And the gospel comes back to the watchman or watchwoman theme.

If your brother or sister sins against you, tell them their fault - but just between the two of you.

If they won’t listen to you, get two or three witnesses, and you and they together confront the person who is messing up - and if the person won’t listen to the 3 or 4 of you, then go the larger community and all of you challenge the person messing up.

If the other still won’t listen, then cut them out of your life.

But Jesus in today’s gospel  adds - pray for that person - and it seems to be saying, “Do that prayer as a group."

The title of my homily is, “What To Do?”

FURTHER QUESTIONS AND COMMENTS

One of my favorite sayings is, “Teach thy tongue to say, ‘I do not know.’” That’s found in the Jewish Talmud.

Years and years ago - before being  here in Annapolis - I remember being stationed with a priest who had a drinking problem.

Yes, we experience in the rectory, what many families experience in their home. We have an old saying: Rectories can be wrectories.

We talked about “What to do?” hundreds of times about this guy.

A good dozen times we told this guy he has a drinking problem 1 to 1 as well as 5 or 6 to 1.

Nothing worked. He spent his life in a daze.

I write and I remember writing out of frustration a short piece and it’s published in one of my books. I never showed it to the guy - but I looked it up today while writing this homily.

TO AN ALCOHOLIC

The speed of the suicide
depends upon the mind of the person.

Just the other day
I was reading in the paper
about this man in Florida
who blew his brains out
with just one shot.
That’s all it took,
that’s all it took, just one shot.

And as I put down
the paper I wondered
about you sitting there
with another drink
in your hand
and it’s not even
noon-time yet.

You’ll never make headlines.

But I suppose someday soon
I’ll read it in the paper
or hear that you died,
and I suppose very few
will know you’ve
been blowing your brains
out for years, 
yesterday,
today, everyday,
with many shots.

And I ask myself:
should I tell you what
I’m reading or should
I guess how long it will take?

There it was. I was facing what I’ve heard from my own family members - as well as lots of people asking a priest - the title of this homily, “What to Do?”

However this same guy once said about another, but similar situation,  “I’m not going to tell you or him about his problem. I have to live with you or him.”

So we ask others to intervene. So we send anonymous letters. So we go to AL anon.

And sometimes if we tell another why people are having problems with them, things get worse - things get uncomfortable.

I remember a moment when I was a young priest in my first assignment. 

Someone called and asked to see me. They wanted me to be the messenger of tough news to a family member. So I called and met with the person whom nobody would tell them about their problem. Then when all hell broke loose, the person who asked me to deliver the poison meatball said, “I didn’t tell you to do that.”

They didn’t sue me - but I learned my lesson - big time. I never did that again. But I did learn better and more difficult ways to get people to confront each other. Tough stuff….

CONCLUSION

Most of the time - it’s my experience - that most of life - sad to say - is kept in the bottom drawer, swept under the rug, grin and bear it, because we have to live with one another.

Most of the time - it’s my experience - that sometimes people change - wake up - improve - or die and the problem is solved.


Most of the time - it’s my experience - that when we hear people complaining about others  - it’s smart to ask oneself  the biblical question, that the disciples said at the last supper when Jesus said, “One of you will betray me?” and they asked, “Is it I Lord?” So when people are complaining about a, b, or c, - it’s a good idea to pause and see where I have to change concerning a, b, c, or d, e and f - or whatever the problem is.



Agree or disagree?




STICKY!  STICKY! 


INTRODUCTION: STATING THE PROBLEM

The title of my homily for this 23 Sunday [A] is, "Sticky! Sticky."

Today’s readings challenge us with one of life’s stickiest problems: to warn or not to warn; to correct or not to correct; to confront or not to confront; to blow the whistle or not to blow the whistle?

None of us wants to be called nosy or a busybody. Who of us wants to be seen as a snitch? Didn’t Jesus say, “Let the one without sin cast the first stone”?

EXAMPLE

A mom is shopping with two close friends at a mall a good hour and a half away from where they live. It’s close to lunch, so one of the ladies says, “I know a nice cozy restaurant just down the road from here.”

The restaurant is crowded -- but the three get seated in a back corner. 

“Uh, oh!” 

The mom sees her married daughter in a booth on the other side of the restaurant with a man other than her husband. And they are being lovey dovey. The daughter doesn’t spot her mother. And thank goodness, the other two ladies don’t spot the mother spotting the daughter and the man she’s with.

So the mother keeps cool and doesn’t let the other ladies know what she’s noticing. Her daughter is not facing her. The mother sees them stand up to leave. They are holding hands on the way out. Arms and shoulders are touching. She mutters to herself another inner, “Uh, oh!” They go outside -- out of view -- but surprise, she sees both of them in the parking lot through the restaurant window giving each other a kiss goodbye and both get into their separate cars. Yes, it’s her daughters maroon Camry - with the gray car child seat.

Obviously, the mom didn’t enjoy the lunch with her good friends.  The other two ladies didn’t seem to notice. All she could think of was her 3 grand kids. All she could think of was her son-in-law. All she could think of was, “Keep cool! Stay calm. What do I do now? To talk to my daughter or what?” Obviously, she didn’t taste the chef salad she ordered -- nor the pie a la mode she had for dessert out of nervousness.

MORE EXAMPLES

A husband, a boss, a priest, a wife, a son, a daughter, a parent, is drinking too much. What to do?

A college basketball referee is gambling. Another referee, whom he does games with, is in the locker room before the game and accidentally overhears the other referee making bets on his iphone before the game. During the game he keeps wondering about some key calls the other ref makes. Is he or isn’t he? What to do?

An accountant in a big company begins to spot some “funny” numbers. Are we being embezzled? Are we? But this accountant has 5 kids and her husband is out of work the last 4 months and so she really needs this job. She need this job big time. What to do?

None of us wants to be called nosy or a busybody. Who of us wants to be seen as a snitch? Didn’t Jesus say, “Let the one without sin cast the first stone”?

HOMILETIC REFLECTIONS: TODAY’S READINGS

Today’s readings deal with this basic issue of speaking up -- of warning others -- of blowing the whistle -- of correcting others.

In today’s first reading, Ezekiel is appointed watchman for the house of Israel. He is called upon to watch the people and when wicked, to warn them. This is the prophet’s calling; this is the prophet’s job.

Still stronger, Ezekiel says if the watchman sees a danger and doesn’t sound a warning, he or she is responsible for all disasters and damage that happens.

As one glides through the Old Testament, this image of the watchman on the walls of the city is very common. Like a rooster he cries out when “Morning has broken!” But his main job was to stand on the walls or in a watchtower and spot possible enemies. The watchman is the eyes and ears of a city - especially in the night.

And obviously, the prophets being poets, would use this image of watchman for their call to warn the people of sins that could destroy them.

Prophets and preachers are called to yell out “The Word of the Lord”. They are called to speak “the mind of God”. They are to tell people “the Will of God”. This is an awesome responsibility. And at times it can be an awfully dangerous job. It can land a prophet in jail or a pit or on a cross.

Is it everyone’s call? Is it the call of the Christian?

Today’s gospel touches on this touchy situation as well: this call to correct a brother or a sister who sins against us.

But who wants to correct others? Who wants to be called nosy or a busy buddy? Who wants to be called a mud slinger? Who wants to rock the boat? Who wants to be called a “Whistle Blower?” Who wants to be told, “Mind your own business?” Who wants to run the risk of having mud thrown back in one’s face. People who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.

PRACTICAL APPLICATIONS

Today’s readings give us the issue, the motive and a method for correcting, warning, confronting or blowing the whistle on another person.

Ezekiel tells us to do to speak up.

Paul tells us why to do it. Jesus tells us how to do it.

It would seem that the “why?” is the key. The motive always has to be love. Paul tells us that’s what we owe each other: to love one another. When we do that we fulfill the law.

And Paul continues in today’s second reading by stating the Golden Rule: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” Paul says that is underneath the commandments that we don’t commit adultery, steal, covet, “and whatever other commandment there may be.”

We wouldn’t love it or like it if someone hurt us in these ways, so we shouldn’t break any of these commandments and hurt others.

So the motive is love. “Love is the fulfillment of the law.”

If our motive is the “get” another, then we should not proceed further with the “how” question.

If our motive is love, then in God’s good time, we can proceed with Jesus’ method of correcting another.

We all have heard Jesus’ method of fraternal correction since we were kids. First go to the person one to one. If that doesn’t work, go to him or her a second time with two or three witnesses. If this doesn’t work, go to the church community with the problem. If this doesn’t work, then exclude him or her from the community.

CONCLUSION


Now this is antsy stuff. This is tough love stuff. This is painful stuff. This is sticky, sticky stuff. This is stuff we are stuck with doing - as Christians - as long as we are doing this with love. Amen.
September 10, 2017

Reflections

WHAT'S THE STORY

Sometimes all we do is read the cover,
without opening the book and reading
the story. Sometimes we don't listen.
Sometimes we don't know. Sometimes
it's none of our business? Sometimes 
we just walk in our own shoes and 
never find out the rest of the story
of the others in our life. Sometimes
if another was judging us - as we judge
others - we'd be furious and angry.
So that's the story going on in everyday
minds and in everyday conversations.



© Andy Costello, Reflections  2017



Saturday, September 9, 2017

September  9,  2017


YARD  SALE

It was Saturday - a slow Saturday….
It was in between busy times and
busy enterprises - so I went to 
several yard sales. I started to see
different things I didn’t want to see:
canes, walkers and wheelchairs. 
So I said to myself: “Not yet."
I realized at that moment I have to
start seeing different things than 
canes and walkers and wheelchairs.
Those days will come - but right now
I have to see and do better things than 
yard sales on do nothing Saturdays.


© Andy Costello, Reflections  2017