STARTING OVER AND
OVER AND OVER AGAIN
INTRODUCTION
The title of my homily is: “Starting
Over and Over Again.”
I’d like to reflect a little bit on
the basic theme of conversion – or starting over and over again.
Today’s gospel continues the story
of Nicodemus from the 3rd chapter of John. The obvious theme that
keeps hitting me is the one we’ve been hearing: being reborn, starting over and
over again.
But the nuance I’d like to stress is
not one conversion or two conversions, but one’s whole life as a series of many
conversions, so called on-going conversions.
I LED THREE LIVES
When I was a teenager in the 1950's there was a book and later
a TV series, staring Richard Carlson, years ago, that was called, “I Led Three Lives.”
I only remember that he was a spy as
well as a counter-spy – with the name, “Herbert Philbrick.”
That title, “I Led Three Lives” hit me as I reflected on this theme of
conversion and starting all over again and again. We live and lead many lives.
Conversion is moving towards the
best life we can life – to move towards what the Marine advertisement says, “To
Be all we can be.”
THE NATURAL
Then there was the book and later
the movie, The Natural. It had a
scene that fits right in here loud and clear.
Glenn Close, plays the part of Iris Gaines. She is standing by the bedside of Roy Hobbs, played by Robert
Redford. He just told her how much he messed up his life. On the way to spring training to join the team that signed him, he met this mysterious woman in black. He saw her once. Once.
That obviously changed the path of his life.
He had a very promising baseball career and he is shot by her. Glenn Close is standing there listening to him tell this story in a hospital room. And she says, “I think we have two lives. The one we live and learn from and the one we then do the rest of our life with after the learning.
That obviously changed the path of his life.
He had a very promising baseball career and he is shot by her. Glenn Close is standing there listening to him tell this story in a hospital room. And she says, “I think we have two lives. The one we live and learn from and the one we then do the rest of our life with after the learning.
Hopefully, we live and we learn and
then live.
PATTERNS
But looking at my life, thinking
about issues which I need to change, and grow from, eating patterns, sleeping
patterns, work habits, prayer habits, etc. I see that there are many
conversions, many ups and downs in life.
POEM CALLED NICODEMUS
Here is a poem - called "Nicodemus" - which I wrote way back for a book of night prayers.
NICODEMUS
(John
3:1-21)
This time
in the wind,
in the night,
I stand at the door, Lord,
and knock once again.
I come,
empty and afraid,
asking, seeking, knocking,
hoping you will open up
your door to see me once again.
I enter
with fears and doubts,
questioning whether
it’s really worth it
to start my life all over once
again.
I’ve been
reborn too many times.
There have been too many
conversions.
Why should I rise this time
knowing that I’ll probably fall once
again.
And yet, Lord,
after each fall
this urge to come back to you,
the way, the truth and the life,
stirs in me once again, like the
Wind.
PROBLEM
One conversion can often be great.
There is the honeymoon and the
infatuation period. Then there is the struggle and often disillusionment period
that follows.
And then if we fall again, that
second conversion, doesn’t have the bells and the whistles, and bragging
rights, that the first conversion had.
I would think there is a vast difference
between a second marriage or a third marriage - compared to a first marriage.
THE LORD DOES NOT GET ANGRY
Today’s gospel talks about the wrath
of God and I often feel antsy when I mention that while reading the gospel.
One writer, speaking of the text
says what’s going on here is projection of our inner feelings onto God. The
text has a anthropomorphic sense. God is not a God of wrath - but we are.
One person described the after-effects
of sin as, “The recoil of sin upon the
sinner.”
When we sin, we get angry at
ourselves, not God.
When we sin, we damage ourselves at
times over relationships with each other.
So the recoil in on self, the wrath
is on the self.
GENEROSITY
Rather the Lord is generous.
Today’s gospel talks about God not being cheap.
He does not ration out his spirit.
He pours out new life on us. So go
to God and ask, seek, knock.
DESERT STORY
I found a good example of the
surprise side of God’s love. It’s about the copious redemption of God. All we
need to do is cry out of our depths for his overflowing, over abundant
redemption.
Here’s the example, “Two hundred miles northeast of Los Angeles is a baked-out gorge called Death Valley – the lowest place in the United States, dropping 276 feet below sea level. It is also the hottest place in the country, with an official recording of 134 degrees. Streams flow into Death Valley only to disappear, and a scant two and a half inches of rain falls on the barren wasteland each year.
“But, some time ago, an amazing
thing happened. For nineteen straight days rain feel onto that lone dry earth.
Suddenly all kinds of seeds, dormant for years, burst into bloom. In a valley
of death, there was life.” p. 61 in ed. Floyd Thatcher, The Miracle of Easter, p. 61, Word Books, Waco TX.
CONCLUSION
Now, we might ask, well why doesn’t
God pour down water on that desert all the time?
I don’t know.
But I’d rather see the story as an example that I can bloom, I can blossom, over and over again.
I can call on the Lord and be saved.
