SHAME, SHAME ON YOU!
OPENING IMAGES
Some of
us have memories of doing something wrong as a little kid and being sent to our
room. We refused to eat our broccoli or asparagus and then got into a temper
tantrum. Or we got caught playing with matches or kicking the cat or hitting
our younger brother.
And
sometimes that same younger brother started to chant, “Shame, shame on you!
Shame, shame on you!”
Some of
us have memories of “having an accident” in kindergarten and some kid started
to chant, “Shame, shame on you. Shame, shame on you!” and then some of the
other kids chimed in.
Some of
us have memories of being a teenager in school and getting caught cheating on a
test or writing a term paper using other people’s stuff and we wanted to hide,
escape, be anywhere, but where we were. And sometimes we heard echoes in the
halls of our memory of that childhood chant, “Shame, shame on you! Shame, shame
on you.”
Some of
us have memories of doing something wrong as an adult. We stole money at work
or we changed a report or we were seen in the wrong place with the wrong person
at the wrong time. We were spotted. We
turned red. We wanted to run to some dark room and cower in some corner – far,
far away from everyone.
And once
more we heard the echo, “Shame, shame on you!”
And some
day we might be in a nursing home and we’ll reflect upon our life and feel that
we worked hard but our nets are empty. Our kids dropped out of church or their
marriages fell apart. Or our arms will be tied to a wheelchair so we won’t fall
out or tied to the rails of a hospital bed because we keep pulling at our
plastic tubes. Or we are incontinent and we want to disappear from the whole
human race. And once more we hear down
deep echoes of that childhood chant, “Shame, shame on you. Shame, shame on
you!”
So at
times, from Pampers to Depends, some of us experience feelings of shame,
“Shame, shame on us!” And for some, shame is the name of the game.
HOMILETIC REFLECTIONS
Psychologists,
anthropologists, sociologists speak about shame. But shame is not new. Our
scriptures and the sacred scriptures of other religions often feature stories
about people experiencing shame.
Today’s
gospel features Simon Peter – the one who denied Jesus three times – being
asked three times by the Risen Lord, “Do you love me? Do you love me? Do you
love me?”
We don’t
know if Simon Peter is filled with shame or guilt or what he was feeling at the
time. Do we ever really know what another is feeling? All we can know is the
state of our mind, if we were in their skin. We project. We
reflect. We see what has happened to another and we think we know what we would
feel if we were in their boat.
Yet, we
can say, Peter is feeling something. Shame? Guilt? Empty? A failure? Stupid?
Dumb? Humbled?
And we
can also say, there had to be some shame in the story of Peter, because shame
is so basic to every human being.
We see
the reality of shame in one of the first stories in Genesis. Before Adam
and Eve ate the forbidden fruit, they were naked, but felt no shame. (Cf.
Genesis 2:25). But after their sin, their eyes were opened and they felt
shame and made clothes and hid from God. The author of Genesis is simply
reporting what is the same for everyone in every culture. The names and the
places are different.
Peter
denied Jesus three times. Matthew, Mark, Luke and John all tell
us this sad story in detail. The first three add that after Peter heard the
rooster scream, he remembered that Jesus said this was going to happen, “And he
went outside and wept bitterly.” (Cf. Matthew 26:75; Mark 14:72; Luke 22:
62; John 18:15-27).
Peter the
braggart – the one who said, “Even if all lose faith in you, I will never lose
faith,” lost faith and surely wanted to hide his face. He was exposed, naked,
scared. (Cf. Matthew 26:33-35; 26:69-75.)
Do we say
to Peter, “Shame, shame on you! Shame, shame on you!”?
Of course
not. But of course, Peter felt shame.
Shame is as basic to the human being as skin. We all know the feeling. We’ve
all been there.
Did Jesus
feel shame?
Who of us
can answer that question? But those who killed him surely wanted him to feel
shame. Isn’t that why Jesus was stripped and nailed to a cross? Cultural
anthropologists like Bruce Malina often write about shame and honor as pivotal
human values. In his book, “The New Testament World,” he points out
example after example from the First
Century Mediterranean background of Jesus of how people tried to motivate and manipulate
people by means of shame. They stripped Jesus and nailed him to a cross, naked
or almost naked, like a common criminal.
Jesus had
shamed them, so they wanted to shame him in return – shame him for claiming to
be a King, for claiming to be the Messiah, but even deeper, because he exposed
the Pharisees and the Sadducees in their emptiness. Jesus saw right through
them.
Jesus was
constantly saying in so many words to the Scribes, the Pharisees and the
Elders, “Shame, shame on you! Shame on you for all the burdens you lay on
people. Shame on you for ruining the Sabbath for so many people. Shame on you
for your empty prayers – your lip service – from hearts that are filled with
dead bones and the stench of sin.”
But Jesus
didn’t want to leave people in shame. He preached that love and forgiveness are
much deeper than shame. This is perhaps Jesus’ biggest teaching.
From the
cross, the place of shame, Jesus said, “Father forgive them for they don’t know
what they are doing.” He forgave those who spat, cursed and crucified him. And
in doing this, in saying this, he gave everyone a way to move out of the empty
net called “shame” to the full net called “love”.
Jesus
says from the cross, “Do you love me? Do you love me? Do you love me?”
Did Judas
feel shame?
Once more
we never know what another is going through, but once more we know what we
would be going through. Matthew ventures into Judas inner feelings when
he tells us, “When he found out that Jesus was condemned, Judas his betrayer
was filled with remorse.” Judas took the money back to the chief priests and
elders and announced that he had sinned. But they washed their hands of shame
and rejected Judas and his money. Judas then flung the silver coins on the
floor of the sanctuary and went out and hung himself. (Cf. Matthew 27:3-10.)
Both Matthew
and Mark add what might be the saddest line in scripture, “It were
better for him that he never had been born” (Matthew 26:24; Mark 14:21).
Both Jeremiah and Job said this of themselves, but here we have Jesus saying
this of someone else: Judas. (Cf. Jeremiah 20:14; Job 3:3)
Too bad
Judas didn’t remember all the many parables and words of Jesus about
forgiveness. Too bad he didn’t wait, allowing the Risen Lord Jesus to come to
him, like Jesus came to Peter in the upper room and at the Lake of Galilee.
Wouldn’t it be the best story in the gospels, better than the story of the
Prodigal Son, if Judas didn’t kill himself, but instead Jesus rose from the
dead and brought him forgiveness?
But life
doesn’t always have happy endings. Remorse, anger at what they have done,
shame, can cause people to commit quick or slow suicide.
Peter’s
story is the happy ending. Today’s gospel features Peter again meeting the
Risen Lord Jesus.
It’s a
fresh start for Peter. Like the first time he met Jesus, once more he’s fishing
and once more he comes up empty. Once more Jesus becomes the fisherman of both
fish and Peter. Once more Jesus makes a great catch.
Peter
changes. The apostles changed. We have Peter here in today’s first reading no
longer denying Jesus, but rather proclaiming Jesus. And as we read The Acts
of the Apostles we see that the net, the boat, the church, becomes filled
to the breaking point – with people.
Proclaiming
the Name of Jesus, as today’s first reading reports, became their way of life.
“The apostles for their part left the Sanhedrin full of joy that they had been
judged worthy of ill-treatment for the sake of the Name.”
Evidently,
for Peter, joy about the Name of Jesus replaced his feelings of shame about it.
PRACTICAL APPLICATIONS
Let me
conclude with two practical applications:
1) How
Do I Deal With Shame In My Life?
Obviously,
into every life some shame shall fall.
Obviously,
we should feel shame and guilt about sin in our life. We all need to be able to
say, at least to ourselves for starters: “I made a mistake.”; “I sinned.” “I am
not God.” “I am ashamed of things in my life.” If we can’t admit our original
and unoriginal sins, we can become righteous, modern day Pharisees.
Obviously,
we should be aware of shame and how it can paralyze and hurt us, especially if
it’s unhealthy shame.
Obviously,
shame works, but we should not use it to manipulate adults – especially as a
way of avoiding communication.
Obviously,
shame is taking place all the time. Shame is the name of the game. Shame works.
It’s behind the scenes in many television advertisements, but too often it’s
also the bottom line of our judgments about each other. By attitude, words,
gestures, people often say things like: “Shame, shame on you for having so many
kids.” “Shame, shame on you for not having kids.” “Shame, shame on you for
being a stay-at-home mom.” “Shame, shame on you for going out to work.” “Shame,
shame on you for staying in that neighborhood.” “Shame, shame on you for having
such an ugly old car.” “Shame, shame on your for having a brand new car.”
2) Love
and Forgiveness are Better Than Shame.
Obviously,
love and forgiveness are better than shame.
Obviously,
we all need to do some deep letting go of hurts and anger towards family,
teachers, people we have worked with, church people, anyone and everyone who
shamed us somewhere back there in pages of our life.
Obviously,
we all need to do some deeper reflection on shame in our life. Some make a
distinction between shame and guilt. Guilt is
feeling, “I made a mistake.” Shame is feeling, “I am a mistake.” That distinction can be made on
paper and in our mind, but when we are feeling shame or stupidity or guilt for
something we have done, we don’t make distinctions. We just feel dumb, hurt,
stupid, embarrassed, guilty. The word “shame” can sum it all up.
Obviously,
such feelings should lead us to be ready to receive Jesus into our life. He’ll
come. The Risen Lord always approaches people and calls them to service – one
great way of moving out of shame.
Perhaps,
when we feel deep shame or guilt or “whatever”, we should approach Jesus first
and say three times, “Do you forgive me? Do you forgive me? Do you forgive me?”
And maybe
the Lord Jesus will laugh and say, “You beat me to the punch line. Well, anyway
I’ll say to you what I said to Peter, ‘Do you love me? Do you love me? Do you
love me?’ Let’s eat.”
