SHAME,  SHAME  ON  YOU! 

OPENING IMAGES

 Some of us have memories of doing something wrong as a little kid and being sent to our room. We refused to eat our broccoli or asparagus and then got into a temper tantrum. Or we got caught playing with matches or kicking the cat or hitting our younger brother.

And sometimes that same younger brother started to chant, “Shame, shame on you! Shame, shame on you!”

Some of us have memories of “having an accident” in kindergarten and some kid started to chant, “Shame, shame on you. Shame, shame on you!” and then some of the other kids chimed in.

Some of us have memories of being a teenager in school and getting caught cheating on a test or writing a term paper using other people’s stuff and we wanted to hide, escape, be anywhere, but where we were. And sometimes we heard echoes in the halls of our memory of that childhood chant, “Shame, shame on you! Shame, shame on you.”

Some of us have memories of doing something wrong as an adult. We stole money at work or we changed a report or we were seen in the wrong place with the wrong person at the wrong time. We were spotted.  We turned red. We wanted to run to some dark room and cower in some corner – far, far away from everyone.

And once more we heard the echo, “Shame, shame on you!”

And some day we might be in a nursing home and we’ll reflect upon our life and feel that we worked hard but our nets are empty. Our kids dropped out of church or their marriages fell apart. Or our arms will be tied to a wheelchair so we won’t fall out or tied to the rails of a hospital bed because we keep pulling at our plastic tubes. Or we are incontinent and we want to disappear from the whole human race.  And once more we hear down deep echoes of that childhood chant, “Shame, shame on you. Shame, shame on you!”

So at times, from Pampers to Depends, some of us experience feelings of shame, “Shame, shame on us!” And for some, shame is the name of the game.

HOMILETIC REFLECTIONS

Psychologists, anthropologists, sociologists speak about shame. But shame is not new. Our scriptures and the sacred scriptures of other religions often feature stories about people experiencing shame.

Today’s gospel features Simon Peter – the one who denied Jesus three times – being asked three times by the Risen Lord, “Do you love me? Do you love me? Do you love me?”

We don’t know if Simon Peter is filled with shame or guilt or what he was feeling at the time. Do we ever really know what another is feeling? All we can know is the state of our mind, if we were in their skin. We project. We reflect. We see what has happened to another and we think we know what we would feel if we were in their boat.

Yet, we can say, Peter is feeling something. Shame? Guilt? Empty? A failure? Stupid? Dumb? Humbled?

And we can also say, there had to be some shame in the story of Peter, because shame is so basic to every human being.

We see the reality of shame in one of the first stories in Genesis. Before Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit, they were naked, but felt no shame. (Cf. Genesis 2:25). But after their sin, their eyes were opened and they felt shame and made clothes and hid from God. The author of Genesis is simply reporting what is the same for everyone in every culture. The names and the places are different.

Peter denied Jesus three times. Matthew, Mark, Luke and John all tell us this sad story in detail. The first three add that after Peter heard the rooster scream, he remembered that Jesus said this was going to happen, “And he went outside and wept bitterly.” (Cf. Matthew 26:75; Mark 14:72; Luke 22: 62; John 18:15-27).

Peter the braggart – the one who said, “Even if all lose faith in you, I will never lose faith,” lost faith and surely wanted to hide his face. He was exposed, naked, scared. (Cf. Matthew 26:33-35; 26:69-75.)

Do we say to Peter, “Shame, shame on you! Shame, shame on you!”?

Of course not.  But of course, Peter felt shame. Shame is as basic to the human being as skin. We all know the feeling. We’ve all been there.

Did Jesus feel shame?

Who of us can answer that question? But those who killed him surely wanted him to feel shame. Isn’t that why Jesus was stripped and nailed to a cross? Cultural anthropologists like Bruce Malina often write about shame and honor as pivotal human values. In his book, “The New Testament World,” he points out example after example  from the First Century Mediterranean background of Jesus of how  people tried to motivate and manipulate people by means of shame. They stripped Jesus and nailed him to a cross, naked or almost naked, like a common criminal.

Jesus had shamed them, so they wanted to shame him in return – shame him for claiming to be a King, for claiming to be the Messiah, but even deeper, because he exposed the Pharisees and the Sadducees in their emptiness. Jesus saw right through them.

Jesus was constantly saying in so many words to the Scribes, the Pharisees and the Elders, “Shame, shame on you! Shame on you for all the burdens you lay on people. Shame on you for ruining the Sabbath for so many people. Shame on you for your empty prayers – your lip service – from hearts that are filled with dead bones and the stench of sin.”

But Jesus didn’t want to leave people in shame. He preached that love and forgiveness are much deeper than shame. This is perhaps Jesus’ biggest teaching.

From the cross, the place of shame, Jesus said, “Father forgive them for they don’t know what they are doing.” He forgave those who spat, cursed and crucified him. And in doing this, in saying this, he gave everyone a way to move out of the empty net called “shame” to the full net called “love”.

Jesus says from the cross, “Do you love me? Do you love me? Do you love me?”

Did Judas feel shame?

Once more we never know what another is going through, but once more we know what we would be going through. Matthew ventures into Judas inner feelings when he tells us, “When he found out that Jesus was condemned, Judas his betrayer was filled with remorse.” Judas took the money back to the chief priests and elders and announced that he had sinned. But they washed their hands of shame and rejected Judas and his money. Judas then flung the silver coins on the floor of the sanctuary and went out and hung himself. (Cf. Matthew 27:3-10.)

Both Matthew and Mark add what might be the saddest line in scripture, “It were better for him that he never had been born” (Matthew 26:24; Mark 14:21). Both Jeremiah and Job said this of themselves, but here we have Jesus saying this of someone else: Judas. (Cf. Jeremiah 20:14; Job 3:3)

Too bad Judas didn’t remember all the many parables and words of Jesus about forgiveness. Too bad he didn’t wait, allowing the Risen Lord Jesus to come to him, like Jesus came to Peter in the upper room and at the Lake of Galilee. Wouldn’t it be the best story in the gospels, better than the story of the Prodigal Son, if Judas didn’t kill himself, but instead Jesus rose from the dead and brought him forgiveness?

But life doesn’t always have happy endings. Remorse, anger at what they have done, shame, can cause people to commit quick or slow suicide.

Peter’s story is the happy ending. Today’s gospel features Peter again meeting the Risen Lord Jesus. 

It’s a fresh start for Peter. Like the first time he met Jesus, once more he’s fishing and once more he comes up empty. Once more Jesus becomes the fisherman of both fish and Peter. Once more Jesus makes a great catch.

Peter changes. The apostles changed. We have Peter here in today’s first reading no longer denying Jesus, but rather proclaiming Jesus. And as we read The Acts of the Apostles we see that the net, the boat, the church, becomes filled to the breaking point – with people.

Proclaiming the Name of Jesus, as today’s first reading reports, became their way of life. “The apostles for their part left the Sanhedrin full of joy that they had been judged worthy of ill-treatment for the sake of the Name.”

Evidently, for Peter, joy about the Name of Jesus replaced his feelings of shame about it.

PRACTICAL APPLICATIONS

Let me conclude with two practical applications:

1) How Do I Deal With Shame In My Life?

Obviously, into every life some shame shall fall.

Obviously, we should feel shame and guilt about sin in our life. We all need to be able to say, at least to ourselves for starters: “I made a mistake.”; “I sinned.” “I am not God.” “I am ashamed of things in my life.” If we can’t admit our original and unoriginal sins, we can become righteous, modern day Pharisees.

Obviously, we should be aware of shame and how it can paralyze and hurt us, especially if it’s unhealthy shame.

Obviously, shame works, but we should not use it to manipulate adults – especially as a way of avoiding communication.

Obviously, shame is taking place all the time. Shame is the name of the game. Shame works. It’s behind the scenes in many television advertisements, but too often it’s also the bottom line of our judgments about each other. By attitude, words, gestures, people often say things like: “Shame, shame on you for having so many kids.” “Shame, shame on you for not having kids.” “Shame, shame on you for being a stay-at-home mom.” “Shame, shame on you for going out to work.” “Shame, shame on you for staying in that neighborhood.” “Shame, shame on you for having such an ugly old car.” “Shame, shame on your for having a brand new car.”

2) Love and Forgiveness are Better Than Shame.

Obviously, love and forgiveness are better than shame.

Obviously, we all need to do some deep letting go of hurts and anger towards family, teachers, people we have worked with, church people, anyone and everyone who shamed us somewhere back there in pages of our life.

Obviously, we all need to do some deeper reflection on shame in our life. Some make a distinction between shame and guilt. Guilt is  feeling, “I made a mistake.” Shame is feeling, “I am a  mistake.” That distinction can be made on paper and in our mind, but when we are feeling shame or stupidity or guilt for something we have done, we don’t make distinctions. We just feel dumb, hurt, stupid, embarrassed, guilty. The word “shame” can sum it all up.

Obviously, such feelings should lead us to be ready to receive Jesus into our life. He’ll come. The Risen Lord always approaches people and calls them to service – one great way of moving out of shame.

Perhaps, when we feel deep shame or guilt or “whatever”, we should approach Jesus first and say three times, “Do you forgive me? Do you forgive me? Do you forgive me?”

And maybe the Lord Jesus will laugh and say, “You beat me to the punch line. Well, anyway I’ll say to you what I said to Peter, ‘Do you love me? Do you love me? Do you love me?’ Let’s eat.”