THE PUBLIC
AND THE PRIVATE ME
Diego Rivera portrait
of Jacques Lipchitz (1814)
INTRODUCTION
The title of my
homily for this 2nd Tuesday in Lent is, “The Public and the
Private Me.”
As we all know, we
all have a public and a private self.
As we all know the
real me is the me when nobody is looking.
Question: How well
do I know the real me?
Answer: When the
real me is pausing to look in on the real me and we start to get particulars.
JESUS
Jesus was very
aware of this reality.
In today’s gospel
Jesus talks about the Pharisees and their need to make their public self
look great. Jesus says, “All their works are performed to be seen.” They
love to be up front. They love titles - being called “Rabbi” or “Master” or “Father”.
Worse they try to
load others down with excessive laws and burdens - to make themselves look good
and others look bad.
The Gospel of
Matthew comes from after Mark - which is dated from 64-69 and before the year
110.
I was taught that
the stuff in a gospel is aimed at people around the time it was written - so
that tells me not only were there Pharisees in the time of Jesus but also in
the early church of Matthew or whatever gospel we’re looking at.
So what else is
new? There are always going to be people who are Pharisees - up front and
trying to be seen - as well as trying to lord it over other people and make
them feel inferior, guilty and sinful. And the biggest offenders can be those
up front - like priests.
Tassel wearers,
beware when you’re wearing tassels. Instead, keep trying to touch the tassel of
Jesus and don’t shake your own.
THE INNER ME
So the call of Lent
is to go into the inner room - into the all by myself me - and look in the
mirror and see oneself.
And to see
ourselves as we really are can be and ought to be quite humbling. Notice
the last sentence in today’s gospel, “Whoever exalts himself will be humbled;
but whoever humbles himself will be exalted.”
SPILLED SPAGHETTI
If we look in the
mirror we can see the spilled spaghetti stains of life.
Sin is a spill -
like an oil spill - like a ballpoint pen that leaks - like tomato sauce on a
white Irish sweater.
In time can wash
our hands and our sweaters - and slowly get the oil and ink stains and tomato
sauce stains off.
But when we are
within - when we’re talking to ourselves as the private - the me I really am -
we know the mistakes and the spills and the mess of our lives.
It’s difficult to
wash blood red spaghetti stains of the fabric of our soul and our memory.
Isaiah in today’s
first reading tells us, “Come now, let us set things right…. Though your sins
be like scarlet, they may become white as snow. Though they be crimson red,
they may become white as wool.”
It’s been my
experience that white wash, that cleansing of sins, sometimes takes a lifetime
- a long time.
I think of
Nathaniel Hawthorne’s book, The Scarlet Letter, and how long
and now shameful it was for Hester Prynne to wear the dress with the Big A in
front. A is for adultery.
The private me of every
person is wearing inwardly A’s for abortion, or G for some big hurt we caused
on another for gossip or E or P or M or S or what have you.
We are our own
library and librarian.
My mind took notice
of a scene in another of Hawthorne’s stories, The Marble Faun. There is
Miriam and there is Hilda. Hilda is the type who walked around looking
down on others - making “Ttch! Ttch!” - “Naughty, Naughty” - sounds on folks
she considered sinners. In Chapter 23, Miriam says in so many words,
“Honey you ought to go out and commit a really big sin and maybe then
you’ll understand the rest of us.”
Here’s how
Hawthorne has Miriam challenge Hilda,
"I always
said, Hilda, that you were merciless; for I had a perception of it, even while
you loved me best. You have no sin, nor any conception of what it is; and
therefore you are so terribly severe! As an angel, you are not amiss; but, as a
human creature, and a woman among earthly men and women, you need a sin to
soften you."
CONCLUSION
We are both public
and private persons.
Lent is a good time
to get within ourselves and grow in holiness and humility - and stop
worrying about our public perception and public self.
