SUICIDE PRAYER

Lord, embrace her. Embrace him.

Lord embrace us as we try to figure

out just what happened here.

Suicide is often filled with silence

and questions - words and feelings -

sometimes made of razor blades,

sometimes made of rope, bullet or pill.

Sometimes we just don’t know what

happened here. What to do?

Take time, spend more time

with others, step back, embrace each other,

take long walks, step back, help each other

get through this dark night. Go to the waters.

Take long showers. Pray. Write. Talk.

Suicide can be filled with anger, guilt, shame,

the dark unknown- the fish hook of questions.

Bring some good out of his - please.

Lord, in the meanwhile look

from your cross - your tree on Calvary -

see Judas hanging on his tree in the distance

and let him hear before he dies your words,

“Father forgive them because they don’t know

what they are doing.” Amen.  

©  Andy Costello, Prayers 2012

Painting on top Mindy Newman - the Judas Tree

SUICIDE

Suicide kills not just the person who kills him or herself.

The person is found. Sometimes there is a note;

sometimes there isn’t. Ugh. Ugly. Horror. Mess.

Help! Scream! Now what? What now?

The blood flows onto the floor: the tile, the wood,

or the rug - then down through the floorboards -

down into the basement where the next generation

lives. Suicide seeps down deep, so down, down, deep.

Blood - dark red blood is its color. After that

suicide is very difficult to explain.  Words are tried.

Words are blurted out with tears - with closed fists -

along with guilt and, “Why didn’t I talk to him - to her?”

“Why didn’t - she - he -  know I would try to understand

or be a shelter - a hiding place - a chair of comfort?

With suicide along come words and feelings: anger,

depression, wanting to disappear - failure, mistakes -

guilt, shame, hurt, hatred. With suicide sometimes

there is just silence. Sometimes we have no words.

We have no idea what happened. It’s hard to form

and sculpt questions made of barbed wire or venom

or what have you. There is so much of the unknown.

Or maybe their mind was mixed up because of drugs

or medicine. Sometimes that warning is on the side

of the bottle. Suicide can be  a side effect - that

nobody picked up on - and the person killed themselves -

with a brain gone confused. Too bad the label wasn’t

on a face - but it’s always too, too late - after the jump

or the rope or the gun or the pills or the poison.

It’s not a relief, but we certainly are more understanding

or sympathetic about suicide than 100 years ago.

Yes, people kill themselves. Yes, people don’t want

to face the future with a sickness or a guilt or an

anger or a hatred stabbing their heart or wrists.

I once saw a man shoot himself in the mouth -

in a cemetery near Covington, Louisiana. This

happened in the same burial place as Walker Percy -

who wrote and thought deeply about suicide -

having had several people in his family kill themselves.

It was just the two of us - in the early morning quiet.

I didn’t know the man. I thought it was good

that he was standing under a stone statue

of the Blessed Mother. As I walked towards him -

now just 30 yards away from me - he put the gun

in his mouth. I was shocked as I heard the shot
and watched him fall to the ground.

I have always wished he saw me instead of

the stone statue above him. I wish he would

have hesitated. I don’t know what his wife

and kids went through before and after

the horror. I don’t know. I still don’t know.

I always hoped the Gospels would have a story

that Judas dropped the rope below the tree

he hung himself on and he came running to Jesus'

tree and fell on the ground before Jesus and
Judas would have heard an eight word from the cross

that would have helped him and people ever since

who have wanted to kill themselves. Amen.

© Andy Costello, Reflections 2012

++++++++++++++++

Painting on top: Suicide by Eduard Manet

ANOTHER CRUCIFIXION

Quote for Today - August 23,  2012

"Ever since I could remember I'd wished I'd been lucky enough to be alive at that great time - when something big was going on, like the Crucifixion.  And suddenly I realized I was. Here I was living through another crucifixion. Here was something to paint."


Ben Shahn [1898-1969] on painting, Bartolomeo Vanzetti and Nicola Sacco [1932]. They were electrocuted this day, August 23, 1927 - accused of murdering 2 men in an armed robbery in South Braintree, Massachusetts, back in 1920. The trial, the conviction, the appeals, were controversial. They were anarchists - part of the roaring twenties - with its social upheaval. 

AUTHORITY'S  AXE

Quote for Today  - August 22,  2012

"Authority without wisdom is like a heavy axe without an edge, fitter to bruise than polish."

Anne Bradstreet [c. 1612-1672] in Meditations Divine and Moral [1664], 12


Questions:

Have you ever been in a position of authority? What was your take on how you did or how you are doing?

Do or did you have a feedback process in place?

Have you ever heard someone say to a person who challenges an authority, "You have an authority problem?"

What's your take on St. Thomas Aquinas' words, "In the field of human science, the argument from authority is weakest"?

Do you agree with the saying: "It's not what you are saying, it's how you say it"?

HE THINKS 

HE’S GOD ALMIGHTY! 

THREE WONDERINGS. 

INTRODUCTION

The title of my homily for this 20th Tuesday in Ordinary Time is, “He Thinks He’s God Almighty! Three Wonderings.”

FIRST WONDERING

Today’s first reading from the prophet Ezekiel triggers one of those life questions I think about from time to time. Ezekiel blasts the prince or king of Tyre for saying that he is a god. In today’s first reading we hear that over and over again. Ezekiel keeps saying, “You are not a god!” [Cf. Ezekiel 28:1-10]

My life question has always been: “Did this king or any king or emperor really think they were a god - even if others said they were or even if they said they were?” Really think. Actually. They might have acted as if they were a god - but did they down deep in their heart think they were God almighty?

If they were ever tempted to go that way, then did a cold or a fever or a slip on a banana peel get them to hesitate? When things didn’t go their way, did that give them deep pause? What about diarrhea or a rejection by one of their wives - if she was the one he wanted? We know when things don’t go our way, how frustrating that can be. We know we can be boring. What did the prince or king of Tyre do - when he was telling a story - perhaps for the 17^th time, and he sees several people yawn or look elsewhere or give a signal across a room to someone else saying with body language, “Oh no not again. It’s the story about how he killed a fox - on a hunting trip 17 years ago.”

So I’ve often wondered if the human mind could ever get itself into a mind set to actually think, "I am a god"?  Could someone really fool themselves that much? So keep yawning and looking at your watches when you see us too "ego-ie" or mighty "mouthy" in the pulpit.

Seriously, the "Who does he think he is, almighty God?" question is something I wonder about when I read about a  king being called a god in the scriptures. I also wonder about this when I see  those movies about ancient Rome - when the Christians are asked to make sacrifices to the emperor as a god - and if they don’t, it’s torture time or time to be thrown to the lions or put in ovens.

A SECOND WONDERING OR QUESTION: POWER YES

I wonder if the real issue that needs to be addressed is power.

I was saying a few Masses at Millersville this Sunday and before Mass a lady was mentioning how wonderful Bishop Newman - a now retired auxiliary bishop of Baltimore - was. She said, “He once told me that once you’re made bishop you never have a bad meal and you never hear the truth again.”

I think of the movie, “History of the World, Part I,” during which the king - played by Mel Brooks -  looks into the camera from time to time and says, “It’s good to be the king.” He says that while wenching and while playing chess - taking more moves than allowed. “It’s good to be the king.”

I think of Lord Acton’s famous comment in a letter to Bishop Mandell Creighton - April 5, 1881, “Power tends to corrupt and absolute power corrupts absolutely.”

That quote shows up over and over again in articles about bishops and popes and public figures.

It’s not good to be the pope or president - because it can go to one’s head - especially with the power a pope or president can have - and I assume it can lead to laziness in thinking and listening and getting one’s hands on the truth - and losing touch with reality.

A THIRD  WONDERING -  THE BIGGER LAZINESS

So that leads me to a third wondering: what about me myself and I?

It’s easy to say this stuff about others, but what about myself? Do I think or do I act as if I'm god almighty at times or has anyone said that of me?  

Response: "Oh my God! Hope not!"

Yet we do have powers.  Yes at times we can also feel powerless.

We have power to listen - to ask questions - to step back and remind ourselves - we are not God. 

We judge others as if we know their motives. We don’t. We don't know what this other person is thinking or who this other person is and why they do what they are doing.

It’s so easy to forget to say that we don’t know how another person got to where they have gotten. There was an article a few years back that my sister Mary saved for me to read - about a fellow who said he had criticized and made fun of the poor and the homeless - that is, till he lost his job and fell through the cracks.

At the bottom of the pits, we can realize we don’t know what’s going on inside the skull of another person. We are not God. We don’t know what’s it like to be in another’s shoe or skin.

It’s good to be the person we are - and it’s good to be the person the other is. In reality, how can we be but that? So if we treat ourselves and others with deep respect and love - then we might discover what Jesus taught us - our poverty as well as our richness. 

We might discover the power of humility - that we are of the earth and God formed us from the earth - breathing life into us in our mother's womb. [Cf. Genesis 2:7; Psalm 139:13; Job 10:11-12.]

So we begin small. We begin on the bottom. We begin within - like every baby ever born.  Then we begin helpless, a wiggler, a leaker, a crier, a crawler, a learner.

It's everyone's journey.... We're all equal.

I always loved the saying, “Each person is in the best seat.”

With true humility, we’ll be able to  fit thorough the eye of the needle - as Jesus talks about in today's gospel - Matthew 19:23-30.

CONCLUSION

When we think wonder about all this, we can learn that the call is to reach towards God Almighty - and eventually enter into God - into the Kingdom of God - and eventually become God in Christ Jesus. Amen.

Now that’s power. [1]

NOTES

[1] Confer Colossians 3: 1-4; Philippians 1: 23-26

HATRED

Quote for Today   August 21,  2012


"Hate is a prolonged form of suicide."



Johann Christoph Friedrich Von Schiller [1759-1805]

EMOTIONS:

TO FEEL OR NOT TO FEEL?

INTRODUCTION

The title of my homily for this 20^th Monday in Ordinary Time is, “Emotions: To Feel or Not To Feel?”

I was wondering if that’s a good question to ask from time to time?

When something happens to another, as to what they are feeling, is our guess only our projection onto the other? Do we really know what another is feeling? We know what we’re feeling - or would be felling - because of similar circumstances - but what is the other feeling?

The thing we can do is to ask the other - but at the right time - usually one to one - and after the tragedy - if that is what has happened.

WHERE THIS TOPIC AND THEME IS COMING FROM

This topic and theme comes from today’s first reading.  That’s what triggered my wondering about it today.

Ezekiel the prophet and preacher says that the delight of his life, his wife, is taken.

He describes the scene as God telling him that he is taking away his  wife. Then he has God adding,

“Do not mourn or weep

or shed any tears.
Groan in silence,

make no lament for the dead,
bind on your turban,

put your sandals on your feet,
do not cover your beard,

and do not eat the customary bread.
That evening my wife died,
and the next morning I did

as I had been commanded.”

The title of my homily is, “Emotions: To Feel or Not To Feel?”

I keep hearing that women are more in touch with their feelings than men are. Is that a good generalization or is it an, “It all depends”?

All of us have had our deaths. How have we done with the aftermath?

I remember doing and preaching my mother’s funeral. Our provincial was sitting next to me for the Mass. He said afterwards, “I don’t know how you could have done that - preach at your mother’s funeral.” He had been the guy who called me to his office at a big meeting and told me that my mom had been hit by a car that morning and they have a driver to get me down to Brooklyn to the hospital as soon as possible.

I thought his comment strange. Of course I would do and I want to do my mother’s funeral and homily. And I felt my feelings and sorted them out afterwards as well.

There was a spirituality and a psychology and a philosophy of life that we heard in the seminary and novitiate that stressed dampening and burying one’s feelings. It took us time to realize this is not the way to do life. Some people thought and think that priests and nuns went into the seminary and convent too early. Yes and no. It was a different time in our world and our church as well. Long story.

Hiding one’s feelings I suspect worked better when people died much younger and more oftener than today.

I like the text from Ecclesiastes 3:4: “There is a time for tears and a time for laughter; a time to mourn and a time to dance.”

Sometimes we want to sit in the corner; sometimes we want to be on the dance floor.

ST. BERNARD

Today is the Feast of the great St. Bernard [1091-1153].

At the age of 16 he left home and went to the monastery ac Citeaux - along with 5 brothers, 2 uncles and then 30 friends followed him into the monastery. [1] He must have been quite a charismatic person.

A dying community came to life. O would that!

He founded 68 monasteries and did a lot of other things.

How well did all these fellows do with their emotional life?

How well did Bernard do with his emotions and affections?

I’d have to do a study, but it seems in his writings and his sermons and his prayers, he’s real and he’s emotional. Just try praying his famous prayer, The Memorare to Mary - without emotions. You can’t do it.

Come to thinking and talking about emotions, today’s gospel ends with the comment that the rich young man walked away sad - because he had many possessions.

CONCLUSION

The title of this homily is, “Emotions: To Feel or Not to Feel?”

I would stress to feel them - to share them - to be aware of them. They are part of us. They are us. And sometimes they can possess us.

NOTES

[1] Page 57, “Bernard, Abbot and Doctor,” Saint of the Day, July to December, Volume 2,  edited by Leonard Folely, O.F.M.