EMOTIONS:

TO FEEL OR NOT TO FEEL?

INTRODUCTION

The title of my homily for this 20^th Monday in Ordinary Time is, “Emotions: To Feel or Not To Feel?”

I was wondering if that’s a good question to ask from time to time?

When something happens to another, as to what they are feeling, is our guess only our projection onto the other? Do we really know what another is feeling? We know what we’re feeling - or would be felling - because of similar circumstances - but what is the other feeling?

The thing we can do is to ask the other - but at the right time - usually one to one - and after the tragedy - if that is what has happened.

WHERE THIS TOPIC AND THEME IS COMING FROM

This topic and theme comes from today’s first reading.  That’s what triggered my wondering about it today.

Ezekiel the prophet and preacher says that the delight of his life, his wife, is taken.

He describes the scene as God telling him that he is taking away his  wife. Then he has God adding,

“Do not mourn or weep

or shed any tears.
Groan in silence,

make no lament for the dead,
bind on your turban,

put your sandals on your feet,
do not cover your beard,

and do not eat the customary bread.
That evening my wife died,
and the next morning I did

as I had been commanded.”

The title of my homily is, “Emotions: To Feel or Not To Feel?”

I keep hearing that women are more in touch with their feelings than men are. Is that a good generalization or is it an, “It all depends”?

All of us have had our deaths. How have we done with the aftermath?

I remember doing and preaching my mother’s funeral. Our provincial was sitting next to me for the Mass. He said afterwards, “I don’t know how you could have done that - preach at your mother’s funeral.” He had been the guy who called me to his office at a big meeting and told me that my mom had been hit by a car that morning and they have a driver to get me down to Brooklyn to the hospital as soon as possible.

I thought his comment strange. Of course I would do and I want to do my mother’s funeral and homily. And I felt my feelings and sorted them out afterwards as well.

There was a spirituality and a psychology and a philosophy of life that we heard in the seminary and novitiate that stressed dampening and burying one’s feelings. It took us time to realize this is not the way to do life. Some people thought and think that priests and nuns went into the seminary and convent too early. Yes and no. It was a different time in our world and our church as well. Long story.

Hiding one’s feelings I suspect worked better when people died much younger and more oftener than today.

I like the text from Ecclesiastes 3:4: “There is a time for tears and a time for laughter; a time to mourn and a time to dance.”

Sometimes we want to sit in the corner; sometimes we want to be on the dance floor.

ST. BERNARD

Today is the Feast of the great St. Bernard [1091-1153].

At the age of 16 he left home and went to the monastery ac Citeaux - along with 5 brothers, 2 uncles and then 30 friends followed him into the monastery. [1] He must have been quite a charismatic person.

A dying community came to life. O would that!

He founded 68 monasteries and did a lot of other things.

How well did all these fellows do with their emotional life?

How well did Bernard do with his emotions and affections?

I’d have to do a study, but it seems in his writings and his sermons and his prayers, he’s real and he’s emotional. Just try praying his famous prayer, The Memorare to Mary - without emotions. You can’t do it.

Come to thinking and talking about emotions, today’s gospel ends with the comment that the rich young man walked away sad - because he had many possessions.

CONCLUSION

The title of this homily is, “Emotions: To Feel or Not to Feel?”

I would stress to feel them - to share them - to be aware of them. They are part of us. They are us. And sometimes they can possess us.

NOTES

[1] Page 57, “Bernard, Abbot and Doctor,” Saint of the Day, July to December, Volume 2,  edited by Leonard Folely, O.F.M.