My name is Thomas - but I have
been nicknamed or dubbed - “Doubting Thomas.” There was a reason for the
nickname. I tend to doubt. Yes - that’s me - no doubt about it.
I’m a twin - and maybe you’re my
twin too - that is, if you’re a doubter as well.
Now, it takes all kinds of folks
- to make this world work. We need those who are sure, who have lots of faith,
but I also believe doubters have a place in life’s schemes and life’s scenes. Being
a doubter, I’m aware that’s a self-serving comment. However, at times I inwardly thought that those who were so sure of themselves,
would be better off, if they had a doubt every once and a while. And I’m sure when I voice my doubts, some wished I
would be quiet and accept with faith and good will someone else’s word for some
understandings about life. So when it comes to faith - and what we hope for,
I’m one of those who tends to have doubts.
Hey you heard the saying, “What would
Jesus do?” Well, after all, Jesus picked
me. Did he have any doubts about me - or any of us - including Judas? I would
think so. At least, I know, I would. As I looked around at those of us he
picked, to be honest, I had my doubts - especially why he picked me.
When Jesus said he was going to
leave us - that he was going to go prepare a place for us - when he said,
“There are many rooms in my Father’s house or mansion” - when he said, “I am
the Way, the Truth and the Life,” John in his gospel gives me credit for saying
out loud, “Lord, we do not know where you are going, so how can we know the
way?” I don’t remember saying that, but I thanked John for giving me the credit. To be honest, I might have said,
“Jesus I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
Thinking about all this - and
this was long afterwards, I’d like to think that Jesus picked me because I
wasn’t scared to bring up questions others were not asking.
Hey, it’s important to voice
one’s doubts when everyone agrees or everyone seems to be so sure of
themselves. I think it’s important to be able to say in any given situation,
“Wait a minute!” or “What about?” “What are the consequences?” or “Can you
explain that again. I’m missing something?”
Hey! What happened to all those
people whom Jesus fed? Where were they when Jesus was caught and crucified? I
listened to Jesus and I listened very carefully. If I heard him correctly, he
knew that miracle and food followers - could be shallow followers. They were
not there for faith - but for food and miracles.
On Palm Sunday they are praising
Jesus - by Friday they are screaming, “Crucify him!”
So if you want to know why I have
doubts, there it is, my take on people - including myself.
So have some doubts - or think
about whether my way is a good way to do life. Or do doubters have any choice -
if their nature is to doubt? I wonder about that too. Why are we the way we
are? Where do our peculiarities and particularities come from?
And when you’re a doubter or a
questioner, expect comments and criticism. My skin is not that tough - so it
hurt a bit to hear comments made about
me the whole week after the other apostles and disciples in the Upper Room claimed
to have seen Jesus risen after his death.
I wanted to put my hand in the
place in his hands where there were nail marks - and poke my finger into his
side. Then I would believe.
It’s a tough week after someone
dies. It’s a tough week after one’s plans and hopes were crucified and crushed
that day on the cross.
I left a lot to follow Jesus. I
was slowly realizing he was the Way, the Truth and the Life - but I wasn’t
there yet. I was wondering if he was my Lord and my God - but I wasn’t there yet - and then he’s
killed - and that made me feel rather empty.
Peter and Andrew, James and John,
knew about fishing all night and catching nothing. Fishermen need to be
dreamers - but they better be realists as well. Coming home with empty nets and
an empty boat is not a pretty sight - especially when they have families to
feed - especially when one sees the buyers on the beach - and one has nothing
to sell them. They just want to get past
disappointed faces - get some sleep - and try again that night.
So that’s a bit of my story and
what I was thinking that following Sunday when Jesus did appear again in the
Upper Room. This time I was there. He singled me out. He asked me to put my
fingers into the nail holes and into his side. I did. I did and I believed -
and I shouted out, “My Lord and my God.” Then he gave a new beatitude, “Blessed
are those who have not seen and have believed.”
Good beatitude - but I’m here for
all those who need some seeing - in order to believe. In fact, I wish Jesus
would have given another new beatitude, “Blessed are those who doubt, because
when they believe, it’s much deeper!”
Yet, I have some doubts about
that. So when I get to heaven - and because of Jesus I believe there is one -
but sometimes, I have my doubts - sorry to say that in public, but if you know me
by now, I’m honest. So when I get to heaven, I’m going to ask Jesus - or his
Father - if I can stand at a side gate.
Peter - the one who was always so sure of himself - he can have the main spot
at the main Pearly Gates. Just give a small side gate. I’ll wait for all those doubters who didn’t
believe there was even a heaven. And I’ll welcome them into paradise - letting
them slip in a side gate.
Now, that sounds a bit flippant and something off the books, so you might have
some doubts whether I can pull this off, but you can be sure that’s one of the
first things I’m going to try to do when I get to see Jesus again. He owes me
for being a set up to pronounce his new beatitude.
And I know some have got the name
of this Sunday changed to “Divine Mercy Sunday” - when it had been called,
“Doubting Thomas Sunday” for centuries, for the longest time. Time will tell
which one lasts.
Mercy or forgiveness that leads
to Peace certainly is a key message to always remember - but let me repeat.
There are a lot of people who are doubters - and I doubt that will ever change.
And they need to hear about someone like me: Doubting Thomas. Here I am at your
service. I made it. You can make it too.
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The painting on top is by Caravaggio and the story above is my attempt to reflect upon the gospel for this Second Sunday after Easter gospel: John 20: 19-31. Last week, Easter Sunday, I preached about faith. I believe that this Sunday after Easter, also called "Doubting Thomas Sunday" was here for a deep purpose: there are people who have doubts!
