DOUBTING  THOMAS

My name is Thomas - but I have been nicknamed or dubbed - “Doubting Thomas.” There was a reason for the nickname. I tend to doubt. Yes - that’s me - no doubt about it.

I’m a twin - and maybe you’re my twin too - that is, if you’re a doubter as well.

Now, it takes all kinds of folks - to make this world work. We need those who are sure, who have lots of faith, but I also believe doubters have a place in life’s schemes and life’s scenes. Being a doubter, I’m aware that’s a self-serving comment. However,  at times I inwardly thought  that those who were so sure of themselves, would be better off, if they had a doubt every once and a while. And I’m  sure when I voice my doubts, some wished I would be quiet and accept with faith and good will someone else’s word for some understandings about life. So when it comes to faith - and what we hope for, I’m one of those who tends to have doubts.

Hey you heard the saying, “What would Jesus do?”  Well, after all, Jesus picked me. Did he have any doubts about me - or any of us - including Judas? I would think so. At least, I know, I would. As I looked around at those of us he picked, to be honest, I had my doubts - especially why he picked me.

When Jesus said he was going to leave us - that he was going to go prepare a place for us - when he said, “There are many rooms in my Father’s house or mansion” - when he said, “I am the Way, the Truth and the Life,” John in his gospel gives me credit for saying out loud, “Lord, we do not know where you are going, so how can we know the way?” I don’t remember saying that, but I thanked John  for giving me  the credit. To be honest, I might have said, “Jesus I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Thinking about all this - and this was long afterwards, I’d like to think that Jesus picked me because I wasn’t scared to bring up questions others were not asking.

Hey, it’s important to voice one’s doubts when everyone agrees or everyone seems to be so sure of themselves. I think it’s important to be able to say in any given situation, “Wait a minute!” or “What about?” “What are the consequences?” or “Can you explain that again. I’m missing something?”

Hey! What happened to all those people whom Jesus fed? Where were they when Jesus was caught and crucified? I listened to Jesus and I listened very carefully. If I heard him correctly, he knew that miracle and food followers - could be shallow followers. They were not there for faith - but for food and miracles.

On Palm Sunday they are praising Jesus - by Friday they are screaming, “Crucify him!”

So if you want to know why I have doubts, there it is, my take on people - including myself.

So have some doubts - or think about whether my way is a good way to do life. Or do doubters have any choice - if their nature is to doubt? I wonder about that too. Why are we the way we are? Where do our peculiarities and particularities come from?

And when you’re a doubter or a questioner, expect comments and criticism. My skin is not that tough - so it hurt a bit  to hear comments made about me the whole week after the other apostles and disciples in the Upper Room claimed to have seen Jesus risen after his death.

I wanted to put my hand in the place in his hands where there were nail marks - and poke my finger into his side. Then I would believe.

It’s a tough week after someone dies. It’s a tough week after one’s plans and hopes were crucified and crushed that day on the cross.

I left a lot to follow Jesus. I was slowly realizing he was the Way, the Truth and the Life - but I wasn’t there yet. I was wondering if he was my Lord and my God  - but I wasn’t there yet - and then he’s killed - and that made me feel rather empty.

Peter and Andrew, James and John, knew about fishing all night and catching nothing. Fishermen need to be dreamers - but they better be realists as well. Coming home with empty nets and an empty boat is not a pretty sight - especially when they have families to feed - especially when one sees the buyers on the beach - and one has nothing to sell them.  They just want to get past disappointed faces - get some sleep - and try again that night.

So that’s a bit of my story and what I was thinking that following Sunday when Jesus did appear again in the Upper Room. This time I was there. He singled me out. He asked me to put my fingers into the nail holes and into his side. I did. I did and I believed - and I shouted out, “My Lord and my God.” Then he gave a new beatitude, “Blessed are those who have not seen and have believed.”

Good beatitude - but I’m here for all those who need some seeing - in order to believe. In fact, I wish Jesus would have given another new beatitude, “Blessed are those who doubt, because when they believe, it’s much deeper!”

Yet, I have some doubts about that. So when I get to heaven - and because of Jesus I believe there is one - but sometimes, I have my doubts - sorry to say that in public, but if you know me by now, I’m honest. So when I get to heaven, I’m going to ask Jesus - or his Father -  if I can stand at a side gate. Peter - the one who was always so sure of himself - he can have the main spot at the main Pearly Gates. Just give a small side gate.  I’ll wait for all those doubters who didn’t believe there was even a heaven. And I’ll welcome them into paradise - letting them slip in a side gate.

Now, that sounds a bit flippant and something off the books, so you might have some doubts whether I can pull this off, but you can be sure that’s one of the first things I’m going to try to do when I get to see Jesus again. He owes me for being a set up to pronounce his new beatitude.

And I know some have got the name of this Sunday changed to “Divine Mercy Sunday” - when it had been called, “Doubting Thomas Sunday” for centuries, for the longest time. Time will tell which one lasts.

Mercy or forgiveness that leads to Peace certainly is a key message to always remember - but let me repeat. There are a lot of people who are doubters - and I doubt that will ever change. And they need to hear about someone like me: Doubting Thomas. Here I am at your service. I made it. You can make it too.

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The painting on top is by Caravaggio and the story above is my attempt to reflect upon the gospel for this Second Sunday after Easter gospel: John 20: 19-31. Last week, Easter Sunday, I preached about faith. I believe that this Sunday after Easter, also called "Doubting Thomas Sunday" was here for a deep purpose: there are people who have doubts!