HESITATION

INTRODUCTION

The title of my homily for this 5th Sunday in Lent, Year B, is, “Hesitation.”

That’s a human reality that hit me when I read today’s readings.

“Hesitation.”

Do I or don’t I? Yes or no? Maybe - but maybe not! Maybe not now…. Maybe next week …. Maybe next year…. Maybe never …. Obviously, I’m hesitating. How bout you? Do you hesitate too?

I don’t know. I haven’t thought about it.

If you have a ball point pen - and if I suggested you write that word, “hesitation” on a piece of paper - or text yourself - and mediate or think about “hesitation” this week - would you do think about it? If you didn’t have a piece of paper, but you have a ball point pen, would you hesitate to print the word “hesitate” or “hesitation” on your hand.

Hesitation.

IN A GIVEN DAY - IN A GIVEN WEEK

In a given day or in a given week, how many times, how many situations, do we find ourselves in a hesitation mode?

“Two roads diverged in a wood, and I - I took the one less traveled by….” [1]

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I crashed…. because I didn't slow down.

I should have hesitated at the fork in the road.

Wait a minute? What did you just say? What are you asking me to do?

To do some thinking about hesitation.

Oh okay. But right now, I have a lot on my mind. So I’m not sure. I need some time to think about this. Oh , okay, to be honest, . as you can tell, I’m hesitating.

Hesitation comes with the package. Just watch a baby crawl - then stall. Just watch a person walk through the mall. Do women do shop differently than men?

Can you give me the name of a good doctor? I need a second opinion.

Can you give me the name of a good lawyer? I don’t want to decide or say the wrong thing right now.

The menu looks good - however - what would you recommend?

I’m tempted - however ….

I blew it. Maybe I should have hesitated.

I want to - but I’m not sure. Let me give this some more thought?

You know the old saying, “Look before you leap.”

To retire or not to retire?

To backtrack?

To go to this school or that school? Whether it’s elementary, high, or university - or to go for another degree.

To have another child? Agree or disagree?

To switch jobs?

To move to another house - or to stay in this one - yet with the way the economy is - yet the housing market - yet I’m hesitating.

People are getting married later than 100 years ago. People are living together before marriage more than 100 years. People are divorcing more than 100 years ago. How much does a wedding cost? How much does a marriage cost? How much do kids cost? How much does divorce cost? How much does life cost?

Who said, “If they say it’s not about the money, it’s about the money”?

There are also so many more choices than there were 100 years ago.

I-phones, cell phones, lap tops, Macs, Big Mac, Whopper, Mangia or Maria’s - this or that’s…..

So you understand why I hesitate. Yet…. Maybe …. Give me some time.

TODAY’S READINGS

In today’s first reading from Jeremiah, we hear about a new covenant that the Lord wants to make with the house of Israel.

This one will not be written on stone - but on the human heart.

Wait a minute! The one’s on stone are so much easier to read.

And in this first reading Jeremiah says that God says, “I will forgive evildoing and remember sin no more.” All well and good. I like that, but my heart hesitates to believe that one - because my heart remembers when I really blew it. So maybe God forgets, but I don’t.

Today’s Psalm - #51 - is a prayer for a complete soul wash. Have you ever hesitated at a car wash - which version do I get? The cheapest or the deluxe? Psalm 51 - sings about the deluxe - the thorough wash - the removal of all guilt and all sin - so I can drive forwards cleansed and renewed with a new spirit. Wow, whoever put together today’s readings - really wants to get across this forgiveness theme - so that’s one more indication that we hesitate to accept forgiveness.

Today’s second reading from Hebrews - has Jesus standing before God our Father - crying with loud cries and tears to be saved from death. We need to keep hearing that Jesus wasn’t made of cardboard - or stone - but he felt fear and tears as he went through suffering and death. In Holy Week we’ll hear more about this - when Jesus goes through his agony in the garden. Jesus had great feelings and thoughts - hesitations - in the garden and at Calvary.

Today’s gospel from John continues this theme of hesitation. Jesus says he’s troubled about letting himself be killed - and there were people out here who wanted to kill him. “Yet what should I say, ‘Father, save me from this hour?”

As preacher there are some hesitations about these texts because we know that John and the other gospel writers are writing all this after Jesus’ death and resurrection. They are recalling  what Jesus said - but now with a lot more understanding. We were taught that much in the gospels developed in the context of the Mass - as the Early Church pulled together it's theology and insights of Jesus.

The poets amongst them - especially John - knew Jesus chose bread and wine as central signs of his reality. Wheat grains, wheat seeds,  have to be planted and die. They grow in soil and sun and and rain - or lack of rain. Then they are cut down. Then they are crushed to become flour -  to become bread - to then be baked - to become bread for the table. So too the grapes. They have to go through a similar story to become wine - so too Jesus. It’s a long process. It’s a long process from Bethlehem to Nazareth to Jerusalem. It’s a long journey from Christmas to Easter.

"WE WOULD LIKE TO SEE JESUS."

I love the question that begins today’s gospel text from John, “Some Greeks who had come to worship at the Passover Feast came to Philip, who was from Bethsaida in Galilee, and asked him, ‘Sir, we would like to see Jesus.’”

Isn’t that what we are here today to hear about? Isn’t that why we’re here to see?

And in today's gospel Philip tells Andrew and both go to Jesus and Jesus gives the great answer - the great story of the grain of wheat - that it’s just a grain of wheat till it’s willing to die - to be planted - to grow - to die - and on and on and on.

We come here to Mass to receive the Risen Bread - Jesus.

Please hesitate - at communion time - at relationship time. Please hesitate to put your hand or tongue out - before you receive Jesus into yourself today.

CONCLUSION

The title of my homily is, “Hesitation.”

I don’t know what your plans are for this week. It’s the 5th week in Lent. Palm Sunday and Holy Week are next week.

Lent is a great season to reflect upon some of the great themes of Life. I think one theme is the theme of hesitatiion.

Is it? I'm hesitating to say just that - because I haven't thought about this enough already.

Hesitate a bit this week and think about hesitation.

I have thought about e.e. cummings famous comment, “be of love a little more careful than anything.” I don't hesitate about that.

However, I would  hesitate to say, “be of hesitation a little more careful than anything.”

At first glance, it would seem that it's very important to hesitate to see where and to whom we're called to love and to serve - and whose feet to wash - whether to go out on a night when a best friend might betray us. [2]


NOTES

[1] A line in the fourth and closing verse of Robert Frost's famous poem, The Road Not Taken. Cf  page 131, Complete Poems of Robert Frost, Holt, Rinehart and Winston, New York, Chicago, San Francisco, 1964

[2]  I assumed that some homilies and sermons this day might feature or mention what happened in Sanford, Florida with the shooting death of Trayvon Martin by a neighborhood watch volunteer. I hesitated to mention this for various reasons - one of which is the need for a thorough investigation of the shooting as well as the practice of having these volunteers - which I very uninformed about. If my whole sermon was on this case - - for example, the shooting calling all for a lot more hesitation on having such a law in Florida or anywhere - then okay. However, if I mentioned this near the end of my homily, then that might knock out my whole homily on the theme of hesitation - because that's all folks might get thinking about. I even hesitated to put in this footnote. However, in this written homily on my Blog - this footnote can serve as one more example of the human phenomenon of hesitation. What do you think?

SARAH’S GARDEN

[This is a story I wrote last night for today's  Children’s Mass - the 5th Sunday in Lent B, March 25, 2012. The story is a reflection on John 12: 23-26 - the Gospel for this Sunday]

Sarah and Sally - cousins - both 7 years of age - both an only child - both their grandmother’s only grandkids - went to their grandmother Sandra’s funeral.

It was their first death. It was their first time in a funeral home.

They had never seen a body in a casket before. Separately they went up to casket with their parents for a prayer. Mom and dad had their arms on their daughter’s shoulders in case this was too scary.

They stood there for a moment looking at the flowers all around the casket. Then they began to look at their grandmother - who had been sick for the last month or so - so they heard the “death” word.

They saw their grandmother holding a rosary in her hands. They both wondered about that - seeing their grandmother with that same rosary in her hands when she was living - but why would you put her rosary in her hands when she was dead?

After going to the casket, they turned around to face the room filled with people - who had come and kept coming into the funeral parlor.

They were both very quiet - watching everything and everyone. They were both sort of shy - when it was something they never did before.

So they just stood there when people went up to their moms - who were sisters - and people would say, “Sympathy!” “Condolences!” and “Hope and prayers you are doing okay.” They didn’t understand what the words “Sympathy” and “Condolences” meant.

They found the two hours in the afternoon and then the two hours in the evening in the funeral home very, very, long. They noticed everything - the tears and the hugs, the love and the hopes they were okay.

They realized their grandmother knew a lot of people.

The next morning at the funeral home - Sarah and Sally - got to see the moment the undertaker closed the casket - after their moms and dads stood there very quietly and then they got in a big, big car that took them to the church for the funeral - with grandma in her casket in another car - which they followed. At Mass Sarah and Sally got to bring the gifts up to the priest.

They liked their grandma. They knew she had been sick - for quite some time now. They understood some of that as 7 year olders. They knew people die. Watching their moms dealing with the death of their mom helped them to realized it was much harder losing a mom than losing a bird or a cat or a dog or seeing a flower die.

After the Mass - at the cemetery - they were asked to hold baskets that held little packets of seeds. They were asked to give them to those who were there for the final blessing at the cemetery.

Both also had their pocketbooks - because pocketbooks were in style and it was just after Easter. Sarah noticed Sally was sneaking packets of flower seeds into her pocketbook.

“I wonder why,” she thought. “I wonder why?”

After the ceremony, after the prayers and the blessings in the cemetery, the undertaker said to Sarah and Sally, “I see that you have some packets of flower seeds in your baskets. Well you can keep them. Make sure you get some good flowers from them.”

At the luncheon after the cemetery, Sally said to Sarah, “How many packets of seeds did you get?” Sarah counted hers, “Seven!”

Sally said, “Well, I got 17!” And Sally said it with a smirk more than with a smile.

Sarah didn’t know what all this meant. She didn’t know what Sally was up to - or why she was doing what she was happening. It was something new - something she didn’t understand. It was something different. So she said nothing.

She had seen kids at school and at parties showing off - and sort of trying to look better than other kids. She asked herself, “Was this what her cousin Sally was trying to say and do to her? To look better than her? Was she trying to say to Sarah, ‘I’m better than you - because I got 17 packets of seeds and you only got 7’?”

She was still thinking about this about a month later - so she asked her mom about what Sally said and did. She didn’t want to be a snitch - because kids made fun of snitches at school. Still Sarah also said to her mom, “I saw her sneak a handful of packets of seeds into her pocketbook when nobody was looking.”

Her mom listened and simply said, “Sarah, don’t worry about it. She’ll be okay.” However, her mom began thinking about all this. But she didn’t say, “Sarah, in life, try not to judge people. You never know why people do what they do.”

In July Sarah and her mom and dad went to Sally’s house - for a Fourth of July cookout. Sally and Sarah were playing with dolls in Sally’s room and Sarah spotted the 17 packets of flower seeds on Sally’s bureau. Sally spotted Sarah spotting the 17 packets of seeds and said, “I loved it when the undertaker told us we could keep the flower seeds. It reminds me of grandma.”

Sarah simply said, “Oh, I miss her too.”

On a Saturday in August, Sally and her parents came over to Sarah’s house and they were sitting in the living room at first - till Sarah’s mom said, “Sarah, why don’t you show Sally your flower garden.”

Both girls went out back - along with Sally’s parents - and there in Sarah’s garden - there they were - about 100 bright, beautiful, all kinds of colored flowers - growing and flourishing in Sarah’s garden.

And as Sally saw all that two things happened: tears and a tearing of her heart - because she knew then and there - what she would learn many years later in church - when she heard the words of Jesus, “Amen, Amen, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains just a grain of wheat; but if it dies it produces much fruit.”

UNHAPPINESS

March  25,  2012

Quote for Today

"Unhappiness is best defined 
as the difference 
between our talents and our expectations."

Edward de Bono [1933-   ]

COMING  HOME

TO  ROOST

March  24,  2012

Quote for Today

"I used ... to keep a book in which I would talk to myself.  One of the aphorisms I wrote was,  'The structure of a play is always the story of how the birds came home to roost.'"

Arthur Miller, [1915-2005 ] Playwright, Harper's Magazine, August 1958

CHRIST 

THE STETHOSCOPE

INTRODUCTION

The title of my homily for this Fourth Friday in Lent is, “Christ the Stethoscope.”

Jesus stands there and listens to our heart.

IN TODAY’S READINGS

In today’s reading - the first from Wisdom 2: 1a, 12 to 22 and the Gospel for John 7: 1-2,10,25-30 - God and Christ are listening to the hearts and minds of folks.

In both readings there is the sounds of violence in the human heart - the wanting to get rid of the Wisdom Figures in our lives.

QUESTION

If Christ put his ear to our heart - an ear like a stethoscope - what would he hear?

As we read the scriptures - we hear the thoughts of the human heart. If we read the gospels we hear that Jesus knew what was in the human heart.

What are our sounds?

Sometimes we can read another’s mind - because we can see their face - we can see their clenched fists.

Ronald Reagan said, “You can tell a lot about a fellow’s character by his way of eating jellybeans.” [New York Times, January 15, 1981]

We get that that because we’ve seen each other eat. We’ve been around each other enough to know what eats us. We know each other’s complaints and whining - and angers.

We will be in Holy Week soon - when we will be following along the long Passion Narratives and we’ll be asked to scream with the crowd that first Good Friday, “Crucify him! Crucify him!”

If we put out stethoscope to the gospel readings especially during Lent, we hear the beginnings of that word “Crucify”. We hear “Crrrr!”

If we listen to the angry, we hear them say, “Crrrr!” and “Crud” and “Crap” and “Christ Jesus shut up!”

What are the sounds of our hearts?

JESUS

Jesus didn’t come to crucify us. Jesus didn’t come to take away the joy of the world inside us. Jesus didn’t come to chain us - but to set us free. His truth can do just that. Jesus is the Lamb who was slain on the cross the take away the sins of our world.

His truths are about what can crucify us: wanting our will and way every day; not forgiving those who hurt us - and we can’t say, “Father forgive them because they don’t know what they are doing; not being able to take up the cross - when we’re on it - and suffering has come our way.

Jesus wants to heal, help, and save us - especially from ourselves.

CONCLUSION

Have Jesus the Stethoscope put his ear to our heart today and let him see where we hurt.

Hear him asking us to open our mouth and say, “Ah!” “Ah Jesus, you are my Lord and Redeemer.”

Look up at the big cross here at St. John Neumann's and say that today.

MIND READING

March  23,  2012

Quote for Today

"I never thought 
I could feel this way
And I've got to say
that I just don't get it."



Gordon Lightfoot in his song, "If you could read my mind ...."

Listen to the song. Who are the people you allow to read your mind? Who are the people who allow you to read their minds?

ACCEPTANCE  OR  REJECTION

INTRODUCTION

The title of my homily for this Fourth Thursday in Lent is, “Acceptance or Rejection.”

Last night I watched for at least the tenth time the movie, The Shawshank Redemption.  Each time I see it, I see something new or something different that hits me. Last night it was the moment when Red - Elllis Redding - played by Morgan Freeman - goes in to see the parole board of 5 people. They ask questions of a prisoner and then decide whether or not he is ready for parole. It’s a dramatic moment when you see the rubber stamp being pushed down on a piece of form - and then lifted. Then you see the word “APPROVED” or “REJECTED” filling the whole screen.[1]

TODAY’S READINGS

Then I read today’s readings and the theme that hit me was “Acceptance or Rejection”. I was wondering was it the movie that got me to see that theme in today’s readings. I don’t know, but I’d like to reflect upon them for a homily for today.

In today’s First reading from Exodus 32: 7-15 and today’s Psalm 106: 10-23 we hear the sounds of rejection of God and accepting the Golden Calf - a statue of an animal - animals that eat straw - over ME. We hear the sounds of a parent talking - trying to induce guilt. “After all I have done for you.” “I have freed you from Egypt” - and “Did you ever think what the Egyptians will say - now that you have fallen apart as a people?” Today version would be, “What am I chopped liver?”

Today’s Gospel from John 5: 31-47 has Jesus voicing the same feelings of how he feels for being rejected.

WE’VE BEEN THERE

We know what it feels like in being rejected.

It happens all our life.

The little kid experiences the disappearance of his or her mom or dad - when the bedroom door is closed in the night - and all is dark - and they are all alone. They experience it at school and in the playground.

Teenagers experience it with teams and romances and not making the play or when they think the teacher favors so and so over them - with attention and marks.

“Get over it!” they are told - but sometimes that’s easier said than done.

Then there are adult relationships. Then there are jobs. Then there are family situations. Then there is marriage. She’s up in bed waiting to be held - but he’s downstairs holding onto the remote - clicking away looking for action on the boob tube.

We’ve been there. We know about acceptance - but we know about rejection far more - because the negative often has far more power than the positive.

CONCLUSION

We know how it irks or hurts to be with someone and we’re telling a great story and they yawn or look at their watch or over our head at something more interesting.

In prayer, there are distractions, but I assume if we work at giving God full attention in prayer and worship, we’ll find ourselves giving that same attention to each other and vice versa.

*****

NOTE

[1] I thought it said, "Accepted" or "Rejected" till I looked it up on Google - where I found the YouTube scene that I put in the beginning of this Blog piece. Surprise the word in the movie is, "Approved". Then I went looking to see if the word was "REJECTED" in the earlier scenes - and I found the following YouTube piece that puts three scenes together. The texture of the film is not as good as the one on top. Check it out.