RELATIONSHIPS

November 11,  2011

Quote for Today


"True belonging is born of relationships
not only to one another, but to a place
of shared responsibilities and benefits.
We love not so much what we have acquired
as what we have made and whom 
we have made it with."


Robert Finch, "Scratching," The Primal Place, 1983

Questions:

Comparing connections and relationships you had in school and those you have had at work, which ones had the greater impact. Name names for yourself.

Talk with your spouse and close friends about the people who have impacted you in your life. Who comes to mind first?

What was your best work place?  Was it the work or the people there who made it the best?

What was your best school moment? Have you figured out reasons why?

Now re-read the words of Robert Finch once again.  Does it make more sense after reflecting upon these questions?

RELATIONSHIP - HAVING A

RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD

Is it possible
to have a relationship with God?


You’re kidding -
to have a relationship with God?


To have a relationship
with the Creator and Maintainer
of the Universe?


To have a relationship
with the Someone who is
larger than space and time
and smaller than 1000 million
miles inside the tiny of an atom?


You’re kidding! Right?


And if you’re a Christian,
to have a relationship with
someone who lived 2000 years ago?


And add a Third Reality -
A Holy Spirit - you’re kidding!


However ….


I once met a man - a man in his 80’s -
down on the North Carolina - Tennessee 
border who told me that every morning
when he wakes up - he keeps his
eyes closed - and he wiggles his toes
and if they wiggle - he thanks God
for another day of life.


Now, because of that man 
I have found myself wiggling
my toes for the last 32 years at odd
times - in the middle of the Mass -
but always after the sermon -
during boring meetings - while writing.


Hey I just did that right now.


See it proves I’m alive.


How about you? Wiggle your toes.


It’s a miracle. I got you to wiggle
your toes from miles and miles away.


Then say with a smile on your face,
“Thank you God for this moment.”


Wow! Not only did I get you to wiggle
your toes and smile, I also got you to pray.


I know all those proofs for the
existence of God and I just finished
Hitch 22 - A Memoir by Christian Hitchens
who writes that he’s an atheist.


My toes: what a great proof
that YOU exist, God. Want to wash
my toes? I’d love to wash yours
if I could. I know I can’t, so I’ll try to wash
others’ toes - metaphorically, of course.

Now wiggle your toes and all the rest
of you as you sing the song on the top
of this reflection. Smile. Sing. Wiggle!

© Andy Costello, Reflections 2011

RELATIONSHIPS - MARRIAGE 

3 THINGS TO MAKE IT WORK

Marriage,
three things to make it work:
compromise, compromise, compromise.


Marriage,
three things to make it work:
communicate, communicate, communicate,
listen, question and clarify.


Marriage,
three things to make it work:
forgive, forgive, forgive.


Marriage,
three things to make it work:
love, love, love,
which is work, work, work.


Marriage,
three things to make it work:
time, time, time -
taking time, making time, rearranging
time to compromise, communicate, clarify,
to forgive, love - but especially
to be with the other.

© Andy Costello, Reflections 2011

RELATIONSHIPS 

WITH OUR DREAMS 

AND OUR VALUES

What dashes and destroys
our dreams and our values?


Is it hanging around
at coffee breaks
with cranks and complainers
and those who have given up?


Is it walking by parks
and not slipping onto the swings
again or sliding down the slides
when nobody is looking - and
oops there is a little kid
we didn’t see, who sees us
and points us out to his dad
with a great smile on his face?


Is it no longer singing? Is it too much
sitting there in front of the blessed
sacrament - the TV tabernacle?


Is it the lack of songs in the
sound studio of our heart?


What dashes and destroys
our dreams and our values?


What wakes us up?


What gets us to hear God’s
footsteps in the cool of the
evening in our garden?


What got Jesus to leave
the carpenter shop in Nazareth
and walk our streets and hills
healing and telling us his stories?

What got him to say, “Come follow
and dream with me?”

© Andy Costello, Reflections 2011

RELATIONSHIPS: 

TEACHERS AND STUDENTS

She never, never liked going to
Teacher’s Conferences! Been
there, done that, dozens of time.


But a new principal at their school
noticed that teachers hadn’t been
going for updates for years now -
so updating was the first topic
on her agenda as new principal.
The teachers griped and groused,
growled and reluctantly signed up
for workshops - the shortest and
closest ones they could find.


Duty calls. She went.
She got the certificate.


Standing there on stage - after being
named “Teacher of the Year - she knew
exactly what she was going to say,
“4 years ago I reluctantly went to a
Teacher’s Conference. A talk I chose -
I figured it would be the easiest
was, ‘Creativity in the Classroom’.
The presenter gave lots of examples,
but the one that changed my life was
an old song and video she played. It had
Harry Chapin’s song, ‘Flowers are Red.’
Oh my God, I was caught red-handed.
There I was Teacher # 1 and I decided
to become Teacher # 2 - so I guess
that’s why I’m here today. Thank you.”

© Andy Costello, Reflections 2011

RELATIONSHIPS

- FRIENDSHIPS

The therapist asked a simple question.
It was her favorite - because it always
told her so much: “Tell me
the name of a best friend?”


Silence….


So she asked it another way: “Tell
me the names of the 5 best friends
you had in your life?” She added,
“When I was in school someone said,
‘If you have 5 friends in your lifetime,
you’re lucky.’ So think for a moment
and tell me the names of 3 or 4 or 5
friends you’ve had in your lifetime?”


Silence ….


She was sort of frustrated - so she
became silent for what seemed
a long, long time. Actually it was
only 3 minutes. Then she asked,
“Looking around at the people
you are with every day, do you
notice any close friendships?”


Silence ….


She decided to say nothing - till he
said something - but nothing was said.
She thought to herself: “This is the
first time I ever had a bishop in
for counseling. Does he really
not have any friends?”


Silence ….

© Andy Costello, Reflections 2011

RELATIONSHIPS:

FATHER and DAUGHTER

Isn’t life amazing? Isn't life interesting?


There are not just mountains and oceans,
rainbows and rain, water skiing and snow skiing,
there are also relationships: mom and dad,
nana and pop, mother and daughter shopping,
a father and a son having a catch.


Yet, we don’t stop enough to see a snow flake
sticking to a window pane - or the rain running
down the clear glass - or the shape of one French fry -
compared to all the others on our plate -
just resting there next to our hamburger.


Worse, still, we don’t stop to look each other
in the eye - enough. Oh, we did it when the baby
was a baby - rubbing noses and wondering
what’s going on inside those eyes - in that brain.


Harry Chapin has a song I love, “Tangled Up Puppet”.
It’s about a father and a teenage daughter.
For one moment he says, “Playing tag in the yard
I caught you off guard!” For one moment
they looked each other in the eye. More.

© Andy Costello, Reflections 2011