MELISSA:
NO’S DON’T HAVE
TO BE FOREVER

INTRODUCTION

The title of my homily for this children and family mass is, “Melissa: No’s Don’t Have to be Forever.” *
I would like to tell you a story. It’s the story of a girl named Melissa.

THE STORY OF MELISSA

Once upon a time there was a little girl named Melissa.

And as everyone knows, the name “Melissa” means “Most Sweet” or better, “The Sweetest” and that she was.

She was a star. She was very bright. She was a princess.
She was an only child.

And Melissa loved being an only child. The only pictures on the refrigerator door were pictures of Melissa. The only pictures in her grandma and grandpa’s wallets were of Melissa – because Melissa’s mom and dad were also the only child.

Melissa was loved by neighbors and checkout counter ladies, teachers and classmates – because she was so outgoing – so talented – so cute – so smart.

She could dance. She could sing. She could play the piano. She got all stars in Kindergarten. She was able to catch a lacrosse ball already – when she and her dad went out to play on their front lawn. She was great in Monopoly already.

Her dad and her mom were so proud of her. Life couldn’t have been better.

Then one day Melissa felt an “Uh oh!” in her throat and her tummy.

She heard her mom talking to someone on the phone – and her mom said, “The baby will be due in August.”

“Uh oh,” she said again.

In her gut – without knowing why – Melissa started to become more and more quiet – the closer they got to August.

The baby was a baby brother – 8 pounds and 8 ounces. They were going to name him Jack, but they changed to name to Michael – because they thought that would make Melissa happy – she and her brother being called, “M and M.”

Her mom and dad felt super – her grandparents on both sides felt super – finally more than one child – and her parents thought it was great that Melissa would no longer be an only child. They never liked growing up as the only child – because people would say, “An only child is a spoiled child. They get everything.”

Well Melissa went into a shell – into a mood – into feeling sorry for herself – because nobody was noticing her. Nobody was giving her attention. All the action was with her baby brother Michael.

He was a prince and she no longer felt like a princess.

It was Michael this and Michael that. And the only pictures taken were pictures of Michael.

And a big, big baby picture of Michael went smack on the center of their refrigerator door.

People would stop her mom in the mall and ask to see the new baby. Nobody seemed to notice Melissa any more.

Teachers would say to Melissa, “Aren’t you lucky? You now have a baby brother.”

Melissa didn’t think so. Melissa didn’t like this new arrangement.

Melissa was cranky and moody at Michael’s baptism – in fact, she acted up a bit – and this annoyed her grandmother on her dad’s side.

Everyone drove back to Melissa’s house. There was to be a party in honor of the newly baptized baby Michael.

The priest who did the baptism was there – and he noticed how Melissa was hiding out – how alone Melissa seemed to be – how she was so sour in the face. So he went over to her and asked, “Can I ask you a question?”

And Melissa said, “No!” and ran away.

The priest felt an “Uh oh” in his tummy.

About five minutes later the priest was sitting there eating tiny hot dogs – wrapped in dough – smothered in great yellow mustard – talking with Melissa’s grandparents.

The priest felt someone tap him on the shoulder.

He turned. It was Melissa.

She said, “Okay, you can ask me a question.”

No’s don’t have to be forever.

The priest was surprised. He had to think backwards to remember what his question was. He thought and thought. Then he remembered.

Seeing how much Melissa had changed since her baby brother arrived, how she had become so quiet and moody, he was wondering if she was being jealous . He was wondering if it was because she was no longer getting all the attention. So the priest whispered in her ear so her grandparents wouldn’t hear, “Are you jealous of your new baby brother?”

And before he could say, “because he’s now getting all the attention and you think it’s not fair!” Melissa yelled out, “No!” and ran away again.

Five minutes later the priest was still sitting there. He was eating his fifth tiny hot dog wrapped in dough, smothered with great yellow mustard. Once more he felt a tap on his shoulder.
Once more it was Melissa.

She said, “Yes, I am a little bit jealous.”

No’s don’t have to be forever.

Then Melissa with her old sweet smile and her fingers going like this, [Gesture of her thumb and index finger slightly apart] added “but only a little bit jealous.”

Then she ran over and started tickling her baby brother and from that moment on, she became the bestest of older sisters.

[*Family Mass - especially kids - St. Mary's Church, Marian Hall, September 28, 2008, 26 Sunday Ordinary Time - Year A]

SECOND THOUGHTS

INTRODUCTION

The title of my homily is, “Second Thoughts.” *

We know all about second thoughts. To be human is to have second thoughts.

“I could have!” “I should have!” I wish I had….” “I wish I didn’t….” are regular sounds in our regret system.

You can be sure that presidential candidates – 10 minutes after a debate “kicking themselves” for what might have been – what was said, what wasn’t said.

Second thoughts.

Preaching – it’s always after the homily that I figure out what I was really trying to say – what I was trying to figure out. We preachers here often say it’s great to have the 4:30 at St. John Neumann or the 5:00 here at St. Mary’s on Saturday evening – because you can straighten the sermon out after you gave it – and make it better for tomorrow - hopefully.

Second thoughts.

TODAY’S GOSPEL
Today’s gospel has the son who said, “No” – who then had second thoughts. He then goes out into the vineyard and does what his father asked him to do in the first place.

The second son who said “Yes” to his father also has second thoughts. He does not go out to do what he told his father that he would do.

We are both sons.

We say, “Yes” and then do “No”.

We say, “No” and then do “Yes.”

MONDAY MORNING FLIGHT
It’s Monday morning 6:45 and Jill is driving Jack to BWI – who is about to go on a business trip to the West Coast.

They are both quiet – both moody – both in a rush – and both need more sleep.

Silence.

Finally, Jill says, “You know you shouldn’t have said that yesterday!”

Jack says, “What?”

“The comment you made in front of all those people.”

“Jill, I was only kidding.”

“Jack, you’re never kidding when it comes to saying that. That hurt. You shouldn’t have said it.”

Silence.

Jack is saying to himself, “I don’t need this. I don’t need this now.”

They arrive at the Departing Flights curb.

No kiss. No good by. Only anger – and once more the feeling of having been trapped in the confines of this metal cage called her car.

He closes the door. He doesn’t slam it – but he is saying to himself, “She does this every time. Ugggggh!”

He’s still chewing on Agita as the plane climbs to 30,000 feet.

He’s thinking. Then it hits him, “Maybe I shouldn’t have said what I said yesterday afternoon.”

Second thoughts.

He lands in Chicago and leaves a message on Jill’s cell phone. “Honey, I’m at O’Hare and you’re right. I was being stupid. I’m sorry about yesterday afternoon. I’ll call again tonight. I love you. My connecting flight to L.A. is delayed two hours.”

Second thoughts.

He stops into an airport bookstore and spots a book with the title, “The Five Languages of Apology” by Gary Chapman. He wouldn’t have noticed it – if there wasn’t what happened yesterday and this morning in the car. He pages through it. “Woo!” He buys it. He takes a seat off to the side in the waiting area. He reads that “I’m sorry!” is often not enough. He reads about 5 types of “I’m Sorry!”. He tries to figure out what the author means by the 5 languages of apology.

He reads that people need to understand that the other might have another language or understanding when it comes to forgiveness. He gets glimpses that the other might have different needs when it comes to apologizing. We need to accept responsibility for what we say and do. We need to make restitution. What will it take to recover? We need genuine repentance. We need to request forgiveness.

He remembers the old saying that talk is cheap. Talking is easy. Walking the talk is what is called for. Changes in behavior need to follow the magic two words called, “I apologize.”

Second thoughts are important – but second steps and follow up are much more important and necessary.

Monday morning quarterbacking doesn’t help change the score of yesterday’s game, but it can help next Sunday’s game – if we learn and make significant changes.

TODAY’S FIRST READING

Today’s first reading from Ezekiel has the words of every child and the words of every adult who is angry with God. “Not fair! Not fair!”

And if we take time to think about life – we will hear God say to us, “You say, ‘I’m not fair.’ Let me tell you about fair. Let me tell you about your life.”

Prayer and reflection time – whether in church or in a plane 30,000 feet above the earth – or sitting in an airport waiting for a plane – or sitting alone after an argument, is often the time we think deeply about life.

Ezekiel is trying to get people to hear God say, “Take some time for some second thoughts about your life and then tell me who’s fair and who isn’t fair.”

Ezekiel is capturing the same thoughts you’ll find so powerfully in the Book of Job – when God gives Job the big picture.

And on second thought we’ll pinch ourselves – or we’ll get down on our knees and thank God for everything.

On second thought we realize we were just focusing on our mom or dad’s death or our spouse or our kid’s death – or a broken life – or a “walk out” by a spouse. On second thought we start to see a bigger picture. We see the years and years and years of blessings. We see big and the little blessings called, “Life.” We see ourselves at 9 years old sliding into home with the winning run in a Little League game or intercepting a pass in a high school football game or being selected to edit the high school year book in our junior year in h.s. and that changed our whole career track – and on and on and on. We see births of babies, camping in western North Carolina, white water rafting in West Virginia in a distant May morning and on and on and on.

Second thoughts.

SECOND READING
Today’s second reading contains what some scholars think is an early Christian hymn – from the early 50’s which St. Paul took and put into his letter to the people of Philippi.

What I hear on second thought is great theology.

Adam, the first human said, “No” to God!

Jesus, the new Adam, representing all of us who say “No” says “Yes” and becomes one of us.

Those who say, “Yes” – those who say, “Amen!” – those who say, “I do” and don’t – are still out there like the second son.

And what does Jesus do – according to this hymn?

The reading says that God has second thoughts – God – the Second Person – in God – empties himself and becomes human – and not only that – becomes our servant – and not only that – he dies for us – he is killed for us – he is killed by the “goody goods” – who think they are right.

And because Jesus, the second person, does all this, to make things right – right like God wanted creation and human beings to be in the first place – God lifts this second person out of death – and raises him – and gives him the name above all other names: Lord. Kurios!

This hymn in Philippians is estimated to go back to the year 54 AD.

It’s early theology about Christ – which we call “Christology”.

It took a long time for the early church to come up with creeds and language – lots of second thoughts – almost 400 years of talking and arguing – various heresies – lots of infighting – Church councils like Nicea in 325, Ephesus in 431 – and Chalcedon in 451 to formulate how Christ can be both human and Divine – how Jesus was the Second Adam and the Second Person in the Trinity.

Theologizing is second thoughts – lots of second thoughts.

Communication is second thoughts – lots of second thoughts.

Marriage provides the opportunity for lots of second thoughts.

Life is second thoughts.

CONCLUSION

So let’s give each other the chance to debate without playing, “Gotcha”. Let’s learn to allow for second thoughts – and apology – so that we can play this great game of life together with great joy and laughter, forgiveness and understanding. Amen.

* [Homily for 26 Sunday in Ordinary Time, Year A, September 27, 2008, 5 PM Saturday Evening Mass at St. Mary's]
* y in Ordinary Time, Year A, September 28, 2008]

TREE

The ability to bend,
to sway back and forth,
to feel the wind,
to grow some more,
to feel the drip of rain,
the cold of snow,
years in the great outdoors,
watching people go by in the day,
looking up to see the stars of night,
winter, spring, summer, fall,
then the moment of decision:
“What would you like to be
for the rest of your life?”
Chair, table, floor, paper?
Church bench, cross, altar?
Or an inner beam
that holds up a house?
Do I have a choice
on what to do
with the rest of my life?

© Andrew Costello, Reflections, 2008

BACK PORCH

Sitting there

alone

on the back porch,

I spot

a quiet

brown bird

gliding,

turning,

landing

perfectly on a 22 foot high empty branch,

only

to take off

almost immediately,

escaping into the woods.

It was then

I saw the hawk

on a nearby tree

shake its wings

with pride,

for a split second.

It was then

I could hear it saying,

“Don’t even think of it.”

You have to know the territory.

By the way,

there is another rocking chair

here on this back porch

waiting for you.

I hope I don't scare you away.

© Andrew Costello, Reflections, 2008

PEOPLE
ARE DIFFERENT

Some people are rivers;
some people are still ponds.
Some people are oceans;
some people are ice.

Some people are silent and still;
some people are splashing waves.
Some people are deep;
some people are shallow, shallow.

Some people can drown you;
some people can be a soft rain.
Some people can put out fires;
me? I’d like to be a cold water fountain
on a hot, thirsty day.

© Andrew Costello, 

Reflections, 2008

JUST ONE PROVERB

INTRODUCTION

The title of my reflection is, “Just One Proverb.”

Today’s first reading (Proverbs 21: 1-6, 10-13) gives us 10 proverbs.

I read them a few times to see which one hits or grabs me the most if I had to pick one of them.

PROVERBS 21:2

I decided on the 2nd one – Proverbs 21: 2: “All the ways of a man may be right in his own eyes, but it is the Lord who proves hearts.” [New American Bible Translation – NAB]

OTHER TRANSLATIONS

Next I checked out 5 other Bibles to see if another translation of Proverbs 21:2 would grab me more. Here are 5 other translations:

[Jerusalem Bible: JB] “A man’s conduct may strike him as upright, Yahweh, however, weighs the heart.”

[Jewish Study Bible -JSB] "All the ways of a man may seem right to him, but the Lord probes the mind.”

[New Revised Standard Version: NRSV] “All deeds are right in the sight of the doer, but the Lord weighs the heart.”

[New English Bible: NEB] “A man may think that he is always right, but the Lord fixes a standard for the heart.”

[King James Version: KJV] “Every way of a man is right in his own eyes: but the Lord pondereth the heart.”

By doing that I think I got the gist of the proverb.

THE GIST

We think we’re right in doing what we do – but the proverb challenges us to pause and bring God into the picture.

It challenges us to ask: Is this God’s will? If I sat down at table with God and talked over my decisions - would any of them be different?

It challenges a Christian to ask, “WWJD?” What would Jesus do in this situation?

Someone makes a mistake and they are wrong and we know they are wrong, but they keep telling us we are wrong. We get angry. We want to slam them verbally. We pause. We think. We say a quick prayer. Or we hear our conscience say, “Maybe you’re right, but why rub it in?”

Or we struggle to make a decision about moving. We're thinking about taking a new job in another part of the country. Then we stop and pray over it. We decide not to move because our kids are at a crucial age. We’ve already moved three times, so we say, “This is a great opportunity, but money isn’t everything. Kids, family, neighbors, friends, church are better if we stay.”

Or we’re sure we’re right about something, but we say to ourselves, “Maybe I ought to get a second opinion.”

Or we’re sure we’re right, but we say to ourselves, “How many times have I been so sure of myself and surprise I was wrong. So maybe I’m wrong about her or him or this or that. Come Holy Spirit.”

CONCLUSION: MAKING A PROVERB A PRAYER

Maybe trying to put this proverb into a prayer might also be an eye and soul opener. So here are three quick first draft tries at turning Proverbs 21:2 into a prayer.

1

God, I like to be right –
who doesn’t? –
but tip the scales
in favor of the most good
for the most people.

2

God,
we are being bombarded
by all this political wrangling
and name calling.
It seems everyone
has to be right in debates
and political ads and
talk show and call in programs;
and politics are ruining our coffee breaks
and tail-gate parties,
so why can’t we let go of the infighting
and love one another
and cut the nonsense,
pursue the truth, live the truth,
and make decisions for the common good with love. Amen.

3

Lord,
when it looks
like I’m being pig headed
and I’m feeling the need to be right,
and I’m actually wrong,
and I’m being stupid,
for God’s sake,
put your pinkie
on the scale
of the person
who is actually right,
so I can see it. Amen.





[I have only been including in my blog, homilies from Sunday, but someone asked for a copy of this homily. The readings are for the 25 Tuesday Ordinary Time, Sept. 23, 2008. I know that all of the translations above use the word "man" - except one. I prefer translations that are more inclusive. Surprise, if I change what's in the book, I've had people yell ; if I don't, I have people yell. I laugh during the readings, because more and more people are reading the readings - and they know if a reader adds "and women". I think it's funny - better, that it's strange that so many people are reading the readings - instead of just listening. If this was done during a play, someone would say, "This is crazy!" I realize people have hearing problems. I realize some people get more out of a reading if they are reading it. I realize that some people can't understand some readers. I realize publishers make money if people purchase these little books that have the readings. Who's right? Who's wrong? Or are they the wrong questions? I think it's more important to have a sense of humor than a sense of righteousness. Religion can be as tough as politics when it comes to the question of wanting to be right - the topic of this homily and what I looked at reflecting on Proverbs 21: 2. Enough already.]

SIGHTS AND SOUNDS

Children,
running, laughing in the playground just outside their classrooms.
A mother,
crying in her car in a parking lot, caught inside her marriage mistake.
An ambulance,
screaming, rushing somewhere in the mornning.
Then rain,
steadily dripping on deep green leaves – drip, drip sounds down to hard thirsty ground.
Me,
watching a fly wanting to get outside – buzzing to be free –
so I walked to my window, opened it up,
and let the fly, fly away,
while the kids across the street ran inside,
and I stayed at my window
watching and hearing the sights and sounds of our world.

© Andy Costello, Reflections, 2008