SHEILA SHELLINGTON
[The title of my
reflection on today’s readings is “Sheila Shellington.” I read the readings a
few times and decided to look at them by making up a story - to see where that
would bring me. So here comes a story - triggered by today’s readings. This is
total fiction - written today. I don’t know anyone named “Sheila Shellington.”]
Sheila liked her first name - and she liked her family name, “Scout” - as
well. She had heard that her great-great-grandfather was just that - a scout in
the southwest - part Native American - part Spanish - and probably several
other strains of DNA - but she hadn’t sent in her spit yet to AncestryDNA.com to get that information. One of these days….
Sheila’s family settled in San Diego and there she met a
Navy guy from Minnesota named Shellington. They married, had 4 kids, and saw
the world in a 24 year career in the Navy. They settled in Maryland - near the
water of course.
Sheila - like her husband Jack - became “Shellington”.
It’s one of those last names that becomes a good nick name.
Shellington - that is Sheila - decided to make an eight
day directed retreat in a Catholic retreat house in High Ridge, Tennessee.
Their last daughter - Marcy left for college in August - and finally Sheila
Shellington - could have some time for herself - before the next stage in her
life.
Her husband - the original Shellington - told her, “Go
for it!” He was Lutheran - understood Catholics a bit - went to the Lutheran Church
when he visited his family in Minnesota - and went to Catholic Mass with Sheila
and kids at different times of the year - especially on Christmas and Easter - like
a lot of Catholics.
Sheila arrived at Transfiguration Catholic Retreat House
in High Ridge, Tennessee on a Sunday afternoon. It was a long drive from
Maryland - but she broke up the trip by
stopping to see an old friend that weekend on her way down to Tennessee from
Maryland.
She was a bit nervous - not having made a retreat since
her high school days in San Diego. Two friends had told her - how great an 8
day silent directed retreat could be. She finally got her chance to do it. She
was there. She got a neat mountain view room.
Supper with about 30 strangers was a bit strange and strained.
Small talk about family, careers and where folks were from - worked the room.
The opening session of the retreat took place at 7:00
that Sunday evening.
Before signing up, they were told to bring a Bible and
they were told that there was to be silence for 8 days - except for a daily chit chat with
one’s - one-on-one director for the retreat.
After the big opening welcoming session - part prayer and
part information about a directed retreat - everyone was told to meet with one
of the 6 retreat directors - right there in the big room. Twenty four people -
men and women were making a retreat. They were told each director had 4 people
whom they would meet with each day one to one. So Sheila and three other folks
sat down in a corner with the woman who
was to be their director. Her name was Maud. She looked like she was in her
mid-fifties - great smile. She welcomed the small group she would meet with
each day for a one-to-one.
Maud said she would see two people in the morning and two
in the afternoon. “Did anyone have a preference?” Sheila got the second slot in the morning
after a guy in his 70’s. He was a priest. She would find that out the next day.
Maud asked each of her 4 retreatants to read the
Transfiguration story for starters and then added, “I hope at some point each
of you will say to yourselves what the three disciples said in the
Transfiguration story, ‘Lord, it is good that we are here.’
Then she handed each of her three retreatants an 8 ½ by
11 inch piece of paper with the Gospel text: Matthew 16: 13-20 on it. One
sentence was highlighted in yellow, “But who do you say that I am?”
Let the silence begin.
Let God do God stuff. Let us pray.
Right after that official opening, Sheila got a cup of
tea and some chocolate chip cookies. She noticed that there was a big balcony
just off the main room. She went outside, grabbed a comfy seat and relaxed on a
balcony overlooking trees - lots of trees - and then some more trees - at High
Ridge, Tennessee.
There was a porch light so she could read the story of
the Transfiguration and she began thinking and reflecting. She didn’t say yet, “Lord, it is good that I
am here.”
She said that a bit during the week of retreat - but she
would really say that years later - looking back on how much that 8 day silent
retreat did for her.
Monday morning she got up early and had a great walk by
herself exploring the retreat house grounds, paths, getting lots of dew on her
walking shoes.
Breakfast was different - 30 some people sitting there in
silence.
After breakfast she read Matthew 16: 13-20 and especially
the yellow highlighted question, “But who do you say that I am?”
“Uh oh,” she thought, “How am I going to answer that to
Maud - who will be directing me - when I meet her at 11 AM?”
“Jesus was the core of my faith.” She said that to
herself.
“Jesus was Communion - Holy Communion. That is also
central.”
Sheila started to tear - not cry.
She was to tell her director that morning about this
moment - that she moved from Jesus as a thought - Jesus as an “about Jesus” to
Jesus - as a real presence - right there, right now.
Sitting there in her quiet room - looking out at the
mountains - she felt the presence of
Jesus - and she said, “I know you and I don’t know you.”
“Who are you?” she said to Jesus. “Who are you?”
She heard Jesus say back to her, “Who are you?”
She laughed - because she knew how her husband Jack and
kids knew her and friends knew her.
But a lot of that was about her - but who she really was
- Jack would come closest - because they talked a lot especially when the kids
were away with friends. And Marriage is the great classroom - the great retreat
house.
She said to Jesus in that room and she would tell this to
Maud at 11 AM, “I’m me - basically happy me - great life so far me - been
blessed - thank You God, and I want to do new
- better - for the rest of my life.”
She said to Jesus, “Sometimes I’m a question mark.
Sometimes I am a period. Sometimes I’m an explanation mark. Sometimes I’m a
blank. Sometimes I’m an erasure. Sometimes I’m a mistake. Sometimes I’m an asterisk.”
At 11 she met with Maud and told her this stuff. Maud was
a great listener. “I guess that was how they train these retreat directors,”
she thought to herself.
Maud told Sheila to stick with that question - the
question she heard Jesus say to her “Who are you Sheila?” and wrestle with that
for the rest of the day. Start this retreat about herself - more than about Jesus. “Who do
you say you are?”
Maud and Sheila stuck with that question not only for the
rest of Monday - but continued with it Tuesday and Wednesday.
Then Thursday and Friday Maud directed Sheila to use that
question for Jack and their 4 kids: Jack Jr. Tom, Mary and Marcy - along with
her parents and siblings. “Who are they - really?”
On this retreat Sheila did her life - through people more
than places and events.
Maud helped Sheila realize why God is Trinity - if that
is possible to know the Trinity - that God is relationships - God is connection
- God is continued inner talking and conversation - person with person.
Maud quoted Saint Paul’s comment in Romans 11: 33-36, “Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and
knowledge of God! How inscrutable are his judgments and how unsearchable his
ways! For who has known the mind of the Lord or who has been his counselor?”
and Maud had Sheila pray with that Bible text.
And Sheila thanked Maud for what they were doing all
week. Wonderful.
Saturday and Sunday and into Monday when the retreat was
over, Sheila was back to the Jesus question to her that they began with, “Who
do you say that I am?”
Sheila paused. She knew Peter’s answer. It was on the
paper.
In fact, she said to Peter, “Sorry Peter, I know Christ
is the Son of the living God as you said to Jesus - and he gave you a cookie
for such a great answer.” Nope I want to say to you Jesus what John said to you
right there at the end of his Gospel - when
you Jesus met him and your disciples after his resurrection - up there on the
Lake of Galilee. I want to say what John said, “Jesus You know I love you.” And
he said that to you three times. And you said back to him three times “Feed my
lambs…. Feed my sheep. Feed my sheep.”
And that’s what Sheila Shellington did for the rest of
her life - starting with her husband Jack.
And as she drove home to Maryland - she realized that for
one week - she was what her great-great grandfather was, “A scout.”
She had spent a week out of her life scouting the
territory of her life so far - and wow
was it well worth it.
