TRIGGERED FEELINGS

  

The title of my homily is, “Triggered Feelings.”
 
I read the readings in the morning for a homily for this Tuesday day.
 
Like listening to a song – the words of the readings send me triggered feelings.
 
Like Jacob I’ve crossed rivers – and fords of rivers -  to get to where I am right now.
 
Sometimes I’m with family and friends; sometimes l feel left
alone at the shore.
 
I’ve think about the times I’ve wrestled with my unknowns – and as a result I have a wrenched hip bone at the socket – in my struggles – but to make the struggle worth while I say, “I will not let you go Struggle  until you bless me.”
 
I wait – await – for a blessing.
 
I’ve been asked, “What’s your name?”
 
I answer,  “Jacob.
 
My unknown struggle says, “You shall no longer be spoken of as Jacob, but as Israel,  because you have contended with divine and human beings and have prevailed.”
 
I ask my unknown struggle its name.
 
I get no answer – no reply - only a goodbye.
 
I name the place Penuel – Hebrew for – “Seeing God face to face.”
 
I move on with a limp – for the rest of my life. I have others only I can see.
 
I move on….
 
One day I realize I really can’t speak.
 
Some days are like that. Ever feel that way, “I don’t know what to say.”
 
I’m face to face with Jesus.
 
Someone – something – brought me to Jesus.
 
And Jesus drives out the demons that hold me back: fear, shame, dumb, the dumb things I do – addictive -  and at times - I don’t know why I do the things I do.  Dumb. Dumb. Dumb.
 
Jesus walking around the world looks for people like me.
 
He proclaims the Gospel of the kingdom – curing every disease and illness.
 
He is moved with pity for someone like me – someone who feels troubled and abandoned at times.
 
I feel like a sheep without a shepherd.
 
I’m harvest for the master of the harvest.
 
I’m wheat. I’m flour. I’m bread.  Life! Others!  Take and eat me up.
 
I guess Jesus walks around hearing songs – the triggered feelings of people like me.