CONFLICT RESOLUTION 

FOR DUMMIES 

INTRODUCTION

The title of my homily for this 7^th Tuesday in Ordinary Time is, “Conflict Resolution For Dummies.”

TODAY’S READINGS

Today’s two readings - the first reading from James - chapter 4:1-10 and today’s gospel -  Mark 9:30-37 - provide - clear  - concise - simple - basic - reasons  - why there is conflict and how to resolve it.

Today’s two readings  - even a dummy can get what they are pointing out.

This talk can be cut into two parts:

Part One:  Conflict  - the why - the reasons why there are conflicts - as found in today’s first reading.

Part Two: Resolution - How the differences can be resolved - as found  in today’s gospel.

PART ONE: CONFLICTS

We begin today’s first reading with a where question? Where do wars and where do conflicts come from?  Answer: from our passions which make war within us. It’s an inside job.

Then James spells it out even more clearly. We see this happening in every situation where there are kids - as well as adults - when and where there is only a limited amount of different toys.

The circumference of the pie is only so big - and everyone wants a piece of the pie. Some want the biggest piece; some want a fair share; some say, “I’m watching how you’re slicing the pie and I want more than just crumbs.”

“I want what I want when I want it. Then when we want it now - there is conflict, family fights, war.

My will be done on earth and if I get it, then I’ll think I’m in heaven.

Read James carefully. When we don’t  get what we want, our passions erupt. They are at war within us. It’s that simple. We know this. We’re not dummies.

It can be over who has the dial on the car radio or who has the TV clicker. It could be over time or money - politics or religion. Who puts the garbage out; who brings the cans back to the house?

When I sit with couples preparing for marriage, not being married, I say in the mix of my mumblings: “The three biggest problems in marriage are: Money, Sex and In-laws.” I tell them I read that back in 1967 in the Inquiring Photographer section of the New York Daily News. Then I  say: “In time, you’ll find out what your list looks like - especially your top 3.” 

Then I guarantee there will be ups and downs, conflicts and contention - agita and agitation.

I can say that because James says that. I can say that because down through the years I’ve lived in various Redemptorist communities of men - many of whom were a very interesting cast of characters. I say that because I hear my own family stuff and I hear your family stuff - as well as individual stuff.

We envy. We want. We’re jealous. We don’t know how to talk to each other - so eruptions erupt.  We don’t know how to ask. James says that loud and clear. So that’s Part One: There Will Be Conflicts.

PART TWO: RESOLUTION

Jesus says: Hey dummies, there’s always going to be conflicts. [1] 

And there's always going to be crucifixions if you try to stop conflicts my way - turning the other cheek, etc. However, if you die trying to bring about a solution using my non-violent way - there will be resolution and resurrection. It might happen in 3 days - or it might take forever - but my WAY works. [Cf. Mark 9:31]

Then Jesus tells all: "Here’s how to resolve and how to stop conflicts." Stop trying to be the greatest. Stop always trying to be right. Stop trying to be the first out of the parking lot or the first in life - in family - in a conversation - in an argument.

Jesus says that loud and clear when he asks his disciples what they were fighting about. They must have turned red with shame as they said: We were arguing about  - who was the greatest?

Well, it’s the person who serves the rest.

That’s when Jesus adds to his one lines on how to end the conflict.

Resolve to be a like a little child.  Resolve to be last - not first.

Ooops Jesus - you’re making these little kids perfect. Didn’t you tell us that we can be like little kids in the market place - arguing. Didn’t you ever notice little kids: Sometimes like adults, they can’t adjust, compromise, put the other person in the driver’s set.

Ooops, double ooops  Jesus, maybe that’s where they learned it from in the first place.

CONCLUSION

The title of my homily is, “Conflict Resolution for Dummies.”

Pinch yourself to see if you’re alive. Today we’re blessed with one more day of life, one more chance to bring peace and not conflict to the situations we'll find ourselves in today.

O-O-O-O-O-O-O

NOTES

Painting on top:: Guernica - by Pablo Picasso

[1] “The whole history of the progress of human liberty shows that all concessions yet made to her august claims have been born of earnest struggle ….  If there is no struggle, there is no progress.  Those who profess to favor freedom, and yet depreciate agitation, are men who want crops without plowing up the ground, they want rain without thunder and lightning.  They want the ocean without the awful roar of its many waters.”  Frederick Douglas [c. 1817-1895]