DIVORCE

INTRODUCTION

The title of my homily for this 19^th Friday in Ordinary Time is, “Divorce.”

Divorce - like losing one’s house in a fire or experiencing the death of a child - or issues like alcoholism, suicide, homosexuality, gambling, abuse, are all abstractions - out there - happening to other people - that is,  till they hit home - till they hit our family. Then there can be pain, hurt, dark nights, anger, and the possibility of a lot of mis-understandings - and hopefully some new understandings, etc.

TODAY’S GOSPEL

The other day in a homily I quoted Bruce Malina and Richard Rohrbaugh and their book Social-Science Commentary on the Synoptic Gospels - in order to grasp what was going on in Palestine in the time of Jesus regarding children. When today’s gospel - Matthew 19: 3-12 -  talks about divorce I went to their book once more to get a glimpse of how they describe what marriage and divorce was like in Jesus’ time.

Here are some of their comments. I realize this can be a bit complex.

Marriage in the first-century Mediterranean world and earlier was marriage more of two families - than of two individuals. “One family offered a male, the other a female. Their wedding stood for the wedding of the larger extended family.” (p. 121) Think families.

People at that time saw families arranging marriages - as well as seeing God as the one who arranges marriages. “And just as it is God alone who determines one’s parents, so too it is God who ‘joins together’ in marriage.” (p. 121)  So when it comes to a divorce, realize this is very serious stuff - because God is in the picture as we hear loud and clear in today’s gospel.

“In Matthew’s community,” - the gospel we’re hearing today - “what is prohibited is divorce and remarriage or divorce in order to marry again. It would be such divorce that inevitably would lead to family feuding, a true negative challenge to the honor of the former wife’s family.”  Think impact on families - families!

Next, our text uses the word “unlawful” - whereas the text Malina and Rohrbaugh use has the word  “unchastity” - when talking about  certain marriages - that can be broken because they are listed in Leviticus 18:6-23, as having “forbidden degrees of kinship for marriage.”  In small villages and towns - with many family ties - marriages and relationships with close relatives happened - and this is not smart - nor healthy - for very close blood tied marriages. These also can lead to family feuds and anger. (p. 121)

In other words - according to Malina and Rohrbaugh - divorce in Matthew’s community - had  very serious disruptions  - causing serious family feuds - and great disruption in town - because of shame  - dishonor. If the  man slept with a prostitute - that didn’t have the impact of having sex with a woman in another family. That’s serious adultery.

We get some glimpses of this in close families today - when there is divorce or cheating. It too causes feuds, screaming, anger and disruptions in the local community.

Malina and Rohrbaugh indicate that the rights of a wife and children had little weight in Jesus’ time.  When talking about divorce, we’re talking about impact on the males and on families.

SOME CONCLUSIONS

That’s kind of heavy. I don’t think it’s the stuff of a daily homily - a homily that is trying to tackling the issue of divorce because it was in the gospel. My goal was my desire  to jot down for myself - some random comments about marriage and divorce. Perhaps the following scattered thoughts would be more practical.

Today there is more awareness of women and children’s rights and considerations, 

Back then and today divorces are messy business.

What are we to do?

What are we to say?

For starters I always say to myself the old saying in the Talmud: “Teach thy tongue to say, ‘I do not know!’”

Then we can and must say some things.

Defend marriage.

Think of children - and their protection.  You heard what Anonymous once said, “Why didn’t they give the KID the house and let the parents take turns visiting.” 

In the meanwhile, make marriages stronger.

Give good example.

When kids vent to us about their marriage - listen - but recommend that they talk it would be better if they talk to  each other and talk to a third party if necessary. Counseling can help couples.

Tell them to write out what they are thinking and feeling.

Forgiveness, listening and loving one another, should always be in play.

In marriage - expect the bad times - along with the good. Isn’t that why that theme is in the vows? Expect  the cross to appear in our lives. The rosary doesn’t just have the Glorious and Joyful  mysteries. Sometimes we’ll be dealing with our own Sorrowful Mysteries of our personal rosary and hopefully there will be Light Bearing Mysteries as well.

Some people shouldn’t get married - as today’s gospel puts it.

Not everyone accepts Jesus’ words as we also heard in today’s gospel.

Not everyone accepts our words.

Not everyone knows what to say when it comes to divorce. I know I don’t. Sometimes silence - lots of silence as one listens - along with silent prayer - hopefully takes place - when we are trying to be present to another who is hurting.

Don’t forget today’s Psalm response: His mercy endures forever.

And lastly, as I began these rough comments about divorce, it’s good to try walking in the shoes of those who are dealing with a divorce - along with walking in the sandals and shoes of the children or divorce.