ASH   THURSDAY

Thursday after Ash Wednesday ….

All those ashes thumbed

into thousands and thousands, more -

onto millions and millions of foreheads ….

Ashes slowly, slipping, silently off our skulls ….

A scratch, a rubbing, an itch can do it -

way before a baptismal shower.

One’s face is now the same as before.

Next…. Now…. What?  Lent has begun.

Another Lent. Isaiah has spoken once more:

“Rend your hearts, not your garments.”

Jesus has spoken again, “Take care

not to perform so others can see….

When you fast, don’t look gloomy

like the hypocrites - who neglect

their appearance so that they may appear

to others to be fasting…. But when you fast

anoint your head and wash your face, so that

you may not appear to be fasting,

except to your Father who is hidden.”

The hidden within…. The inner room ….

The human heart - where Lent

gets us in touch with that inner urge

for more - for more of God’s presence -

or for more spirituality for those who hesitate

at the mention of God. For growth - for

a deeper life than the inner urge 
to star or for Starbucks or the Oscars

or ESPN or fashion, food, fun, the rush and cash….

It’s good to know Lent is a call to go out into

the desert or to go into 
a dark room and womb within.

To know this means a willingness

to kneel, to pray, to be silent,

to be alone with oneself ….

It is good to know Lent is a call

to go through that humbling experience -

of admitting that not only 
is there nothing out there,

but there is also nothing in here inside me.

Uh oh! I’m empty.

Lent is like waiting in a waiting room -

all alone and I'm all by myself  
only to discover nobody is here 
but me and this me is not enough. 

I’m closed down. There isn't even office music.

So I finally get up the courage to open up

the only  door in me. It's open. So I walk into 

the inner room of my soul. Uh oh. 

This room has not been visited for years. 

I feel an uneasy feeling.

To pray: “Oh my God my soul

is such a dusty place." To laugh:
"Oh that’s where the ashes have gone!”

Next …. Now …. What? 

We realize slowly: everything I've accumulated

here through the years is all  crumble, crumble.

We get up to dust, to dump, to clean, to toss, 

to empty out what we thought would fill us..

Then come the desert feelings - temptations….

No wonder this takes 40 days, 40 years.  

Then sometimes - if we stick with the fire

and the desire for God …. a few weeks

or years of waiting and wondering,

I might hear the knock on my door -

the door to my inner room. Christ is here.

I can hear him resting that damn cross up

against my outside wall. He asks, he seeks,

he knocks, “Come out! Come out!
Wherever you are? Come follow me!

I’ll take you to places you’ve never

been to before and more.”

© Andy Costello, Reflections, 2012

Painting on top: Ash Wednesday (1881) It's by Carl Spitzweg - It's a scene of after the carnival.