FAMILY:

THE SOUNDS OF THE HEART

INTRODUCTION

The title of my homily is, “Family: The Sounds of the Heart.”

This Sunday after Christmas - is called, “Holy Family Sunday.”  The Church asks us to look at our family. How are we doing? What’s going on? What does our family look like?  What about the upcoming year?  What needs attention?  Who needs to be noticed? Is there anyone who is lost that needs to be found?

Family…. Evaluation ….  Recommendations…..

Recommendation - suggestion: every once and a while -  grab a newspaper - find a comfortable chair - put the newspaper up to your face. Don’t read it. Close your eyes. Listen carefully to the sounds in your home.

When we get a physical check-up,  the doctor puts a stethoscope to our heart - to our lungs - to our back and front. What does the doctor listen for? What sounds does she hear?  Are there unhealthy sounds? Are there healthy sounds?

If we give our family a check-up, what sounds do we hear? What’s the diagnosis? What’s the prognosis? What’s healthy? What’s unhealthy?  When was the last time we had a family check-up?

The title of my homily is, “Family: The Sounds of the Heart.”

TODAY’S READINGS

In today’s first reading from 1 Samuel and today’s gospel from Luke we hear about something many families do: they bring their child to the temple - to the Lord - for blessings, in thanksgiving, for celebration.

In  today’s second reading from 1 John 3, all of us are seen as children - children in the family of God - called to believe, called to love, called to have confidence in God. In other words, to see ourselves in the family of God the Father - with Jesus as our brother.

The Psalm for today - Psalm 84 - simply says: “Blessed….”  or - “Happy are those who dwell in the house of the Lord - in his courts.”

Obviously, many people believe Church, religion, faith, helps with family and life. The statistics bear this out. We have to keep reflecting upon the old saying, “The family that prays together, stays together.”

WOULD YOU ADD ANYTHING TO THAT FORMULA?

Would you add anything else to that formula? 

I would add: The family that plays together, stays together. The family that eats together, stays together. The family that take time for each other, stays together.  When was the last time you as a family found yourself sitting at the family table for an hour at least after the meal was over?  That to me is a barometer. Hint. Hint. Hint.

In preparing for marriage, I always ask a couple what they think are the 3 key things - 3 key ingredients - to put in the mix to make a great salad or meal or cake called marriage.

Answers: communication, honesty, respect, love, time together, fun --and God and faith and forgiveness sometimes sneak onto the list.

What would you list as the 3 key ingredients for a strong family? After listing your 3, score yourself on a 1 to 10 scale, 10 being the highest score.

Then as Nike puts it: Just Do It!

TOLSTOY ON FAMILY

I’m sure you have heard Leo Tolstoy’s [1828-1910] comment  about families:  “Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.”

Those are the opening words of his novel Anna Karenina [1875-1877]. The 5^th or 6^th if you include a TV series, English version of the book is out as a movie right now - starring Keira Knightly. One reviewer said, “Skip the movie. Read the book.”

We know the stuff that destroys family: cheating, lying, jealously, breaking one’s vows and promises. Tolstoy’s book talks about the unhappy consequences of sin and selfishness. Being a novelist, he’ll present unhappiness in it’s own way. He gives names and situations when people poison themselves and self destruct.

The title of my homily is, “Family: The Sounds of the Heart.” I would hope the movie will challenge viewers to listen to the sounds of their own hearts - listening to their personal happy and unhappy sounds - their own healthy and unhealthy sounds - hearing their own “Oh no!” sounds - as well as their “Oh wow!” inner sounds.

Which would have the greatest impact: seeing the movie or reading the book? Only the reader or viewer can answer that. I noticed that there are at least 9 English translations of the 864 pages in Russian of the book. Rosemary Edwards - translator of the 1954 Penguin English translation said that one of Tolstoy’s major themes is: “No one can build their happiness on another’s pain.”

HINT, HINT, HINT

In looking up stuff on family to come up with this homily, I noticed not only Tolstoy’s quote, but also the word “hint” in the writings of Robert Frost.

I like his poems - and unlike Anna Karenina - I’ve read the big fat book of Frost’s poems - as well as stuff about Frost and his family and his marriage - but I never noticed the word “hint” before.

I noticed it in this quote by Frost  about family, “The greatest thing in family life is to take a hint when a hint is intended - and not to take a hint when a hint isn’t intended.”

What does that mean?

I need to think about that. Hint. Hint. Hint. I’m suggesting you to think about it as well.

Are we a bunch of hinters?  Are we a bunch of not so clear communicators?  Are we all so wrapped up in ourselves and our cell phones and computers and TV sets - that we’re not picking up the hints - the signals - we all give off.

Frost made his comment well before these modern gadgets - so he’s saying that people are hinting or not hinting during his time.  And Tolstoy is saying folks are making these hints, sounds and signals in  the late 19^th century, the time of Anna Karenina. And Jesus was well aware of the sounds of the human heart in his time - sounds that became part of the gospels -  the scriptures - the sounds we hear in every relationship and every family.

Does every marriage that broke up - have the people saying, “I was so stupid. I missed the hints that were there all along!”?

Are we giving hints in our marriage and our family  that we need to be heard, listened to, respected, given time to, eat with, play with, pray with, take a walk with, or a drive with, or left alone - and given our space?

We’re slow - if I hear Frost. And if I hear Frost in his poems and his writings - we get nature’s hints easier than each other’s eyes, throats, twists, turns, the sound of our words, etc. etc. etc.

Hint. Hint. Hint.

If I hear Frost’s life - he had lots of family problems - as a child with an alcoholic father - who died when Robert Frost was around 11 - and then his marriage was rather wintery - like New England winters can be - with a cold marriage - a death of he and Elinor’s first son Elliot as a baby. Two daughters had marriages that had nasty divorces - and one son, Carol, committed suicide. Tough stuff.

Family life needs lots of attention and work.

The title of my homily is, “Family: The Sounds of the Heart.”

In this homily I’m hinting that the family sounds are lots of hints - which we’re slow in getting.

Get them before it’s too late.

Robert Frost once made another comment about hints. We’re aware of two people mentioned in this comment - Ben Franklin and Sir Isaac Newton. Frost asked, “How many times it thundered before Franklin took the hint!  How many apples fell on Newton’s head before he took the hint! Nature is always hinting at us. It hints over and over again. And suddenly we take the hint.”

CONCLUSION

Of course clear blue communication is better than the hints - but maybe family life would be better if we start with the hints. Why not read or view each other - as if each of us was a book or a movie? Then we can talk to each other about what we’re seeing - what the other is showing - by simply beginning with a question, “Are you trying to give me a hint here?”

Silence! 

“Okay, just wondering….”

Then an hour later we hear, “Well, yes, I was trying to say ….”