IT’S A LONG ROAD 

FROM FORGIVENESS TO TRUST

INTRODUCTION

The title of my homily is, “It’s A Long Road from Forgiveness to Trust.”

TV PROGRAM

Last night Father Harrison and I were watching some TV show. I missed the beginning of it - so I’m not sure what it was. Two guys who worked together had a fight. One guy was trying to get back into the other guy’s good graces. The guy who was being asked to forgive said to the other guy, “It’s a long road from forgiveness to trust.”

Hearing that I said to Father Harrison, “That’s a great line for a sermon: “It’s a long road from forgiveness to trust.”

TODAY’S GOSPEL

Then last night I read today’s gospel to come up with a homily. Surprise! It’s all about forgiveness. It talks about forgiving over and over and over again.

I’ve always said to folks that forgiveness is a choice. It does not mean that we put a hurt out of our mind. In fact, we might feel the hurt for the rest of our life.

I’ve also said, “Forgetting is dementia.”

Moreover, it's my experience - for us old folks - long term memory is better than short term memory.

I’ve also said, “Sometimes by forgiving, the memory of a hurt, can fade a bit - perhaps because we chosen to forgive another and we have made an effort to stop rehashing and rehearsing the hurt over and over and over again.” Or as Marlene Dietrich said, “Once a woman has forgiven a man, she must not reheat his sins for breakfast.”

So for starters there are two steps here: forgiving and forgetting.

Forgiveness has to do with the will.

Forgetting has to do with our memory - and when it comes to memory, there is nothing wrong with remembering. I believe that people need to hear that.

In fact, people like Thomas Szasz, who can be controversial as well as wise, says, “The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive, but do not forget.”

TRUST

I think this last quote has the issue of “trust” underneath it.

If someone hurts us big time, it’s wise to forgive them, because hurts need to scar - but if the other is into repeat performances - then why get hurt again?

Has this ever happened to you? We’re driving along and someone out of nowhere makes a left turn or a move and we brake - but if we didn’t brake, we might have hit them - right where there is in the other car - a big dent. And we say to ourselves: “This person will never learn.”

If any of you studied the 8 Stages of Life according to Erik Erikson in college, you know that the first stage is,  “Basic Trust vs. Basic Non-Trust”. The key developmental skill the little child needs to learn is to trust his mommy and daddy. Just watch little kids. When nervous their hand goes to their mouth - food is comfort and security - or they look for their mom or dad to run and cling to. If kids cry out for love and help and presence in the night or the day and nobody appears, uh oh, they can end up being in trouble for life. I was taught in pastoral counseling the following axiom: the bigger the problem, the earlier the problem. And the way I understand Erikson's last stage of life: “Ego Integrity vs. Despair” is this: at the end of my life, I look at my life and if it makes sense, great. Even though their were bumps and big potholes and crashes at times - along the road of life, I trust myself enough to say, “It was good!” If I look at my life and it was a disaster, then I could despair - or turn to God. That's why so many love the story of the Good Thief who stole heaven at the last hour. Good move!

CONCLUSION

The title of my homily is, “It’s A Long Road from Forgiveness to Trust.”

To get started, we need to begin to forgive others as well as ourselves. How many times: “not seven times, but seventy-seven times” - or as many times as it takes.

We make mistakes. Others make mistakes towards us. These mistakes don’t have to erase us - or reduce us to nothing or put us to shame as today’s first reading puts it.

So I assume the secret is get on the road and move along it from forgiveness to trust - step by step by step. Amen.