DOES EVERY OFFICE

HAVE ONE?

INTRODUCTION

The title of my homily for this 23 Sunday in Ordinary Time A, is, “Does Every Office Have One?”

The title could just as well be, “Does Every Family - or Every Parish - or Every Work Place - or Every Classroom - or Every Organization Have One?”

And by ONE I mean a pain - someone who bothers us - someone with sandpaper skin - who rubs us the wrong way.

I don’t mean characters. Thank God we have characters. They make life on stage very interesting - especially for those who love to sit back and watch life as it unfolds - for those who love to be audience.

The following did not happen here. I want to make that perfectly clear. We were at a get together - somewhere, sometime, and someone in the group was venting about someone in her office who was driving her insane. This person was really getting to her. the longer she spoke to us, the more her frustration was becoming a bit too much. I would rather if someone was talking about sports or the weather. Well, this other person speaks up and says to the lady was complaining, “Didn’t you know: every office has one?” Someone else added, “And sometimes two!” At that the lady who was complaining became quiet - and we all became quiet - and then she said, “Oh, okay!

Sometimes it helps to vent. Sometimes it helps to get it out - but sometimes it can be too much.

The following also did not happen here. I once had a boss who was driving us all crazy -and by accident myself and this other priest discovered something that I have remembered for life. We would get away from the crazy priest boss by taking a drive - and we would vent. We were young. Then at some point, one of us said, probably the other guy, but I always wished it was me, “Hey this is becoming poison. Enough already.”

The trick: learning the difference between venting and poison.

Another learning - a nuance: there is a difference between talking about people and talking about people. Sometimes it’s just talking about people - the #1 topic of conversation - people’s idiosyncrasies people’s idiot-syncrasies - the funny characteristics people have. What would conversations be without our ability to talk about people? Sports and weather - are not enough. They are ice breakers. But sometimes the stuff we say about each others shouldn’t be said. It’s sinful - wrong - when we put down others to build ourselves up - or we’re jealous or envious or what have you. We can’t ruin other’s name by letting everyone know about the other’s sins or what have you. That’s a nuance we all need to learn. And that’s something we can all do. It’s not too difficult to say, “Wait a minute. I don’t think we - notice the we. I don’t think we should be saying this about him. We haven’t walked in his shoes. Let him or her without sin, cast the first stone.” That I found out - if we use the we word - and not the you word - works.

Back to the lady who was complaining to all of us about someone in her office: was it enough for her just to vent to third parties and then hear that she wasn’t the only one who had to deal with the crazies? She didn’t poisoning the party - but she was getting closer and closer.

TODAY’S READINGS

Today’s readings triggered this question about people who rub us the wrong way.

The first reading from Ezekiel  33: 7-9 talks about watchmen - being called to speak up - being someone whose job it is to warn the rest of us - when someone is doing wrong.

The second reading from Paul's Letter to the Romans - 13:8-10  tells us that the key thing is to love one’s neighbor. It has a powerful statement: “Love does no evil to the neighbor; hence, love is the fulfillment of the law.”

Today’s gospel  from Matthew 18: 15-20 moves away from the ideal - the ideal being just what we heard in today’s second reading. It gets practical. “If someone is sinning against us - talk to that person. Tell him or her his fault and him or her alone.”

Then Matthew adds Jesus’ next bit of advice: if that doesn’t work - talk to one or two others - and see if two or three of you together - can talk to the person. Here it is: the intervention process that is used at times in families when someone is deep in alcoholism. Then Jesus says if that doesn’t work - go to the church - and if that doesn’t work - then avoid the person.

I think most people avoid that first step - meeting face to face with someone who is driving us crazy - because that person has the problem. It’s easier talking about them when they are not in the room. So we might practice the second and third steps - but still without talking to the problem person. Then we put into practice the fourth step - avoiding that person whenever possible. However, we continue two and three - venting to others and groups about the person who drives us nuts - but always behind their back.

Remember the old book: Up the Down Staircase. Isn’t that what most of us do - when so and so uses the front staircase?

Step # 1 - face to face communication - is tough stuff - because if the other person truly is very difficult - this can only make it worse - or assumed to be worse.

And sometimes we practice the last step: we pray for the person who drives us crazy - most of the time alone but sometimes with others.

FAVORITE SCRIPTURE TEXT

I remember taking a course with Father Benedict Groeschel on Spiritual Direction - and he once suggested asking people their favorite Biblical Text. He added, “It’s like a Rorschach Blot. It will tell you an awful lot about the other person.”

I’ve mentioned this in sermons down through the years because of what happened next. That weekend I was part of a team of priests giving a weekend retreat. There was this guy on the retreat who was driving us all crazy. He kept on saying things like: “Why doesn’t the Church do something about this or that?” and on and on and on. He would fit the definition of watchman from today’s first reading. Remembering what I had heard the previous Monday from Father Benedict Groeschel, I said to the guy, “By the way, what is your favorite Bible text?” Without a second of hesitation, he blurted out, “Beware of wolves in sheep’s clothing.”

What is your favorite Scripture text?

Be aware, be careful, of what you answer - because it will tell you a lot about yourself.

By the way, what is your favorite Bible text?

I have an inner joke. It’s a Scripture text. It’s not my favorite Bible text, but it’s one I often remember. When I am in a group of people and someone is really complaining about someone - or something that’s going on that’s driving him or her or all crazy, I find myself wondering if they have me in mind or if I’m guilty of the same thing, so I find myself saying the words of Judas at the Last Supper, “Is it I, Lord?”

Let me go to the full context of that text. The disciples are all there for the Last Supper with Jesus. He says, “The Son of Man indeed goes, as it is written of him, but woe to that man by whom the Son of Man is betrayed. It would be better if he had never been born.” That’s Matthew 26: 24. Matthew continues, “Then Judas, his betrayer, said in reply, ‘Surely it is not I, Rabbi?’ He answered, ‘You have said so.’”

The older translation was: “Is it I, Lord?” - so I must have been saying this to myself for most of my life now.

Whenever - well not every time - but many times when someone is complaining about stuff that’s going on in the parish or the rectory, I find myself saying to myself, “Is it I, Lord?”

I rarely say it out loud, because like many people, I don’t like conflict or confrontation.

I remember a story that a great old priest I was stationed with, Father Henry Simon, always loved to tell. He said he was stationed in a small parish down south - with just one other guy - and this other guy would always be complaining, “Someone around here is making a lot of noise.” Or “Someone around here always leaves the light on in the kitchen.” Or someone always gets peanut butter in the yellow butter.”

Then Henry would laugh and say to us - now years later, “I always wanted to say, ‘Yeah, who is that other person?’ but I never did. I just laughed.”

People at times ask, “How can priests who aren’t married talk about marriage or family life?”

I do answer that one at times: “Try living with 3 or 4 priests - here even more -  and you learn a lot about people. Do that for 30, 40, 50 years. Be stationed and live with guys in many different places - and you have the opportunity to learn a lot more about people than a lot of people might know about people.”

The older we get, the wiser we should get on how to deal with each other.

We can learn a lot about people at home or in traffic or in church - sitting and listening and putting up with different priests, different people in church - or being in classrooms, or on teams or being on vacation with an extended family or being in the Army, Navy or Air Force with lots of other people.

What have you learned about how to deal with other people?

I still think the first step is to ask the Judas question: “Is it I, Lord?”

Maybe it is I? What do I have to work on to be a better person? Maybe the others don’t like it when I enter the room and cut people off in their conversations - so I can tell everyone what I just experienced this morning - or I turn off the lights when others want them on - or open the window when everyone wants it closed or what have you.

Maybe if I say, “Is it I, Lord?” I’ll find out it is me. I have to change. I have to grow.

That might be the first great lesson in life.

It’s also a great way to read all the scriptures. Put your finger on a Bible text and say, “Is it I, Lord?”

The second lesson might be that people don’t change that easy or that much or they certainly are not going to change because I want them to change.

I love the statement someone said and I’ve been pondering it all through the years, “The greatest sin is our inability to accept the otherness of the other person.”

I’ve also thought through the years that yes, Jesus is telling us here in today’s gospel to go to the person who is driving us nuts or who is messing up their lives - but he didn’t do it that much himself. At least that’s my thought and my assumption. I see him putting up with a lot of things. Yes he challenged Peter - and James and John and might have hurt Thomas for his doubting - in front of everyone else - but I see him forgiving 70 times 7 times - having human and Divine  Patience.

Divine Patience - because people seem to want God to zap crazy people or stop the crazies - who keep going on and on and on - they like the Energizer Bunny.

CONCLUSION

Yes, couples, families, organizations, need at times to challenge and confront each other. Hopefully they do it for the other’s good and the good of the group and goal of the group - and not just to zap the other person - or to put another down to feel better about themselves. Hopefully, Christians also know that St. Paul said that the motive for correction has to be love and spoken with love. [Cf. Ephesians 4:15]

Hopefully, we take our good time - to correct another - one to one - if we believe it won’t wound the other for life or make things worse.

This stuff is obviously not easy - so maybe the best bet is to remember that simple principle in today’s second reading - already mentioned, “Love does no evil to the neighbor; hence love is the fulfillment of the law.”