NARRATIVE

During both the Democratic and Republican national conventions, the word “narrative” was used when talking about upcoming speeches by the candidates for both the president and vice president.

Tell us your story. Tell us who you are. Tell us where you are coming from. Tell us why you are here.

Narrative.

Some folks don’t want narrative. They don’t want spin. They don’t want negative campaigns. They don’t want name calling. They want clear speech and clear plans on issues.

So a question I ask: can we have both?

In this blog piece I’m looking at narrative.

The candidates told us something about themselves. They told us some of their story.

Reporters will be doing the same – trying to find out as much as possible about candidates. My hope for the press is something I read in a recent op-ed piece. The press needs to report on the battles not be part of the battle. “Wouldn’t that be lovely?”

Let me get back to narrative?

Some people want to hear the narrative, the stories of those who are running for national office.

What about us getting in touch with our story – our life?

In 1999, Tom Brokaw woke a lot of people up to the importance of telling their story. Check out his book: The Greatest Generation. There were all these people moving closer and closer to death – and they didn’t tell their story – about what they went through in World War II. His book helped to get people to tell their story.

The result was wonderful. Veterans of World War II were taped. They were invited into classrooms where they could tell another generation about what they experienced. People found out what was locked up inside the memories of a whole generation of Americans. I hope a similar thing happened in England, France, Italy, Poland, Russia, Germany, Japan, the Philippines, and all those places where that war took place.

Starting in 2003, Dave Isay did a similar thing with the StoryCorps Project – providing a method to help people tell their story. You go to a recording booth – some are mobile trailers that travel around the country. You bring a family member – mom, dad, a grandparent – and enter the booth. It’s a place where there is a microphone and a recorder. A facilitator tells you what to do. The recorder is turned on. For about 40 minutes the questioner asks the person they brought the questions they want to ask. “Two broadcast-quality CDs” are created. One goes into the StoryCorps archives; the other goes home with you. If you haven’t cried tears of joy lately, buy the Deluxe Gift Collection – a book and CD – of stories entitled, “Listening Is an Act of Love.”

In the back of the book you can find “Favorite StoryCorps Questions."

“What was the happiest moment in your life? The saddest?

Who was the most important person in your life?

Who has been the biggest influence on your life? What lessons did this person teach you?

Who has been the kindest to you in your life?

What are the most important lessons you’ve learned?

What is your earliest memory?

What is your favorite memory of me?

If you could hold on to one memory from your life for eternity, what would that be?

Are there any words of wisdom you’d like to pass along to me?

What are you proudest of in your life?

How would you like to be remembered?

Do you have any regrets?

What does your future hold?

Is there anything about me that you’ve always wanted to know but never asked?

Turn the tables: This is your chance to tell the person you’re interviewing what you’ve learned from him or her and what that person means to you.”

Then it adds, “You can find more StoryCorps questions at www.storycorps.net/. You can also find information on how to record an interview yourself.”

Erik Eriksson said the last stage of life is Ego Integrity vs. Despair. A person can despair if he or she doesn’t see spiritual meaning, reason, order about their life.

I often ask people, “Have you ever written your autobiography?”

Some have said with a smile on their face, “Yes!”

Motives vary. Some do it for themselves; some do it as a way of passing down to their kids what they learned, their legacy, their wisdom, what they think life is all about. I think folks automatically start doing their autobiography – not necessarily writing it – after 55.

“Go figure!”

They take time to figure out who they are, where they are from and how they got to where they are.

Narrative.

There are many ways to put together one’s story.

Let me provide some suggestions. I’ll also track down an article I wrote about “Autobiography” years ago and make it a separate blog entry.

Get a spiral pad – a notebook – from the supermarket stationary section – or Staples – Office Depot – K-Mart or Wal-Mart.

Start jotting down your memories.

If you use a computer, make a folder called “Autobiography.”

Then start putting in the stories of your life.

If you start doing this, surprise! More and more memories come down the river.

To trigger the process, read other people’s autobiographies, memoirs, diaries as well as biographies. Libraries have lots of them.

They will give you possible chapter headings and ways to line things up.

You are not writing it for anyone but yourself.

If you find yourself looking for time to get to the computer and/or your spiral pad, you’re onto something that has energy and interest.

If you stick to it, you’re really into it.

If you find yourself talking to your spouse or parents (if alive) or brothers and sisters, you’re caught. I remember asking my sister Mary, "Who were the people on our street in Brooklyn (62nd Street between 3rd and 4th Avenues) when we were kids?" I drew boxes for all the houses on both sides with address numbers and then filled in the boxes with names. The exercise triggered various memories and moments.

Start with a scratch sheet. Don’t be scared to cross out and make corrections.

Fascinating. It can be much more interesting than many programs on TV.

Another trick is draw time lines.

Just draw a line across a piece of paper or on a page in your spiral pad and put your birthday on one end – and today’s date on the other end. You can list that page: “schools”. You put down the schools you were in. Who are the teachers you remember? Who are the classmates you remember? Pop! Up pops the memory of winning a spelling bee in the 6th grade. Up pops a name. “What ever happened to what’s her name?”

On other pages you can draw other time lines with headings such as these: “Jobs”, “Friends”, “Vacations”, "Houses", “TV programs”, “Songs”, “Cars”, “Dogs”, “Religion” – and on and on and on.

When people go for therapy, sometimes the therapist does the same thing – getting people to look at their relationships history, their sexual history, their “tears” history, their family history, their body history, etc., etc., etc. Tell me your story?

Hopefully, the overall experience is an experience of gratitude and grace.

One great question is: “What were your epiphany moments?” These are the eye openers, the insight moments, the “aha!” moments. “Oh my God, Santa Claus doesn’t exist!” “You’re kidding. The Stork Explanation isn’t true.”

Another trick is to get out all your photos and photo albums. Get them from everywhere – closets, under beds, attics, etc. Looking for a great project for one’s old age. Save those photos. Scan them into a computer. Organize them. Enhance them. Fix them. Label them. Indicate who’s who before it’s too late and they are tossed when you have passed away.

You’ll cry. You get in touch with some tough stuff along with the great memories.

As Christians forgiveness is a major theme. We make mistakes in life. We are hurt in life. We get cuts and scars.

If someone likes to read scripture, several sections of scripture can be very helpful. The story of the woman at the well in Chapter 4 of the Gospel of John is a great text to read. The woman ends up saying, “Come and meet someone who knows everything I’ve ever done.” The story of the disciples on the way to Emmaus in the 24th Chapter of the Gospel of Luke is also excellent. Jesus unfolds his whole story to them and they are burning with story. One great lesson is that it’s long afterwards that we see that our story makes sense. Or as someone said, “Don’t write in your diary what happened that day. You won’t know what really happened till a month or years from how.”

In the meanwhile, jot.

If you’ve ever been at an A.A. [Alcoholics Anonymous] meeting you soon discover the power of narrative. Members get up, tell who they are, “I’m John and I’m an alcoholic.” Then they tell their story, sometimes called their “drunkalogue”.

And the captive audience hears some of their story as they listen to another’s story.

Narrative.

If you start walking the steps in A.A. you come to the 4th step – “Make a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.” This can be an incredible moment. It's autobiography. It's confession. It's the story of one's life. You put down on paper an inventory of your life. You vet yourself.

Then when that is finished – a person chooses to take the 5th step, “Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.”

Sometimes folks revisit their 4th step - because as they grow in A.A. spirituality - they see a lot more than they saw years earlier.

A.A. has many great sayings, One powerful one is: “We are as sick as our secrets.”

I’m not an alcoholic. I never drank. However, as priest, I have had the profound and humbling experience many times of hearing a person make their 5th step – telling me their life story. It's told in utmost confidence - as sacred as in the Sacrament of Reconciliation - and I would add that it's my experience that it's much more deeper and profound. I pinched myself many times while listening to someone telling me who they are and what has happened so far.

“Wow!”

Enough already. Start writing…. start typing your narrative. Start narrating your story to yourself.

© Andy Costello, 2008