FAMILY ISSUES

INTRODUCTION

The title of my homily for this 23 Sunday in Ordinary Time [C] is, “Family Issues.”

When I read today’s readings - all  3 of them - as well as the psalm - I went, “Oooh!  Where do we go with this stuff?”

Here are the readings if you want to check them out:
              Wisdom 9: 13-18b;
              Psalm 90:3-4, 5-6. 12-13. 14. 17;
              Philemon 9-10, 12-17;
              Luke 14: 25-3e

Hating parents, brothers and sisters, even oneself, and putting Christ first - that does not sound like Christ stuff - especially in the Gospel of Luke - the Gospel of Mercy -  our gospel for this year. What’s that about?

Building towers with insufficient funds, fighting battles with two few soldiers, not letting our possessions possess us - could babble a bit about that - but what to say?

The first reading from the book of Wisdom  - reflecting on the mind of God - not being able to understand the why of God - oh yeah, we all do that one - we all have our questions about how God works - especially in times of storms - personal - regional - the stuff on the coastlines of our lives.

The Psalm for today - Psalm 90 - that God is our refuge - yes - the steadiness of God - yes - yet God as the psalmist or song writer puts it - what are we compared to a thousand years in the mind of God? Our  sense of time is this: old is 70, 80, 90 years - or less. Hey last week in the papers they had a story about fossil bits of ancient bacteria embedded in stones in Western Greenland that go back  3.7 billion years ago. The story said that they are  220 million years older than the oldest stuff from Western Australia - that was estimated to be 3.48 billion years ago. No wonder we describe some folks as old fossils.

The second reading from Philemon - - sounds like Pokémon. It’s a little known - a little used letter - of Paul that is dated around 57. Paul now old, now in prison in Rome or Ephesus - is awaiting his trial. He wants to send his run-a-way slave Onesimus who was helping Paul with his preaching - back to Philomen his owner. Interesting. Intriguing. Could tie that into what Georgetown is doing now with its slave history. By the way, what’s your take on that - if you’ve been following that story in the papers or on line.

So where to go with a homily - and I haven’t really said anything yet.

So let me say and trigger a few things about family issues - because Jesus brings that up in today’s gospel and also because “Don’t we all have have family issues - all the time?”

Relax - next Sunday we have Luke 15 - the best chapter with the 3 great parables on mercy: the Lost Sheep, the Lost Coin and the Lost Son.

So some stuff on family - family issues.

How are you doing with your family issues?  What’s going on in your family lately?

How about 3 quotes and 3 issues - and see if they trigger some car talk on the way home today - or when you’re just sitting there with other family members.

THREE QUOTES

Everyone always quotes this quote from Anna Karenina by Tolstoy when it comes to family, “Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.”  It’s a great quote because it triggers a lot of, “Wait a minute…. Let me hear that again.” “Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.”  Do you agree with that?

Thomas Fuller [1654-1734] said, “He that has no fools, knaves nor beggars in his family must have been begotten by a flash of lightning.”

Nora Ephron way back in 1986 said, “Your basic extended family today includes your ex-husband or -wife, you ex’s new mate, your new mate, possibly your new mate’s ex and any new mate that your new mate’s ex has acquired.” She added,  “It consists entirely of people who are not related by blood, many of whom can’t stand each other.”

THREE ISSUES

Now let me see if I can come up with 3 issues for homework for everyone this week.

Could I come up with a good sounding slogan? Like Meet, Greet, Seat, Eat.

Or like the old one: “The family that prays together, stays together.” The numbers go up if families pray together - better if they have God in their mix - and more important prayer at home besides church, temple, mosque or what have you? Of course you’d expect to hear that in church - but check out the numbers. The numbers of Catholics who go to church - is down to under 35% and the number of family breakups are going up. Talk about that in your own marriages and families. Here you are in church this morning. Visually I see numbers of church goers going down - and stories about kids not going to church going up.

Pope Francis said to put this on your refrigerator door: “The 3 most important sentences in every family should be: May I, Thank you, and I’m sorry.”

That was on our refrigerator door in our rectory. Someone took it down.

Let me give the following 3 - unless you’ve already gone off on something I’ve already said - or you already in your afternoon.

Here are 3 family issues: meeting, meals and marriage.

ONE - MEETING

Families gotta do things together. Families gotta meet together. I’m very aware from being part of over 30 Kairos retreats with our high school seniors - that family schedules are very tough these days. There are lots and lots and lots of this and that’s and that’s and this-isses. Lots.

Suggestion: have a pow wow - a family meeting once a month - and talk about, “How are we doing as a family?” Everyone has to be present.  Issues have to be brought up: from dishes to doing things together.

Over in the rectory we meet at 9 AM on the second Tuesday of every month. There is an agenda and an agenda list to write in what folks want to talk about. Underneath so much in life for kids from 4 to 40 - 8 to 80 - is the fairness question.

For a format use the power cycle method: Evaluation, Recommendations, Decision, and Do it - do the decisions - besides the dishes.

SECONDLY MEALS

At every high school retreat, the 50 or so young people are divided into small groups of about 7. So I get a small group - for 4 days and I ask the following question every time: what’s it like in your family when it comes to meals together.

I want kids to hear what other families do. Some don’t do meals together. Some do. I want to plant the seed for when they are parents that they eat together.

To me that’s a key family practice and a key family value.

At a meeting here in this church a week or so ago for parents for freshmen coming into our high school, the suggestion was made to eat together at least once a month. I wanted to scream, “More!”

I wrote a whole book on the mass that’s been rejected 3 times already where I talk about the Mass as a meal and family meals. We have a lot of drop outs.

Meet and talk about meeting and eating and talking to each other.

THIRDLY - AND LASTLY

Married couples ought to meet and talk about the state of their union at least once a month.

Couples got to talk about date nights, escapes, mini-honeymoons, “How are we doing hon?”

A few couples have told me they got a good book on marriage - got two copies - and go through it together.

CONCLUSION

Enough already.

September 3, 2016

LUMP

What a horrible nickname,

“Lump.” Unless it’s ice cream....

How could a lump be welcomed?

A lump... cancer - or a mess that 
blocks a sink - or a sewer - clumps 

of gunk - blocking us up. Ugh.

© Andy Costello, Reflections 2016

REGARD

INTRODUCTION

The title of my homily  for this 22 Friday in Ordinary Time is, “Regard.”

Spelled: R  E  G  A  R  D

Regard....

It’s a word that I have never stopped to look at or think about.

I never gave it any regard.

How about you?

 I like words. I like to look up their roots - their meanings, etc. etc. etc.

And I want to keep on learning words till I get dementia - and then it’s all spaghetti inside this sound box of mine - called my mind.

Why this topic for a homily?

The word “regard”  appears in the opening statement in today’s first reading” “Brothers and sisters: “Thus should one regard us ….”

That triggered my mind to stop and think about this theme or topic of, “Regard.”

HERE’S A GOOD STARTING QUESTION

Do we care about how others see us - judge us - regard us?

How we look …  how we talk … how we eat … how we speak?

Do we look in the mirror as we dress ourselves or do our face: "How will others regard me in this outfit - or with this look?"

Did you like the TV commercial for Men’s Wearhouse. George Zimmer would talk about his suits and say, “You’re gonna like the way you look. I guarantee it.”  He was selling high regard. He said, you’ll get that if you wear one of my suits.

So I’m assuming we want to be regarded as normal - fitting in - looking okay - looking good?

What about disregard? What’s going on there?

What about people who feel disregarded - disqualified - "dissed" - because of their accent, color, religion, place of origin, look?

Do people who are a PITA - pain in the you know what - often disregard what others think - and just barge - or ram rod themselves - into a scene or  a  discussion or the planning - and want their way - regardless of what others think - and as a result - they don’t get positive regard?

So do we people want regard - negative or positive - whether we admit it or not?

So please notice the word "guard" - one who watches - in the "gard" part of the word "regard."

Those are some immediate observations and questions about the issue of, “regard.”

IT’S ALL GREEK TO ME

The word “regard” is in the English translation of today’s first reading. [Cf. 1 Corinthians 4:1-5]

It was written in STOP sign red for me.

If a word grabs me in the readings for the Mass of the day, I like to look up stuff about that word.

It it’s New Testament, it would be Greek; if it’s the Jewish Bible it would be Hebrew.

We studied Greek for 4 years - not as much as Latin - but we took Greek - especially since it’s the original language of the New Testament - so that’s sitting in my resume.  

We had Latin for 8 years - and our main philosophy and theology books were in Latin - but I always wished we zeroed in on Greek and Hebrew - more - that they had a higher regard.
  

As to Hebrew, we had that one class a week for two semesters. That was it. To this day, I don’t know how I passed.

With the Internet and with some good books I have, I can dabble in both Greek and Hebrew - especially when I’m preparing a homily and want to look up a word.

I have read several times - in books about preaching, “Don’t say in the pulpit, ‘In Hebrew or in Greek, the word in our text is” and then mention a Greek or Hebrew word.”

I disregard that warning or prohibition - because if we’re not aware of the Greek or Hebrew words - we can be babbling inside an empty 55 gallon drum about what’s not in the scriptures.  At the very least, I want to know the meaning of the words in the original text for the Mass scripture readings. I fail often on this - by preaching about an English translation - idea or word - and I’m missing what was in the original languages of the readings.

In today’s first reading from 1^st Corinthians, “regard” was the English word chosen to translate the Greek word, LOGIZESTHO  - from the Greek verb, LOGIZOMAI.

It was the word used in everyday business in counting apples and oranges, estimating, calculating, figuring out how many tables and chairs to set up for a dinner or what have you.

When it becomes a metaphor, it means figuring out what must I do in order to be saved - in order to be right.

What do I do to get positive regard - from myself, my judgment - or others - but especially from God?

Do I really mean it, when I say to God, “Thy will be done”?

Do I really want to do each day - what God regards should be done each day?

So Paul - here in his First Letter to the Corinthians  talks about what we must do to be judged good servants. What’s required?

Then he gives what he sees as the key ingredient. It is to be trustworthy.

Then Paul talks about who the one is who makes this judgment: it’s the Lord.

So the Lord makes the judgment in the deal. God does the reckoning. God lets us know if we figured out - if we got it right - in what we should be and should be doing regarding what’s important.

Take for example,  a group of people who volunteer to serve at a dinner for others. It could be a church group or the Red Cross or what have you.  The person who gives their word and then shows up and gives it their best will get high regard as a servant.

They are proving themselves trustworthy and they get high regard from God.

The proof is in the pudding - better making it and serving it.

The Lord’s good servant gains the trust of all.

Weren’t we all moved by the moment in the movie, “A Man For All Seasons,” the life of St. Thomas More,  when he said it was not Henry VIII whom he was worried about. It was God. He wanted to be God’s good servant.

TODAY’S GOSPEL

In today’s gospel, John the Baptist has high regard. [Cf. Luke 5:33-39.]

Now there was a serious guy - when it comes to prayer and fasting.

The scribes and the Pharisees see Jesus’ disciples. They don’t look as strict - so they got low regard.  Jesus gets low regard as well.

What’s the plan for getting high regard?

What’s the plan for getting high regard with God?

People want to know all the time - if they are church goers - what do I do to get high regard from God?

People who go to church - sometimes do what they do - to get high regard - recognition - “Wows!” - from other people. “Now she’s a holy person.”

Who is the holy person - the saint - the Good Christian?

Jesus laughed at this when he saw externalism and showing off in the Pharisees - in praying, in giving alms, in fasting, and said, “Amen they have had their reward.” [Cf. Matthew 6: 1-18; Matthew 23.]

I sense that people are asking all their lives the high regard question - especially when they are getting older and looking at their life.

It's the meaning of life question.

It's why Nicodemus came to Jesus in the night. Read the third chapter of John thirty times thirty times. 

It's why the rich young man came to Jesus, "What must I do to gain eternal life?" [Cf. Matthew 19: 16-22.]

Down deep they are wondering what God’s estimate - what  his LOGIZOMAI - his accounting for us is?

How does God judge us here and now?

Hey does God judge us after we die?

Is it an accounting - a reckoning - a regarding our life?

The scriptures certainly say that.

Jewish theology certainly said that - for those who believed in an afterlife.

One thought in Hebrew thinking was: it’s a scale - if you did 465 things right and 466 things wrong. Sorry.

Luke - and now Pope Francis - is saying, we will be regarded, reconciled by mercy. I’ll take that one.

Matthew sneaks in that we have to do something  - have the right garment for the wedding banquet.

Matthew 25 says we have to feed the hunger, clothe the naked, visit the sick and the imprisoned - otherwise we’re a goat  - and we’ll be told to go to hell.

Jesus tells us it’s never too late.

We can always pour as we heard in today’s gospel - new wine into new wine skins.

We can come into the vineyard in the last hour.

We can also keep our old good wine in our old wrinkled  skins and bring both the old and the new with us into the eternal wedding.

CONCLUSION

So that’s a homily about regard.

As I thought about it - I realized I have to give this theme of regard - a lot more regard - a lot more recognition - a lot more understanding. Amen.

September 2, 2016

YOU’RE KIDDING!

If we’re against someone,

we’ll find plenty of faults

in that person to prove

why we’re against them.

If we don’t like someone,

we’ll spot various things

we don’t like about them and

think to ourselves, “I’m right.”

If we like someone, we’ll spot

things about them we like,

even if the person is worse than

those we’re against or don’t like.

© Andy Costello, Reflections 2016

September 1, 2016

TODAY

Prayer: to sit quietly on the shore - at the

edge of the water, - at the edge of the world -

to pause and to pray each morning - a word

of “Thanks to You, O Lord, for one

more day of precious,  knowable life.”

Prayer: to set sail - to cross the waters -

to discover Christ on the waters of life -

in traffic - as well as on the other shore -

at work - to care about those folks I interact

with each day in so many unique ways.

Prayer: to see Christ today in and working

with  others - in the odd and in the sane -

in the lonely and in the life of the party -

all those who cross my path - and those

who are not sure of what path to follow.

Prayer: to head home after the work of the

day - to find out what my family did today -

to compare notes - to laugh and to love and

to thank God for one more precious knowable

day - knowing there is another one tomorrow.

© Andy Costello, Reflections 2016

August 31, 2016

STONE  STATUES 

Stone statues just standing there -

doing nothing - but posing in the rain,

in the snow, in the sun, no comparison

to the days you were here - moving

around in the midst of us - walking

in the rain, shivering in the snow -

sweating in the sun. Let’s face it:

most people don’t notice statues -

except when a bird sits on a head -

or when one is toppled by a crowd.

The shout is: so live that the crowd

is served by you - and not vice versa.

© Andy Costello, Reflections  2016

August 30, 2016

POSSIBILITIES

I am a novel.

I am a poem.

I am a love letter.

I am a request for help.

I am an “I’m sorry!” letter.

I am directions.
I am a doodle.

I am a drawing.

I am a biography.

I am an autobiography.

Then pick up a pencil!

  

© Andy Costello, Reflections 2016